Friday, September 26, 2008

My tendencies...............someone asked!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i caught a movie
king has a rule
any young man that works in the palace must be castrated

Queen no gree make them castrate a particular guy
cos she fancied him as a boff mate so she changed the castrator
to a trusted man......

i wonder what will happen in part 3 when they catch them..........

So my tendencies..........

na one babe make them think am ooooooooo

we needed to donate money for something in school
na 100 level i dey

na so we donate to class rep

two weeks later no project no money returned

na hin i broke oooooo
i ask for my own
na so my people...3 other ladies ask

she talk say she go give us back

a week later money

na so for class one day
we 4 go meet am
return the kiishi........abi u don spend am????

no i havent...........i just keep forgetting

ok no wahala............dont forget tomorrow

tomorrow she no come class...........

na so for evening we 4 plus one attache go her house

we all wear black pants-battle ready outfit......abi no b so????

as we reach her hostel ask for her
the first person we ask look us-up....down she say no
she no dey this hostel
we just laugh..............

na so i tell my peeps make them chill
i see one toaster-na so i tune up my foney voice
how u doing?i need to pick up an assignment from D
do u know where her room is??

na so guy grin show me the room

i go back to call my peeps
room was ajar.......
she no dey room

we searched every where
upturned her bed
looked under the

two of us no dey see meat
dem chop the meat whey the girl cook for pot

another one see pad soaked in bucket

after all our ransacking
not a dime..............

so we took
her bag
a few books(we be classmates-we know whats important)
and her iron(iron na serious thing to own in school o)

then we dropped a note




we left singing songs and feeling good with ourselves

kept our hostel and room door locked
we expected her to retaliate..............

Friday, September 19, 2008

Honesty na best policy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Red sapphire

The Rules:
1. When you receive the prize you must write a post
showing it, together with the name of who has given
it to you, and link them back.

2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more)
that you find brilliant in their content or design.

3. Show their names and links and leave them a
comment informing that they have received an award

4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and
those you give the prize (optional).

5. And then pass it on!

this is late but better late than never they say.....

as you (Red Sapphire) dash me honesty award...........
no be my fault if u see the kain bulala my
mama beat me when she taught me the honesty lesson
u for understand why i honest like this......

i was 7...mama wanted to teach me the 'be honest always' lesson........

day 1-sweep the room.....i did....there was 1 naira coin under her praying mat
-i picked it up and put it in my pocket......

spent it on sweets later........

day too.....same scenario......

day 3..she must have been watching-just as i dropped it in my pocket
she walked in..........what is that she asked?nothing i said...
did u see any money?

no i so she say open your hand and empty your pocket
na dia she see the so she lock door......ah
temi ti bami(my own don meet me)

no one to save me o...she beat....she beat..........
na so my palle dey kill am o......
she answer-na me born am if i kill her i go born another!!!!!!!!


kai my malle beat me that day ehhhhhhh

i asked her later if i was adopted

after the beating
she carry liniment put for my body give me panadol
coca cola and fried fish to step down.........
she come ask me 'do u know why i beat u like that?

i dey chop fish i only shake head


lesson learned!!!!!!cos walahi to this day i remember the
way my body smarted-its a wonder my skin fresh.....*wink*!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok back to awards
Red Sapphire.....thanks love

who i go dash????-u don already dash ladyguide,enigma,afro,fff,funms,parakeet,baroque,emilia....

i hereby dash my awards to twinny......u know now
if not u who else???...her blog is like a summer breeze

freaksho....his mind???? a wonderful gift

charizardandbuttercup......two for the price of one.....why ever not???

solomonsdyelle...her kids......i love.....abi she go dash me????

007......his posts.....lovely writing sytle.....

madeinnaija.....where else but blogsville would we find
someone as precious/eccentric as u????

ubongda.....i miss......

tejuola.....sweets we need another series!!!!!!!!!

theres always miz-cynic,doll,uzezi,teediva,mz dee,shubby doo,unnaked,fluffy,,afronuts,ozaveshe,ninestein,laspapi,speechgirlbucknor,freshandfab,nyemoni,princesa,tubman,oluwadee,nigerican,inyamuakut,duchess-duchessofnaija,misstairebabs.thekushchronicles,aphroditesearch,aloofaa,plastik-musings,fragito,anotherwomanslife,womanonthebrink,rhea9914,shacrown,agbero,ashewo,shiraoko,rethots,anannimos,cogitations-on-the-web,zara,eyemuse,obalichi,moaboy,sprezatura,ejura,allied,cat-dragged-in,darlingoma,sprezatura,tininu,mscocoabrown....dem remain i swear cos i peruse about 200 i'm tired of ya all-everyone has a different style but that what makes us who we are.......

wetin u say make i do?make i tag dem tell dem say i dash dem award abi????

i go try remember..........*wink*......

