Tarzan Monologues............

So i caught Tarzan Monologues earlier today.....

O.C Ukeje was definitely the star of the show for me
asides looking good enuff to eat.....*swoon*
and delivering his lines so well....
he just seemed to have all the juicy monologues.....

every actor gave a stellar performance

I must say Paul Alumona showed us his skills.....
yea other than his acting skills...that guy can move(dance)
hence he must be a good in bed....*cough*

Kunle Adeyoola was fun to watch....

Kanayo was great...he seemed to get all the poverty monologues though
....Wole why now???

Precious was hilarious when he talked about Hadijat......lol

Kenneth.....no man should be that foolish...i must say there
must have been some greed involved in your jail sentence
(i do know it was just an act-this is not to say anything about your character)

Bimbo was fabulous....powerful sexy grey you....the cane was cute......

Thanks Wole a.k.a Laspapi....i thoroughly enjoyed the play....








looking forward to two weeks of no work

yea i *FINALLY* got time off work
and two weeks just does not cut it......

i wanted three weeks for starters but Cruella Deville
wondered what the office would do without me for 3 weeks
besides none of my colleagues wanted the responsibilities of my duties

neways i got some time off
i need to gain those extra kg's i lost recently

i wish to God i had a cook.............

Dear Future Hubby....i love you
but i will have a cook on my payroll even if i wont have a maid

i *can* cook up a storm..........
but I know as much as he will find out
my better skills are not in the kitchen....*wink*




a pal of mine says
women always expect men to pay for sex
i say no
he says yes
what say yo????

Another Year............

I was a year older

7th October

to those that forgot........
your case(s) are hopeless

to those who remembered
thank you..........

to those who sent texts,called,put up facebook wall posts and messages
i really appreciate.......

to my mum.....thanks for being my vessel

to my brothers.....thanks for being there for me always

to my dad........you are not beyond redemption....

to friends and family.......i appreciate you all

to the man who will be my lover,confidante,best friend,brother,father and father of my children.......bump into me........soon

to my car......i waited this long to own you-you are not brand new but i promise to take good care of you,please remember i should ride you and not the other way round......be good to me....

did i jump to conclusions???

my ex called

do i still hang out at my cousin's??

yea i said

he's housesitting for his mum

so without saying it

he passed the message across...........

Ibi pop over sometime.....

i say



when hell freezes over..........

Roaches........

So................last night
i was watching a movie
then i see a roach

aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant stand cockroaches
i'd rather be in the same room with a snake
well i have been..........
but i cant be in the same room with a rat or roach
the dreaded R's

i always have insecticide beside my bed
so i use it

that was my undoing..............

i saw another..........
then another
i jumped up
put on the light

yea...the bug uns that can fly
four of them had been irritated by the insecticide
so i get up
and deal with them

eventually i see four big uns and three small uns
very dead......yippie......
left them on the floor of my room and swept them out in the morn

now if i believed in that shit
i would say i dealt with them
u know.....erm.....the witches they sent to me in cockroach form

my room now smells of insecticide and perfume and i'm cockroach free

*wink*








why do babes go fuck fuck fuck when they are getting fucked
i tend to go ...........

i have no idea why you thought i would tell you what my soundtrack is






so a pair of ex's have been calling
the other one i blew away cos it seemed everything i said was rude
i am opinionated
i know what i am
so i knew we could not be together
moreover dude was stuck in a town i had no idea to go live in


other ex is Mel
he's being acting nice
off and on again
which was his signature in the 3 years we were off and on again

neways i'm celibate.........single.......and need a raise

sex i can get
or may get............






I'm gonna be lazying around sooooooooonnnnnnn
i wanna laze around cos
its coming........

The Holy Month!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brought work home........ended up visiting Baroque's and stole this.....

Stolen Anything: i only borrow...*wink*...

Been Drunk Before Noon: if being satiated counts....

Had Sex In A Public Place: a car,a roof,the stairs,someone's porch abi na verandah,on a well,hotels(lol)....off to find new spots

Got Caught Telling A Lie: Of course.....

Been Arrested: Almost...arresting officer saw the press card my pal had and he changed his mind...

Littered: When i was younger......

Fantasized About A Co-Worker: Everyday...*wink*

Cheated On A Test: The end justifies the means......

Cheated In A Relationship: He was sleeping with his ex........

Failed A Class: Never. A few.......

Screened Your Phone Calls: I had to....

Eaten Food Off The Floor: does beef and groundnut count?

Stuck Gum Under A Desk: Was i suppossed to put it under my shoe????

Wished You Were Someone Else: Denzel's wife

Cried During A Movie: A few tear drops.....the first movies---the burning train and yeh vada raha....

Had A One Night Stand: A few.......

Had To Pull Over On The Side Of The Road To Puke?: nope

Had Your Heart Broken?: ...it cracked......

Had A Good Feeling About Something?: Yep

Had A Near Death Experience: my life flashed before my eyes....

Swam In Freezing Water: I have no plan to.....

Jumped Off A House: i have no suicidal tendencies...............

Been Attacked?: not really

Bungee Jumped: I'd rather get fucked on an escalator(in a mall).....

White Water Rafted: is it the same as playing ludo?

Pulled An All Nighter?: what do you think????.honestly......

Surfed: I'd rather get my pussy eaten.....

Lied About Your Age: why would i????...if he can handle it-so can I

Broken A Bone?: and be unable to get some great sexing???????hell no.........

Onesidedexamsex

So i caught Jerry Springer recently and this woman
said even though her husband has cheated on her for
8 of the ten years they have been married,she was not
letting him have sex with her cos she was scared of sti's
but until the last of the 6 children she
has for him turns eighteen-he was stuck with her

i was amused at the way she slapped him around
and the fact that she said she wasnt letting him go

sometimes we do that
either forcefully or subtly

we hang on to a relationship that is one sided............







so i went for my annual basic medical exam.......
turns out it was ante natal day
met a pal who asked if i was breeding......
nah......not yet....

Doc talked me out of doing a fertility test
he said i can always find out when i start trying
and maybe have difficulty conceiving

he also scolded me for not having done a breast
exam since the one i had

abegi make my booby rest-who knows.........
maybe just maybe.....*wink*






got talking sex with my aunt and it was funny
recollecting how difficult it was for my first to deflower me

he never succeeded.......he caused me no pain
and eventually left my hymen intact

the man who did ....caused me bittersweet pain......*wink*






when i get a boyfriend and or a husband

he will not be allowed to read this blog


.......if he ever finds it

it wasnt me
cos i dont care how in love he is

i'm quite sure he would take no pleasure
in my sexcapades.......most of them have
being recounted in detail on my blog

for all of una whey dey miss the sexcapades series

my pussy no see action so how i go write story??????







i've been called a lioness,magnificent,wonderful,sensual,sexy,

i've been told i bring out the animal in him

i've been told no one has ever made him do this....
.........go on and on and on in one night....

i've been told you have a pert butt,never say you are a
member of nassatall.....(it looks perter now).......*wink*

i've been told i have lovely skin......

i've been told i have mad skills.....

i've been told i do great things with my waist,legs,mouth,hands.....

i've been asked not to look-my eyes were doing things to him he said

i once gave a guy a hard on from spooning rice,plantain and beef into my mouth.....

i've been told i'm flexible

i've been told i've got lovely boobs....

i've been told sex/lovemaking was earth shattering,mind blowing,special,different,fab,great

i've been told...Ibi you are lazy...

i've also been asked...do you want to kill me

i've been told Ibi let me feel u(lets jettison a condom)

someone once asked me to marry him after i fucked his brains out
he only brought out the beast in me-if i dare say so miself
but marraige&^%$£%&*.........hell no



all of these and more in relation to sex......

told mi aunt i dont miss sex

well i dont....







but after writing this......i do..........

Crossroads,PHCN,Passwords and Hot water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So a pal of mine was at a crossroad(since this post is a week late)
my internet provider cut me off due to a mistake by the silly teller at the bank or the silly office assistant who took the money to the bank-one or both of them.......aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh

.....she settled for someone cos he was the only one in her life
but now she's met the kinda guy she would
rather spend the rest of her days with


i know her well enuff to know
she just has more fun in new guy's company cos he's classy
a real gentleman.........

i'm just waiting to see who ends up for the long haul

i did not have long to wait especially after i told her
its aiight to have fun but you need to decide what you'd rather have

fun or friendship..........


frankly i could care less about her love live crisis.......
here i am.......bemoaning my lack of a phallus
and there she is with two dicks at her beck and call.....
mcsheeeeeeeeewwww


frankly.......
if i snap my fingers i could get to tumble
with a guy(s)........*fluttering eyelashes*
but the one willie i'm craving is off limits
*sigh*





i reminded myself not to get worked up watching tv
t'was reality tv sef-isnt that staged????????





