Sleep with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

una well done o
i no win anything !!!!!!!!!

www.naijabloggersaward.blogspot.com

anyway sha
as una dash me nomination
i'll make do..............

moreover the people whey win...............
dem deserve am.........





V monologues was a hit again this year

Revulva made more sense this year thanks to Omonor
Songs of praise.......a hit....again





Sleep with me...Absolutely.........

na for inside movie them talk am
i dey practise as i go take talk am........*wink*
soon as i get myself a willing dick
.....am interested in
cos its not like i lack willing dicks
the ones i want are miles away/married/in love with someone/blind to my charms





I have a great big crush on a certain crooner
never had one this bigggggg.......

*i shake my head for myself*





i recently discovered i've only being in love once
given the average human can fall head over heels in love seven times
i'm waiting for the remaining six times to happen
even if it is with the same man

cos i finally faced it
what i felt for Mel was lust








the guy who showed me his phallus???????????
(from my*are you ready to rumble* post)
he showed me
i ogled it
he put it back in
then said he was sorry
he then proceeded to say
he's been to churches
he has climbed mountains
he really has no idea why
but for the past four years
everytyme he sees a group of women
he gets this urge to show them his dick

most times people are shocked and run away
other times he gets beat up

his family.........they are tired of the shame

he walked away

i looked back at my friends
who just did not understand
how i could patiently look at *it*
not run........
then listen to his explanation

its a crazy world we live in.....

his story prompted my neighbour to tell us another

old woman
bachelor as tenant(works as bank manager)
woman had one child
a teenage girl
babe was bootylicious
bachelor impregnates her
landlady finds out
she calls dude
i know about the pregnancy
what do u wanna do about it?
dude starts to talk long story
woman says
no long talk
i'll take care of my girl and her kid
but you need to leave my home at the end of the month
dude later tricks the girl into taking some drugs
babes not only miscarries
she dies

what did land lady do?
she inflicted guy with said
phallus showing disease
crazy thing is
he needs to do his in a market
remember dude was a bank manger

they sent several emissaries to woman
she never denied afflicting guy with phallus showing ailment
she just says
she'll make it stop
if anyone can wake up her child

since no one can
he probably still does it

so the one i witnessed????
i wonder what he did.........










saw the international
i love the way it ends
cos life IS like that
you dont always get closure







watching the reader
slumdog millionaire
and the curious case of benjamin button
is bad for anyone's self esteem if it aiint high enuff
why did some guy not have that kind of undying love for me
when i was 8,13,15?????

why do i have to be boyfriendless
fuckmateless
friend with benfitless?????
in short....dickless.........

i tire o









my cousin's boyfriend's wife just had twins
she's been missing from home since the babies were delivered
she's helping the father ease his......i have no idea whats she's doing

i pity her
cos if she gets preggers
maybe she'll have triplets............
i wonder how she will explain to her fiance how she got preggers........






if you walk towards your car
and turn around to see a cutie grinning at you
it just might be me

lately.....i've just been grinning like an idiot
every tyme i see someone walking towards their car/or driving it
ermmmmmmmmmm
cute cars and delicious people only

why????

i just get this flash..........
that will be me in a few months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://naijabloggersaward.blogspot.com/

GO VOTE FOR MOI RIGHT NOW




i just saw slumdog millionaire

the reader

curious case of benjamin button

and voted for meself

i'm off to bed

had to come remind you

vote for moi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a Nominee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm wearing a tag
i'm loving it


Improve your image
be seen with me



So i went into the loo after a dude
yea its a unisex loo
i saw hair on the seats
so i'm wondering does he have syphilis?

well some crazy bugger once told me
that hair loss there
is a sypmtom of the VD
i've never had it so i've never being able to confirm




