Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Dear Daddy

What is it with brides who wanna have a special dance with their father then decide on Dance with my father by Luther Vandross&%$#@*&^%
are they hoping their father will die soon?????
its a sad song isnt it
or is that just MY opinion?????

Abeg ooo
if ANY motherfucker should play it when i get up to dance with
Dear Daddy on my day
I will show him my karate skills
the annoying thing is these na people who probably had wedding planners
the wedding planner(s) should be shot dead

My boobs hurt more like they are sore
that is me laughing cos i am looking forward to the comments
i am gonna get with this info i just dropped
especially when i got jolted during my bike ride this morning
yea..........i am still harrassing those buggers

Monday, April 28, 2008


…here are the rules:

…1. …link the person who tagged you…
…2. …mention the rules in your blog…
…3. …tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours…
…4. …tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…
…5. …leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged…

here goes.........

Once i get settled in a moving vehicle(car/bus/taxi/plane)even if its a 5 min drive
i nod off.........but i wake up everytyme the vehicle jerks
if its not my stop i go back to sleep zone

i am VERY indecisive-and i hardly act on advice given-
but i am able to stick by decisions taken
cos it always takes me forever to decide

i hate to be idle it makes me prone
to picking my face(blackheads&zits)
or tampering with my nails

i dont like change-once i like something
i stay loyal to it
getting something different takes a lot of effort
this applies to everything in my life

i am hardly shocked/disappointed by people's actions
but i believe FIRMLY in doing to others as you wish them to do to you
i do to you as you do to me

i am hardly ever sorry-i use the word sparsely
maybe once in three years

i hereby tag
freaksho...smaragd...afrobabe....fantasy queen...unwritten...plastiq

Friday, April 25, 2008


A soundtrack in my vocab is the kinda sound(s) you make when you are boffing
While i dont go listening at people's doors when they are busy at it
it just happens that sometimes you hear people when they go at it
maybe they have paper thin walls
they may be loud
or their window is open(thanks to PHCN)

we had this couple in Uni
they insipired the term soundtrack
we had connecting doors in the house i stayed in
my uni was non residential so u got to live where ever you could
get a good price close enuff to school

she was in the 4th year
he in the 1st year
i was in the 2nd yr then

i know how in the heat of the moment
people loose all inhibitions

we have the moaners(ahh ohh uhm)
the screamers
those who insult others(you are....)
those who need to clean up(shit shit)
those who pray(Jesus,Jesus)
those who need their mum(mummmmmmmyyyyy)
those who concur(yes yes)
those who race(faster faster)
those who prefer results(harder harder)
those who like to dig(deeper deeper)
those who remind you (fuck me fuck me)

i have heard my share of soundtracks and made mine
sometimes after a good boffing
i remember some of the things i said
and i blush to my roots

while i have no qualms with people and their soundtracks

i crack up EVERY tyme i remember the above name couple
one night they go

her-o dun mi amo o dun mo mi(i'm in pain but i like it)
o dun mi amo odun mo mi(i am in pain but i like it)
ma yo ma yo(dont take it out dont take it out)

another day she goes
wa dagba wa mo iwe e(you will grow old you will be knowledgeable)
o ku itoju mi(thanks for taking care of me)

guy says - ko tope(its my pleasure)

what kinda convo is that in the heat of the moment?
and in yoruba language

whatever happened to moaning,screaming,panting or cursing

Update on my fix
it was exactly what i needed
i sang from both ends of me
i lost count of how many tymes i climaxed
i have grammy(s) on my bedside table from all the songs i sang

and thats all i am gonna say


perhaps i should emulate the couple above and say a prayer for him????

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

My fix............

J asked if all i write here is the truth?
EVERY SINGLE BLOG is as real as my name is Ibi
my name is Ibi

i was flattered cos he said my life is interesting
i never looked at my life that way
i think a lot of other bloggers lead far more glamorous lives
my life is just mine............

to pals/family that get to read stuff here
its my blog and thats whats its about
getting stuff off my chest/sharing stuff with blogsville
take no offense please

Fuckmate wasnt hitting it the way i wanted
so i let him go....letting him go was easy
he thot i would start getting clingy
(women always do that when they get intimate wit a guy)
so he became busy ....suited me fyne

I have had an 8 month hiatus
lately i have been needing to get a fix
Got talking with ..... and we got talking dirty
We seemed to like the same kinda stuff.......
We agreed to hook up
we agreed he would drop by my place
he couldnt at the last min-he had jet lag(just came in from a trip)
i sure wasnt gonna not get my fix.........
i told him to take a bath(i wasnt insinuating he was dirty)
grab a bite
rest a while..........
and tell the pink muscle i was coming over.........

i have no idea what was going on in his mind or mine for that matter
but i was gonna get my fix..........

got a little scared when i saw the dogs@his abode
thankfully they were harmless

he came down to rescue me(a knight????)
we went up
we had a bit of small talk
we went in..............