PHCN...........your PAPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




rain you dey do me strong thing
me cuz just got a car
she got me all broody(for a car)
her car is cute and it aiint brand new
maybe.......just maybe.....




met a woman at the saloon last week
she was foolish enuff to let her maid take her weave off
she's now bald in four spots






it just occured to me every password i own is either vulgar
or has one of my brother's name or their bday date

i once had to give my boss access to my system and
he could not get over mi having a boys name as my password
to this day......
he thinks thats my boo's name

lucky for me
it was not bigwillieat.....(yea its a password i use)



A Joke

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day,
picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy: "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued: "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied: "not exactly, but they aren't for me.
They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.

We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike and right now, he can't do either




And a sex tip
'A breath mint in your mouth before performing oral sex
has the dual benefit of both making it more pleasant for you
and extra stimulating for her. '



So i got dropped off at oshodi about 720pm
tried to get the red Lagbus to my destination
could not.........
so i took a regular bus

it had a flat around siemens
got scared cos it was almost 8pm by now and i had my lappy with me

so i got a cab
i ordinarily would not have taken it
thanks to mi cuz
she hates rickety cabs
but i was almost choking on my fear
i'm a scaredy cat on the streets of Lagos
after 7pm when i have valuables on me

so i got into the cab
get comfy and was praying the cab would not fall to pieces

Thank God i was praying
next thing i know
i see steam on the dash and water trickles down to my feet
at first i'm mesmerized

till i start yelping
the water is HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how does water from a radiator steam up and run down the dashboard???
so he stops
and i hop out
i cross the road blindly then i'm dancing
all the while -i'm watching the cab closely

the man starts to fiddle with his car
then a good samaritan stops to help baba
then i scream
BABA!!!!!!!!!everything i own is in your cab
if anything happens!!!!!!!!!

my left feet is smarting the whole time
and i'm dancing to relieve the pain
i was also barefoot

he calls to me to come over,that he has it under control
i ask him to get off the road
i start to scout for another cab

Baba bemoans the loss of his cab fare
thats when i remember my lappy!!!!!!!!!!!

i scream
run to the cab and pull up the bag
the bag is wet!!!!!!!!!!!

i start to wail
no tears but i was wailing
Baba goes why are you crying??? the bag is not wet
i'm screaming its wet its wet oh my God!!!!!

my lappy!!!!!!!!
my left foot still smarts

i get another cab head home
strip my lappy
yippie....its aiight maybe if i had left it a little longer.......

then i send a text to my aunt the nurse(the only medical personnel i know who can consult over the phone)my cuz and my pal
who in turns suggested a burn cream,vaseline and an egg

the burn cream i could not get from the pharmacy-e don finish
vaseline gives you blisters after a burn
the egg i ended up breaking it

so i resorted to pap

and it worked

its been a week
the spot the water hit is dark and itches like crazy

which means its healing(cos it itches)
i'm just glad i did not get a blister

here's a picture of me with my first aid.....lol

Ibiluv is 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So mi blogged turned two today
yippie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i treated blog writer to a manicure,a pedicure
and dinner out..........
alone yea but it felt good to treat me




i lost 5,000 naira yesterday
got sooooooooo mad i was prone to curse
the bagger that picked it
then i remembered it was my fault
if i had put the money in my purse instead of
in my pant pocket,i for no loose am.........

then i sent a prayer to Baba God
i pray my money does not end up spent on drugs,cigarettes or alcohol
it had better go to some hungry family that saw it as manna from heaven





my aunt says i look pregnant
since i've not held,rode,sucked,licked or had
a phallus in almost a year
and i doubt if we have sperm banks in naija
moreover i have not visited one....
her diagnosis is soooooooooooooo wrong.....

neways i'm all for a sexually satisfying relationshipwithout getting pregnant

children should be catered for
nutured.......
brought up in the way of the Lord
educated
fed
clothed
and one should be ready to worry till they die
moreover they cry at night
then they teeth
then they crawl
then you have to chase them around the home
then they are adorable darlings
then little horrors
then darlings
then annoying adolescents
then they make your heart soar with pride
until they become your meal ticket.....(maybe not)
but then they start to take care of you
when you loose the ability to do so yourself
why would any human not think it thru
before getting pregnant

sex lasts all of 13 mins for most men(i'm not counting foreplay)
children last a lifetime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



my mama calls me sometimes to ask if i've eaten
when i scream she goes
you'll always be my child
i dont care how old you get........


awwwwwwwwwwwwww
love you mama............









So mi cousin says
only a man knows why he wants to be with a female
maybe all he likes is the swell of her cleavage
maybe he just likes how her ass looks in a skirt
maybe he likes the way she talks
maybe he likes the way she sings
maybe she can cook up a storm
maybe she fucks his brains out
when he makes the decision to marry
if and when he decides to.......

only he will know why he choose to spend
the rest of his life with the woman he chooses

dont be surprised if he cant explain it




why did he give me this lecture?
he has a girl
she's hawt..............she models part time(she's in uni)
but he's been chasing after a little girl
that lives in the flat below where i live with her family
i dont care if all he wants to do is tap that ass

cos he asked if i was not curious about his attentions to her
and if i was gonna tell the babe anything
and i said all i could and will tell her if she thinks
she can cosy up to me bcos of him is
*he just wants to tap that ass*
so she better continue to be a silent neighbour
and if she's allowing her ass to be tapped

at least she's getting sum.............



my friend's ex used to say je ka lo dobo
used to get her hackles up
cos it means lets go fuck

i read a novel recently and dude says
come upstairs and lie with me
i thought *sweet*

but that just gives her time to say no


men should never ask dem yeye questions
can i kiss you?
can i fuck u?

if u wanna.....just turn her to putty
if she lets you
chances are..............you can tap it

whats all that question and answer for??????????


i know i talk,write,read,watch sex a lot......

its the next best thing to having it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gat sex on my mind..............

What do you think this is above???



i'm not promiscuos by any means
and i certainly wont tumble into bed with every man
i go wow over......
i'm liberated and independent enuff to choose my partners

which is why i need my head examined for ogling my cousin
he was in the country two weeks ago

last tyme i saw him he was a tot
so i hang out with my uncles and their kids
and the next day i drop by their hotel before
heading into work cos i needed to send some stuff to my mum

so my little cousin
well he's not so little anymore
comes to the door with his boxers on
and my jaw dropped..........

daayyuuuuummmmmmm
you dont get a bod like that
without spending tyme in the gym

i mentally shook my head cos i needed
to stop............


but i guess its cos
most guys my age dont have abs like that
they are all gaining love handles

dont remind me i have love handles
so i do
but i LOOOOOOKKKK good
and you dont see my love handles except you've got me naked
and i hear when a lady is naked
it dont matter what little things are.....*fluttering eyelashes*



so my cousins(another one)like to have get togethers every birthday
its her mum's birthday next month
and i'm supposed to drop.....

i can but i really dont wanna
i could invest in a killer bag or shoes for me......

but i'm gonna......cos i dont wanna be labelled stingy
cos everyone else seems to be in the mood to be generous.....


but i'm soooooo gonna be on her case in dec when it is my mum's birthday
i'll keep u posted if she drops or scrams



I can sleep with you
enjoy you
but we are not a couple




its never too late
to be who you wanna be


What else is new?????
i always have sex on my mind.....*sigh*
which is bad when u are single
dont wanna be labelled a slut......
and you have a bedsheet like mine.........yea
i sleep on the red and white......what is that???????????
*wink*

Butt Crack....Arms Akimbo........Una travel???

Abeg when butt crack dey scratch person for road
wetin man oops woman go do?

if i waka funny
people go think say i go chop big one

if i waka normal the thing go they scratch me dey go

na so i manage o
as i climb okada sef
e still dey itch me

soon as i enter house
e no scratch me again

i tire o








i enter bus
one elderly well in her 40's
wanted to be comfortable
so she sat arms akimbo
at first i ignored it
then i pointed it out to her
moreover i be lepa sef so wetin?????
she apologised o

only to continue to sit akimbo
shuo
if she wants comfort
she should buy a car
make we bus people continue our
skin toucing games until we can afford comfort....





what do u do when u see a celebrity
as for me-it depends on my mood o
sometimes i smile,wave,acknowledge
go over for a chat and or a picture
other times i look at them without even a flicker of acknowledgement

why?
cos sometimes i'm just not in the mood to be friendly.......


saw my fave celebrity at a party over the weekend

he looked tired
i wanted to go over,give him a hug
and let him rest his head on my bosom...........