I'M A NOMINEE
MAKE UNA VOTE OOOOOOOOOOOO

erm but make my mam no discover my blog o
why say una no nominate me for most intelligent?
Fire in my Pants - Blogger who would hook up with based soley on the content of their blog
and
Hot and Sexy! Blogger you think is hot in real life

honestly..................
i'm humbled i was nominated
i really had no idea
been mad busy at work
then too tired to log onto the net at home
na Smaragd remind me this morning say i never update

so i'm updating so i can canvass for votes


How many of you know your genotypes?
mine was drummed into my ear at age 7
everytyme i see a good looking brother i may wanna have babies with
i ask him his genotype
most people find it weird that i ask
i've lost cousins cos of this(sickle cell anaemia)

i have a cousin who has still not had his church wedding
we always have to postpone
dude is always too ill to have a big wedding
he is cheating his brides mum
we are cool with the small thingy we had at the registry
but his mother-in-law still wants Sunny Ade
to play at her daughter's wedding

sadly...i lost another cousin last week
young
married
pregnant wife
a son that will never know his father

its sad really
very sad

pardon my pessimism
i dont care if my Denzel shows up
if his genotype is AS(i'm AS)
i'm running away

but once i was in love enough to go the whole hog
we decided every tyme i got pregnant we would do an amniocentiesis
but i kept wondering if God will forgive me for letting my foetus(s) die
cos we decided everytime we found out we were having a baby with sickle cell
we would let the baby die(abort)
well he chickened out(he has lost an elder brother to sickle cell anemia)


Scroll down more


A little more,





Almost


Yap………………………………………………now read.

Life is Good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PADOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

INVITE ME TO YOUR BLOG THIS MINUTE.....
HOW COULD YOU???????



Riri & Chris......dude must be fantastic in bed
me thinks he's immature and with the
beatingwhey she just chop...........
the dick must be good..............
else why in heaven's name is she taking him back???????

if na me..i care not if the dick is as good as BW...
i aiint going back after such decking!!!!!!






Cradle snatcher called me at 1140 am sunday morning
this was after he called 8pm sat night to let me know
he is in my hood
his problem??he needs to connect his printer to his
laptop
i say-its sun morn-i know noone who can help
moreover if you are online-me thinks you should be able
to do it yourself
so he says-he's tried without success
why dont i come over???
so i tell him-i've got plans for the day and they dont
include solving his IT issues........




phone rings at noon another ex
he's in my hood and he is hungry
so i say.........ransack your mama's kitcehn
or go to a restaurant
cos the holy book says you shouldn't eat food prepared
by an concubine or an ex or otherwise
dude goees haba!!!!
kilagbe.....ki le ju(we dey fight???)
i say oh no....i'm just teasing
he says oh he really needs to see my face
so i say my face is busy


Dear Lord on a sunday morning
what type of terrible soap is this(whey i take baff)??????
i was nicely asking Baba to forgive me my trespasses
so i can pray for a windfall(money not dicks)
afterall i have not fornicated in 8 months
so i'm therefore worthy to seek and find

i hereby reject and rebuke all ex's
they are ex's for a reason(s)

Baba loke as we celebrate the prophet's birth
grant me my heart's desires............AMEN!!!!!!!!



am at the salon hours later...jejely making my nails
but giving my eyes food....watching everyone
this silly ass comes in...pretty..cute kid in tow
no wedding or engagement ring
who am i to judge.......
i'm single......no kids@30 going on......

but i totally hated her outfit
if i was male i would not spare her a glance
she was trying too hard...
tight skirt......bum was squeezed in...
so you couldnt't appreciate the bum........
top too low.......boobs seeping out
thrashy not classy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but then again....to each his own.........



i just wonder.............
i watch nolloywod movies and when a guy needs to send his wife packing
he pushes her out with a ghana must go bag and a box
i look around my home now
and i wonder how many cars i'll need to cart away all
i've acquired over the years......
its irrelevant if i need them or not
they are MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and even though when i marry i know i'll have to do sum downsizing
i still know i've got a lot of little bits and pieces of me
that i'm taking along so
my new home will totally be my home

so pray tell Mr Director.......
if we ever need to act a movie
he had better get me a BRT bus to take my stuff
cos two bags wont take even my shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Names????????????

