Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Butt Crack....Arms Akimbo........Una travel???

Abeg when butt crack dey scratch person for road
wetin man oops woman go do?

if i waka funny
people go think say i go chop big one

if i waka normal the thing go they scratch me dey go

na so i manage o
as i climb okada sef
e still dey itch me

soon as i enter house
e no scratch me again

i tire o








i enter bus
one elderly well in her 40's
wanted to be comfortable
so she sat arms akimbo
at first i ignored it
then i pointed it out to her
moreover i be lepa sef so wetin?????
she apologised o

only to continue to sit akimbo
shuo
if she wants comfort
she should buy a car
make we bus people continue our
skin toucing games until we can afford comfort....





what do u do when u see a celebrity
as for me-it depends on my mood o
sometimes i smile,wave,acknowledge
go over for a chat and or a picture
other times i look at them without even a flicker of acknowledgement

why?
cos sometimes i'm just not in the mood to be friendly.......


saw my fave celebrity at a party over the weekend

he looked tired
i wanted to go over,give him a hug
and let him rest his head on my bosom...........

*sigh*.....his entourage no gree





effing bee of eye(FBI)...lol



last week,some yeye dogs for my neighbourhood
dey bark like say them don rabid

i was not comfortable with the noise
but hey what can a fyne gal do

some one decided to do something
he got a stick and chased them dogs away

two days later
no electricity-as usual-he was chilling outside
on his car bonnet

small time-he heard a bark
he is startled and falls off his car
does not see a dog he said
but he realises he cant get up

he is there for 30mins before someone walking by saw him
his left side was paralysed
head to foot

he is back on his feet now
left side restored
he spent a few days in hospital and in church

they say it was the dog.........

me i say

partial stroke no be beans
and to have had a full recovery
in a matter of days is a miracle.





a pal of mine was with a pal of his
i passed by and she laughed
it seemed.......with him

it seemed i was the butt of the laugh

it may not have been

i was self conscious for 10mins
then i remembered i was not carrying shit

so why would they laff at me????

but it reminded me again why the Holy book
says laughter is an agent of the devil

the prophet Mohammed (saw) only ever smiled
he never laughed

if men were to be punished for that alone
i no go smell paradise
i too dey laff
at people, with people, at myself......*wink*


the next time someone wonders about me being single
i will tell them to go read my Quran

Khadijat got married to a 25 year old hunk at age 40
yes.......she(40)...he(25)

so since i have not yet attained the ripe old age of 40
my adonis shall not pass me by

in the mean time.......before Denzel arrives

where are all the phalluses......una travel????????

30 comments:

RocNaija said...

Lol. Everly random..

At least Khadijat get sense.. No need for viagra..

Quaggar said...

LWKM! Funny post there.

Laughter is a great tonic, never lose it. Will keep you looking 23 even though 32...real useful for snaring your 25yr old adonis :-)

Tigeress said...

This is so hilarious!!!! Nice one Ibiluv!!!

But wait- which one is ederly woman in her 40's? kilode?

Fluffycutething said...

LOL which kain post be this one again???????

LMAO

Muse said...

That guy's literally going to let sleeping - and barking - dogs lie.

Nice one. Never disappoints.

Confessions of a London gal said...

You know why I can never tire for your blog?
You post about the most random yet incredibly funny things!
Ok, now i go dey worry again- Khadijat don show me say anything dey possible! :)

kmplx said...

LMAO! too funny! lemme stop laughing ba?

Jayla. said...

All hail the queen of randomity. babe if your butt crack dey scatch you just find one corner like dat scratch am well then continue with your catwalk.

cerberus said...

Your randomness is so delectable

scribble,me.free said...

lol...exquisitely random...the laugh i needed this morning

CaramelD said...

Your random words soothe me in this hectic world!

Afrobabe said...

no 11????

After begging you to update for ages, I come no 11??? So not fair...

Afrobabe said...

Celebrities..lol..i once saw Omotola at sweet sensations on okpebi, and the frown wey dey her face fit darken the whole country…I jejely ignored her as if she was one of the waitresses oh…imagine saying hello and she answering me with that smile….no be fight for start so?

lol @ the dog/stroke guy...now I shall smile at any barking dog I meet...lol..no more stone throwing...

Afrobabe said...

Babe I tire for the dissapearance of all the phalluses oh….

Smaragd said...

Her Royal Randomness!

which kain Harry Potter Dog be that?

na wa for KDJ men, 40 marry 25? so there have always been Cougars? a la Demi Moore

pls don't scratch ur butt in public. but u can pull on ur G-string sha...hehe

Phalluses, where art thou?

SHE said...

Who dey find phallus? Afrobabe don close blog?

who know, weda di dog na winch. next time, di man go look dog face well bifor e throw stone.

LOL.

Tisha said...

lol
so are you going to wait for 40
it may sound naive
but just wait for true love
or at least someone who loves you
peace

Qube The Wordsmith said...