*sigh*.....his entourage no gree





effing bee of eye(FBI)...lol



last week,some yeye dogs for my neighbourhood
dey bark like say them don rabid

i was not comfortable with the noise
but hey what can a fyne gal do

some one decided to do something
he got a stick and chased them dogs away

two days later
no electricity-as usual-he was chilling outside
on his car bonnet

small time-he heard a bark
he is startled and falls off his car
does not see a dog he said
but he realises he cant get up

he is there for 30mins before someone walking by saw him
his left side was paralysed
head to foot

he is back on his feet now
left side restored
he spent a few days in hospital and in church

they say it was the dog.........

me i say

partial stroke no be beans
and to have had a full recovery
in a matter of days is a miracle.





a pal of mine was with a pal of his
i passed by and she laughed
it seemed.......with him

it seemed i was the butt of the laugh

it may not have been

i was self conscious for 10mins
then i remembered i was not carrying shit

so why would they laff at me????

but it reminded me again why the Holy book
says laughter is an agent of the devil

the prophet Mohammed (saw) only ever smiled
he never laughed

if men were to be punished for that alone
i no go smell paradise
i too dey laff
at people, with people, at myself......*wink*


the next time someone wonders about me being single
i will tell them to go read my Quran

Khadijat got married to a 25 year old hunk at age 40
yes.......she(40)...he(25)

so since i have not yet attained the ripe old age of 40
my adonis shall not pass me by

in the mean time.......before Denzel arrives

where are all the phalluses......una travel????????

Butt Augmentation..........Alum

I'm too swamped at work to go online anymore
partly true but we no longer have acccess to the internet
i have no idea what *they* did
but they've done it again

so i do all my online biz at home
it also means i've been listening to E! more

Dr 90210 is a fav of mine
a brazilian butt augmentation is looking
like what i'll give myself
for my next birthday

but i'll pass
all i need to do is gain weight
cos i know it'll go south...*wink*







Do what makes you happy
sometimes what makes you happy
is a lot harder and scarier than what is safe






Raise your left leg
make it go clockwise
write 1-6 in the air...........*wink*
did u do this successfully?????









Someone should tell this idiotic mallam across the road
i need to pass by his hut to get to the busstop
545am is no time to be bathing!!!!!!!!!!!
so what if he's hiding between two parked cars??????

next time i hear him
i'll turn my torch on his phallus!!!!!!!!!
i wanna see if he's as big as the myth says he is

what myth?
the myth that Hausa men are endowed......*wink*






one yeye babe killed english
she pronounced musk as mooooooosque
only cos she needed her bobo to buy musk
does he smell?????????
i didnt get close enuff to find out........



he was still inside her
could not bear to seperate himself
h knew he should...ease away and give her time to recover
however much he'd fought not to hurt her there was bound to be some discomfort

finally a book that attests that breaking a woman's hymen
will cause discomfort


ladies
we need not bother with kaun(alum) as the myth says
Dr Matlock can give us that tight feeling men cherish

personally i take my kegels seriously
but..........

Dr Matlock says kegels dont work

note to self-stop kegelling my poor vagina

after my kids i'll just go see Dr Matlock
so mi hubby(the one who brings my pa 40 tubers of yam)
never forgets to visit the pussy he signs on
to partner his dick for life

*wink*

Names.......Inquisition......K leg

So do chinese people really drop
alumimium plates to name their kids?????
sing li
chen shuo



My people use the circumstance of birth to give names
Oluwapamilerinayo(God has given me laughter)
Omolaja(A child has arrived to settle a family dispute)



What do the whites use???
you go hear Akeelah.....Terrica....
*&^%£"$%&*



Inquisition???

A guy steps up to you
Hi my name is Bode
I'd like to know you better.......
can we hang out for a drink?????


Or he steps up to you

Hi
What is your name?
What do you do?
Where do you live?
How old are you?


Which of the two scenarios do you prefer???????



the phrase i'd like to know you better irritates me
i have no idea why...........
but once a guy uses that line..........he gets minus 1000 points





So mama asked....dont guys chat you up in buses?????

how i go answer???
i fall asleep immediately after paying my fare
any bobo whey wan chat me up
will have to wake me up first..shuo!!!!!!!!!

so you wonder why do i need to be chatted up in a bus??

she wants her daughter married
by any means.....*wink*








Another preacher said...........
when kids on holiday dey go home
the ones with bad result are scared
cos their result get K-leg

Do you have K-leg before your God?????

as for me.................
my legs are slighty bow before my God
all the better to bend it like beckham with
so as to accommodate







*cough*.............

Traffic & Prison& A Boob Massage!!!!!!!!!!

I was in a bus
one yeye traffic like that
silently wishing i could afford a chopper ride
one stupid fat fuck lastma official entered the front seat

the minute i saw him i knew he had arrested the bus
the lady beside me said he was hitching a free ride
he seats in silence for about ten minutes then proceeds
to tell the bus driver where to go to

i hissed and insulted the fat fuck
it was bad enuff we were stuck in traffic
the stupid ass was only concerneded about a quick buck

he refused every plea and journeyed with the bus in that traffic
as far as the destination we dey go.....
all the while,the bus was arrested

stupid ass mo'fucker
i don forget hin name,i for publish am sef










some guy before we got arrested
was preaching


he has been in prison since 1985
the June 12 crisis he said
he did not steal nor kill
he was a victim of circumstance

then Gov Fashola visited the prison and granted amnesty
he was one of the lucky ones

his story made me remember my time in prison
2000

we were made to visit prison so we would never have to live in one
their living conditions aren't good
they feed poorly
and most times they are innocent(the warder said so)

the warder said some people have had to spend
years on the inside cos of N 5,000 about(£20)

there were inmates as young as 15 and as old as in their 80's

the warder said
if there were..........
2 men fighting on the street
and they were arrested by the police
if no one sets bail for them
it was not uncommon to find them spend years in prison......

whilst touring
we found out
for an afternoon meal of eba and no stew/soup
the eba had been made in the morning
left to cool without a cover
while the prisoners slaved in the workshops
the idea of workshops was for them to learn new skills
so they could be independent when they get out.........eventually


people............my Alfa says

ti won ba fi damask ran aso ewon...a oni ba won ni ipin ni inu e.........Amen

even if they change prison uniforms to damask materials.....
may we never have cause to wear it......Amen





had my boob massaged twice.........





mum's been hounding me to go for a cervical smear test

while i dont live in the uk
her GP knows she has a grown up daughter

then............Jade Goody dies and she hounds me again

found time to go in over the Easter break...........


cervix is fyne.........
some thing finally went into my vagina
even if it was a metal and was administered by a female


*sigh*

then i do a breast exam and she goes
she found a lump

i need to come in tom for a sonograph

went home

no fear at all

i figure she liked the feel of my boobs and wants to touch again..........

*wink*

i go in the next day
boob massager turns out to be male

yippie!!!!!!!!!!

i got a good massage
and he was thorough with the machine
asked if i've ever done a scan before
for boobs.....................nah
for my abdomen............yea
15 years ago...........



he says...........its nurrin to fear
just a fibrous mass

a pal of mine said
since i wasn't sportin 34DD's
they should have expected a mass




neways
i got a boob massgae from a woman then a man..........*wink*

Easter was restful

how was your Easter?????????????????

Sleep with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

una well done o
i no win anything !!!!!!!!!

www.naijabloggersaward.blogspot.com

anyway sha
as una dash me nomination
i'll make do..............

moreover the people whey win...............
dem deserve am.........





V monologues was a hit again this year

Revulva made more sense this year thanks to Omonor
Songs of praise.......a hit....again





Sleep with me...Absolutely.........

na for inside movie them talk am
i dey practise as i go take talk am........*wink*
soon as i get myself a willing dick
.....am interested in
cos its not like i lack willing dicks
the ones i want are miles away/married/in love with someone/blind to my charms





I have a great big crush on a certain crooner
never had one this bigggggg.......

