Monday, April 13, 2009

Traffic & Prison& A Boob Massage!!!!!!!!!!

I was in a bus
one yeye traffic like that
silently wishing i could afford a chopper ride
one stupid fat fuck lastma official entered the front seat

the minute i saw him i knew he had arrested the bus
the lady beside me said he was hitching a free ride
he seats in silence for about ten minutes then proceeds
to tell the bus driver where to go to

i hissed and insulted the fat fuck
it was bad enuff we were stuck in traffic
the stupid ass was only concerneded about a quick buck

he refused every plea and journeyed with the bus in that traffic
as far as the destination we dey go.....
all the while,the bus was arrested

stupid ass mo'fucker
i don forget hin name,i for publish am sef










some guy before we got arrested
was preaching


he has been in prison since 1985
the June 12 crisis he said
he did not steal nor kill
he was a victim of circumstance

then Gov Fashola visited the prison and granted amnesty
he was one of the lucky ones

his story made me remember my time in prison
2000

we were made to visit prison so we would never have to live in one
their living conditions aren't good
they feed poorly
and most times they are innocent(the warder said so)

the warder said some people have had to spend
years on the inside cos of N 5,000 about(£20)

there were inmates as young as 15 and as old as in their 80's

the warder said
if there were..........
2 men fighting on the street
and they were arrested by the police
if no one sets bail for them
it was not uncommon to find them spend years in prison......

whilst touring
we found out
for an afternoon meal of eba and no stew/soup
the eba had been made in the morning
left to cool without a cover
while the prisoners slaved in the workshops
the idea of workshops was for them to learn new skills
so they could be independent when they get out.........eventually


people............my Alfa says

ti won ba fi damask ran aso ewon...a oni ba won ni ipin ni inu e.........Amen

even if they change prison uniforms to damask materials.....
may we never have cause to wear it......Amen






had my boob massaged twice.........





mum's been hounding me to go for a cervical smear test

while i dont live in the uk
her GP knows she has a grown up daughter

then............Jade Goody dies and she hounds me again

found time to go in over the Easter break...........


cervix is fyne.........
some thing finally went into my vagina
even if it was a metal and was administered by a female



*sigh*

then i do a breast exam and she goes
she found a lump

i need to come in tom for a sonograph

went home

no fear at all

i figure she liked the feel of my boobs and wants to touch again..........

*wink*

i go in the next day
boob massager turns out to be male

yippie!!!!!!!!!!

i got a good massage
and he was thorough with the machine
asked if i've ever done a scan before
for boobs.....................nah
for my abdomen............yea
15 years ago...........



he says...........its nurrin to fear
just a fibrous mass

a pal of mine said
since i wasn't sportin 34DD's
they should have expected a mass




neways
i got a boob massgae from a woman then a man..........*wink*

Easter was restful

how was your Easter?????????????????

37 comments:

TayneMent said...

glad you are okay!

bumight said...

1. i have never visited a prison before, ive actually been very close to one on 2 occasions, and even then i didnt like the feeling!

2. u got a pap smear yay! did u fill out the poll on my blog? lol @ "something going in ur vagina"

3. a Fibroadenoma (i think) isnt bad. on the good side, u got 2 massages

Afrobabe said...

I have visited a prison before..here in uk...they had their own rooms with beds and duvets/silky blankets...they had a swimming pool,hair salon,gym and people who cooked meals with snacks...they had tvs in their rooms....

I did my smear, it was abnormal..went in for treatment, still not allowed to have sex...

Glad the breast news wasn't all bad...

kmplx said...

*chuckles* all that on easter weekend?

LG said...

LOLLL omoge fear being catch me o' but thank God it was nothing serious'ie apart 4rm ur em...massage *winks*

9ja prisons are sumn else ' neva being there but have heard horrible stories abt em'
BTW i ditto ur 'alfa

Smaragd said...

ROTFLMAO!

u are a trip Ibi! ah-mah-zing!

Smaragd said...

and u said u didnt have gist for me ehn?

lol@ a speculum being sth inside ur vah jay jay! o serious#

boob massage by both sexes eh? I wish! lol

those Lastma officials can be such irritants, mchew! punk ass oshi

our prison conditions really need to improve! and the sad thing is what u pointed out! most of them are the poor and innocent, a huge shame.

Smaragd said...

eeya, Afrobabe, pele. no sex by force, that must suck!

CaramelD said...

I'm very happy that you are OK!

doll said...

LOL@ Boob massage
Thanx for checking up on me

Smaragd said...

Can somebody pls tell me what the eequivalent of a Pap smear is for men?

SHE said...

Don’t mind those useless horrible LASTMA people.

Amen to your prayer about prison.

Think I should have my boobs examined too…

@ smaragd: custard smear?

LusciousRon said...

Naughty Naughty You.

Prison isn't for the lily hearted.
Imagine going to court and seeing an inmate who is all set with new bathroom slippers to go home as only for his bail hearing which was set for that day to be adjourned for 4 months plus.

Easter was loads of rest.

mizchif said...

lol @ something finally being inserted into ur vagina. And yay for boob massages....i'm thinking i should go get one sef.

Easter was jus a wee bit stressful on my liver, but also restful.

Phoenix said...

Lmao @ something going into ur vagina finally!!

miz-cynic said...

ibiluv...u don conji o....dis one wey u dey happy for woman wey rub ur boob...na wa o....berra go luk for one adonis to get ur freak on with.