Random post? Yup Ibiluv's blog

Love d post by d way...

miz-cynic said...

YUP! DID THE HOLY PROPHET MOHAMMED(S.A.W) also say u should go and be looking for phalluses before ur nikkah ceremony...sista ibi(wetin be ur muslim name sef)....in my case it will be sista shakiro:-with the mark under the o.lol

me sef i too dey laff....dat smile thing sounds ok i in theory but quite impossible in real life jare

i gbadun-ed this post.

ScoopsNija said...

You so funny girl. I feel you on that bus one o. Here what they do is to take up the first sit and refuse to shift.

Dont worry you wont need to be Khadijat.

~Sirius~ said...

LOL....

Goodluck to you waitng for 40- may you truely meet your Adonai then (Olorun Maje)

What's up with the dude and randomly getting a partial stroke?

rayo said...

this babe u no go kill pesin. i totally love ur posts

T-razor said...

Ol boy, for naija! you go oooold!
Berra go make serious money if u want get 25 yr old guyat the age of Forty. No be only dat, u need to get serious bad bulll dogs becos if the guy fine, which he gasto be if u'll be spending reeall money, or if he is real gud in bed which he also got to be for the sam reason, the you gotto protect ya teritory real gud.
My dear just bone try n get a 14 yr old now, al na same ting. Highest e go dey cal u anty but u can train him before u reach forty to know owner!

Toni said...

iz u riiiily sirius 'bout al dem phalu6? no nid ta shout 'bout it on ur blog fe al dem salivatn br'dren ta droozle-drizzle.

we chat al de tyme, dont wi? just talk ta me - alone. cuz u knw, Ibi, i gat u. and wit me, da phalus and its bag-of-gold r urs!

Arewa said...

Lol! I love ur blog!
As for the butt crack please don't touch it in public!!!
abeg r u in lagos? Because over-phallus dey worry us here o!

FFF said...

na where una dey see these celebrities sef? d last time i see anyone na like 2007, dem come 4 one kain film festival 4 ICC in Abj. dem too plenty, so i fashi all of dem.

u dey find phallus? make i borrow u my husband own small? am generous like dat. 4 where! lmao

FFF said...

na where una dey see these celebrities sef? d last time i see anyone na like 2007, dem come 4 one kain film festival 4 ICC in Abj. dem too plenty, so i fashi all of dem.

u dey find phallus? make i borrow u my husband own small? am generous like dat. 4 where! lmao

FFF said...

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ibiluv said...

@RocNaija.........*wink*....how she for do??????....*fluttering eyelashes*

@Quaggar.....*hugs*..i love to laff too much to loose it.....at this rate maybe its the 25 yr olds i shoud be hunting for.....

@@Tigeress....*blush*...you are welcome....she don old now...yeye woman....

@Fluffy.....i just wan make u laff!!!!!!!

@Muse....oh hell yea....he learnt his lesson.....*blush*....

@Confessionsofalondongal....awwwww....mwah...abi..if she did it...so can we......

@Kmplx...laughter na medicine...abi how dem dey talk am....laff joooo

@Jayla....i look for corner i no see o

@cerebrus....delectable...i like the word.....*wink*...

@Scribble,me.free....*hugs*

@CaramelD......now u are gonna make me cry.....*sniffle*

@Afrobabe....sweets...forgive me....celebrities are afterall human...some days are bad for them too...fans need to know when to step.....no throw stone for dog.....*sigh*....me too sis...i wonder where dem all dey????

@Smaragd.....mwah!!!!!!!!i wonder for the dog o...yes o...no b Demi start am-e don tay.....i dont do g-strings unless i'm wearing white pants...pls help me ask dem phalluses-where dem dey?

@She.....she no dey sell...she sef dey find....abi o-next tyme e go look face.lol

@Tisha.....i'm waiting dear......i'm waiting....hopefully before i turn..40.....*wink*

@Qube the wordsmith.....bless ya...

@Miz-cynic...forget that thing...he did not say so....mine starts wit an A-thats my momma's muslim name....Sh....thanks for liking the post....

@scoopsNija....i hate dem peeps dat refuse to *dress*...*shift*...*wink*....*hugs*....e go hard o...if i have to wait another 9 years before i find my adonis.....

@Sirius....My Denzel shall not come at 40....he can waltz in next year.....i dont know why i dont see it happening in 2009....the stroke guy????beats me....

@rayo......*hugs*

@T-razor....*sigh*....word....i need serious cash to get a 25 yr old,...but i'll get me a 14 yr old now so he knows who mummy is.....lol

@Toni.....finally a willing phallus.....*wink*

@Arewa....i dey lag o-which area be dat where phallus dey surplus?????

@FFF...na for show person dey see dem o...oturugbeke i was wondering at ur generosity....lol.....i could not drop a comment on bambina-will be back to try......

ManCee said...

Nne,

Lemme be your fav celebrity.
I promise-no entourage
:D