Monday, March 30, 2009

Sleep with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

una well done o
i no win anything !!!!!!!!!

www.naijabloggersaward.blogspot.com

anyway sha
as una dash me nomination
i'll make do..............

moreover the people whey win...............
dem deserve am.........





V monologues was a hit again this year

Revulva made more sense this year thanks to Omonor
Songs of praise.......a hit....again





Sleep with me...Absolutely.........

na for inside movie them talk am
i dey practise as i go take talk am........*wink*
soon as i get myself a willing dick
.....am interested in
cos its not like i lack willing dicks
the ones i want are miles away/married/in love with someone/blind to my charms





I have a great big crush on a certain crooner
never had one this bigggggg.......

*i shake my head for myself*





i recently discovered i've only being in love once
given the average human can fall head over heels in love seven times
i'm waiting for the remaining six times to happen
even if it is with the same man

cos i finally faced it
what i felt for Mel was lust








the guy who showed me his phallus???????????
(from my*are you ready to rumble* post)
he showed me
i ogled it
he put it back in
then said he was sorry
he then proceeded to say
he's been to churches
he has climbed mountains
he really has no idea why
but for the past four years
everytyme he sees a group of women
he gets this urge to show them his dick

most times people are shocked and run away
other times he gets beat up

his family.........they are tired of the shame

he walked away

i looked back at my friends
who just did not understand
how i could patiently look at *it*
not run........
then listen to his explanation

its a crazy world we live in.....

his story prompted my neighbour to tell us another

old woman
bachelor as tenant(works as bank manager)
woman had one child
a teenage girl
babe was bootylicious
bachelor impregnates her
landlady finds out
she calls dude
i know about the pregnancy
what do u wanna do about it?
dude starts to talk long story
woman says
no long talk
i'll take care of my girl and her kid
but you need to leave my home at the end of the month
dude later tricks the girl into taking some drugs
babes not only miscarries
she dies

what did land lady do?
she inflicted guy with said
phallus showing disease
crazy thing is
he needs to do his in a market
remember dude was a bank manger

they sent several emissaries to woman
she never denied afflicting guy with phallus showing ailment
she just says
she'll make it stop
if anyone can wake up her child

since no one can
he probably still does it

so the one i witnessed????
i wonder what he did.........










saw the international
i love the way it ends
cos life IS like that
you dont always get closure








watching the reader
slumdog millionaire
and the curious case of benjamin button
is bad for anyone's self esteem if it aiint high enuff
why did some guy not have that kind of undying love for me
when i was 8,13,15?????

why do i have to be boyfriendless
fuckmateless
friend with benfitless?????
in short....dickless.........

i tire o









my cousin's boyfriend's wife just had twins
she's been missing from home since the babies were delivered
she's helping the father ease his......i have no idea whats she's doing

i pity her
cos if she gets preggers
maybe she'll have triplets............
i wonder how she will explain to her fiance how she got preggers........






if you walk towards your car
and turn around to see a cutie grinning at you
it just might be me

lately.....i've just been grinning like an idiot
every tyme i see someone walking towards their car/or driving it
ermmmmmmmmmm
cute cars and delicious people only

why????

i just get this flash..........
that will be me in a few months
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

45 comments:

Tigeress said...

1st?

Tigeress said...

Nice:) Let me go read.

Tigeress said...

lol@ the dude having the urge to show them his dick

JustDB said...

lol. @ 'i dey practise as i go take talk am........*wink*' easy o...

Aside of a relapse over christmas, I quit watching all dem romantic comedies -- its all a bag of hogwash that we've been sold since we were kids..... Hopefully your cousin doesn't cop it big time for the dude with twins... Potentially life shattering moments.. Anyways ots the 21st century and there are options!

Phoenix said...

Hahaha!!!
You this babe na werrin??
You had me cracking up.
Cousins boyfriends wife who has a fiance.
Talk about love quadrangle.
OMG pls im going to sleep b4 i wake up my neighbours because of ibiluv.

Cappuccine Baby said...

That guys deserved every bit of the punishment he got lmao @ phallus showing disease :D

Freaksho said...

ibiluv sha. words fail me. i think i'll just send you mail instead.
kai.

Lady Koko said...

DANG!!!!!!!!!! words fail me too.....I'LL SEND YOU KISSESSS INSTEAD!!!!!!! am UPSET you dint WIN...your still my FAV blogger tho....THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL JUST AS MUCH A WINNER REALLY!!!!!!!
P.S:XOXO

Smaragd said...

Omo! Twinny, that was a long post and guess what? I didnt realize that until i finished reading it...lol

Dick-flashing man is scary o! for me sha.

