Sunday, May 31, 2009

Ibiluv is 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So mi blogged turned two today
i treated blog writer to a manicure,a pedicure
and dinner out..........
alone yea but it felt good to treat me

i lost 5,000 naira yesterday
got sooooooooo mad i was prone to curse
the bagger that picked it
then i remembered it was my fault
if i had put the money in my purse instead of
in my pant pocket,i for no loose am.........

then i sent a prayer to Baba God
i pray my money does not end up spent on drugs,cigarettes or alcohol
it had better go to some hungry family that saw it as manna from heaven

my aunt says i look pregnant
since i've not held,rode,sucked,licked or had
a phallus in almost a year
and i doubt if we have sperm banks in naija
moreover i have not visited one....
her diagnosis is soooooooooooooo wrong.....

neways i'm all for a sexually satisfying relationshipwithout getting pregnant

children should be catered for
brought up in the way of the Lord
and one should be ready to worry till they die
moreover they cry at night
then they teeth
then they crawl
then you have to chase them around the home
then they are adorable darlings
then little horrors
then darlings
then annoying adolescents
then they make your heart soar with pride
until they become your meal ticket.....(maybe not)
but then they start to take care of you
when you loose the ability to do so yourself
why would any human not think it thru
before getting pregnant

sex lasts all of 13 mins for most men(i'm not counting foreplay)
children last a lifetime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my mama calls me sometimes to ask if i've eaten
when i scream she goes
you'll always be my child
i dont care how old you get........

love you mama

So mi cousin says
only a man knows why he wants to be with a female
maybe all he likes is the swell of her cleavage
maybe he just likes how her ass looks in a skirt
maybe he likes the way she talks
maybe he likes the way she sings
maybe she can cook up a storm
maybe she fucks his brains out
when he makes the decision to marry
if and when he decides to.......

only he will know why he choose to spend
the rest of his life with the woman he chooses

dont be surprised if he cant explain it

why did he give me this lecture?
he has a girl
she's hawt..............she models part time(she's in uni)
but he's been chasing after a little girl
that lives in the flat below where i live with her family
i dont care if all he wants to do is tap that ass

cos he asked if i was not curious about his attentions to her
and if i was gonna tell the babe anything
and i said all i could and will tell her if she thinks
she can cosy up to me bcos of him is
*he just wants to tap that ass*
so she better continue to be a silent neighbour
and if she's allowing her ass to be tapped

at least she's getting sum.............

my friend's ex used to say je ka lo dobo
used to get her hackles up
cos it means lets go fuck

i read a novel recently and dude says
come upstairs and lie with me
i thought *sweet*

but that just gives her time to say no

men should never ask dem yeye questions
can i kiss you?
can i fuck u?

if u wanna.....just turn her to putty
if she lets you
chances can tap it

whats all that question and answer for??????????

i know i talk,write,read,watch sex a lot......

its the next best thing to having it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I gat sex on my mind..............

What do you think this is above???

i'm not promiscuos by any means
and i certainly wont tumble into bed with every man
i go wow over......
i'm liberated and independent enuff to choose my partners

which is why i need my head examined for ogling my cousin
he was in the country two weeks ago

last tyme i saw him he was a tot
so i hang out with my uncles and their kids
and the next day i drop by their hotel before
heading into work cos i needed to send some stuff to my mum

so my little cousin
well he's not so little anymore
comes to the door with his boxers on
and my jaw dropped..........

you dont get a bod like that
without spending tyme in the gym

i mentally shook my head cos i needed
to stop............

but i guess its cos
most guys my age dont have abs like that
they are all gaining love handles

dont remind me i have love handles
so i do
but i LOOOOOOKKKK good
and you dont see my love handles except you've got me naked
and i hear when a lady is naked
it dont matter what little things are.....*fluttering eyelashes*

so my cousins(another one)like to have get togethers every birthday
its her mum's birthday next month
and i'm supposed to drop.....

i can but i really dont wanna
i could invest in a killer bag or shoes for me......

but i'm gonna......cos i dont wanna be labelled stingy
cos everyone else seems to be in the mood to be generous.....

but i'm soooooo gonna be on her case in dec when it is my mum's birthday
i'll keep u posted if she drops or scrams

I can sleep with you
enjoy you
but we are not a couple

its never too late
to be who you wanna be

What else is new?????
i always have sex on my mind.....*sigh*
which is bad when u are single
dont wanna be labelled a slut......
and you have a bedsheet like mine.........yea
i sleep on the red and white......what is that???????????

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Butt Crack....Arms Akimbo........Una travel???

Abeg when butt crack dey scratch person for road
wetin man oops woman go do?

if i waka funny
people go think say i go chop big one

if i waka normal the thing go they scratch me dey go

na so i manage o
as i climb okada sef
e still dey itch me

soon as i enter house
e no scratch me again

i tire o

i enter bus
one elderly well in her 40's
wanted to be comfortable
so she sat arms akimbo
at first i ignored it
then i pointed it out to her
moreover i be lepa sef so wetin?????
she apologised o

only to continue to sit akimbo
if she wants comfort
she should buy a car
make we bus people continue our
skin toucing games until we can afford comfort....

what do u do when u see a celebrity
as for me-it depends on my mood o
sometimes i smile,wave,acknowledge
go over for a chat and or a picture
other times i look at them without even a flicker of acknowledgement

cos sometimes i'm just not in the mood to be friendly.......

saw my fave celebrity at a party over the weekend

he looked tired
i wanted to go over,give him a hug
and let him rest his head on my bosom...........

*sigh*.....his entourage no gree

effing bee of eye(FBI)

last week,some yeye dogs for my neighbourhood
dey bark like say them don rabid

i was not comfortable with the noise
but hey what can a fyne gal do

some one decided to do something
he got a stick and chased them dogs away

two days later
no electricity-as usual-he was chilling outside
on his car bonnet

small time-he heard a bark
he is startled and falls off his car
does not see a dog he said
but he realises he cant get up

he is there for 30mins before someone walking by saw him
his left side was paralysed
head to foot

he is back on his feet now
left side restored
he spent a few days in hospital and in church

they say it was the dog.........

me i say

partial stroke no be beans
and to have had a full recovery
in a matter of days is a miracle.

a pal of mine was with a pal of his
i passed by and she laughed
it seemed.......with him

it seemed i was the butt of the laugh

it may not have been

i was self conscious for 10mins
then i remembered i was not carrying shit

so why would they laff at me????

but it reminded me again why the Holy book
says laughter is an agent of the devil

the prophet Mohammed (saw) only ever smiled
he never laughed

if men were to be punished for that alone
i no go smell paradise
i too dey laff
at people, with people, at myself......*wink*

the next time someone wonders about me being single
i will tell them to go read my Quran

Khadijat got married to a 25 year old hunk at age 40

so since i have not yet attained the ripe old age of 40
my adonis shall not pass me by

in the mean time.......before Denzel arrives

where are all the phalluses......una travel????????