*i shake my head for myself*





i recently discovered i've only being in love once
given the average human can fall head over heels in love seven times
i'm waiting for the remaining six times to happen
even if it is with the same man

cos i finally faced it
what i felt for Mel was lust








the guy who showed me his phallus???????????
(from my*are you ready to rumble* post)
he showed me
i ogled it
he put it back in
then said he was sorry
he then proceeded to say
he's been to churches
he has climbed mountains
he really has no idea why
but for the past four years
everytyme he sees a group of women
he gets this urge to show them his dick

most times people are shocked and run away
other times he gets beat up

his family.........they are tired of the shame

he walked away

i looked back at my friends
who just did not understand
how i could patiently look at *it*
not run........
then listen to his explanation

its a crazy world we live in.....

his story prompted my neighbour to tell us another

old woman
bachelor as tenant(works as bank manager)
woman had one child
a teenage girl
babe was bootylicious
bachelor impregnates her
landlady finds out
she calls dude
i know about the pregnancy
what do u wanna do about it?
dude starts to talk long story
woman says
no long talk
i'll take care of my girl and her kid
but you need to leave my home at the end of the month
dude later tricks the girl into taking some drugs
babes not only miscarries
she dies

what did land lady do?
she inflicted guy with said
phallus showing disease
crazy thing is
he needs to do his in a market
remember dude was a bank manger

they sent several emissaries to woman
she never denied afflicting guy with phallus showing ailment
she just says
she'll make it stop
if anyone can wake up her child

since no one can
he probably still does it

so the one i witnessed????
i wonder what he did.........










saw the international
i love the way it ends
cos life IS like that
you dont always get closure







watching the reader
slumdog millionaire
and the curious case of benjamin button
is bad for anyone's self esteem if it aiint high enuff
why did some guy not have that kind of undying love for me
when i was 8,13,15?????

why do i have to be boyfriendless
fuckmateless
friend with benfitless?????
in short....dickless.........

i tire o









my cousin's boyfriend's wife just had twins
she's been missing from home since the babies were delivered
she's helping the father ease his......i have no idea whats she's doing

i pity her
cos if she gets preggers
maybe she'll have triplets............
i wonder how she will explain to her fiance how she got preggers........






if you walk towards your car
and turn around to see a cutie grinning at you
it just might be me

lately.....i've just been grinning like an idiot
every tyme i see someone walking towards their car/or driving it
ermmmmmmmmmm
cute cars and delicious people only

why????

i just get this flash..........
that will be me in a few months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://naijabloggersaward.blogspot.com/

GO VOTE FOR MOI RIGHT NOW




i just saw slumdog millionaire

the reader

curious case of benjamin button

and voted for meself

i'm off to bed

had to come remind you

vote for moi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a Nominee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm wearing a tag
i'm loving it


Improve your image
be seen with me



So i went into the loo after a dude
yea its a unisex loo
i saw hair on the seats
so i'm wondering does he have syphilis?

well some crazy bugger once told me
that hair loss there
is a sypmtom of the VD
i've never had it so i've never being able to confirm




I'M A NOMINEE
MAKE UNA VOTE OOOOOOOOOOOO

erm but make my mam no discover my blog o
why say una no nominate me for most intelligent?
Fire in my Pants - Blogger who would hook up with based soley on the content of their blog
and
Hot and Sexy! Blogger you think is hot in real life

honestly..................
i'm humbled i was nominated
i really had no idea
been mad busy at work
then too tired to log onto the net at home
na Smaragd remind me this morning say i never update

so i'm updating so i can canvass for votes


How many of you know your genotypes?
mine was drummed into my ear at age 7
everytyme i see a good looking brother i may wanna have babies with
i ask him his genotype
most people find it weird that i ask
i've lost cousins cos of this(sickle cell anaemia)

i have a cousin who has still not had his church wedding
we always have to postpone
dude is always too ill to have a big wedding
he is cheating his brides mum
we are cool with the small thingy we had at the registry
but his mother-in-law still wants Sunny Ade
to play at her daughter's wedding

sadly...i lost another cousin last week
young
married
pregnant wife
a son that will never know his father

its sad really
very sad

pardon my pessimism
i dont care if my Denzel shows up
if his genotype is AS(i'm AS)
i'm running away

but once i was in love enough to go the whole hog
we decided every tyme i got pregnant we would do an amniocentiesis
but i kept wondering if God will forgive me for letting my foetus(s) die
cos we decided everytime we found out we were having a baby with sickle cell
we would let the baby die(abort)
well he chickened out(he has lost an elder brother to sickle cell anemia)


Scroll down more


A little more,





Almost


Yap………………………………………………now read.

Life is Good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PADOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

INVITE ME TO YOUR BLOG THIS MINUTE.....
HOW COULD YOU???????



Riri & Chris......dude must be fantastic in bed
me thinks he's immature and with the
beatingwhey she just chop...........
the dick must be good..............
else why in heaven's name is she taking him back???????

if na me..i care not if the dick is as good as BW...
i aiint going back after such decking!!!!!!






Cradle snatcher called me at 1140 am sunday morning
this was after he called 8pm sat night to let me know
he is in my hood
his problem??he needs to connect his printer to his
laptop
i say-its sun morn-i know noone who can help
moreover if you are online-me thinks you should be able
to do it yourself
so he says-he's tried without success
why dont i come over???
so i tell him-i've got plans for the day and they dont
include solving his IT issues........




phone rings at noon another ex
he's in my hood and he is hungry
so i say.........ransack your mama's kitcehn
or go to a restaurant
cos the holy book says you shouldn't eat food prepared
by an concubine or an ex or otherwise
dude goees haba!!!!
kilagbe.....ki le ju(we dey fight???)
i say oh no....i'm just teasing
he says oh he really needs to see my face
so i say my face is busy


Dear Lord on a sunday morning
what type of terrible soap is this(whey i take baff)??????
i was nicely asking Baba to forgive me my trespasses
so i can pray for a windfall(money not dicks)
afterall i have not fornicated in 8 months
so i'm therefore worthy to seek and find

i hereby reject and rebuke all ex's
they are ex's for a reason(s)

Baba loke as we celebrate the prophet's birth
grant me my heart's desires............AMEN!!!!!!!!



am at the salon hours later...jejely making my nails
but giving my eyes food....watching everyone
this silly ass comes in...pretty..cute kid in tow
no wedding or engagement ring
who am i to judge.......
i'm single......no kids@30 going on......

but i totally hated her outfit
if i was male i would not spare her a glance
she was trying too hard...
tight skirt......bum was squeezed in...
so you couldnt't appreciate the bum........
top too low.......boobs seeping out
thrashy not classy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but then again....to each his own.........



i just wonder.............
i watch nolloywod movies and when a guy needs to send his wife packing
he pushes her out with a ghana must go bag and a box
i look around my home now
and i wonder how many cars i'll need to cart away all
i've acquired over the years......
its irrelevant if i need them or not
they are MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and even though when i marry i know i'll have to do sum downsizing
i still know i've got a lot of little bits and pieces of me
that i'm taking along so
my new home will totally be my home

so pray tell Mr Director.......
if we ever need to act a movie
he had better get me a BRT bus to take my stuff
cos two bags wont take even my shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Names????????????

Passed by a sign

No loitering
No hawking
No parking
Military zone
Fine-deflated tires


Some guy that sells OK in my hood
has a sign that says
80% off
OK is almost free
so i wonder with 80% off
why not just hand it out for free????????
(OK=Okrika=bend down boutique)





We know when we are being lied to(most times)
but.....some times.......
the truth hurts too much
we'd prefer the lies




I was talking to a pal
and i asked...............
what names do guys calls babes they sleep with these days....

together we came up with
scelle
tata
fish
bushmeat
fowl
help me-i'm no male
i know no female wants to be called any of these names




in my dictionary a man can be a
fling
fuckmate
friend
relative
boyfriend
fiance
husband
i doubt any guy wants to answer to either of the first two names
i've never insinuated to anyone he was any of the first two
................i've had one of both



but i'd rather tumble into bed with a friend






i fancied myself getting married to a guy a few years ago

they guy i leaned on when i broke up with Mel

he is currently in a relationship

it looks serious

last night he called

all i've done lately is emails

and he asks

am i happy he is in a relationship

i say yes

why would i not be?

is it cos i asked you(him) to marry me thrice

and on each ocassion you brushed me away????



he says..........i never asked

moreover he always thought he was not good enough for me



so i said.........well i did ask you

i even asked one time why we are we not dating

every time you brushed my questions away



i knew he had major issues because we dont see God the same way

he is a good xtian virgin guy

i was scared i was gonna lead him straight to hell



me-unclean

me-definitely not Xtian



neways......he's found a good Xtian girl

if she's virgin or not i know not

wish him well

i really do



i'm someday gonna find me an unclean guy

who wants to get dirtier with me

with his body and mind and possessions

not his soul

i need his soul to be pure....*wink*

Are you ready to rumble????

