Sunday, December 27, 2009

H factor...ring...lingerie...lullaby

My people please help me pronounce

The eye's clinic

doesnt it seem like you have the H factor?????


if a man wears a wedding ring.............
his dick must work.......(probably overtime)...wink

hey guys
should we(ladies) only ever wear lingerie????
or you dont mind us doing the granny briefs?

truth be told
sexy is great
but good old comfort a la granny briefs is blissful...wink

my first asked me a few months after we started dating
permit me to rephrase that
2 months after we started to fuck........wink
why i didnt own lingerie
i just ignored
stupid ass has no idea how much dey go for

when his friends start to drop hints that he is seeing some other girl
or they tell you to look elsewhere for love
or you can hardly ever lay your hands on him anymore
cos he *is busy*
chances are need to start looking for a new guy

i always find it easy to fall asleep
but.......some nights i just stay awake
considering counting sheep wont ever work for me
something does............

my very own lullaby
my brain is able to stop,pause,play,forward
a sexcapade that happened
or create a new one............wink

also there's always self help
an orgasm ensures sleep.......

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Celibate....Kiss & Tell.....Sheaths

Are you dating?

You are definitely shagging................

Scream yourself hoarse if you will

Who will believe you if you say you aiint shagging?

Its hard to be celibate

when there is always time,opportunity,place...........

Dont roll your eyes at me...for virgins its easy(dem never chop before)

But if you have ever chopped before

And time,opportunity and place continually rears its delicious combo

una go do

and only have to cross the barrier once....wink

Once debe.......ever debe..........

Should people kiss and tell?

Back in Uni
This guy apparently spent the nite with a babe
he must have been mighty pleased with himself
cos he decided to share the story

so we had roughly 7 guys hanging together and this guy is talking in detail
about how it went last nite
a pal of the babe gets a whiff of the story and goes to the babe

the babe struts to the guys and goes

i fucked you
you fucked me
i rode you
you rode me
i used you just as much as you used me
what the hell is the noise for?

and walks away...........

guy is left looking stupid
his pals make fun of him.......

how many babes can do that?

truth be told i have no qualms
about past,present or future sexual liaisions
they are all still illegal why bother
only married sex is legal aiint it.............wink

so what happens on the day
some guy decides to spill the beans about some episode we've had??
i dont know how much i'll care
cos i'm frankly more worried about pictures or videos
but if all he is armed with, is mental images
who will he share them with????? father????

which brings me to the fact that
a potential FB(fuckbuddy)asked me a while ago
lets call him P
do you know BT?
i say yes

how do u know BT he asks?

so i ask him

*ask BT how he knows me*

i kinda dated BT a while back
BT has been married some two years now
he did throw the word marriage around a couple of times
but that word meant nothing to me back then
and i didnt see me married to him
i didnt see myself bound to him forever after

so P says BT is a very dear friend
in fact he's my brother from another mother

so i say to
and to him........dats nice......

the two of them can share their stories
if they are so inclined............

will P have his own stories to tell????
as a rule........
i dont do friends.......wink

i have a cousin who opted for single motherhood
after having a nervous breakdown when her guy
left her for her colleague at work a few months to their wedding
one day we got crazy and decided to count our sexual partners
i tuned out after she got to 30
i know for most men
that's not a lot
but for a woman
ITS A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i very much doubt that she sees men beyond what dangles between their legs

if we slept with every man that made our labia twitch
the average woman would clock 365 in a yr
yes-a man for every day of the year
thank God for common sense...............

moreover......the STI's are keeping us in check abi?

let me tell you all.....................fact

NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE PLAY SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

some pple just get lucky and not get any serious STI's
cos its easy to get the occassional sti and get treatment for it

cos i dare say
for every 8 out of 10 sexual liaisions
by the third time the couple gets together
sex gets vigorous or the feelings are becoming overwhelming......

and they both discuss the hiv thingy and on realising they have both
tested negative at their last test........
he jettisons the cd halfway thru
either cos the one he was using broke
or he just wants to *feel her*

he's probably gonna start with a cd and remove it halfway thru
a couple of times
then.....eventually they both stop to bother about the sheath
they are now exclusive and they are both hiv negative

or he likes to rub his pre-cum dick against her wet pussy
(he likes the feel)
then he puts on the sheath before penetration

if he's done that(the pre-cum deal)-he should forget about the cd
pre-cum is as potent as cum
if not more potent
its a body fluid

six months later either or both of them takes their twice annual test
and hopefully,they are both still negative
THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i must commend the men who keep it on though
thru thick and thin
thru hotel rooms,bedrooms,hallways,clubs,cars and bars
thru sexy lingerie and great boobs.....
parties and beds......
toilets,bathrooms and living rooms
some guys keep it(the sheath) on

but for those who jettison it
if they are both comfortable enuff as well as willing and able to
face the consequence of going in without a sheath

ride on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Men Pay.............

he pays the children's fees
the rent
the electricity bill
ensures everyone is comfortable
pays the helps wages
gives you housekeeping and self maintenance money

what do u do

feed him and fuck him

who paid who?

he buys you that jewelry,weave,outfit,perfume you've been wanting forever

what do you do?

feed him and screw his brains out

he does your assignments and tests..........maybe even exam....ehehehehehe
strolls around campus with u(she's mine)

what do you do?

you feed him and his friends and fuck his brains out


I dare say the more generous either partner is.............
the more generous the other partner will be...........*wink*

Nkenna of BBA4 cracks me up
she's sooooooooooooo crass
but i do enjoy watching her.............sometimes
her reasoning is just so warped

my brother was rude to me.....
i saw red
i then send him outta my room
he storms outta the house
he knows his curfew is 11pm
i may lock him out.......(he came back at 1145pm)
i hate hate the company he currently keeps
and i have warned his black ass........
if he gets into trouble..........
i'm gonna let him simmer in it.............
i hope he knows i mean it........
i'm not his mother..........

excerpts.......impression without expression leads to depression
na one yeye oga dey toast him employee

energy is neither lost nor destroyed
its only transfered from one party to another

a girl has the hiv virus
guy falls in love
his friend asks him..................

how do u expect to drink clean water from a poisoned well?

i love big willies.........
i miss yours...........*evil grin*

i mentioned this to a friend..........
width over depth

i'd rather he fill me up
than he touch my belly button on the inside.......*wink*

Sunday, November 15, 2009


i always seem to be the center of attention everywhere that has my in it........

my home

my school(s)

my workplace(s)

amongst my friend(s)

what does that make me????


