Friday, March 28, 2008

From Shacrown

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you
thought? Hi Gorgeous.........

2. How much cash do you have on you? about 5k

3. Whats a word that rhymes with door? more???

4. Favorite planet? Earth

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile? My supervisor

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? Love is wicked...Brick&Lace

7. What shirt are you wearing right now? Black&White spiral thingy from my brother

8. Do you "label" yourself? Other than Gorgeous????

9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing? Lime(lol-that whats on it)

10. Bright or Dark Room? Dark

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey? Whatever!!!!!!!!!!!

13. What were you doing at midnight? Dreaming of getting my fix(u know....those grammyssssss i wanna pick sometyme sooooonnnnnn........

14. What did your last text message you received on your mobile say? Have you found your glasses?

15. Where is your mail box? Downstairs.......

17. Who told you he/she loved you last? Mama

18. Last furry thing you touched? Been ages i touced anything that has fur...

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? None

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? do u mean for pics???*confused look*

21. Favorite age you have been so far? 29 here & now

22. Your worst enemy? La diable

23. What is your current desktop picture? My Chocolate-Denzel.....

24. What was the last thing you said to someone? I can't help you if you refuse to listen to me

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly? Where the money at????

26. Do you like someone? Seriously? Yea..........

27. The last song you listened to? some random ish on radio

28. If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, would you run? Yea.....

29. If you could punch one person right now, who would it be? and do damage to my fingers??hell no

30. What is the closest object to your left foot? wires

Wednesday, March 26, 2008


I usually am outta my abode at 645
Today i woke up at 630
I need an hour to get my beautiful self together in the mornings
so i left home at 730
Sent an sms to my colleague-i am running late
be there as soon as i can

Took a while getting a bus
Asswipe hiked the price
with ONLY 30 naira ooooooooooo
his reason?no fuel
i WASNT having it
others huffed and puffed
had my earfones on listening to rhythm
(my fun thing to do whilst undertaking a bus ride)
E be like say dude no notice say i no open my mouth
but mennnnnnnnnnnnnnn
he wasnt getting that 30naira from me oooooooooo

EVERYONE else AFTER all their puffing conceeded the hike
sitting as cool as cucumber with the unhiked fee in my hand

first station a queue-second station no queue

me?all set for TROUBLE
dude was singing praises or making noise........
i have no idea what he did all thru the journey
but i could hear him rant
i wasnt listening.....
i just know he kept asking for his money
i would give him the unhiked fee and he would reject it
i had made up my mind i was gonna get down from the bus
without paying the hiked fee

i figured he could loose the 30naira from one passenger

we get to Cms
i am about to disembark.........
dude goes-give me my money,abi wetin be ur problem??
earfones still in-i calmly give him the unhiked fee
he proceeds to push me
i step back..........
all the men go
leave am now
sebi na only her
collect wetin she give u

driver stretches his arm and i give him the unhiked fee
i walk away strutting
feeling pleased with meself
i got away with it again

I once got a bus ride home where i decided not to pay a hiked fee
dude ended up giving me all my money back
he hiked the fee by 50 naira
i wasnt having it
but i had no change so i gave him a 1000 naira note
pissed at myself that he would get away with his hike
well he stupidly returned five 200 naira notes to me
i didnt say a word-just pocketed my money

I am evil-i know
maybe i will try it again tonight............
bus ride home.............
not pay a hiked fee tonight(i doubt i will get away with it)

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Easter was Fab
lots of sleeping&reading tyme
also had tyme to hang out with my girlfriend&my family
On sat i had a Denzel movies day
Ohhhhh that guy is just THE epitome of Chocolate
Please God send me a Denzel lookalike

I used to be able to REALLY rock the beat
someone was looking for Ibi one day in Uni and this babe goes
I'm looking for that babe that dances all nite at parties
she wears glasses-oh.............ok.she's in the first room
i wondered if i was amused or pissed at the description

myself and my friends would waltz into a party about 11pm and dance till 5/6am
not drinking nuthing or trying to catch a nap-saved u from horny guys
some friends of ours had a party they didnt invite us to
the Ac's were laced with spanish fly
i dont know if it worked but they obviously had plans to shag any one who seemed ready and willing

I have always felt if u can move ur body on the dance floor-u sure as hell will be able to do so in a bed
I haven't been proven wrong yet