Saturday, April 19, 2008


Remember new job?
moved to new site
love the new space
been too busy to blog

GOT MY FIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

will blog about it next tyme i am online

love u blogsville

Friday, April 11, 2008


How do you comfort a grieving man or ill(fever)

There's a special kind of solace a man can ONLY find in a woman's arms

and bed..................

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Sexual Harrassment

I have been sexually harrassing bike riders.....
Do i do it on purpose?
Do i get a kick from it?
why do i do it?
cos i need to........
for my own safety

When i am on a bike for more than 10mins my legs start to shake
i dont go on bikes after 7pm-i cant see
it dont matter if he can.........
but back to me harrassing them
everytyme i get swerved or they go too fast or whatever...........
my body my knees hug them
afterall its their ass(es)/hip(s) my knees are hugging.................

see why i dont get a kick outta it?
its a thing borne out of fear
i have no plan to join them at the okada ward in Igbobi
but harrass them i will............
everytyme i get a scare during a bike ride

if anyone wants to save me the agony of a law suit
the account number to pay in the get Ibi a car NGO is ...............

Friday, April 4, 2008


They say money is the international language of love for a man
it gets him EVERYTHING

for women it is youth..........
a killer body
big breasts
and the ability to suck a golf ball through a garden hose.... the following order............
a man's intellect
his personality
and a good heart
he HAS to LOVE GOD-only then can he love me
..............the way i need to be loved

have a swell weekend u all.....

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

She ran away..................

I learnt with polio vaccines you should get about 4 shots before school starts-here in naija school starts at about 3yrs
i am not sure how old i was but i do know you
get one shot somewhere between one to two months
another shot at four months
the third shot somewhere from 6 to 18 months
and the last shot between 4-6yrs

the incident i wanna talk about i have no recollection of so i am guesing it was the 6-18months shot.............

Mum took me to the hospital for my polio shot
I was a good girl about taking the shot so she promised me a treat.....

I love needles-i very much hate drugs(chalk i call it)
reminds me of the song............
you push it in-i pull it out
you push it back-i start to shout
oh doctor please its terrible, i cant stand the size of your needle
love this song-me???i love needles
if its biggggg.............even better*wink*

ok moving on........
we(Mum&I) get home and she decides to give me the treat
Ibi,have this........
I stretch out my arm,try to get up...
I cant...
Mum goes,Ibi didnt you hear me call you?
come and get this........
i look longingly at the sweet but my legs refuse to obey me
she gets agitated......IBI GET UP!!!!!!!!!!
Mum i can't...........
my legs are not working(or something like that)
she scoops me up and back to the hospital we go

On the way to the hospital i lost consciousness
At the hospital she finds out i was to be adminstered a 1.5mg vaccine
maybe cos i was such a doll-the idiot nurse administered 3.0mg
They had to flush my system
They had a bit of trouble finding my vein
so i got it(drips) in the head
some of my hair was shaved off(that explains my fascination for body hair&my baldness)

all this while i wasnt conscious............
Mum got pretty scared cos her chatterbox was quiet
she says she got up and sneaked out of the room after a while
trust traffic-it took Dad/Gramps and whomever else she had called a while to get there-moreover there were no mobiles then

On her way down......some random nurse sees her and asks where is she off to????
She says.................
I AM RUNNING AWAY..............
the nurse goes why?
she says.........ahhhh.......i dont know what to tell her father and grandfather when they get here
she hasnt opened her eyes and seeing that shaved part of her head isnt helping matters
the nurse goes...where are you running to?
mum says she has no idea cos she cant even go back to her Dad's
that the first place Ibi's Gramps will look for me....
so the nurse assures her
Ibi will be fine
i am sure she will regain consciousness soon
just go back&stay with her....pray...
your daughter needs you& she will be fine
Mum goes......ok i wanna pee
the nurse says there a loo upstairs in the room where Ibi is

Mum goes back,there i was,eyes open calling for her
She comforted me and asked how i was ..the first thing i asked for was my sweet
she laughed and assured me i will get it soon
she must have told me a lot of other things i cant remember
and the only reason i can blog about this is because she told me this story

I found/still find it HILARIOUS
where in heavens name was she going?
If not to her Dad's and not to Gramps?
why did she feel the need to run?
why did she feel she wouldn't be able to explain to Gramps what happened
when it was through no fault of hers
all she did was take me in for a shot....

Please`note i am Mum's first-it was her first major scare as a young mum
and her not wanting to face Gramps was not fear-it was just denial on her part

nurse is lucky-mum didnt sue
well in naija we dont have a sueing culture
i do hope the hospital disciplined the nurse as they promised to do
i also hope she didnt do it to another child who was not so lucky.....

everytime i remember the story i crack up
but really how safe are we when we trust our health to some of these crazy ass medical personnels????

i am at my new firm-yipeeeeeeeeeee
if u see what i need to study just so i can carry out my duties effectively???
Its like i am studying for an exam
but i am loving it
take care blogsville