TDVA said...

i do the boob thing myself.

as for that smear..may God continue to deliver me from diseases...pending when i drag my butt to the hospital.

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

you are too much, babe! Glad you are fine though

~Sirius~ said...

Yikes! having my smear test on Thursday- not looking forward to it.
Damn the LASTMA guy...*hiss!

Prisons freak me out.

bArOquE said...

i hate LASTMA...boob massage sha, i'm sure you'll be alright!

1 + The One said...

lol, you are hilarious! When others would be tied up in fear of the unknown you were happy that you were going to get a "male" massage.. lol

Thank God that you are well and it was nothing serious..

Also due for a cervical smear test but ain't no one invading my privates with metal (ok ok, I know I would have to do it eventually but I am soo not looking forward to it!)

God bless xxxx

kay-shawn said...

Trust you Ibiluv, your mum was concerned about your health and all you were concerned about was getting something in your vagina and getting your breast massaged.

Tigeress said...

breast mass thing is a norm. but glad u got everything checked out.

Happy Easter!

LovePaprika said...

my easter was extremely boring!! at the prisoners...such stories are so sad but thats nija for you mehn! so sad... anyway.. I have had a boob examination before by a female lol not a male doc.. hmm.. think I should book an appointment for the cervix oh... it aint a joke but damn u had metal inserted in ur ish??? as in really? WTH? ewww anyway to those who are into freaky sex toys I guess that is not a big deal

LUMIDEE said...

Was the boob massage done by the dude good?....and the metal experience...how did it feel like....?....seem like you ommitted those "Very Important Details" and i wanted to call your attention to it...LOL....

Confessions of a London gal said...

Lol@ Afrobabe- It aint a lie o! I even heard Holloway Prison has got a beauty parlour too! Se i no go go offend like this?! Lol *God forbid*

Ibiluv- I swear you suppose win craziest writer award! Your posts always make me laugh like a mad person. I bet my neighbours are wondering the reason for he noise!

Lol @ Lasma guy seizing the bus! With passengers inside?!

Only in Naij! Lol

ablackjamesbond said...

Ibi!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jayla. said...

Lol @ something going in ur vagina.

Glad d breast news wasn't bad

Jaguda said...

only u can write like this ! glad u r ok

Buttercup said...

sorry about the arrest..nawa o..mscheew..

i feel bad for those being imprisoned unfairly..shame..

gosh, i havent gone for any of those tests..God help me..

thank God it was an all clear..

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Mojisola said...

hmm, I think this celibacy is doing things to your mind. . .glad all the tests went well though.

badderchic said...

lucky you! was the boob massager fine, perhaps me needs to go in for a breast exam. lol

ibiluv said...

@Taynement....thanks!!!!

@Bumight....its a very sad place to be in.....yep i got it...i filled the poll...*sigh*...abi...somthing sha entered...yay...two!!!!!!

@Sis....that kain enjoyment for prison.....na to dey offend dey go...i remember prisoner cell block H...the old woman-every tyme she came up for patrol-she did sumthing so she could go back......there seemed to be no life for her on the outside!!!!...not to worry....you'll soon be banging away!!!!!!!!....thanks.....

@Kmplx........yea...all that!!!!!!

@LG......*fluttering eyelashes* at massages.....

may u never have cause to go except to dash them food,money,clothes..or to preach to them....*wink*...yes o ...na correct prayer.........

@Twinny....mwah....if i had told u -the blog for no sweet u for belle....be careful what u wish for...lol...Lastma peeps are mostly asswipes.....most of them...even behind the counter peeps dey dey innocent......lol at Afro's enforced celibacy...it never hurt no one......

@CaramelD.....bless ya

@Doll......mwah!!!!!!

@Twinny...ask Bumight

@SHE...yeye lastma.....amen o...i no wear by force damask.......

@Luscious Ron....mwah...abi????...me to...t'was restful

@mizchif.....get one!!!!!!on ur liver?????.you've been naughty!!!!

@Phoenix.....berra that than....

@mizcycnic.....e pass congi...i dey find!!!!!!i never see.....

@TDVA..........let me drag the butt for you....

@Solomonsydelle.....*hugs*....i am pleased at the results too......


@Sirius....soon it will be Friday.....prisons are not playgrounds...be freaked!!!!!!

@bArOquE.....lastma....yeye people....i'm fabulous.....

@1+The One.......i did not go shopping for cancer so what's there to be scared about?????
the metal is not so bad.....

@Kay-shawn......how i for do????

@Tigeress.....i'm glad i checked it out too...dHappy Easter....

@LovePaprika...boring...how???...metal was not so bad......

@lumidee...massage was good....metal was a-ok..no pain.....no bruising

@Confessions of a London gal....beauty parlour???...my posts....i aim to please....only in naija.......

@007.....Bond!!!!!!!

@Jayla....abi if phallus no gree enter....yea...i'm glad too

@Jaguda.....i'm fab.....

@Buttercup...yay.....mscheew..get testing....NOW!!!!!!!

@Scoops.....will go there again tonight

@Mojisola.....my mind has disppeared.....

@badderchcic....get testing!!!!!!

rayo said...

i should go 4 these tests oh, been putting them off since 4eva. not exactly desper8 to have my boobs massaged.

ibiluv said...

@rayo.......it was not a desperate need but it *was* massaged in the name of lump search......

get the tests already!!!!!!!

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