Passed by a sign

No loitering
No hawking
No parking
Military zone
Fine-deflated tires


Some guy that sells OK in my hood
has a sign that says
80% off
OK is almost free
so i wonder with 80% off
why not just hand it out for free????????
(OK=Okrika=bend down boutique)





We know when we are being lied to(most times)
but.....some times.......
the truth hurts too much
we'd prefer the lies




I was talking to a pal
and i asked...............
what names do guys calls babes they sleep with these days....

together we came up with
scelle
tata
fish
bushmeat
fowl
help me-i'm no male
i know no female wants to be called any of these names




in my dictionary a man can be a
fling
fuckmate
friend
relative
boyfriend
fiance
husband
i doubt any guy wants to answer to either of the first two names
i've never insinuated to anyone he was any of the first two
................i've had one of both



but i'd rather tumble into bed with a friend






i fancied myself getting married to a guy a few years ago

they guy i leaned on when i broke up with Mel

he is currently in a relationship

it looks serious

last night he called

all i've done lately is emails

and he asks

am i happy he is in a relationship

i say yes

why would i not be?

is it cos i asked you(him) to marry me thrice

and on each ocassion you brushed me away????



he says..........i never asked

moreover he always thought he was not good enough for me



so i said.........well i did ask you

i even asked one time why we are we not dating

every time you brushed my questions away



i knew he had major issues because we dont see God the same way

he is a good xtian virgin guy

i was scared i was gonna lead him straight to hell



me-unclean

me-definitely not Xtian



neways......he's found a good Xtian girl

if she's virgin or not i know not

wish him well

i really do



i'm someday gonna find me an unclean guy

who wants to get dirtier with me

with his body and mind and possessions

not his soul

i need his soul to be pure....*wink*

Are you ready to rumble????

Feb 14th
had errands to run and a wee bit of shopping
the sun was a killer
i growled when the bus conductor's sweat landed on my arm

got to my cousin's
laffs-stuffed my face
decided to head on home to dinner with myself

the rain decided otherwise
all the cabs had ladies
touching up their make up in them

an Uncle stays close
he heard i just left so he came to pick me
insisted i spend the night
why go home to yourself?????

i said most peeps just had their dinner ruined
with a glint in his eyes he said
*laroda ojo*
(theres no easy way to translate this
but what do you think he was saying????
rain-wet girlfriend-guy's doorstep-val's day/night)

went back to theirs
we had dinner
red wine
and watched
*why did i get married* (for the umpteenth time)
and it occured to me
they've been married 9 years
last year
she got cards at noon
lunch at 2pm(chinese)
and cake at 4pm
i have no idea what he had planned for dinner*wink*

this year
the people at her job missed out on oohing and aahing
but once again
they did not take themselves for granted
...........they have a good thing going




So conductor tonite hikes the fare by 20naira
i'm too tired to argue
I and many others
Some guy was in the mood for trouble
he decided not to pay the hike in price

conductor rants and raves
drives him past his drop
2 stops later driver stops for another passenger
conductor takes off his shoes/shirt
trust Lagosians they stopped them
i was in the mood to watch a royal rumble
moreover i was disgusted by his antics

any man that can floor you
doesnt bother getting neat
he wants you to bloody him if you can
cos he knows he can bloody you in seconds

in another life..........i have a black belt in karate
once........i had a crush on such a machine
one thing he always told those of us close to him was
*never try to catch me unawares*
guy who did
was flat on his back in seconds
and in danger of getting a dislocated shoulder
unfortunately 50 other people witnessed it

fooling around was usually tricky
you could get a broken finger
just for trying to startle him

i survive his friendship without any scars
but i think Chris Brown was wrong
any man trained in martial arts
never uses his skills outside battle
machine or not
hitting a woman...is sooooooooooo wrong

every kid of mine is gonna be skilled in martial arts
you never know when you may need to defend yourself.............