I was 21

he was 22

his elder brother was getting married

so i got invited to the bach eve

his other brother came to pick me

he was already there i was told

party was dull for me till i saw him

we left the group and went to dance

Little star woke up

he said i had to do something about it

i chuckled

we left the hall

took a stroll

went to the car

the driver was asleep on the bonnet of the car beside the car I came in

we opened the passenger door

he kissed me...long slow kisses

i went pliant.........

he hitched up my skirt and laughed.....

i was commando......*wink*

he drew down his jeans........alas no briefs either.....

it was hard,fast and glorious

then bright lights exploded.............

we got dressed

then he said lets get outta the car before you wake up little star again

or someone comes to the car

we sat up

the driver on the other bonnet beside us ...........was awake

did he watch us?

did we wake him?

i didnt give a rats ass.......

i just had great sex in my boyfriend's brother's car

at his other brother's bach eve

i was feeling mighty pleased with myself................

first he gave me as a foot massage

then i got a back massage

i then gave him a damn good blowjob and

fell asleep...........bare chest to bare chest

with his arms around me........*sigh*

that felt really good...........

i had my pants and knickers on

he was nude

but from the attention my boobs got......

*my bean* is in for a good time when he gets to work on it

i'm soooooooooooooooo looking forward to that......

its been 16 months since i've been in a room with a bed

with my favourite organ.....................*a phallus*

if i have a pack of flavoured condoms

how do i find out if they actually taste flavoured?

do i lick them before he rolls it on?

do i lick his hand after he rolls it on?

do i roll them on myself and taste them somehow?

Monday, November 2, 2009

Hallow wetin?

Wetin concern me with blending in with ghosts?

Wetin my own with costume?

A scary one at that????????

My people.................

From the moment i'm outta my door till i'm back within the comfort of my home

Na so so conversation with Baba

Because that Him banner no suppose comot from our head o

Eko le ni( Lagos Hard)

By God's grace-I will not meet and they will not meet me

Phone collectors
Tax Collectors
Time Wasters
Unneccessary Bumper to Bumper Traffic
Car Jackers

All the above no do me?

Why set aside a day to extra scare meself???????

i dont need me a special day to remind myself
to prepare myself to be scared

Can someone advice my neighbourhood kids to stop with the fireworks already?(banger)

I hate being startled.............

and the one that is unfortunate to be caught by me................

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Tarzan Monologues............

So i caught Tarzan Monologues earlier today.....

O.C Ukeje was definitely the star of the show for me
asides looking good enuff to eat.....*swoon*
and delivering his lines so well....
he just seemed to have all the juicy monologues.....

every actor gave a stellar performance

I must say Paul Alumona showed us his skills.....
yea other than his acting skills...that guy can move(dance)
hence he must be a good in bed....*cough*

Kunle Adeyoola was fun to watch....

Kanayo was great...he seemed to get all the poverty monologues though
....Wole why now???

Precious was hilarious when he talked about man should be that foolish...i must say there
must have been some greed involved in your jail sentence
(i do know it was just an act-this is not to say anything about your character)

Bimbo was fabulous....powerful sexy grey you....the cane was cute......

Thanks Wole a.k.a Laspapi....i thoroughly enjoyed the play....

looking forward to two weeks of no work

yea i *FINALLY* got time off work
and two weeks just does not cut it......

i wanted three weeks for starters but Cruella Deville
wondered what the office would do without me for 3 weeks
besides none of my colleagues wanted the responsibilities of my duties

neways i got some time off
i need to gain those extra kg's i lost recently

i wish to God i had a cook.............

Dear Future Hubby....i love you
but i will have a cook on my payroll even if i wont have a maid

i *can* cook up a storm..........
but I know as much as he will find out
my better skills are not in the kitchen....*wink*

a pal of mine says
women always expect men to pay for sex
i say no
he says yes
what say yo????

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Another Year............

I was a year older

7th October

to those that forgot........
your case(s) are hopeless

to those who remembered
thank you..........

to those who sent texts,called,put up facebook wall posts and messages
i really appreciate.......

to my mum.....thanks for being my vessel

to my brothers.....thanks for being there for me always

to my are not beyond redemption....

to friends and family.......i appreciate you all

to the man who will be my lover,confidante,best friend,brother,father and father of my children.......bump into me........soon

to my car......i waited this long to own you-you are not brand new but i promise to take good care of you,please remember i should ride you and not the other way good to me....

Friday, October 2, 2009

did i jump to conclusions???

my ex called

do i still hang out at my cousin's??

yea i said

he's housesitting for his mum

so without saying it

he passed the message across...........

Ibi pop over sometime.....

i say

when hell freezes over..........

Monday, August 10, 2009


So................last night
i was watching a movie
then i see a roach


i cant stand cockroaches
i'd rather be in the same room with a snake
well i have been..........
but i cant be in the same room with a rat or roach
the dreaded R's

i always have insecticide beside my bed
so i use it

that was my undoing..............

i saw another..........
then another
i jumped up
put on the light

yea...the bug uns that can fly
four of them had been irritated by the insecticide
so i get up
and deal with them

eventually i see four big uns and three small uns
very dead......yippie......
left them on the floor of my room and swept them out in the morn

now if i believed in that shit
i would say i dealt with them
u know.....erm.....the witches they sent to me in cockroach form

my room now smells of insecticide and perfume and i'm cockroach free


why do babes go fuck fuck fuck when they are getting fucked
i tend to go ...........

i have no idea why you thought i would tell you what my soundtrack is

so a pair of ex's have been calling
the other one i blew away cos it seemed everything i said was rude
i am opinionated
i know what i am
so i knew we could not be together
moreover dude was stuck in a town i had no idea to go live in

other ex is Mel
he's being acting nice
off and on again
which was his signature in the 3 years we were off and on again

neways i'm celibate.........single.......and need a raise

sex i can get
or may get

I'm gonna be lazying around sooooooooonnnnnnn
i wanna laze around cos
its coming........

The Holy Month!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Brought work home........ended up visiting Baroque's and stole this.....

Stolen Anything: i only borrow...*wink*...

Been Drunk Before Noon: if being satiated counts....

Had Sex In A Public Place: a car,a roof,the stairs,someone's porch abi na verandah,on a well,hotels(lol) to find new spots

Got Caught Telling A Lie: Of course.....

Been Arrested: Almost...arresting officer saw the press card my pal had and he changed his mind...

Littered: When i was younger......

Fantasized About A Co-Worker: Everyday...*wink*

Cheated On A Test: The end justifies the means......

Cheated In A Relationship: He was sleeping with his ex........

Failed A Class: Never. A few.......

Screened Your Phone Calls: I had to....

Eaten Food Off The Floor: does beef and groundnut count?

Stuck Gum Under A Desk: Was i suppossed to put it under my shoe????

Wished You Were Someone Else: Denzel's wife

Cried During A Movie: A few tear drops.....the first movies---the burning train and yeh vada raha....

Had A One Night Stand: A few.......

Had To Pull Over On The Side Of The Road To Puke?: nope

Had Your Heart Broken?: cracked......

Had A Good Feeling About Something?: Yep

Had A Near Death Experience: my life flashed before my eyes....

Swam In Freezing Water: I have no plan to.....