So i have noticed i cant do all the things they do in music videos
while i have no intentions of going to a party then try to buggy by copying Psquares or Kaffy's moves
I would like to be sexy-all that tummy rolling&booty shaking
every gal on tv seems able to do
sadly i cannot
i guess my bones are becoming feeble

I do know that Thanks to my Austrian Aunt
My legs are still able to do what i ask them to do
spread as far apart as i ask it
hang on a guys shoulder
or wrap aroung him soooo tight he needs to ask me to loosen up so he can breathe
Since i can still perform those functions
that's how flexible i need to be

fuckmate tried to hook up this easter
wasnt in the mood for him
I guess i am saving myself for someone else
pray who will it be?I have no idea
it still hasnt happened............
when will it?i know not

But when it does........whoever it is
Please God.........i ask that he make my vagina sing songs of praise
cos my vagina has not reached its full potential since i broke up with Mel
Mel&I were an item for 3yrs(03-06)
I believed he was *the one*
Fuckmate came on the scene last yr
with him its not what i need.........
i need me a guy that will make me sing songs worthy of a Grammy
I wanna sings those songs from both ends of me

Thursday, March 20, 2008


Caught it yesterday(V-monologues)
part cos i am a cheapskate-it cost only 300 naira at the National Theatre
part cos i am patriotic-national theatre(yea right)
part cos i wanted to distract my girlfriend
without spending a lot of cash(yea me being a cheapskate again)
part cos i wanted entertainment

Omonor Imobhio was FABULOUS
Bimbo Akintola brought tears to my eyes
Ashionye was hilarious
Jennifer Osammor was great
Kemi(lala)Akindoju was stellar
Tunde Aladese was spectacular
Yinka Davies made me hate war more
The male actors?superb
didnt get to see Funmi Iyanda,Kate Henshaw & Stella Damasus

If u haven't caught it
do so today 20th March 6pm Terra culture Victoria Island
else.....u have to wait till next year

Saw Laspapi-when he came out to introduce the cast
didn't get to say hi
after it was done cos my girlfriend needed to go

So yesterday was a public holiday
woke up sans alarm(BLISSFUL)
reconciled with my couch
had a leisurely breakfast.
a siesta(me a siesta????)
then went for the show
then a bday dinner
fun day

no plans for easter yet
but i kinda like it that way
i can pick and choose who i wanna go see
where i wanna go

Happy Easter u all

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

How far?

Not far?
fuckmate caught the ground-nut i threw him
traffic was a bitch-*the do* hasnt happened

i have managed to keep my raging hormones under control
by staying away from blogs that talk too much about *the do*
thank the Lord Ubongda has stopped posting

have a new friend-she assures me she's female
she keeps sending me emails about measuring height
(new word for the do)
she expects me to reciprocate
while i can gist about the do(measure height) on my blog or with friends i choose
i dont get the idea of trying to strike and maintain a friendship with a person online when all she wants to do is talk about MH
i am starting to think she isn't female or shes's just bisexual

whenever i get online friends
if for whatever reason i strike up an online friendship
i stay friends online for at least 2 yrs before i decide to hook up
for others i stay online freinds forever
i have no wish to meet up with some pple in person
she now belongs to that category
i aiint looking forward to a sister touching me in places............
she invited me to bauchi for her birthday on the 1st April
while i have no idea why i must take a day or 2 of work for her birthday
she added more glamour by saying she will send me money for the trip AND come and pick me up
she is definitely stalking me

MH-measure height
makes u wonder when u think of couples like the Smiths(Will&Jada)
if they truly measure their heights
I am living proof that it dont matter what the height difference
is btw u and a partner
the ass will still be tapped
men appear more macho with smaller mates anyways
they get to manoeuver
a friend once said smaller mates are malleable

a pal said a gynecologist cleans where others have pleasured themselves
y should he not get a piece?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Love enriches the soul
delights the heart but takes
unrelenting and unabating effort

Can someone get this guy off my back?????
(the guy from complicated post)
i need to get laid soon
its been a while
i just mite swallow my pride and buzz fuckmate
at least thats all the friensdhip is about
help me release tension when i get pent up-without the drama

i like it when a pair of jeans
rides low
male or female butt............
dont matter
i do have a problem if i get to see the butt crack

I love chocolate
dont mind strawberry
not into vanilla

i think it translates into my taste in men

i prefer them looking like Denzel
with the swagger-i will die

Greek guys/Indians guys(not exactly pink like strawberry but not exactly brown)

Light skinned guys???nah
can appreciate a good looking brother even if he's fair skinned
but personally............
give me a chocolate coloured brother ANYDAY

i think i am gonna call fuckmate...............