Feb 14th
had errands to run and a wee bit of shopping
the sun was a killer
i growled when the bus conductor's sweat landed on my arm

got to my cousin's
laffs-stuffed my face
decided to head on home to dinner with myself

the rain decided otherwise
all the cabs had ladies
touching up their make up in them

an Uncle stays close
he heard i just left so he came to pick me
insisted i spend the night
why go home to yourself?????

i said most peeps just had their dinner ruined
with a glint in his eyes he said
*laroda ojo*
(theres no easy way to translate this
but what do you think he was saying????
rain-wet girlfriend-guy's doorstep-val's day/night)

went back to theirs
we had dinner
red wine
and watched
*why did i get married* (for the umpteenth time)
and it occured to me
they've been married 9 years
last year
she got cards at noon
lunch at 2pm(chinese)
and cake at 4pm
i have no idea what he had planned for dinner*wink*

this year
the people at her job missed out on oohing and aahing
but once again
they did not take themselves for granted
...........they have a good thing going




So conductor tonite hikes the fare by 20naira
i'm too tired to argue
I and many others
Some guy was in the mood for trouble
he decided not to pay the hike in price

conductor rants and raves
drives him past his drop
2 stops later driver stops for another passenger
conductor takes off his shoes/shirt
trust Lagosians they stopped them
i was in the mood to watch a royal rumble
moreover i was disgusted by his antics

any man that can floor you
doesnt bother getting neat
he wants you to bloody him if you can
cos he knows he can bloody you in seconds

in another life..........i have a black belt in karate
once........i had a crush on such a machine
one thing he always told those of us close to him was
*never try to catch me unawares*
guy who did
was flat on his back in seconds
and in danger of getting a dislocated shoulder
unfortunately 50 other people witnessed it

fooling around was usually tricky
you could get a broken finger
just for trying to startle him

i survive his friendship without any scars
but i think Chris Brown was wrong
any man trained in martial arts
never uses his skills outside battle
machine or not
hitting a woman...is sooooooooooo wrong

every kid of mine is gonna be skilled in martial arts
you never know when you may need to defend yourself.............









What would you do if you are standing together
a group of 6 women enjoying the evening breeze
asswipe walks up to you
good evening ladies..............
i want to show you something
i'm not interested cos i think
sales man
but
..........i watch as he zips down
pulls down his pants and shows us his phallus
the others run away screaming
i stand there grinning


it was a good sized one
in another circumstance
with a guy i really fancy
that would give me joy...........*wink*

Do I miss him/it????????

Dealing with grief is hard ..........very hard
especially if the person is a loved one
when i was called about Gramps-all i said was its a lie
a minute later i was packing-heading home
he was gonna be buried in a few hours
but by the tyme i got to my boss to say why i needed to leave
the dam burst.............
i somehow got the words out and made it home
being with people who share your grief can make it easier


its not like he's the first i've lost
there was maternal gramps and gran
but paternal gramps-i spent my formative years with
we were close-it hit me hard
miss you gramps..............*sigh*


asides loosing family
there also friends who have left us
school friends
people we used to work with
acquaintances
neighbours

i believe when they go
its hard for us to take it in
but we must
cos if he/she wasnt meant to go
he/she would still be with us


a house crumbles
5 days later someone is pulled out almost no injury
same building someone who practically landed on top of the debris
who was seemingly ok-dies on his/her way to hospital

a home burns
same home
same circumstances
two people get out
one survives one does not

a plane crashes-one survivor

a car accident-a robbery

so many ways death may come

i have an aunt who says
death is a debt
we all must pay
only thing is
when it comes it comes with some thing

we hear he went to sleep and didnt wake up
or he coughed o-and that was it
he only complained of a headache
he was on a bike o
he was travelling o
na robbers shoot am o
so many scenarios





my wish for us all
that we pay the debt of death in our old age



i've seen one death too many
Dear Lord its too early in the year
to take your children home





PS:how come when i'm asked
do you miss her
all i think of is why miss her
will she give me money????

and if it is-do you miss him????
all i think of is why miss him???
will him give me money?????

but if its an ex
him....................no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
his phallus....oh yesssssssssssss i miss it

Weight & February..........

weighed my cousin yesterday...........
his father refuses to pick him....he weighs 16.4kg

we call him *eru ti o se ji gbe*(kidnappers cant get him)...lol

he'll be two in april
i weighed 12kg at age 10
i remember cos we were weighed in school and i got the nickname cockroach
my mum came to school to warn my classmates and the silly ass teacher that gave me the name to desist from calling me such

next guy that did.....got a bloody nose

next person who got me REALLY mad *has* a chipped tooth


i'm VERY VERY slow to anger
the holy book says.......the best amongst men is he who can control his anger

the few times i've lost it
i've done things i *should* regret

i'm VERY vindictive
being able to control my anger is therefore a VERY good thing









at 12 some classmate told me he liked me
i didnt give a hoot

at 14 he sang the song again
i almost maimed him

at 15 the whole school must have *talked* to me on his behalf
i did start to date him
all he ever got out of it.........
was a side hug and hand holding

at 15 and half
next guy who liked me
used to read me poems
nice.....very nice
he stole a peck on my lips one night


at 17 i saw a pair of biceps and i forgot my name
dated him 6 months
fell in love........the first time
he had my heart and got my pussy
he didnt know what to do with it
(he was an 18 yr old virgin....forgive him.....*wink*)

at 19 i dated a guy 8 years older
he got my virginity but not my heart

at 22 i gave my body but not my heart
three years later......he got married

at 25 i tried to repeat *my previous arrangement*
but i lost my heart again at 28
sadly he wanted someone else

its been three years.........
all i'm willing to give is friendship
if i throw in my body........its my body


its february again
some guys are gonna start inventing stories
some will break up to make up later

what ever is on your plate
eat with relish

i'm gonna be pampering myself that day
not sure yet
a spa
movie(s) and good food
a good bout(s) of
mind melting
grammy award win soundtrack inducing
earth shattering



sex will be appreciated.............

Blue Ocean...............

So i heard about strip clubs in las gidi
i decided to go see
so i mailed a blogger who had blogged about her experience
and she gave me a name.......blue ocean

mentioned it to A(my pal)..........she mentoned it to her boo

he said we three would go

next time we harrassed him about it.........he said not yet
later he said he needed to go see before letting two ladies tag along

Sat...we dropped off my cousin at the airport
and talked about hanging out
strippers came into the convo
we tried to go during the holidays

but he said he passed by and they were closed
we had a laff about it
'strippers on vacation'


we made it to ikeja
blue ocean still closed

na wa o
dem no go resume????????

we ladies said ok lets head home
dude says no
lets find another one
i say how?
he says the same way he found blue ocean
all he had was the name......no location......but he found it
i'll ask people even if i have to ask a police man he said
we must find one tonight
so he goes on his mission

we stay in the car to gossip
he comes back a while later with a dreadlocked pal in tow
i said new pal was not getting into the car

ask me-wetin my own?
i be passenger myself

neways new pal takes off on a bike
we follow
when he stops
i wonder
erm........it doesnt look like anything is happening
pal's boo D says-thats the same way blue ocean looks from the street


i spot someone and i chuckle
there sure is biz happening around here

really small place
walked in and did a quick survey
small cosy bar
spotted a girl dancing with the pole
took the cushion closest to her

sat back
we ordered drinks
and proceeded to watch the babe........


not bad

she did a striptease
had some sexy moves
was bad looking and as flat as a washboard
definitely not my cup of tea

next babe on had more meat on her bones..........i like
more stuff to jiggle

so we notice an oldie getting a lap dance

pal and i giggle about it.....so we decided to set her boo up

we asked him to get a lap dance
he was hesistant

we insisted

he got a glint in his eye
he said pick a girl

i picked a flat smallie(i figured-he did not have to enjoy it)
my pal said no.......she picked a cute voluptuous babe in a pink teddy

i wondered........will he touch?

at first no
but when she jiggled dem boobs at him
he grabbed ass

i knew he was in for the 'talk'
but then again na she pick......