Jumped Off A House: i have no suicidal tendencies...............

Been Attacked?: not really

Bungee Jumped: I'd rather get fucked on an escalator(in a mall).....

White Water Rafted: is it the same as playing ludo?

Pulled An All Nighter?: what do you think????.honestly......

Surfed: I'd rather get my pussy eaten.....

Lied About Your Age: why would i????...if he can handle it-so can I

Broken A Bone?: and be unable to get some great sexing???????hell no.........

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


So i caught Jerry Springer recently and this woman
said even though her husband has cheated on her for
8 of the ten years they have been married,she was not
letting him have sex with her cos she was scared of sti's
but until the last of the 6 children she
has for him turns eighteen-he was stuck with her

i was amused at the way she slapped him around
and the fact that she said she wasnt letting him go

sometimes we do that
either forcefully or subtly

we hang on to a relationship that is one sided............

so i went for my annual basic medical exam.......
turns out it was ante natal day
met a pal who asked if i was breeding......
nah......not yet....

Doc talked me out of doing a fertility test
he said i can always find out when i start trying
and maybe have difficulty conceiving

he also scolded me for not having done a breast
exam since the one i had

abegi make my booby rest-who knows.........
maybe just maybe.....*wink*

got talking sex with my aunt and it was funny
recollecting how difficult it was for my first to deflower me

he never succeeded.......he caused me no pain
and eventually left my hymen intact

the man who did ....caused me bittersweet pain......*wink*

when i get a boyfriend and or a husband

he will not be allowed to read this blog

.......if he ever finds it

it wasnt me
cos i dont care how in love he is

i'm quite sure he would take no pleasure
in my sexcapades.......most of them have
being recounted in detail on my blog

for all of una whey dey miss the sexcapades series

my pussy no see action so how i go write story??????

i've been called a lioness,magnificent,wonderful,sensual,sexy,

i've been told i bring out the animal in him

i've been told no one has ever made him do this....
.........go on and on and on in one night....

i've been told you have a pert butt,never say you are a
member of nassatall.....(it looks perter now).......*wink*

i've been told i have lovely skin......

i've been told i have mad skills.....

i've been told i do great things with my waist,legs,mouth,hands.....

i've been asked not to look-my eyes were doing things to him he said

i once gave a guy a hard on from spooning rice,plantain and beef into my mouth.....

i've been told i'm flexible

i've been told i've got lovely boobs....

i've been told sex/lovemaking was earth shattering,mind blowing,special,different,fab,great

i've been told...Ibi you are lazy...

i've also been you want to kill me

i've been told Ibi let me feel u(lets jettison a condom)

someone once asked me to marry him after i fucked his brains out
he only brought out the beast in me-if i dare say so miself
but marraige&^%$£%&*.........hell no

all of these and more in relation to sex......

told mi aunt i dont miss sex

well i dont....

but after writing this......i do..........

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Crossroads,PHCN,Passwords and Hot water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So a pal of mine was at a crossroad(since this post is a week late)
my internet provider cut me off due to a mistake by the silly teller at the bank or the silly office assistant who took the money to the bank-one or both of them.......aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh

.....she settled for someone cos he was the only one in her life
but now she's met the kinda guy she would
rather spend the rest of her days with

i know her well enuff to know
she just has more fun in new guy's company cos he's classy
a real gentleman.........

i'm just waiting to see who ends up for the long haul

i did not have long to wait especially after i told her
its aiight to have fun but you need to decide what you'd rather have

fun or friendship..........

frankly i could care less about her love live crisis.......
here i am.......bemoaning my lack of a phallus
and there she is with two dicks at her beck and call.....

if i snap my fingers i could get to tumble
with a guy(s)........*fluttering eyelashes*
but the one willie i'm craving is off limits

i reminded myself not to get worked up watching tv
t'was reality tv sef-isnt that staged????????

PHCN...........your PAPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rain you dey do me strong thing
me cuz just got a car
she got me all broody(for a car)
her car is cute and it aiint brand new
maybe.......just maybe.....

met a woman at the saloon last week
she was foolish enuff to let her maid take her weave off
she's now bald in four spots

it just occured to me every password i own is either vulgar
or has one of my brother's name or their bday date

i once had to give my boss access to my system and
he could not get over mi having a boys name as my password
to this day......
he thinks thats my boo's name

lucky for me
it was not bigwillieat.....(yea its a password i use)

A Joke

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day,
picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy: "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued: "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied: "not exactly, but they aren't for me.
They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.

We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike and right now, he can't do either

And a sex tip
'A breath mint in your mouth before performing oral sex
has the dual benefit of both making it more pleasant for you
and extra stimulating for her. '

So i got dropped off at oshodi about 720pm
tried to get the red Lagbus to my destination
could not.........
so i took a regular bus

it had a flat around siemens
got scared cos it was almost 8pm by now and i had my lappy with me

so i got a cab
i ordinarily would not have taken it
thanks to mi cuz
she hates rickety cabs
but i was almost choking on my fear
i'm a scaredy cat on the streets of Lagos
after 7pm when i have valuables on me

so i got into the cab
get comfy and was praying the cab would not fall to pieces

Thank God i was praying
next thing i know
i see steam on the dash and water trickles down to my feet
at first i'm mesmerized

till i start yelping
the water is HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how does water from a radiator steam up and run down the dashboard???
so he stops
and i hop out
i cross the road blindly then i'm dancing
all the while -i'm watching the cab closely

the man starts to fiddle with his car
then a good samaritan stops to help baba
then i scream
BABA!!!!!!!!!everything i own is in your cab
if anything happens!!!!!!!!!

my left feet is smarting the whole time
and i'm dancing to relieve the pain
i was also barefoot

he calls to me to come over,that he has it under control
i ask him to get off the road
i start to scout for another cab

Baba bemoans the loss of his cab fare
thats when i remember my lappy!!!!!!!!!!!

i scream
run to the cab and pull up the bag
the bag is wet!!!!!!!!!!!

i start to wail
no tears but i was wailing
Baba goes why are you crying??? the bag is not wet
i'm screaming its wet its wet oh my God!!!!!

my lappy!!!!!!!!
my left foot still smarts

i get another cab head home
strip my lappy
yippie....its aiight maybe if i had left it a little longer.......

then i send a text to my aunt the nurse(the only medical personnel i know who can consult over the phone)my cuz and my pal
who in turns suggested a burn cream,vaseline and an egg

the burn cream i could not get from the pharmacy-e don finish
vaseline gives you blisters after a burn
the egg i ended up breaking it

so i resorted to pap

and it worked

its been a week
the spot the water hit is dark and itches like crazy

which means its healing(cos it itches)
i'm just glad i did not get a blister

here's a picture of me with my first

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Ibiluv is 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So mi blogged turned two today
i treated blog writer to a manicure,a pedicure
and dinner out..........
alone yea but it felt good to treat me

i lost 5,000 naira yesterday
got sooooooooo mad i was prone to curse
the bagger that picked it
then i remembered it was my fault
if i had put the money in my purse instead of
in my pant pocket,i for no loose am.........