Monday, March 10, 2008

And i saw STARS................

Everytime i annoyed my dad
all he did was pick up a paper pretend to read
then ask u to knock on the wall behind him
yea not door,wall till he could hear
i would do it for a few seconds,groan about my knuckles
and Papa would say-dont do that again
whatever it was.................

so when i got my first boyf-M
we were kidding around one day and he said i would give u the beating ur father forgot to give u
he was right on target
Papa never beat me
But Mama(another story)
and i remembered my first............

I spent the years 9-16 with my Gramps
Gramps youngest child(my Uncle)is 4 years older than moi(dad is Gramps eldest son)
thing is 2youngsters-what do u get?
sibling rivalry
or in our own case......uncle-niece rivalry
i liked to get the guy into trouble
anything he did and hid from Gramps
his best bet was i should not find out
else Gramps was sure to hear and the guy would be lashed and or punished
this had gone on for about a year
this day,apparently-dude was tired of my tell-tale attitude
soon after i reported and he had being punished for the umpteenth tyme
i went to tell him Grandma was looking for him
he said-ok but come,i want to give u something
i had forgotten ooooooooo-usually i avoid him for days
after any incident
soon as i got close enough

he just raised his hand-i wasn't thinking straight(i had never gotten one before)
and landed me a slap
i swear i saw STARS
u know when u watch a cartoon and they fall and see those birds,butterflies or whatever that fly across their eyes
i did see............little fireflies
i was shellshocked
i didnt even have it in me to go report the incident to Gramps
well he was praying and everyone knows noone dares disturb the guy during salat
i did tell Grandma though-who promised me heaven i dont tell Gramps
i never did tell Gramps especially when i remember Uncle promised me
i would get another if i told

i never got another
i stopped telling on him
peace reigned in our abode

Thursday, March 6, 2008


Found a new word-well not in the dictionary or anything
but u know how we all say
fuck,shag,gbensh,roll in the hay..........
i guess it's not new to some
but i like how it sounds
thats my new word for *the do*

I was 18
8pm April 24 1996
yea i remember the date
was seeing my cousin off to her abode
cos we lived in different apartments the first year in uni
saw a guy..........
and i thot *Oh my God those biceps are not real*
he was at the junction with a friend(small guy)
i didnt notice him(smally)
i only had eyes for this tall dark (found out)good looking dude
he wasnt built like Arnold/Vin but at that age,most guys i knew were skinny
they said hello to my cousin and the introductions followed
i hated my cousin that instant for knowing a hunk like that and not telling me
we walked on and i accused her and she was like
oh she met them a few days ago
they are a riot-bunch of 2 cousins and 3 other friends
already we had such a team-cousin and 1 and 3 other friends -how cute

Anyone ever wondered how after u meet a person u seem to always bump into them?
next day and every day after that-our paths would cross.........
i must have being sending out some vibes
he seemed smitten too
but no one was making a move
after a while he would come for visits
i lived on a storey building-i could always see who was coming up the stairs
if it was him i would meet him/them at the top of the stairs
Ohhhhhhhhh i am headed to K's place(my cousin)
we would stroll down there together
the idea was-much as i was giddy having him around
i wasnt looking forward to being alone with him
to this day i have no idea why i had such a notion

we kept on at this till Dec
cousin and I found an apartment we could both move into
was closer to Dudes abode-lets call him M
A day later we move in-he walks by
Oh u babes now live here?(M)
I live just around the corner-i mite drop in tonite(M)
Oh we are travelling in a few hours(I)
headed home for an Aunts wedding(I)
When will u b back?(M)
lectures on mon so back sun nite(I)
ok see u then(M)

Home/Wedding was fun-all the while i had it at the back of my mind
*He* lives around the corner from my new abode
Got to sch-roomie says she saw him yesterday and invited him in for a drink
he was grilling her about me so she just said
he was perplexed she said-she goes i have noticed how u both have been pussyfooting around each other and it's sooooooo obvious to who is looking u are both smitten
ask her out already
he goes ok(I guess that was the impetus he needed)