What would you do if you are standing together
a group of 6 women enjoying the evening breeze
asswipe walks up to you
good evening ladies..............
i want to show you something
i'm not interested cos i think
sales man
but
..........i watch as he zips down
pulls down his pants and shows us his phallus
the others run away screaming
i stand there grinning


it was a good sized one
in another circumstance
with a guy i really fancy
that would give me joy...........*wink*

Do I miss him/it????????

Dealing with grief is hard ..........very hard
especially if the person is a loved one
when i was called about Gramps-all i said was its a lie
a minute later i was packing-heading home
he was gonna be buried in a few hours
but by the tyme i got to my boss to say why i needed to leave
the dam burst.............
i somehow got the words out and made it home
being with people who share your grief can make it easier


its not like he's the first i've lost
there was maternal gramps and gran
but paternal gramps-i spent my formative years with
we were close-it hit me hard
miss you gramps..............*sigh*


asides loosing family
there also friends who have left us
school friends
people we used to work with
acquaintances
neighbours

i believe when they go
its hard for us to take it in
but we must
cos if he/she wasnt meant to go
he/she would still be with us


a house crumbles
5 days later someone is pulled out almost no injury
same building someone who practically landed on top of the debris
who was seemingly ok-dies on his/her way to hospital

a home burns
same home
same circumstances
two people get out
one survives one does not

a plane crashes-one survivor

a car accident-a robbery

so many ways death may come

i have an aunt who says
death is a debt
we all must pay
only thing is
when it comes it comes with some thing

we hear he went to sleep and didnt wake up
or he coughed o-and that was it
he only complained of a headache
he was on a bike o
he was travelling o
na robbers shoot am o
so many scenarios





my wish for us all
that we pay the debt of death in our old age



i've seen one death too many
Dear Lord its too early in the year
to take your children home





PS:how come when i'm asked
do you miss her
all i think of is why miss her
will she give me money????

and if it is-do you miss him????
all i think of is why miss him???
will him give me money?????

but if its an ex
him....................no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
his phallus....oh yesssssssssssss i miss it

Weight & February..........

weighed my cousin yesterday...........
his father refuses to pick him....he weighs 16.4kg

we call him *eru ti o se ji gbe*(kidnappers cant get him)...lol

he'll be two in april
i weighed 12kg at age 10
i remember cos we were weighed in school and i got the nickname cockroach
my mum came to school to warn my classmates and the silly ass teacher that gave me the name to desist from calling me such

next guy that did.....got a bloody nose

next person who got me REALLY mad *has* a chipped tooth


i'm VERY VERY slow to anger
the holy book says.......the best amongst men is he who can control his anger

the few times i've lost it
i've done things i *should* regret

i'm VERY vindictive
being able to control my anger is therefore a VERY good thing









at 12 some classmate told me he liked me
i didnt give a hoot

at 14 he sang the song again
i almost maimed him

at 15 the whole school must have *talked* to me on his behalf
i did start to date him
all he ever got out of it.........
was a side hug and hand holding

at 15 and half
next guy who liked me
used to read me poems
nice.....very nice
he stole a peck on my lips one night


at 17 i saw a pair of biceps and i forgot my name
dated him 6 months
fell in love........the first time
he had my heart and got my pussy
he didnt know what to do with it
(he was an 18 yr old virgin....forgive him.....*wink*)

at 19 i dated a guy 8 years older
he got my virginity but not my heart

at 22 i gave my body but not my heart
three years later......he got married

at 25 i tried to repeat *my previous arrangement*
but i lost my heart again at 28
sadly he wanted someone else

its been three years.........
all i'm willing to give is friendship
if i throw in my body........its my body


its february again
some guys are gonna start inventing stories
some will break up to make up later

what ever is on your plate
eat with relish

i'm gonna be pampering myself that day
not sure yet
a spa
movie(s) and good food
a good bout(s) of
mind melting
grammy award win soundtrack inducing
earth shattering



sex will be appreciated.............