then i sent a prayer to Baba God
i pray my money does not end up spent on drugs,cigarettes or alcohol
it had better go to some hungry family that saw it as manna from heaven

my aunt says i look pregnant
since i've not held,rode,sucked,licked or had
a phallus in almost a year
and i doubt if we have sperm banks in naija
moreover i have not visited one....
her diagnosis is soooooooooooooo wrong.....

neways i'm all for a sexually satisfying relationshipwithout getting pregnant

children should be catered for
brought up in the way of the Lord
and one should be ready to worry till they die
moreover they cry at night
then they teeth
then they crawl
then you have to chase them around the home
then they are adorable darlings
then little horrors
then darlings
then annoying adolescents
then they make your heart soar with pride
until they become your meal ticket.....(maybe not)
but then they start to take care of you
when you loose the ability to do so yourself
why would any human not think it thru
before getting pregnant

sex lasts all of 13 mins for most men(i'm not counting foreplay)
children last a lifetime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my mama calls me sometimes to ask if i've eaten
when i scream she goes
you'll always be my child
i dont care how old you get........

love you mama

So mi cousin says
only a man knows why he wants to be with a female
maybe all he likes is the swell of her cleavage
maybe he just likes how her ass looks in a skirt
maybe he likes the way she talks
maybe he likes the way she sings
maybe she can cook up a storm
maybe she fucks his brains out
when he makes the decision to marry
if and when he decides to.......

only he will know why he choose to spend
the rest of his life with the woman he chooses

dont be surprised if he cant explain it

why did he give me this lecture?
he has a girl
she's hawt..............she models part time(she's in uni)
but he's been chasing after a little girl
that lives in the flat below where i live with her family
i dont care if all he wants to do is tap that ass

cos he asked if i was not curious about his attentions to her
and if i was gonna tell the babe anything
and i said all i could and will tell her if she thinks
she can cosy up to me bcos of him is
*he just wants to tap that ass*
so she better continue to be a silent neighbour
and if she's allowing her ass to be tapped

at least she's getting sum.............

my friend's ex used to say je ka lo dobo
used to get her hackles up
cos it means lets go fuck

i read a novel recently and dude says
come upstairs and lie with me
i thought *sweet*

but that just gives her time to say no

men should never ask dem yeye questions
can i kiss you?
can i fuck u?

if u wanna.....just turn her to putty
if she lets you
chances can tap it

whats all that question and answer for??????????

i know i talk,write,read,watch sex a lot......

its the next best thing to having it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I gat sex on my mind..............

What do you think this is above???

i'm not promiscuos by any means
and i certainly wont tumble into bed with every man
i go wow over......
i'm liberated and independent enuff to choose my partners

which is why i need my head examined for ogling my cousin
he was in the country two weeks ago

last tyme i saw him he was a tot
so i hang out with my uncles and their kids
and the next day i drop by their hotel before
heading into work cos i needed to send some stuff to my mum

so my little cousin
well he's not so little anymore
comes to the door with his boxers on
and my jaw dropped..........

you dont get a bod like that
without spending tyme in the gym

i mentally shook my head cos i needed
to stop............

but i guess its cos
most guys my age dont have abs like that
they are all gaining love handles

dont remind me i have love handles
so i do
but i LOOOOOOKKKK good
and you dont see my love handles except you've got me naked
and i hear when a lady is naked
it dont matter what little things are.....*fluttering eyelashes*

so my cousins(another one)like to have get togethers every birthday
its her mum's birthday next month
and i'm supposed to drop.....

i can but i really dont wanna
i could invest in a killer bag or shoes for me......

but i'm gonna......cos i dont wanna be labelled stingy
cos everyone else seems to be in the mood to be generous.....

but i'm soooooo gonna be on her case in dec when it is my mum's birthday
i'll keep u posted if she drops or scrams

I can sleep with you
enjoy you
but we are not a couple

its never too late
to be who you wanna be

What else is new?????
i always have sex on my mind.....*sigh*
which is bad when u are single
dont wanna be labelled a slut......
and you have a bedsheet like mine.........yea
i sleep on the red and white......what is that???????????

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Butt Crack....Arms Akimbo........Una travel???

Abeg when butt crack dey scratch person for road
wetin man oops woman go do?

if i waka funny
people go think say i go chop big one

if i waka normal the thing go they scratch me dey go

na so i manage o
as i climb okada sef
e still dey itch me

soon as i enter house
e no scratch me again

i tire o

i enter bus
one elderly well in her 40's
wanted to be comfortable
so she sat arms akimbo
at first i ignored it
then i pointed it out to her
moreover i be lepa sef so wetin?????
she apologised o

only to continue to sit akimbo
if she wants comfort
she should buy a car
make we bus people continue our
skin toucing games until we can afford comfort....

what do u do when u see a celebrity
as for me-it depends on my mood o
sometimes i smile,wave,acknowledge
go over for a chat and or a picture
other times i look at them without even a flicker of acknowledgement

cos sometimes i'm just not in the mood to be friendly.......

saw my fave celebrity at a party over the weekend

he looked tired
i wanted to go over,give him a hug
and let him rest his head on my bosom...........

*sigh*.....his entourage no gree

effing bee of eye(FBI)

last week,some yeye dogs for my neighbourhood
dey bark like say them don rabid

i was not comfortable with the noise
but hey what can a fyne gal do

some one decided to do something
he got a stick and chased them dogs away

two days later
no electricity-as usual-he was chilling outside
on his car bonnet

small time-he heard a bark
he is startled and falls off his car
does not see a dog he said
but he realises he cant get up

he is there for 30mins before someone walking by saw him
his left side was paralysed
head to foot

he is back on his feet now
left side restored
he spent a few days in hospital and in church

they say it was the dog.........

me i say

partial stroke no be beans
and to have had a full recovery
in a matter of days is a miracle.

a pal of mine was with a pal of his
i passed by and she laughed
it seemed.......with him

it seemed i was the butt of the laugh

it may not have been

i was self conscious for 10mins
then i remembered i was not carrying shit

so why would they laff at me????

but it reminded me again why the Holy book
says laughter is an agent of the devil

the prophet Mohammed (saw) only ever smiled
he never laughed

if men were to be punished for that alone
i no go smell paradise
i too dey laff
at people, with people, at myself......*wink*

the next time someone wonders about me being single
i will tell them to go read my Quran

Khadijat got married to a 25 year old hunk at age 40

so since i have not yet attained the ripe old age of 40
my adonis shall not pass me by

in the mean time.......before Denzel arrives

where are all the phalluses......una travel????????