i figured a lap dance-yes
grab ass-no
and babe has a luscious ass

after a while my pal stalks out
i know she's mad
he goes to talk to her

i'm grinning-imagining the convo in the car

i'm still watching the babes
another bootyliious babe was on
i particularly liked her red garter and make up

they had been in the car 20 mins
some dude decides i need company
yes o...he sat beside me

oturugbeke......a horny guy i no know
i no see anything o but how he no go horny....
he's been watching naked babes jiggle sturvs

i no blame am
as me sef siddon alone
maybe i dey advertise........

he then proceeds to move closer....ehn ehn
mo don jazzy re......
i get up.....get to the car..........ignore their tiff
scold them both for leaving me alone to the wolves in there

i needed to pee
we went back in
there was a big mama on when i came out of the loo
big mama should consider retirement
not a nice show-my opinion
but the guys seemed to enjoy her
she had no moves
just a lot of fat ass jiggling and droopy boobs
and vagina in ur face

we left soon after..........

so i've seen strippers in lagos
or as they are called..........gogo dancers





way back from work mon
babe ahead me in the bus
had a striking resemblance to a certain stripper
what are the odds?????????
i kept staring at her

she came down at my stop
i got a good look
not so sure though........but i still think she's the one

joint is open.....mon-sun.........7pm-5am


so i wonder
should i have gone to say hi???
and to ask why she did not go to work??????

ps:i'm soooooooooo loving the change in weather in lagos!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will i ever tire???????

So.......

Silly ass conductor beats a passenger for giving him 20 naira for a 30 naira bus ride even though the guy was going halfway-no be 15 naira he suppose pay???

my 20 naira fell on drivers outfit...i kept asking for it...he kept ignoring me even though i had paid 30 naira to his conductor..........

He then proceeded to do a race with a tanker-since i had no idea if the tanker was empty,full with gas or fuel or diesel....i corrected him(this time he heard)

then told me to mind my business...he's been in the business since forever..........so i told him not to tell me rubbish....just cos i'm in his bus dont mean i cant drive a vehicle...and i know you dont race on a narrow road close to a t-junction at night especially if your neighbour is a tanker.....

no one need know the last time i handled an automobile was in 2004-dad promised me a car-i learnt-earned my learners permit-no car.....swore not to bother till i can buy it meself.....that day is sooner than later.............





I caught a yoruba movie recently
babe and guy na childhood sweethearts
dem marry
years down the line
the babe tells her hubby that he knows she's never really liked sex
and she's tired of her nightly duty
so she marries him a second wive
well he eventually gets a third.......



i love sex
ever since i discovered it
2006 till date has been my dryest years

while i was never anyone's live-in-lover
i did get it on a regular
i was either in a relationship or getting it with a *friend*
(some friends come with benefits)........*wink*

so i wonder

will i ever be that woman?????
will i ever sometimes not want it????
will i ever be too tired for it???
will i ever give my rights to someone else??????


i doubt.........




i'm quite sure i'll still be riding
so long as there's a breath in my body........*wink*

Stolen from Caramel............

Where is your cell phone? Beside me

where is your significant other? In my dreams

Your hair color? dark brown

Your mother? Brazilian oops Osun State

Your father? Greek oops Ogun State

Your favourite thing?(things)...Money,sex,food,tv

Your dream last night? Hooking up with big willie

Your dream/goal? Obedient daughter to my heavenly father,fabulous career woman,loving wife & mother...........

Your hobby? Sleeping,Blogging and looking good-which comes by default.....i was created hawt.....*wink*

Your fear? none

Where do you want to be in 6 years? Fulfilled

Where were you last night? At home

what you're not? A cheat

One of your wish list items? That my love handles disappear........

Where you grew up? Lagos.......

The last thing you did? now?.....proof read this

Your pet? used to own a fab cat.....

Your computer? mi old reliable tosh

Your mood? Horny

Missing someone? Nah..........but i miss something........*wink*

Your summer? no be everyday be summer in las gidi????

Love someone? God,Family and friends.....

Your favourite colour? Black and white!

When is the last time you laughed? a few minutes ago.....

Last time you cried? He moved out again.....mum was sooo sad....she got me tearing up.......

Are you genuine or fake? I'm as real as can be.

Any vices? i procrastinate....

Pro life or wire hanger? Pro life

McCain or Obama......Obama & Fashola









so my aunt once said
i walk too fast

that people cant catch up with me when i walk by

thats why i don't have a man she said
guys probably have a hard time catching up with the fyne gal that just walked past

a colleague said so a few days ago
he saw me go past
he was gonna call out to me
but he had water in his mouth
by the time he swallowed i don zap

*sigh* i guess i need to slow down my pace

Happy Sexy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Usually i'm in braids..plaits...locks
i like it
i look good in 'em
and it doesnt interfere with my favourite past time...*wink*

when i'm running late (most mornings)
i rake it in place with my hands
when i've been thoroughly ravished....*wink*
i rake it back in place with my hands

a weave is harder to manage
you need to oil it.....
hair accessories,nets,brushes,combs,sometimes gels
i just cant be bothered to have to spend 5-10 mins
on my hair on a daily
and that IS mornings only
Lord knows how many more times i have to check my coif
during the course of the day

but i got meself a long wavy weave two weeks ago
everyone seemed to like it
i did too
t'was.........sexy......

i remembered my childhood dream
hair as long and silky as Hema Malin's
or was it Rekha?

i have now decided......i'll do a weave more
maybe not always long
maybe not always wavy
but once in a while i'll do away with the norm of
braids....locks....twists...plaits....

so sleek,amingos,paloma,expressions....
whoever and whatever ur names are...
i do solemnly promise to use you more in 2009

my ex (Mel) called last week
this week he sent me an sms at 12:04 am on his birthday
i already decided i was gonna act like i forgot
but he called........so i just let slip a happy birthday

next thing i know if i remember correctly
there will be an invite to hang out........
una whey sabi am
helep me tell him
he will ONLY get a whiff........after marriage......
IF we get married.....else.....
he cant just leave me.......then 2yrs later.....

i know........once debe.....ever debe
but in this case
for him to debe;he must OWN it......
afterall i gave him 3 years.......

but then again
maybe he is just being friendly.......
i sit back and watch......
soon....wind go blow.......we go see fowl yansh




I remember 31st Dec 2000
dude i was dating then
said to me
i want your eyes to be the first thing
i see in the new year......
please spend the new year with me.........

its corny i know
we were not in love but it was sweet.........
we had only being dating about a week...
yea.........i did spend it with him....we went to church
church abi???....ask me o......we were hanging out as a group

and one of us na deacon pickin.......
he did look into my eye at the dot of midnight and we kissed
how did we manage it in church???
i no know but i remember someone hissing......lol

after church we went clubbing
please remind us no be church we from come?????


neways on the eve of 2009 ....there was no one who
wanted to look into my eyes.....

2008 was a great year.......
again and again i was assured of God's love........
my family.......i love to bits....and vice versa
my job i love...and hopefully vice versa..*a raise*.....
friends i care deeply about....hopefully vice versa
being broke didnt happen this year...yippie....
enuff money in the bank...an suv...a man that bones me silly

oops the money in the bank,suv and man na typo
those are wishes for 2009.........*wink*

wish u all a fabulous 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!


Happy New Year Blogville!!!!!!!!!!!

For Freak.......

Movies

Worst Movie: Irapada(yea......t'was shown at galleria)

Second Best: Jenifa 1/Letters to a stranger

Best Movie: American gangster


Food

Worst Meal/Snack: cant think of any...if i dont have good reviews about it......it
wont come near my mouth

Second Best: Chicken republic is da best fast food joint i know

Best: Amala...Ewedu...Fresh fish....no one does it like i do....erm maybe
momma....*wink*


Drink

Worst Drink: none

Second Best: Hollandia yoghurt......it settles my tummy....

Best: Baileys on the rocks


Music

Worst Song...just watch an hour of tv...someone is bound to spoil your lunch......

Second Best: Street Credibility ...9ice & 2face....

Best:.........Dont break my heart.......Banky W


Moment

Worst Moment: none

Second Best: getting the call-you got the job

Best: getting a grammy after a certain someone made me sing my heart out
after an eight month drought...*wink*.....t'was so good i lost
phone on the way home.....


Fashion

Worst accessory/kit: one crazy bag my aunt sold to me

Second Best: cute shoes i got at a bargain price

Best: my pink la senza lingerie..it counts...*wink*


Toy

Worst Toy: None

Second Best: None

Best: I dont do toys....*wink*..but life would be hard without my fones & lappy.....