When she relays the convo-at first i freak out
then i go-hey i have been drooling since April
i am gonna say yes(if he dares ask)

He comes to visit-we chat,laff as a group
he says he's leaving
i get up to see him off
we walk a few mins then he says
Ibi-will u be my girlfriend?
I ask-are u sure thats what u want?
He says yes-well i can give u tyme to think about it
I said YES-i dont need tyme to think about nothing
been waiting since forever for u to ask
So there in the middle of the street
he gets this big grin on his face-moves closer and gives me a big bear HUG
i felt cocooned

he then proceeds to gimme a peck
T'was soooo sweet
some guy who wasn't enjoying the show
yells at us to get a room before we get squashed by a car
we say our goodbyes
and i go to the room grinning from ear to ear
to tell roomie,cousin and other friends the good news

is the title of the post right?
is it first hug or first boyfriend

have a fabulous weekend

Monday, March 3, 2008


My 3 yr old cousin told her friend who annoyed her
"ori e da bi oko"(your head looks like a ....
yea.....dick willy sausage phallus snake penis
so i asked her what oko is.......
she says "kini ti awon malla ma fin to"
that thing mallams use to pee
so u see she knows what she talking about

which brings me to the first tyme I saw a phallus
i was 8
we were in Kano visiting my Aunt and her family
throughly enjoyed the plane ride
no bus ride this tyme
mum,meself and my brother
i was sooo looking forward to the swings in their estate
my Uncle worked for CBN then
my Aunt was/is a teacher,then she had a lot of Indian students
she had a pile of Indian magazines from her students and fellow indian teachers

there was an indian movie on tv everyday then
it just fuelled my love for Amitabh Bachan

moving on.....this fateful day i woke up
needed to pee........
my cousins i shared a room with, where taking forever in the loo and tub
i went to the boys room -samething

went to my mums room-she was doing number two
i really needed to go
so i went into my aunts room
she was also doing number two
why was everyone against me*&*%#%^@$&

i decided to do it in the bathroom
why i did not go whine to my mum or my cousins or the boys
i have no idea...........
but i wasnt peeing in my panties
at the door to my aunts tub i listened for water splashing
no no one there
or so i thot

i push open the door already lifting my nightie
behold....this THING
i had no name for it
and my uncle's shocked face
i stood for about 10 secs staring at the thing
i realised my uncles is NAKED
so i ran out
yea the urge to pee left me

mins later mum hears about the escapade and goes
Ibi did u see anything when u opened the door?
i said no but i am sorry i didnt know Uncle was there
i know its wrong to pee in the tub but i really needed to go
all i wanted to do was a quick one and i will rinse the tub

she goes-why didnt u come to me?
why didnt u go check if any of the other loos was no longer occupied?
i already told her sorry abi?
but i had no intention of soiling meself
mum says no problem as long as u saw nuthing
i reaffirmed i saw nuthing

she grills me for another 5 mins and i keep saying i saw nothnig
she lets me go....i thot i got the best of "inspector gadget" today
she wont hear me say i saw sumthing
wetin i see sef?

2hrs later (i don forget o)
she calls me to the room whilst the others were engrossed wit a movie on tv
my mum knows if u need me to spill blood get me away from a movie i am engrossed in
and starts to grill me again
what did u see
what type of woman is this$£%^&**^$£
i said i no see anthing abi na by force?
she then threatens to beat the living daylights outta me
belive my mum when she says that
she will at least try......

so i start to cry and i said
ok i saw something............
what is it?
i dont know
i didnt see it well
i have never seen it before but i saw something sha

she then beats me o
a scared for life little 8 year old
she beats me
my offence?i lied to her
haven't i always drummed that into your head?
when my mum beats u-do ur best not to scream

cos if anyone comes to say
pls mama ibi stop
she will only increase the intensity
so i had to make sure folks in the living room wouldn't hear me

only then does she let me be after telling me i was never to enter my aunts room not even bathroom AGAIN unless SHE(my mum) not room owner calls me in

na wa o
i no even know the name of the thing i see
it wasnt until primary 6 (2yrs later)and the reproductive system that i caught a glimpse of it in the biology book
but we were not taught about *it*
just ours

my next encounter with a phallus was when i watched my first porn at 13