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Butt Augmentation..........Alum

I'm too swamped at work to go online anymore
partly true but we no longer have acccess to the internet
i have no idea what *they* did
but they've done it again

so i do all my online biz at home
it also means i've been listening to E! more

Dr 90210 is a fav of mine
a brazilian butt augmentation is looking
like what i'll give myself
for my next birthday

but i'll pass
all i need to do is gain weight
cos i know it'll go south...*wink*

Do what makes you happy
sometimes what makes you happy
is a lot harder and scarier than what is safe

Raise your left leg
make it go clockwise
write 1-6 in the air...........*wink*
did u do this successfully?????

Someone should tell this idiotic mallam across the road
i need to pass by his hut to get to the busstop
545am is no time to be bathing!!!!!!!!!!!
so what if he's hiding between two parked cars??????

next time i hear him
i'll turn my torch on his phallus!!!!!!!!!
i wanna see if he's as big as the myth says he is

what myth?
the myth that Hausa men are endowed......*wink*

one yeye babe killed english
she pronounced musk as mooooooosque
only cos she needed her bobo to buy musk
does he smell?????????
i didnt get close enuff to find out........

he was still inside her
could not bear to seperate himself
h knew he should...ease away and give her time to recover
however much he'd fought not to hurt her there was bound to be some discomfort

finally a book that attests that breaking a woman's hymen
will cause discomfort

we need not bother with kaun(alum) as the myth says
Dr Matlock can give us that tight feeling men cherish

personally i take my kegels seriously

Dr Matlock says kegels dont work

note to self-stop kegelling my poor vagina

after my kids i'll just go see Dr Matlock
so mi hubby(the one who brings my pa 40 tubers of yam)
never forgets to visit the pussy he signs on
to partner his dick for life


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Names.......Inquisition......K leg

So do chinese people really drop
alumimium plates to name their kids?????
sing li
chen shuo

My people use the circumstance of birth to give names
Oluwapamilerinayo(God has given me laughter)
Omolaja(A child has arrived to settle a family dispute)

What do the whites use???
you go hear Akeelah.....Terrica....


A guy steps up to you
Hi my name is Bode
I'd like to know you better.......
can we hang out for a drink?????

Or he steps up to you

What is your name?
What do you do?
Where do you live?
How old are you?

Which of the two scenarios do you prefer???????

the phrase i'd like to know you better irritates me
i have no idea why...........
but once a guy uses that line..........he gets minus 1000 points

So mama asked....dont guys chat you up in buses?????

how i go answer???
i fall asleep immediately after paying my fare
any bobo whey wan chat me up
will have to wake me up first..shuo!!!!!!!!!

so you wonder why do i need to be chatted up in a bus??

she wants her daughter married
by any means.....*wink*

Another preacher said...........
when kids on holiday dey go home
the ones with bad result are scared
cos their result get K-leg

Do you have K-leg before your God?????

as for me.................
my legs are slighty bow before my God
all the better to bend it like beckham with
so as to accommodate


Monday, April 13, 2009

Traffic & Prison& A Boob Massage!!!!!!!!!!

I was in a bus
one yeye traffic like that
silently wishing i could afford a chopper ride
one stupid fat fuck lastma official entered the front seat

the minute i saw him i knew he had arrested the bus
the lady beside me said he was hitching a free ride
he seats in silence for about ten minutes then proceeds
to tell the bus driver where to go to

i hissed and insulted the fat fuck
it was bad enuff we were stuck in traffic
the stupid ass was only concerneded about a quick buck

he refused every plea and journeyed with the bus in that traffic
as far as the destination we dey go.....
all the while,the bus was arrested

stupid ass mo'fucker
i don forget hin name,i for publish am sef

some guy before we got arrested
was preaching

he has been in prison since 1985
the June 12 crisis he said
he did not steal nor kill
he was a victim of circumstance

then Gov Fashola visited the prison and granted amnesty
he was one of the lucky ones

his story made me remember my time in prison

we were made to visit prison so we would never have to live in one
their living conditions aren't good
they feed poorly
and most times they are innocent(the warder said so)

the warder said some people have had to spend
years on the inside cos of N 5,000 about(£20)

there were inmates as young as 15 and as old as in their 80's

the warder said
if there were..........
2 men fighting on the street
and they were arrested by the police
if no one sets bail for them
it was not uncommon to find them spend years in prison......

whilst touring
we found out
for an afternoon meal of eba and no stew/soup
the eba had been made in the morning
left to cool without a cover
while the prisoners slaved in the workshops
the idea of workshops was for them to learn new skills
so they could be independent when they get out.........eventually Alfa says

ti won ba fi damask ran aso ewon...a oni ba won ni ipin ni inu e.........Amen

even if they change prison uniforms to damask materials.....
may we never have cause to wear it......Amen

had my boob massaged twice.........

mum's been hounding me to go for a cervical smear test

while i dont live in the uk
her GP knows she has a grown up daughter

then............Jade Goody dies and she hounds me again

found time to go in over the Easter break...........

cervix is fyne.........
some thing finally went into my vagina
even if it was a metal and was administered by a female


then i do a breast exam and she goes
she found a lump

i need to come in tom for a sonograph

went home

no fear at all

i figure she liked the feel of my boobs and wants to touch again..........


i go in the next day
boob massager turns out to be male


i got a good massage
and he was thorough with the machine
asked if i've ever done a scan before
for boobs.....................nah
for my abdomen............yea
15 years ago...........

he says...........its nurrin to fear
just a fibrous mass

a pal of mine said
since i wasn't sportin 34DD's
they should have expected a mass

i got a boob massgae from a woman then a man..........*wink*

Easter was restful

how was your Easter?????????????????

Monday, March 30, 2009

Sleep with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

una well done o
i no win anything !!!!!!!!!

anyway sha
as una dash me nomination
i'll make do..............

moreover the people whey win...............
dem deserve am.........

V monologues was a hit again this year

Revulva made more sense this year thanks to Omonor
Songs of praise.......a hit....again

Sleep with me...Absolutely.........

na for inside movie them talk am
i dey practise as i go take talk am........*wink*
soon as i get myself a willing dick interested in
cos its not like i lack willing dicks
the ones i want are miles away/married/in love with someone/blind to my charms

I have a great big crush on a certain crooner
never had one this bigggggg.......

