Monday, February 16, 2009

Are you ready to rumble????

Feb 14th
had errands to run and a wee bit of shopping
the sun was a killer
i growled when the bus conductor's sweat landed on my arm

got to my cousin's
laffs-stuffed my face
decided to head on home to dinner with myself

the rain decided otherwise
all the cabs had ladies
touching up their make up in them

an Uncle stays close
he heard i just left so he came to pick me
insisted i spend the night
why go home to yourself?????

i said most peeps just had their dinner ruined
with a glint in his eyes he said
*laroda ojo*
(theres no easy way to translate this
but what do you think he was saying????
rain-wet girlfriend-guy's doorstep-val's day/night)

went back to theirs
we had dinner
red wine
and watched
*why did i get married* (for the umpteenth time)
and it occured to me
they've been married 9 years
last year
she got cards at noon
lunch at 2pm(chinese)
and cake at 4pm
i have no idea what he had planned for dinner*wink*

this year
the people at her job missed out on oohing and aahing
but once again
they did not take themselves for granted
...........they have a good thing going




So conductor tonite hikes the fare by 20naira
i'm too tired to argue
I and many others
Some guy was in the mood for trouble
he decided not to pay the hike in price

conductor rants and raves
drives him past his drop
2 stops later driver stops for another passenger
conductor takes off his shoes/shirt
trust Lagosians they stopped them
i was in the mood to watch a royal rumble
moreover i was disgusted by his antics

any man that can floor you
doesnt bother getting neat
he wants you to bloody him if you can
cos he knows he can bloody you in seconds

in another life..........i have a black belt in karate
once........i had a crush on such a machine
one thing he always told those of us close to him was
*never try to catch me unawares*
guy who did
was flat on his back in seconds
and in danger of getting a dislocated shoulder
unfortunately 50 other people witnessed it

fooling around was usually tricky
you could get a broken finger
just for trying to startle him

i survive his friendship without any scars
but i think Chris Brown was wrong
any man trained in martial arts
never uses his skills outside battle
machine or not
hitting a woman...is sooooooooooo wrong

every kid of mine is gonna be skilled in martial arts
you never know when you may need to defend yourself.............









What would you do if you are standing together
a group of 6 women enjoying the evening breeze
asswipe walks up to you
good evening ladies..............
i want to show you something
i'm not interested cos i think
sales man
but
..........i watch as he zips down
pulls down his pants and shows us his phallus
the others run away screaming
i stand there grinning


it was a good sized one
in another circumstance
with a guy i really fancy
that would give me joy...........*wink*

28 comments:

Funms-the rebirth said...

im sure enuf babies were made last sat...lol. oh my, r u serious about the dude that showed his phallus....... was he sane? ive no clue what i'd do

Jaguda said...

crazy.........u write well

Cappuccine Baby said...

Lmao, you are one funny woman :D

Uzezi said...

only ibuluv the author of the soundtrack post can write this. what was the soundtrack of saturday?

Temite said...

You stayed?! I would've ran away too. I am allergic to Crazie.
"wink"

CaramelD said...

I thought you were going to have the spa day!!!

I do kick boxing because a girl never knows....

Afrobabe said...

lmao...I would have stood there grinning as well....

Smaragd said...

i only hope those babies made on saturday all live to see October/November...

that ur friend woulda broken my arm long ago! cuz i'm always tryna startle pple...lol

Chris Brown got it sooooo wrong! now i cant listen to his music without hissing! mchew,dude just ruined very good music for me, ode.

i'm with u on karate kids baby!

miz-cynic said...

yes now...i told u now....in class one day in uni at nite, when i was reading...i even blogged abt it then.is it tht thre are some categories of women these psychos think it'd be fun to show their "kini"

Writefreak said...

i'm tripped at your uncle and his wife, i love when couples keep the flame alive!

that guy must be sick!

uNWrItten* said...

hey booooooooooo!!!

rethots said...

...so, i won't accuse you of keeping me standing on falentine, you would rather convince (oops, confuse) me with this abi. Not to worry....

Lady Koko said...

hahahhaah!!!!!!!!!!! YET AGAIN....
P.S:XOXO

Nefertiti said...

I know u didn't just type Phallus... lmao.

Hey, the dude had to share his Falentine with someborry nau.

Ur uncle and his wife do have a good thing. I love couples like that.

badderchic said...

you have done it again Ibi.

doll said...

hmm

Afronuts said...

No doubt it was you Dbanj was singing for.
Grinning at a huge phallus? craze girl.

would you have accepted flowers on vals day as a gift? check out what ur fellow females said on my blog!

Buttercup said...

Aww i admire ur uncle n his wife..sweetness!

I really shud take up self-defence lessons..

Ah chris brown *sighs* :(

Wow, r u for real?? Did the phallus-revealing incident really happen???????

Vera Ezimora said...

I thot I was ready to rumble. But after reading this post, it turns out I wasn't. lol!

Babe, this ur post sha...! I throway yansh 4 u. lol.

LusciousRon said...

You are way out there.

SHE said...

What interesting experiences you have!!!

Jinta said...

never fight with a conducted, they're usually so grimy with dust and sweat you end up paying extra at the dry cleaners

doug said...

you and your love for the phallus sha.LOL

That dude must have been nuts. And you get mind o!

Naijalines said...

I'm just stating the obvious but you sure are very naughty. Very naughty indeed;)

theicequeen said...

oooh i heart why did i get married!!!!

your uncle and his wifey are too cute...

and i for run o! before person assume say as i stayed it means i 'gree....

Padosh said...

mad child. lol
Dont get the uncle par though...,

RocNaija said...

me thinks "laroda ojo" = "for this kain treacherous weather"???
Probably wrong anyways..

ibiluv said...

@Fums.....i agree on the babies been made..lol.....serious i am....sane...mostly....disturbed...yea

@Jaguda....*blush*

@Cappuccine Baby........thanks...

@Uzezi....sadly no soundtrack....*sigh*

@Temite......I stayed...you forget...i love phalluses....*wink*

@CaramelD.....I do very good karate(in my mind)......*sigh*

@Sis.....you and me both......mwah!!!!!!!!

@Twinny......i pray so too....ah he woulda warned you-if you had seen what happened that day-you woulda stuck to the warning
........listen to him jooo..he IS only human...i think he's sorry enuff to remember never to use his lethal hands ever again (outside battle)...life long dream...i want my kids protecting themselves....

@Miz-cynic....no.....its a random thingy for this guy...

@Writefreak....yea...i admire them too.....oh he is.......

@Unwritten.....where u been?????

@Rethots.....as if you really wanted to spend falentine with me...Uhmp.....

@Lady Koko.....MWAH!!!!!!!!

@Nefertiti.....i did......*wink*...oh no...it was a long time ago.....i love them too...

@Badder......I have....*fluttering lashes*

@Doll....hmmmmmmm

@Afronuts.......he sang for me.....*swoon*.....how i for do????i would have hit his head with it...i find flowers annoying....will be at urs in a hot minute....

@ Buttercup....yea.....please do...yea..*double sigh*....i am for real....it happened...

@Vera.......you arent????*wink*

@Luscious Ron......i am???...*wink*

@She...i love my life!!!!!!!!

@Jinta....no be me fight him o.....

@Doug.........i love mi my phalluses.....*wink*....he sure was disturbed.....

@Naijalines.....very very very naughty......*wink*

@theicequeen...very cute they are.....he said let me show you something...he did not say lets do anything........

@Padosh.....lol at mad child...see pot calling kettle black....people being sweet on themselves after some years being married-thats what my uncles part was about

@RocNaija.....i think you are right......