Person

Most Difficult Person: Pa

Second Best: Mi brothers

Best: Mama...i'm grateful you were my vessel to earth.....if i had to pick...i'd
pick you again and again....


Favourite Blog Post

By another blogger...hard to pick....

By moi:..............same as above..every post is a reflection of my
mood.........shy,sad,reflective,funny,angry,horny,
happy,rich,broke....little bits and pieces of me......


Skill

Worst Skill: evaluation and report writing skills

second Best: being diplomatic

Best: Multi-tasking...working effectively & blogging




Xmas was quiet but i went and added 2 inches to my love handles.....i do hope i can do my sit ups for real......in the last 6months...i've been doing them in my head...*wink*...........Merry Xmas peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For Oyin(Kinshar)

Oyin why you wanna be all up in my biz???

here goes......

1) I love God.....i may not be that hijab wearing sister but acknowledging His
goodness/mercies/blessings upon moi and mine and trying to be a better muslim is
important to me.....very important

2) I love my mama & brothers to death(my dad.......i love him.....just not to death)

3) If i dont act soft around/with you........live with it

4) If i act soft around/with you-chances are i may let you fuck me
silly.......*wink*

5) I used to suck my tongue

6) I'm lazy

7) I did not like watching porn

8) I hate being broke

9) I think my doctor likes me.....*wink*

10) I miss that shimmery afterglow i get after earth shattering
sex.......


so i hereby pass this on to........

1) Smaragd
2) Freaksho
3) Afrobabe
4) Aloofa
5) LG
6) Baroque
7) Padosh

all ye other darlings of mine

Oyin said 7 people......if i wan write everyone name.....page go finish
...abi make i tag all of una??????

mwah

erm............i forgot......so
There are some simple rules to accept this award:
1. List 10 honest things about yourself, hopefully
interesting.

2. Pass the award on to 7 bloggers

Did you hear me cum????????

INYANYA WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nii came second
Praise third
Annette 4th

i'm elated..........

.....alas......they say i'm too old for him(Inyanya)

i should give girls his age a chance

i lick my wounds in private.......
and hope Banky W will have me back.......
i promise to be a faithful groupie......







My cousin is getting introduced in two weeks
had girl talk over the sallah holidays

when did you know it was him?


she's known him 5 years
.......then she thought
u want a whiff of this...in another life

he confessed back then
all he wanted was a little sumthing sumthing

she never gave in.........

different relationships and years down the line

they are talking one day
and he goes....marry me.....

she goes thro every reason why she should say no
cant find any..........

she's happy...........i'm happy for her







Saw my ex over sallah........Mel.......
...turns out my Gramps and his Gramps
built their Lagos Villas opposite each other

i wonder how many times his gramps and mine
exchanged neighbourly banters......

...............both dead now

his mum has moved into her dad's place
she has a cordial relationship with my grandma

everytyme i visit Gran and she pops in.......
i have this evil grin on my face

wondering if she'll ever find out
how many ways her son fucked me brains out
in the three years i dated him......

its a wonder i still have a medula.....*wink*

neways he was there to see his mum
i was there to see gran
we saw.....we said hi

we hung out for an hour later in a group

talked....laughed together as a group

for a split second..........
i wanted him to grovel
i saw myself straddling him
i saw his mum and my gran.....neigbours....in-laws.....


his fone rang...he did not pick it.....

it was her(i'm sure)....

i'm secretly hoping she's the face on facebook

i can gloat.......she's got nothing on me(she no fyne reach me)

moreover if he could not say............i'm with friends

then he's gat withdrawal symptoms......*evil grin*





sent my song in to Geisha
if una no like when una hear am
make una no abuse me o

i just hope it wasnt the other stuff i sent in
*blush to my roots*

the sound of me cummmmmmminggggggggg........

how come i have it recorded?????
i have no idea............*wink*

IT...............................

Thanks peeps for your response to 4 fingers
she now knows....even a whole fist is possible.....*wink*


So Bisola (Project fame)is out....felt sad she had to go
neways she go quick go hook up with Kodjo.....*lol*.....

make una vote for
My heart....Iyanya...i wonder if going all groupie over him
is because he is Calabar(i think).....*cough*......

Praise.....dont care

Annette.....she has a great vocal range in spite of them jugs....or cos of them...*wink*............

Nii........my Charlie.....

Made it to the doc on fri...skipped work
got some drug for my back......muscle pain he said
got a home massage......my aunt the nurse did the honours
........t'was good and cheap(free)....*wink*
blood work showed a little malaria,a little thyphoid
got drugs for them too
and spent the weekend swallowing pills

i'm much berra now........health wise
but i would really love to get a fix......*wink*.....


in the absence of a fix.......
let me tell u a story.......
story......story........


First job straight out of camp(NYSC)
a bank........job was ok..hours were good
peeps i had to work with were mostly assholes
i didnt give a hoot...needed some sort of experience on my cv
was in a branch close to my abode
but i would go to the head office twice a week to help out

.....if you've ever heard me on the phone(guys)
you really wanna see the face that accompanies the voice...........
i know it...they know it......*wink*

while i'm no Bella Naija(girl is HAWT)
but i can hold my own.............*wink*


during the course of discharging our duties
we would need to call the IT department at the Head Office
sometimes several times a day
i developed a good rapport with two guys that were assigned to us

after a while,one of them O was already talking
about browsing my website(his exact words)

i only waved it away......i was amused but not interested

three months at the job....i became a guru.....
any problem i couldnt solve was a network problem
hence IT guys..........

twice a week......tues & thursday....i was expected to head out
to Head Office to help with paper work............

was at H.O this fateful thursday
minding my work whilst gisting and someone made me laugh.........

i heard someone call out my name
i came out of the cubicle
his voice sounded familiar.......
i scanned thru the faces in my brain files

no match........

he goes...hi Ibi..
then it clicks.....ohhhh....the other IT guy....
(he's cute)
nice to finally meet you.....
(i was mentally wondering how much oil my wayward nose must have secreted)
i've got pimples............
oil on my face comes with the territory
oily facial skin...pimples or acne.....lol

my supervisor coughs.....enuff with the greeting...get back to work


an hour later the intercomm buzzes
i'm allowed to pick her calls........i pick it
its D.........come upstairs....now??
yes....

i drop the receiver..........who was it?.....
..........my call i say.....

ten minutes later....i need a break i say

be back in twenty she says......to the loo
hair in place.......check
glasses out....contacts in......check
oily nose.......powdered
lip gloss......popping...
a dab of CK-In2u..........
i pee...i clean up...i wash...
i dry...i moisturise..........

i head out to the IT dept

he's there with Mr *browse your website*
i sit..Mr website...leaves

we chat......i'm fascinated...
he shows me some of the stuff he does
i'm awed............yea....
......i love to be around intelligent people........

neways....my 20mins is up
i go back down
....now we've met
we find several reasons to call
on a daily..............*wink*

3 months later he asks if i'll hang out for an icecream after work..........
why not......yippieee.....(i'm a sweettooth junkie)
fabulous.................

he picks me a while later

we hang out till its too late/dangerous to head back to mine.....
i no complain o.........
he was witty and easy to talk to
the hours flew.........

he suggests his place.....ok i say.....
no electricity........gen was in a bad mood.....
..........fashy it we did

.......he gives me a shirt.......we take
separate showers

on his bed...we lie facing each other......
gisting..........

....my phone rings.........its 1130pm...

which kain winchy be dis??????????

Four Fingers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Project Fame

i honestly had goose pimples
before they called Iyanya
until a few weeks ago
Banky W was my favourite Nigerian artiste
he could do no wrong...........
i looked forward to him serenading moi
THE VOICE AND THAT FACE......

but i dare say
Banky......i'll continue to be a follower
on your blog but Iyanya has my heart now

the guy gives me goose pimples

and yes it was I on stage with him
on saturday
the little drama when he serenaded moi with.......
.'love,truly'.........
OMG...............now every one knows what i look like
(fat chance)

no be me
but it could have been me
that song WAS FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!

On Sunday
Nii was marvelous
his costume......fabulous

Bisola was fabulous as always

Annette...kai she CAN sing....

I dont care for Praise.....though i grudginly agree
that he CAN do things with his voice
'but i wont be sad to see him/Annette go on sat
kai i wonder how much credit i will burn this week
to keep my peeps in......



Achy shoulder...berra
Massage...next weekend definitely
Did i see the Doc...no
I'm chilling out for my annual check up thingy
after the massage if i still dont feel berra cos
i did get all the rest i needed over the weekend
and i dont feel ill so i want my consultation fee to count.......