*i shake my head for myself*

i recently discovered i've only being in love once
given the average human can fall head over heels in love seven times
i'm waiting for the remaining six times to happen
even if it is with the same man

cos i finally faced it
what i felt for Mel was lust

the guy who showed me his phallus???????????
(from my*are you ready to rumble* post)
he showed me
i ogled it
he put it back in
then said he was sorry
he then proceeded to say
he's been to churches
he has climbed mountains
he really has no idea why
but for the past four years
everytyme he sees a group of women
he gets this urge to show them his dick

most times people are shocked and run away
other times he gets beat up

his family.........they are tired of the shame

he walked away

i looked back at my friends
who just did not understand
how i could patiently look at *it*
not run........
then listen to his explanation

its a crazy world we live in.....

his story prompted my neighbour to tell us another

old woman
bachelor as tenant(works as bank manager)
woman had one child
a teenage girl
babe was bootylicious
bachelor impregnates her
landlady finds out
she calls dude
i know about the pregnancy
what do u wanna do about it?
dude starts to talk long story
woman says
no long talk
i'll take care of my girl and her kid
but you need to leave my home at the end of the month
dude later tricks the girl into taking some drugs
babes not only miscarries
she dies

what did land lady do?
she inflicted guy with said
phallus showing disease
crazy thing is
he needs to do his in a market
remember dude was a bank manger

they sent several emissaries to woman
she never denied afflicting guy with phallus showing ailment
she just says
she'll make it stop
if anyone can wake up her child

since no one can
he probably still does it

so the one i witnessed????
i wonder what he did.........

saw the international
i love the way it ends
cos life IS like that
you dont always get closure

watching the reader
slumdog millionaire
and the curious case of benjamin button
is bad for anyone's self esteem if it aiint high enuff
why did some guy not have that kind of undying love for me
when i was 8,13,15?????

why do i have to be boyfriendless
friend with benfitless?????
in short....dickless.........

i tire o

my cousin's boyfriend's wife just had twins
she's been missing from home since the babies were delivered
she's helping the father ease his......i have no idea whats she's doing

i pity her
cos if she gets preggers
maybe she'll have triplets............
i wonder how she will explain to her fiance how she got preggers........

if you walk towards your car
and turn around to see a cutie grinning at you
it just might be me

lately.....i've just been grinning like an idiot
every tyme i see someone walking towards their car/or driving it
cute cars and delicious people only


i just get this flash..........
that will be me in a few months

Saturday, March 21, 2009


i just saw slumdog millionaire

the reader

curious case of benjamin button

and voted for meself

i'm off to bed

had to come remind you

vote for moi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I'm a Nominee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm wearing a tag
i'm loving it

Improve your image
be seen with me

So i went into the loo after a dude
yea its a unisex loo
i saw hair on the seats
so i'm wondering does he have syphilis?

well some crazy bugger once told me
that hair loss there
is a sypmtom of the VD
i've never had it so i've never being able to confirm


erm but make my mam no discover my blog o
why say una no nominate me for most intelligent?
Fire in my Pants - Blogger who would hook up with based soley on the content of their blog
Hot and Sexy! Blogger you think is hot in real life

i'm humbled i was nominated
i really had no idea
been mad busy at work
then too tired to log onto the net at home
na Smaragd remind me this morning say i never update

so i'm updating so i can canvass for votes

How many of you know your genotypes?
mine was drummed into my ear at age 7
everytyme i see a good looking brother i may wanna have babies with
i ask him his genotype
most people find it weird that i ask
i've lost cousins cos of this(sickle cell anaemia)

i have a cousin who has still not had his church wedding
we always have to postpone
dude is always too ill to have a big wedding
he is cheating his brides mum
we are cool with the small thingy we had at the registry
but his mother-in-law still wants Sunny Ade
to play at her daughter's wedding

sadly...i lost another cousin last week
pregnant wife
a son that will never know his father

its sad really
very sad

pardon my pessimism
i dont care if my Denzel shows up
if his genotype is AS(i'm AS)
i'm running away

but once i was in love enough to go the whole hog
we decided every tyme i got pregnant we would do an amniocentiesis
but i kept wondering if God will forgive me for letting my foetus(s) die
cos we decided everytime we found out we were having a baby with sickle cell
we would let the baby die(abort)
well he chickened out(he has lost an elder brother to sickle cell anemia)

Scroll down more

A little more,


Yap………………………………………………now read.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Life is Good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Riri & Chris......dude must be fantastic in bed
me thinks he's immature and with the
beatingwhey she just chop...........
the dick must be good..............
else why in heaven's name is she taking him back???????

if na me..i care not if the dick is as good as BW...
i aiint going back after such decking!!!!!!

Cradle snatcher called me at 1140 am sunday morning
this was after he called 8pm sat night to let me know
he is in my hood
his problem??he needs to connect his printer to his
i say-its sun morn-i know noone who can help
moreover if you are online-me thinks you should be able
to do it yourself
so he says-he's tried without success
why dont i come over???
so i tell him-i've got plans for the day and they dont
include solving his IT issues........

phone rings at noon another ex
he's in my hood and he is hungry
so i say.........ransack your mama's kitcehn
or go to a restaurant
cos the holy book says you shouldn't eat food prepared
by an concubine or an ex or otherwise
dude goees haba!!!! le ju(we dey fight???)
i say oh no....i'm just teasing
he says oh he really needs to see my face
so i say my face is busy

Dear Lord on a sunday morning
what type of terrible soap is this(whey i take baff)??????
i was nicely asking Baba to forgive me my trespasses
so i can pray for a windfall(money not dicks)
afterall i have not fornicated in 8 months
so i'm therefore worthy to seek and find

i hereby reject and rebuke all ex's
they are ex's for a reason(s)

Baba loke as we celebrate the prophet's birth
grant me my heart's desires............AMEN!!!!!!!!

am at the salon hours later...jejely making my nails
but giving my eyes food....watching everyone
this silly ass comes in...pretty..cute kid in tow
no wedding or engagement ring
who am i to judge.......
i'm kids@30 going on......

but i totally hated her outfit
if i was male i would not spare her a glance
she was trying too hard...
tight skirt......bum was squeezed in...
so you couldnt't appreciate the bum........
top too low.......boobs seeping out
thrashy not classy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but then each his own.........

i just wonder.............
i watch nolloywod movies and when a guy needs to send his wife packing
he pushes her out with a ghana must go bag and a box
i look around my home now
and i wonder how many cars i'll need to cart away all
i've acquired over the years......
its irrelevant if i need them or not
they are MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and even though when i marry i know i'll have to do sum downsizing
i still know i've got a lot of little bits and pieces of me
that i'm taking along so
my new home will totally be my home

so pray tell Mr Director.......
if we ever need to act a movie
he had better get me a BRT bus to take my stuff
cos two bags wont take even my shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, February 22, 2009


Passed by a sign

No loitering
No hawking
No parking
Military zone
Fine-deflated tires

Some guy that sells OK in my hood
has a sign that says
80% off
OK is almost free
so i wonder with 80% off
why not just hand it out for free????????
(OK=Okrika=bend down boutique)

We know when we are being lied to(most times)
but.....some times.......
the truth hurts too much
we'd prefer the lies

I was talking to a pal
and i asked...............
what names do guys calls babes they sleep with these days....