Monday, September 15, 2008

You Bit Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was the year 2000-the month of september.............
i was on a camping trip with mi late night loving club to one of the northern states

got my first ride on a bike-(okada) t'was fun

another opportunity to meet and make new friends-males and females...
as well as new toasters

so i met C
goodlooking but fair skinned
looked,talked,walked,acted like a man with a string of girls(exactly the type of guy who wont get a whiff)

i made a female pal-we fast became close
dude would spend day tyme with moi-promise me heaven and earth

and spend evening tyme with my new female pal..........he must have got a kick from it

one of them nights we had a competition
u loose......u down half a bottle of small stout

at the end of the game i had a bottle in me

he had downed 2 small bottles

he looked,acted,talked tipsy........a man who cant handle his alcohol i cant stand.......

i do remember that on the last night of camp-dude said to mi-
if i leave without shagging you Ibi-i don fuck up

that was enuff reason to let his woody hang
(even didnt look interesting)

i told him to go to my new female pal-she may be more receptive.......
he this day i have no idea if she was a lot kinder than i was..........

three years later
we hook up in lagos

he invites me to motherland
i love Lagbaja but hadnt been............
so i accepted

fateful friday-we hook up
the ride we were gonna go with-acted up
we grab a cab and head there

he offers popcorn-no
a drink-alcohol-no

dont u want anything??
i'm fine

all i want.........u already gave
watching Lagbaja perform live!!!!!!!!!!

he downs two big bottles
gets louder by the min
i aiint fazed

there were other acts,comedians all

i had funnnnnnnnnnnn

we leave at 4am
too early to head to mine
we head to his

we get to his
i'm beat
head to his room
lie down

my senses are on red alert...
i had on a knee length skirt with a slit

true to type
a while later his hands start to wander
i sit up and without mincing words

i aiint no virgin
i do like sex
but i aiint fucking you
not tonight
not ever
if you are not gonna let me get an hours sleep before i head to mine
i can go wait the hour in the living room

but then again i dey wonder.........
how safe will i be with his druken flatmates
if i head to the living room....

sorry he says......i'll let you be

i fall asleep
a while later i feel his hands on me

i try to get up
dude gets rough

i'm trying to free myself
stop.....relax he says
stop.....chill he says
stop.....please he says

he gets rougher
he says.....please i need this

i realise no be joke o
this guy go fuck me o
abi na rape me sef at this rate


i'm close to tears
pls stop....pls stop....pls......

yeeepaa.......his finger in my punny????
i dont want this i say......u are wet he says

this realisation gives him ammo
na so dude wan tear pant ooooooooo

ah for this Lagos?????

i must have tasted blood

he screams.......arrrrgggghhhh
YOU BIT ME!!!!!!!!

na so he release me
i scuttle away......grab mi bag/shoes

as i dey waka commot i still dey hear
Ibi......u bit me...........

i no look back o

wait he says
for where??????

i get to his gate-locked
i was ready to tear it down
was about to go wake up his flatmate(s)

Baba Loke loves mi o
his neighbour steps out
opens the gate

Good morning i say
the guy dey look mi one kain
i no send ooo
walk as fast as possible

get to the busstop
get a bus to maryland

na so i begin shake
abi na shiver
abi na convulse(my doctor says na shock)

i cry small sef
the guy beside me for bus dey look mi

i just dey think am
ahhhhhhhhhh na so them dey rape person oooooooo

i get to maryland
by now C has called 8 times
i aiint picking
get a cab-to mine

got home
had a bath

lights off
windows drawn
fones on silent

go to bed(must have been 9 am)

i wake up about 5 pm(no nightmares)
i return all missed calls
except C's............

call mi closest pal
we talk about it
laff about it

i finally pick his 30th call.....
about 9 pm

i'm calmhi i say

i'm so sorry he says
i didnt mean to be rough
i just wanted you soooooooooo bad
you do things to me

in fact you had me in knots all night
i do apologise
but Ibi..........
you didnt have to bite me
i would have stopped if i realised you really didnt want me

i said
ah u for no stop o
you were like an animal
beyond reasoning
i wasnt taking chances
you for do.............
then blame it on the alcohol

i like u C
i could never date u though
and i sure as hell aiint fucking u

but i do forgive u
as for biting you...........i'm glad i did

take care of u
thanks for taking me to motherland
i had fun

i honestly felt no animosity towards him

but if he had entered


no be only bite i for bite am o
i wasnt suspected to be a female cultist in school for nothing o
i had/have certain tendencies...........