Did u say ur cousin's boyfriend's wife? as in her boyfriend is married? pls explain o...

Slumdog millionaire made me wonder o! Could anyone love me like this? as in!

Yet to see the reader and BButton, they are on my to see list.

LG said...

lolll@ my cousin's boyfriend's wife

cerberus said...

*scratching all 3 heads* cousin's boyfriend's wife!!!!???

the blog seems ok, wondering why you can't post. Novex pls try again.

Cerberus

Chari said...

lmao....nkan n bee!

Confessions of a London gal said...

Lol @ ur cousins long thing! I had to read that line like 3 times b4 i understood the triangle wey she go put herself!
So what sup with you being d!ckless or better still sef Boyfriend-less, all those Lagos men don go blind? lol

scribble,me.free said...

"my cousin's boyfriend's wife just had twins....i wonder how she will explain to her fiance how she got preggers........"

that girl is BRAVE!that had me cracking up...my colleagues were wondering whats wrong with me

good luck in ur dick-finding mission o!

RocNaija said...

LOL... Classic post as always...

The landlady do the guy strong thing..
Can't say I blame her sha..

Cousin's boyfriend's wife.. and a fiance as well??

Long tinnnnnnnn..

bArOquE said...

no, thats not you, the chic smiling at me yesterday...she seemed like she terribly needed a ride & i was not gonna oblige...when i'll see you, i'll know
so Ibismthn, i am interested in your dicklessness...in small prints, because i can do something about it...lets talk *wink*
tell me, did you see the V Monologues live? is it showing this weekend?
your cousin is crazy, no that (& its not funny)

Afrobabe said...

lol @ that jazz that makes them show dicks...I need some...


hmmmm I need a lot...

~Sirius~ said...

Hey! how come I never know when all these things are going on- VMono, I guess I'm lost on my own Island.......*sigh

And so what have you done about your crush Ibi? or is he married/in love/ engaged/ A jerk?

The Winnie showing guy- disturbing.
Maybe he did the same the the other guy did, but this time the girl didn't die because he's not in the market showing it.

~Sirius~ said...

I knew I forgot something!- YOUR COUSIN'S BOYFRIEND'S WIFE!!!!!
Who has a fiance- what is up with that?!!!!

rayo said...

jeez, what a story, only in Africa sha. babe i cant blv u stood and stared, u try oh.

CaramelD said...

I'm speechless, really.

"Cousin's boyfriend's wife"!!

Ps Don't worry your own kissing partner is around the corner.

Jayla. said...

lol @ d swear that makes ppl show their willie.... Pls can they give one to boris kodje? lol

Funms-the rebirth said...

lol @ d dick guy and that ur neighbour's story, Lord save us o.......
tel me about the love stories o, even the one Will Smith had in 7pounds for the girl......
ur cuz's bf has a wife??????? and wait, she has a fiancé also? or didnt i understand the story?

doll said...

LMAO@ fuckmateless
Iv always wanted to go 4 one of dem vagina monologues but haven’t gotten around it

kmplx said...

teehee! you crack me up sha!

LusciousRon said...

I have to say it serves that man right!

I bow for your cousin.
You will win next time.
As usual you make the day easier with your funny stories.

Muse said...

Ouch! that's a tough one. Let me hereby apologize to anyone for anything I may do in the future that will warrant your putting a "show-it-off-now-syndrome" kind of jazz on me. I am deeply sorry.

Muse said...

Oh, and did i forget to tell you that this post made my day?

Buttercup said...

wow and the landlady's story..unbelievable..

i also really wonder what this particular guy did..

dont worry sweetie, u wont be dickless for long..

uh, ur cousin's boyfriend's wife???

Olamild said...

lmaoooooooooo

Jaguda said...

u should have won an award. i give u the award for the most creative blogger. there u go...say ur speech !

FineBoy Agbero said...

Kai! Nice!! Funny guy; and u just stand dia dey look?

Em... how come u're dickless? Come on, let's arrange a meet!

FineBoy Agbero said...

And God bless u on the International! Some dumb ppl have been arguing with me on the movie and the ending o. Or has everythin got to be like Paloma and Salvador?

Parakeet said...

Eeya...who swear for the dick flasher like dat? Wonder shall never end.

And congrats on the twins.

Ibi stay outta trouble...stop grinning at men and their cars. Ring me and I'll get u a fine dick...wink*

Tairebabs said...

your sense of humor is the bomb. ah me too i have only been in love once...ok one and a half sha (my eye clear after no.1)...i sooooo understand what u mean about super delicious couples, before i used to beef them but now i smile o...so that it will reach my turn quick.