together we came up with
help me-i'm no male
i know no female wants to be called any of these names

in my dictionary a man can be a
i doubt any guy wants to answer to either of the first two names
i've never insinuated to anyone he was any of the first two
................i've had one of both

but i'd rather tumble into bed with a friend

i fancied myself getting married to a guy a few years ago

they guy i leaned on when i broke up with Mel

he is currently in a relationship

it looks serious

last night he called

all i've done lately is emails

and he asks

am i happy he is in a relationship

i say yes

why would i not be?

is it cos i asked you(him) to marry me thrice

and on each ocassion you brushed me away????

he says..........i never asked

moreover he always thought he was not good enough for me

so i said.........well i did ask you

i even asked one time why we are we not dating

every time you brushed my questions away

i knew he had major issues because we dont see God the same way

he is a good xtian virgin guy

i was scared i was gonna lead him straight to hell


me-definitely not Xtian

neways......he's found a good Xtian girl

if she's virgin or not i know not

wish him well

i really do

i'm someday gonna find me an unclean guy

who wants to get dirtier with me

with his body and mind and possessions

not his soul

i need his soul to be pure....*wink*

Monday, February 16, 2009

Are you ready to rumble????

Feb 14th
had errands to run and a wee bit of shopping
the sun was a killer
i growled when the bus conductor's sweat landed on my arm

got to my cousin's
laffs-stuffed my face
decided to head on home to dinner with myself

the rain decided otherwise
all the cabs had ladies
touching up their make up in them

an Uncle stays close
he heard i just left so he came to pick me
insisted i spend the night
why go home to yourself?????

i said most peeps just had their dinner ruined
with a glint in his eyes he said
*laroda ojo*
(theres no easy way to translate this
but what do you think he was saying????
rain-wet girlfriend-guy's doorstep-val's day/night)

went back to theirs
we had dinner
red wine
and watched
*why did i get married* (for the umpteenth time)
and it occured to me
they've been married 9 years
last year
she got cards at noon
lunch at 2pm(chinese)
and cake at 4pm
i have no idea what he had planned for dinner*wink*

this year
the people at her job missed out on oohing and aahing
but once again
they did not take themselves for granted
...........they have a good thing going

So conductor tonite hikes the fare by 20naira
i'm too tired to argue
I and many others
Some guy was in the mood for trouble
he decided not to pay the hike in price

conductor rants and raves
drives him past his drop
2 stops later driver stops for another passenger
conductor takes off his shoes/shirt
trust Lagosians they stopped them
i was in the mood to watch a royal rumble
moreover i was disgusted by his antics

any man that can floor you
doesnt bother getting neat
he wants you to bloody him if you can
cos he knows he can bloody you in seconds

in another life..........i have a black belt in karate
once........i had a crush on such a machine
one thing he always told those of us close to him was
*never try to catch me unawares*
guy who did
was flat on his back in seconds
and in danger of getting a dislocated shoulder
unfortunately 50 other people witnessed it

fooling around was usually tricky
you could get a broken finger
just for trying to startle him

i survive his friendship without any scars
but i think Chris Brown was wrong
any man trained in martial arts
never uses his skills outside battle
machine or not
hitting a sooooooooooo wrong

every kid of mine is gonna be skilled in martial arts
you never know when you may need to defend yourself.............

What would you do if you are standing together
a group of 6 women enjoying the evening breeze
asswipe walks up to you
good evening ladies..............
i want to show you something
i'm not interested cos i think
sales man
..........i watch as he zips down
pulls down his pants and shows us his phallus
the others run away screaming
i stand there grinning

it was a good sized one
in another circumstance
with a guy i really fancy
that would give me joy...........*wink*

Monday, February 9, 2009

Do I miss him/it????????

Dealing with grief is hard ..........very hard
especially if the person is a loved one
when i was called about Gramps-all i said was its a lie
a minute later i was packing-heading home
he was gonna be buried in a few hours
but by the tyme i got to my boss to say why i needed to leave
the dam burst.............
i somehow got the words out and made it home
being with people who share your grief can make it easier

its not like he's the first i've lost
there was maternal gramps and gran
but paternal gramps-i spent my formative years with
we were close-it hit me hard
miss you gramps..............*sigh*

asides loosing family
there also friends who have left us
school friends
people we used to work with

i believe when they go
its hard for us to take it in
but we must
cos if he/she wasnt meant to go
he/she would still be with us

a house crumbles
5 days later someone is pulled out almost no injury
same building someone who practically landed on top of the debris
who was seemingly ok-dies on his/her way to hospital

a home burns
same home
same circumstances
two people get out
one survives one does not

a plane crashes-one survivor

a car accident-a robbery

so many ways death may come

i have an aunt who says
death is a debt
we all must pay
only thing is
when it comes it comes with some thing

we hear he went to sleep and didnt wake up
or he coughed o-and that was it
he only complained of a headache
he was on a bike o
he was travelling o
na robbers shoot am o
so many scenarios

my wish for us all
that we pay the debt of death in our old age

i've seen one death too many
Dear Lord its too early in the year
to take your children home

PS:how come when i'm asked
do you miss her
all i think of is why miss her
will she give me money????

and if it is-do you miss him????
all i think of is why miss him???
will him give me money?????

but if its an ex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
his phallus....oh yesssssssssssss i miss it

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Weight & February..........

weighed my cousin yesterday...........
his father refuses to pick him....he weighs 16.4kg

we call him *eru ti o se ji gbe*(kidnappers cant get him)

he'll be two in april
i weighed 12kg at age 10
i remember cos we were weighed in school and i got the nickname cockroach
my mum came to school to warn my classmates and the silly ass teacher that gave me the name to desist from calling me such

next guy that a bloody nose

next person who got me REALLY mad *has* a chipped tooth

i'm VERY VERY slow to anger
the holy book says.......the best amongst men is he who can control his anger

the few times i've lost it
i've done things i *should* regret

i'm VERY vindictive
being able to control my anger is therefore a VERY good thing

at 12 some classmate told me he liked me
i didnt give a hoot

at 14 he sang the song again
i almost maimed him

at 15 the whole school must have *talked* to me on his behalf
i did start to date him
all he ever got out of it.........
was a side hug and hand holding

at 15 and half
next guy who liked me
used to read me poems
nice.....very nice
he stole a peck on my lips one night

at 17 i saw a pair of biceps and i forgot my name
dated him 6 months
fell in love........the first time
he had my heart and got my pussy
he didnt know what to do with it
(he was an 18 yr old virgin....forgive him.....*wink*)

at 19 i dated a guy 8 years older
he got my virginity but not my heart

at 22 i gave my body but not my heart
three years later......he got married

at 25 i tried to repeat *my previous arrangement*
but i lost my heart again at 28
sadly he wanted someone else

its been three years.........
all i'm willing to give is friendship
if i throw in my body........its my body

its february again
some guys are gonna start inventing stories
some will break up to make up later

what ever is on your plate
eat with relish

i'm gonna be pampering myself that day
not sure yet
a spa
movie(s) and good food
a good bout(s) of
mind melting
grammy award win soundtrack inducing
earth shattering

sex will be appreciated.............