So someone i know says you cant have four fingers in you

me thinks....why not???????

she says even after two kids...
its just not possible....

so i ask
since i'm usually not checking how many fingers go into moi....

GUYS!!!!!!!!!(and/or ladies).......
CAN an undilated(about to have a baby)...........
sexually aroused........
never had a kid before.......
never been pregnant.......
lady have 4 fingers in her???????

*wink*..........

For Gramps!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weekend was busy
a wedding on saturday
and a trip to Abeokuta on Sunday

for Gramps memorial
Its been a year.................

My cousin threatened to leave me in lagos
if i dont make it to hers at 7am
made it 720am
she wasted MY time till 820
we head out in their bus
4 adults
2 teenagers
1 maid(sorry)i dont mean this the way it came out
3 kids

about 9 am we stop to buy fuel.......just bcos
...........bus refuses to start

we are at it for 10 minutes.....e no gree
then we get a mechanic(sun Morn)..........lucky us
he is at it for 10 minutes
says we need a *rewire*
rewire surfaces.........he is at it for an hour

because we were in contact with the others
an Uncle close to where we dey
comes to meet us about 11am
with his minivan
we tow the bus to his abode
pile into the minivan
then head out to our country villa

we get there about 1pm ........
we do all the hellos
I particularly avoid an Aunt
who will only say hello after you let her
touch ur booby

no marra who u are
na so she go greet u

if to say i no know say she's very straight
i for fear...........


we clean up
settle down
pray for Gramps soul
take pictures........dance and feast!!!!!!!!!!!!
........goody!!!!!!!!!

at about 4 pm
we clean up
and pile back into our vehicles
and head back to Lagos

not one of us resides in Abeokuta.......

Gramps..................
i love you and miss you dearly
just to let you know
we are all...........

your 2 wives(shoulda being 3 but we lost his 3rd wife)
12 children
37 grand children and counting(i'm number 3-first female).....lol
3 great grandchildren and counting

.........saying Alihamdulallahi cos we are sure Paradise
is were you reside!!!!!!!!!!!!





i've been getting this back aches
my shoulder aches...it has become constant
i want a massage so bad(a greek massuer please)
cant find the time and i kinda need a referral
can anyone recommend a good gym/spa i can get one

or i just may see my doctor
cos i just remembered body pain for me
sometimes preceeds a malaria bout........


or maybe just maybe
na this drought dey cause...........*wink*

Pot Pourri

Caught World Music Awards on Ait last night

The Russian guy...must be gay
Akon...suave
The Dokpesis,Keke,D1,2face....looking good
Estelle....fab
The Mid-eastern act...i liked



heard the phrase........"thanks for having me".......whilst watching a movie
and i smiled.....cos me thinks when u spend *tyme* wit your boo and you are leaving and you say those words.....i guess you are saying thanks cos he/she not just "had" you over but also probably "had" you......*wink*.....




i've been following Project Fame Academy on Ait....i have my favourites

I have a crush on Iyanya(can anyone mail me his number??.......cos everytime he sings.....all i hear is the song by Jennifer Hudson in Dream Girls.."One night only".....i would love to spend one night with him...*wink*........

I love love love Kodjo's voice

Bisola needs to pick the songs that make her sound like the dynamite that she is

Annette has a lovely vocal range

Nii is fabulous

Onyemechi is great

Praise is aiight

Dorcas/Caro need to go home.......
sadly Kodjo, Bisola & Iyanya are all on probation this week...
wish i could vote online............





Mom asked my Aunt to get her some jewelry-i asked for a bracelet.....when it arrived.....she(Aunt) went above my price range.....and i loathed it on sight...so i asked that it be sent to mum but my (jobless) cousin lost it in transit.........so i will have to pay for something that i hated on sight but which is now missing......ohhhh she(cuz) is gonna pay somehow......someday.........






So some guy in the news....rapes a girl in his car and falls asleep....she drives him to the police station and jail.......na so Baba Loke go dey make my enemies fall into pit whey them dig for me......amen!!!!!!!!!





Muri Okunola saga...is Harry dead yet???.....





*I love you*...last time i said those words to a man
and meant it..............
last night(was talking to my brother)....

ok.....before you all ask...last time i said it to a man
that is not family and i meant it......
Sept 2007..............
a man i have never boffed and i probably never will.........


i know una go ask.....last time i said it and meant it
to a man i had boffed..was boffing...and i had no plans at that time to stop boffing........................
.............2000........


Catching Quantum of Solace tonight........
Freaksho & Sirius say it didnt do much for them.........
my colleague at work says other wise
so......i'm gonna go see.........

LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dont sell yourself short
if you are in love with him
Dont kill yourself trying to keep him

If he's gonna leave you
theres absolutely nothing you can do about it......

How Best Do we Express Love????

A friend once said the only way to express love is by boffing(sex).......

another said-sex is the only thing by nature known to man and animals alike
that gives pleasure.....the best known to man......

another said for God so loved the world
........that He gave us sex............

if it was meant for pro-creation ONLY
how come ecstasy is involved????

we worship,feed,sleep,pray.....
other activities of our daily life.........

some we enjoy immensely
some we don't particularly enjoy
but only SEX initiates ecstasy.....

through the ages..........
some have killed for it
others betrayed for it
age,colour,creed,religious,political,social affiliations.........
don't matter.........


ladies.....
if the phallus didnt give so much pleasure......
would you touch it????

damn thing isnt good looking......

your lover may be drop dead gorgeous
but other than the fact that a good sized phallus
promises an earth shattering tyme

we probably wouldn't have them things near us.......

i'm no male
i have no idea if men think vaginas are good looking
but me thinks for guys as well
its all about what it can do
not what it looks like

cos if it was about looks

we would all die virgins...........*wink*....

Class Rep 2

So we get home
laugh and imagine her reaction......

an hour later the
Speaker to Student Union Govt(SUG)
comes to visit
one of us is dating his cousin and roomate

we tell him what we've done
he laffs and decides to chill
she'll come fully armed he says

as expected......she comes with a whole gang of people.....
angry mob they sounded like
were they armed?with anger....yes...
with violent stuffs????...no.....dem be church people.......

through our bolted door and window
we laff at all her/their ranting

then she says i'm headed to the speaker to report...........
speaker says speak up-i'm right here in Ibi's room

he then says you have to return their money
then they will return your stuff

tell your gang to leave
i'll ask Ibi to open the door
do remember if any sort of violence breaks out here
i shall personally report to the House & the VC

we opened the door and let her in
she saw her stuff was safe

she promised to give us the money in class tomorrow
we promised to bring the bag to school
but only to drop it IF our money was returned

these in the presence of SUG Speaker

she and her gang leaves

we laff some more

all was well in our kingdom

i fear to imagine her with broken limbs if......
she/any of hers had touched a hair of our skin.......

while WE had never being members of any *affiliations*

my ex knew to *BEG* me when we broke up

oh.....he had to be sure i had no hard feelings

he and his babe were due to be.......

all i needed to do was cry wolf to my......

Police or Thief??????

So i'm in a bus riding home
silly ass tax collectors stop us twice already in 3 mins

just when we thought
we were free

we see them again
conductor is mad

decides to ignore them
them no gree

one jump in front
another raise gun
kai i dey window beside the gun welding idiot

was kinda amused........usually i get raving mad

just when we were all telling conductor
*answer them make we go*

this car pulls up beside us
and proceeds to come down

na snr officer

whats happening here?

why start a traffic jam??

release that bus immediately
i'm pleased
every one in the bus says
Oga God bless u ooo
no mind them

Ole Ole Ole

i couldnt help laughing
Olopa don turn ole........

LOVE IS.......................

...a lifestyle
...an attitude
...a decision
...selflesss
...giving
...caring
...kind

.....a smile
.....a kind word
.....a good deed
.....doesnt expect anything back

most of all
.....loving yourself

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i turned 30 today
was gonna have a big bash
but i don posstpone am

year 2013
i go call all of una........

i'm feeling loved
my fone rang every 2 mins from midnight

to all my friends and family that remembered

thank you.............i love you all

to those of u who forgot.......i plan to forgive you all next year
IF you remember

to those i consider friends but do not have an inkling of my birthday
next year i shall not forgive you if you forget........



We write our own scripts
live in what we ourselves create
and we are ultimately responsible for
everything
that happens to us............

cant remember where i got this from
but i concur......