Blue Ocean...............

So i heard about strip clubs in las gidi
i decided to go see
so i mailed a blogger who had blogged about her experience
and she gave me a name.......blue ocean

mentioned it to A(my pal)..........she mentoned it to her boo

he said we three would go

next time we harrassed him about it.........he said not yet
later he said he needed to go see before letting two ladies tag along

Sat...we dropped off my cousin at the airport
and talked about hanging out
strippers came into the convo
we tried to go during the holidays

but he said he passed by and they were closed
we had a laff about it
'strippers on vacation'


we made it to ikeja
blue ocean still closed

na wa o
dem no go resume????????

we ladies said ok lets head home
dude says no
lets find another one
i say how?
he says the same way he found blue ocean
all he had was the name......no location......but he found it
i'll ask people even if i have to ask a police man he said
we must find one tonight
so he goes on his mission

we stay in the car to gossip
he comes back a while later with a dreadlocked pal in tow
i said new pal was not getting into the car

ask me-wetin my own?
i be passenger myself

neways new pal takes off on a bike
we follow
when he stops
i wonder
erm........it doesnt look like anything is happening
pal's boo D says-thats the same way blue ocean looks from the street


i spot someone and i chuckle
there sure is biz happening around here

really small place
walked in and did a quick survey
small cosy bar
spotted a girl dancing with the pole
took the cushion closest to her

sat back
we ordered drinks
and proceeded to watch the babe........


not bad

she did a striptease
had some sexy moves
was bad looking and as flat as a washboard
definitely not my cup of tea

next babe on had more meat on her bones..........i like
more stuff to jiggle

so we notice an oldie getting a lap dance

pal and i giggle about it.....so we decided to set her boo up

we asked him to get a lap dance
he was hesistant

we insisted

he got a glint in his eye
he said pick a girl

i picked a flat smallie(i figured-he did not have to enjoy it)
my pal said no.......she picked a cute voluptuous babe in a pink teddy

i wondered........will he touch?

at first no
but when she jiggled dem boobs at him
he grabbed ass

i knew he was in for the 'talk'
but then again na she pick......

i figured a lap dance-yes
grab ass-no
and babe has a luscious ass

after a while my pal stalks out
i know she's mad
he goes to talk to her

i'm grinning-imagining the convo in the car

i'm still watching the babes
another bootyliious babe was on
i particularly liked her red garter and make up

they had been in the car 20 mins
some dude decides i need company
yes o...he sat beside me

oturugbeke......a horny guy i no know
i no see anything o but how he no go horny....
he's been watching naked babes jiggle sturvs

i no blame am
as me sef siddon alone
maybe i dey advertise........

he then proceeds to move closer....ehn ehn
mo don jazzy re......
i get up.....get to the car..........ignore their tiff
scold them both for leaving me alone to the wolves in there

i needed to pee
we went back in
there was a big mama on when i came out of the loo
big mama should consider retirement
not a nice show-my opinion
but the guys seemed to enjoy her
she had no moves
just a lot of fat ass jiggling and droopy boobs
and vagina in ur face

we left soon after..........

so i've seen strippers in lagos
or as they are called..........gogo dancers





way back from work mon
babe ahead me in the bus
had a striking resemblance to a certain stripper
what are the odds?????????
i kept staring at her

she came down at my stop
i got a good look
not so sure though........but i still think she's the one

joint is open.....mon-sun.........7pm-5am


so i wonder
should i have gone to say hi???
and to ask why she did not go to work??????

ps:i'm soooooooooo loving the change in weather in lagos!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will i ever tire???????

So.......

Silly ass conductor beats a passenger for giving him 20 naira for a 30 naira bus ride even though the guy was going halfway-no be 15 naira he suppose pay???

my 20 naira fell on drivers outfit...i kept asking for it...he kept ignoring me even though i had paid 30 naira to his conductor..........