I saw slumdog. loved it. havent seen the international yet but my sis says its cool and she is a good critic.

tobenna said...

This must be as randaoom as it gets!
Damn.
All I was seeing was 'sleep with me', 'phallus' and 'dicks'.
Ah ah!
Seems to me you need to get some good loving or something like that soon.

Vera Ezimora said...

Okay. First of all, the guy who exposed himself to you sounds like he has exhibitionism (a sexual paraphilia). Tell him to see a psychologist/psychiatrist. He says he doesn't know why he does it; sounds like an exhibitionist to me.

Secondly... your cousin's boyfriend's wife???????? Babe, this your family ehn! LOL

Anyway, are we buying asoebi for the naming?

Fashinga said...

Wow!!! Nice post!!!!!

Lol @ the dick showing disease..why dont i feel sorry for him (the bachelor guy) he deserved it..

Your cousin's boyfriends wife?? has a fiance?? no no..your cousin has a fiance and she's seeing a married man? is that it cos i was a bit confused when i read that line..

Later Luv!!
F.

SHE said...

LOL @ this post.

Wait, who told you humans fall in love seven times? Wetin be that??!!

but you sef get mind. You actually stood there and listened to the guy's explanations???
Kai!

TayneMent said...

Just wanted to cosign that life has no closure for real.

first timer :)

omohemi Benson said...

hey luv, how you dey?
no worry you'll fall in love over and over again.

My World said...

Hmmm,what a post..
Your writn's different,I like.

MissLove said...

that is not a joke oh tigeress for a dude to just show his dick around... Just imagine" kai

ibiluv said...

@Tigeress.....yes you are...na disease oooo...lol

@JustDB.....yes o...i dey practise...i stay away from romantic movies and songs too....if she does cop it..she's on her own........options........*wink*

@Phoenix........yes o...na love quadrangle!!!!!!!!!......laff well o...i aim to please....mwah

@Cappuccine baby.....i concur.......

@Freak........thanks for the mail hon......

@Lady Koko.....*blush*.....fav blogger......thanks!!!!!

@Twinny...didnt realise it was long as i type am ooooooo....yep....her boyf IS married and she is engaged!!!!!!!abi o that kain slumdog love love.....*sigh*

@LG......*wink*

@Cerberus.....3 heads?????i would have thought you only have two......been dia...can post now....

@Chari...lol at nkan bee......word!!!!!!!!!!!

@Confessions of a London Gal......na quadrangle o...dem blind...deaf and have gone stimuli-less...*wink*

@Scribble,me.free.....IF she gets preggers....i aiint searching for the dick dear..he'll drop into my lap!!!!!!

@RocNaija.....yes o.....that landlady harsh but i no blame am.....extra long thinnnnnnnnnn

@bArOquE....mwah!!!!!you can DO sumthing.....holla..V monologues is all finished this year...till next year...its a March thing...i KNOW she's mad..she be my blood...

@Sis..i doubt any man has made u THAT mad to inflict him with such......*horrified*..lol at needing a lot......

@Sirius......awwwwwww...he's single but a celebrity.......lol at what the exhibitionist did to deserve the disease!!!!
yep a quadrangle!!!

@rayo...i wonder why i didnt run......to this day..*wink*

@CaramelD......mwah..yep he is!!!!!!!

@Jayla......wetin Boris do you?

@Funms........movies........groooolll...yep a qudrangle.....

@Doll....yea o.......F***mate less......sigh*

@Kmplx......i aim to please....

@LusciousRon......it does serve him right.....you are welcome.....

@Muse......lol..*blush*

@Buttercup.....still wondering meself......

@Olamild......*wink*

@Jaguda....i hereby dedicate this award to......thank you.....

@FineBoy Agbero.....i look o....i wonder how come i am dickless o...lol at Paloma endings.....

@Parakeet....it shant ever end.....wetin my own with the twins????ring you????you've got dicks for hire or sale??????

@Tairebabs....abi o make we smile make our own come quick....me thinks you'll love the movie.....

@Tobenna..........ssssssooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnn

@Vera....in naija....no be exhibition...na swear dem swear for am......QED!!!!!!i have no biz with the naming...done already sef........

@Fashinga.....he did deserve it....yea,engaged cousin is seeing a maried guy.......

@SHE...we do....i listened o...i be proper amebo...

@Taynement.....word!!!!!!!!!welcome dear

@Omohemi Benson...i'm good.....amen....

@My world.....i aim to please

@MissLove....na so o......lol

InCogNaija said...

dick showing ailment? OMG! wetin eye no go see?