Friday, September 12, 2008

LETS GO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go where?
i no

We dey fast
no talk about gbenshing
no thinking about it
no doing it
no writing about it
commenting about it
watching it
reading it
dreaming about it

kai..........i will survive

i am that hair covering,sock wearing,glove wearing sister
dressed like a woman in purdah..........

even as i am the above.....................
it dont change the fact that i looovvvveeeee sex
i love to think it
dream it
fantasise about it
do it
talk about it
think of new ways to enjoy it

i am............i am..........

so i read somewhere a loooonggggggggggg tyme ago

in the month of Ramadhan
married couples can play with themselves during the day
(if they wish)..........emphasis on married
so long as there is no copulation and ejaculation

the fast remains valid

so decided.........this rule i shall follow

what does it matter if i aiint married???????????


at night

what do u think??????????

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

From Fluffy

Are you clean???????

How often do you:

take a shower - once a day, hardly ever twice!!!

brush your teeth - Once a day

floss - after meals

wash your toilet - everyday

wash your tub/shower - once a week

dust your furniture - weekly

Windex the windows - monthly

let your dirty dishes sit in the sink/on the counter for more than 1 day?
more than a day??????????NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!a few hours at most

Use a washer or hand wash your dishes? hand wash only-it makes sense to wash plates once i clear them-i already walked to the

wear the same jeans over and over? if its black-2months or thereabouts if its blue-2weeks at most

wear the same bra over and over? same bra two days in a no.....and they get washed weekly

wash your car? when i get one-definitley once its dirty-boys whey dey do car wash need to chop!!!

clean the interior of the car? soon as i see dirt

cut your toenails? weekly

wash your bed linen? forthnightly

use wet toilet paper (they make those now) instead of dry toilet paper?
water works just fine

vacuum? no rugs-tiles only

wash your fridge? weekly

put your laundry away after washing them? immediately

take your garbage outdoors? its outside-i empty it weekly

Do you:

dump trash out your car? nope.

leave leaves or seeds lying around on your coffee table? no cofee table

collect junk mail unintentionally? all the tyme

have bills everywhere but in one spot? nah

have stains on your carpet? none if i can help it

have dirty handprint marks near your doorknobs or doorways? Nah

toothpaste gels in your sink? never

toothpaste/water splash marks on your mirror above your sink? Nah

have a mop? yea

How do you disinfect?

Dettol(for the Naija people LOL)- Plenty plenty

i tag-Enigma,Freaksho,LG,Afro,Smaragd,007,invisible,miz-cynic,chaari,fantasy queen,shubby doo,dark cat,badder chic,funms,lady koko,jaguda,geisha,sprezatura,doll,fff,aphrodite..(I'M TIRED)
ok i tag EVERYONE tag reads mi blog!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

5 Thrusts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7years ago.....was in sch...well it was one of them
outings with that club of mine where we like
late night meetings.......

went from our uni to another 2hrs drive away.....
1 female and 3 guys

3hrs later-this dude is shatting me up.....
i'm loving the attention-one of the dudes i travelled
with from my uni had been trying to date moi for about
6 months so he wasnt enjoying the attention i was getting
or the fact that i was obviously loving it....

dude chatting me up-lets call him Jay-stays glued to my side...
all this while guy from my school-(lets call him Sean)
his frown gets darker by the minute.....

we've been there 6 hours....meetings done-
it was tyme to joli..........
Jay's crooning in my ears-next thing i know he's
asking me to marry him-dude has known me 6 hrs.....

i'm basking in the attention not believing a word
of all the love he is professing-he(S)is married
with a pregnant wife so i know
he just needs to get laid cos he's not been
getting any at home.....

fast forward to midnight i'm tired-dude(Jay) no gree mi dance
so i'm tired from the inactivity i say i wanna sleep
he offers me a bed-we usually have this late nite sturvs
in hotels-so i go in-he decides to lie beside mi-
i'm too tired to bother

next thing i know he's touching-i just let him be
he gets bolder i swat his hands off

he keeps at it
i decide-make i see werrin he wan do

...........the twins are freed
i'm looking into his eyes
no longer feigning sleep
he keeps at it

bra off
shirt off
jeans off
pants off
i pause.........

he says pleassssssssseeeeeeee
i ask why he is begging(ish pisses me off like crazy)

he says let me in-
just the head
i ask how that will help him
he pleads
pls just let mi thrust 5 times
so i tell him
make it worth ur while cos you are only gonna get 5

he puts on protection
he goes in.........(nice)

i slide out
get up
dress up and walk out

his jaw must have been on the floor............

back in the hall
i pull up 3 chairs
made miself a makeshift bed and doze.....

cos Sean found out
not sure if Jay bragged or if Paul a pal of Sean said
sumthing cos he saw me come out of the room with Jay.........

all i know is Sean insulted/abused/teased
me the whole 2 hr drive back to our uni the next day

i didnt even bat an eyelid
i let him rant
all the while reading a novel..........

its my
i can dash whom i wish