He then proceeded to do a race with a tanker-since i had no idea if the tanker was empty,full with gas or fuel or diesel....i corrected him(this time he heard)

then told me to mind my business...he's been in the business since forever..........so i told him not to tell me rubbish....just cos i'm in his bus dont mean i cant drive a vehicle...and i know you dont race on a narrow road close to a t-junction at night especially if your neighbour is a tanker.....

no one need know the last time i handled an automobile was in 2004-dad promised me a car-i learnt-earned my learners permit-no car.....swore not to bother till i can buy it meself.....that day is sooner than later.............





I caught a yoruba movie recently
babe and guy na childhood sweethearts
dem marry
years down the line
the babe tells her hubby that he knows she's never really liked sex
and she's tired of her nightly duty
so she marries him a second wive
well he eventually gets a third.......



i love sex
ever since i discovered it
2006 till date has been my dryest years

while i was never anyone's live-in-lover
i did get it on a regular
i was either in a relationship or getting it with a *friend*
(some friends come with benefits)........*wink*

so i wonder

will i ever be that woman?????
will i ever sometimes not want it????
will i ever be too tired for it???
will i ever give my rights to someone else??????


i doubt.........




i'm quite sure i'll still be riding
so long as there's a breath in my body........*wink*

Stolen from Caramel............

Where is your cell phone? Beside me

where is your significant other? In my dreams

Your hair color? dark brown

Your mother? Brazilian oops Osun State

Your father? Greek oops Ogun State

Your favourite thing?(things)...Money,sex,food,tv

Your dream last night? Hooking up with big willie

Your dream/goal? Obedient daughter to my heavenly father,fabulous career woman,loving wife & mother...........

Your hobby? Sleeping,Blogging and looking good-which comes by default.....i was created hawt.....*wink*

Your fear? none

Where do you want to be in 6 years? Fulfilled

Where were you last night? At home

what you're not? A cheat

One of your wish list items? That my love handles disappear........

Where you grew up? Lagos.......

The last thing you did? now?.....proof read this

Your pet? used to own a fab cat.....

Your computer? mi old reliable tosh

Your mood? Horny

Missing someone? Nah..........but i miss something........*wink*

Your summer? no be everyday be summer in las gidi????

Love someone? God,Family and friends.....

Your favourite colour? Black and white!

When is the last time you laughed? a few minutes ago.....

Last time you cried? He moved out again.....mum was sooo sad....she got me tearing up.......

Are you genuine or fake? I'm as real as can be.

Any vices? i procrastinate....

Pro life or wire hanger? Pro life

McCain or Obama......Obama & Fashola









so my aunt once said
i walk too fast

that people cant catch up with me when i walk by

thats why i don't have a man she said
guys probably have a hard time catching up with the fyne gal that just walked past

a colleague said so a few days ago
he saw me go past
he was gonna call out to me
but he had water in his mouth
by the time he swallowed i don zap

*sigh* i guess i need to slow down my pace

Happy Sexy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Usually i'm in braids..plaits...locks
i like it
i look good in 'em
and it doesnt interfere with my favourite past time...*wink*

when i'm running late (most mornings)
i rake it in place with my hands
when i've been thoroughly ravished....*wink*
i rake it back in place with my hands

a weave is harder to manage
you need to oil it.....
hair accessories,nets,brushes,combs,sometimes gels
i just cant be bothered to have to spend 5-10 mins
on my hair on a daily
and that IS mornings only
Lord knows how many more times i have to check my coif
during the course of the day

but i got meself a long wavy weave two weeks ago
everyone seemed to like it
i did too
t'was.........sexy......

i remembered my childhood dream
hair as long and silky as Hema Malin's
or was it Rekha?

i have now decided......i'll do a weave more
maybe not always long
maybe not always wavy
but once in a while i'll do away with the norm of
braids....locks....twists...plaits....