Friday, January 23, 2009

Blue Ocean...............

So i heard about strip clubs in las gidi
i decided to go see
so i mailed a blogger who had blogged about her experience
and she gave me a ocean

mentioned it to A(my pal)..........she mentoned it to her boo

he said we three would go

next time we harrassed him about it.........he said not yet
later he said he needed to go see before letting two ladies tag along

Sat...we dropped off my cousin at the airport
and talked about hanging out
strippers came into the convo
we tried to go during the holidays

but he said he passed by and they were closed
we had a laff about it
'strippers on vacation'

we made it to ikeja
blue ocean still closed

na wa o
dem no go resume????????

we ladies said ok lets head home
dude says no
lets find another one
i say how?
he says the same way he found blue ocean
all he had was the location......but he found it
i'll ask people even if i have to ask a police man he said
we must find one tonight
so he goes on his mission

we stay in the car to gossip
he comes back a while later with a dreadlocked pal in tow
i said new pal was not getting into the car

ask me-wetin my own?
i be passenger myself

neways new pal takes off on a bike
we follow
when he stops
i wonder doesnt look like anything is happening
pal's boo D says-thats the same way blue ocean looks from the street

i spot someone and i chuckle
there sure is biz happening around here

really small place
walked in and did a quick survey
small cosy bar
spotted a girl dancing with the pole
took the cushion closest to her

sat back
we ordered drinks
and proceeded to watch the babe........

not bad

she did a striptease
had some sexy moves
was bad looking and as flat as a washboard
definitely not my cup of tea

next babe on had more meat on her bones..........i like
more stuff to jiggle

so we notice an oldie getting a lap dance

pal and i giggle about we decided to set her boo up

we asked him to get a lap dance
he was hesistant

we insisted

he got a glint in his eye
he said pick a girl

i picked a flat smallie(i figured-he did not have to enjoy it)
my pal said no.......she picked a cute voluptuous babe in a pink teddy

i wondered........will he touch?

at first no
but when she jiggled dem boobs at him
he grabbed ass

i knew he was in for the 'talk'
but then again na she pick......

i figured a lap dance-yes
grab ass-no
and babe has a luscious ass

after a while my pal stalks out
i know she's mad
he goes to talk to her

i'm grinning-imagining the convo in the car

i'm still watching the babes
another bootyliious babe was on
i particularly liked her red garter and make up

they had been in the car 20 mins
some dude decides i need company
yes o...he sat beside me

oturugbeke......a horny guy i no know
i no see anything o but how he no go horny....
he's been watching naked babes jiggle sturvs

i no blame am
as me sef siddon alone
maybe i dey advertise........

he then proceeds to move closer....ehn ehn
mo don jazzy re......
i get up.....get to the car..........ignore their tiff
scold them both for leaving me alone to the wolves in there

i needed to pee
we went back in
there was a big mama on when i came out of the loo
big mama should consider retirement
not a nice show-my opinion
but the guys seemed to enjoy her
she had no moves
just a lot of fat ass jiggling and droopy boobs
and vagina in ur face

we left soon after..........

so i've seen strippers in lagos
or as they are called..........gogo dancers

way back from work mon
babe ahead me in the bus
had a striking resemblance to a certain stripper
what are the odds?????????
i kept staring at her

she came down at my stop
i got a good look
not so sure though........but i still think she's the one

joint is open.....mon-sun.........7pm-5am

so i wonder
should i have gone to say hi???
and to ask why she did not go to work

ps:i'm soooooooooo loving the change in weather in lagos!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Will i ever tire???????


Silly ass conductor beats a passenger for giving him 20 naira for a 30 naira bus ride even though the guy was going halfway-no be 15 naira he suppose pay???

my 20 naira fell on drivers outfit...i kept asking for it...he kept ignoring me even though i had paid 30 naira to his conductor..........

He then proceeded to do a race with a tanker-since i had no idea if the tanker was empty,full with gas or fuel or diesel....i corrected him(this time he heard)

then told me to mind my business...he's been in the business since i told him not to tell me rubbish....just cos i'm in his bus dont mean i cant drive a vehicle...and i know you dont race on a narrow road close to a t-junction at night especially if your neighbour is a tanker.....

no one need know the last time i handled an automobile was in 2004-dad promised me a car-i learnt-earned my learners permit-no car.....swore not to bother till i can buy it meself.....that day is sooner than later.............

I caught a yoruba movie recently
babe and guy na childhood sweethearts
dem marry
years down the line
the babe tells her hubby that he knows she's never really liked sex
and she's tired of her nightly duty
so she marries him a second wive
well he eventually gets a third.......

i love sex
ever since i discovered it
2006 till date has been my dryest years

while i was never anyone's live-in-lover
i did get it on a regular
i was either in a relationship or getting it with a *friend*
(some friends come with benefits)........*wink*

so i wonder

will i ever be that woman?????
will i ever sometimes not want it????
will i ever be too tired for it???
will i ever give my rights to someone else??????

i doubt.........

i'm quite sure i'll still be riding
so long as there's a breath in my body........*wink*

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Stolen from Caramel............

Where is your cell phone? Beside me

where is your significant other? In my dreams

Your hair color? dark brown

Your mother? Brazilian oops Osun State

Your father? Greek oops Ogun State

Your favourite thing?(things)...Money,sex,food,tv

Your dream last night? Hooking up with big willie

Your dream/goal? Obedient daughter to my heavenly father,fabulous career woman,loving wife & mother...........

Your hobby? Sleeping,Blogging and looking good-which comes by default.....i was created hawt.....*wink*

Your fear? none

Where do you want to be in 6 years? Fulfilled

Where were you last night? At home

what you're not? A cheat

One of your wish list items? That my love handles disappear........

Where you grew up? Lagos.......

The last thing you did? now?.....proof read this

Your pet? used to own a fab cat.....

Your computer? mi old reliable tosh

Your mood? Horny

Missing someone? Nah..........but i miss something........*wink*

Your summer? no be everyday be summer in las gidi????

Love someone? God,Family and friends.....

Your favourite colour? Black and white!

When is the last time you laughed? a few minutes ago.....

Last time you cried? He moved out again.....mum was sooo sad....she got me tearing up.......

Are you genuine or fake? I'm as real as can be.

Any vices? i procrastinate....

Pro life or wire hanger? Pro life

McCain or Obama......Obama & Fashola

so my aunt once said
i walk too fast

that people cant catch up with me when i walk by

thats why i don't have a man she said
guys probably have a hard time catching up with the fyne gal that just walked past

a colleague said so a few days ago
he saw me go past
he was gonna call out to me
but he had water in his mouth
by the time he swallowed i don zap

*sigh* i guess i need to slow down my pace