so sleek,amingos,paloma,expressions....
whoever and whatever ur names are...
i do solemnly promise to use you more in 2009

my ex (Mel) called last week
this week he sent me an sms at 12:04 am on his birthday
i already decided i was gonna act like i forgot
but he called........so i just let slip a happy birthday

next thing i know if i remember correctly
there will be an invite to hang out........
una whey sabi am
helep me tell him
he will ONLY get a whiff........after marriage......
IF we get married.....else.....
he cant just leave me.......then 2yrs later.....

i know........once debe.....ever debe
but in this case
for him to debe;he must OWN it......
afterall i gave him 3 years.......

but then again
maybe he is just being friendly.......
i sit back and watch......
soon....wind go blow.......we go see fowl yansh




I remember 31st Dec 2000
dude i was dating then
said to me
i want your eyes to be the first thing
i see in the new year......
please spend the new year with me.........

its corny i know
we were not in love but it was sweet.........
we had only being dating about a week...
yea.........i did spend it with him....we went to church
church abi???....ask me o......we were hanging out as a group

and one of us na deacon pickin.......
he did look into my eye at the dot of midnight and we kissed
how did we manage it in church???
i no know but i remember someone hissing......lol

after church we went clubbing
please remind us no be church we from come?????


neways on the eve of 2009 ....there was no one who
wanted to look into my eyes.....

2008 was a great year.......
again and again i was assured of God's love........
my family.......i love to bits....and vice versa
my job i love...and hopefully vice versa..*a raise*.....
friends i care deeply about....hopefully vice versa
being broke didnt happen this year...yippie....
enuff money in the bank...an suv...a man that bones me silly

oops the money in the bank,suv and man na typo
those are wishes for 2009.........*wink*

wish u all a fabulous 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!


Happy New Year Blogville!!!!!!!!!!!

For Freak.......

Movies

Worst Movie: Irapada(yea......t'was shown at galleria)

Second Best: Jenifa 1/Letters to a stranger

Best Movie: American gangster


Food

Worst Meal/Snack: cant think of any...if i dont have good reviews about it......it
wont come near my mouth

Second Best: Chicken republic is da best fast food joint i know

Best: Amala...Ewedu...Fresh fish....no one does it like i do....erm maybe
momma....*wink*


Drink

Worst Drink: none

Second Best: Hollandia yoghurt......it settles my tummy....

Best: Baileys on the rocks


Music

Worst Song...just watch an hour of tv...someone is bound to spoil your lunch......

Second Best: Street Credibility ...9ice & 2face....

Best:.........Dont break my heart.......Banky W


Moment

Worst Moment: none

Second Best: getting the call-you got the job

Best: getting a grammy after a certain someone made me sing my heart out
after an eight month drought...*wink*.....t'was so good i lost
phone on the way home.....


Fashion

Worst accessory/kit: one crazy bag my aunt sold to me

Second Best: cute shoes i got at a bargain price

Best: my pink la senza lingerie..it counts...*wink*


Toy

Worst Toy: None

Second Best: None

Best: I dont do toys....*wink*..but life would be hard without my fones & lappy.....


Person

Most Difficult Person: Pa

Second Best: Mi brothers

Best: Mama...i'm grateful you were my vessel to earth.....if i had to pick...i'd
pick you again and again....


Favourite Blog Post

By another blogger...hard to pick....

By moi:..............same as above..every post is a reflection of my
mood.........shy,sad,reflective,funny,angry,horny,
happy,rich,broke....little bits and pieces of me......


Skill

Worst Skill: evaluation and report writing skills

second Best: being diplomatic

Best: Multi-tasking...working effectively & blogging




Xmas was quiet but i went and added 2 inches to my love handles.....i do hope i can do my sit ups for real......in the last 6months...i've been doing them in my head...*wink*...........Merry Xmas peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For Oyin(Kinshar)

Oyin why you wanna be all up in my biz???

here goes......

1) I love God.....i may not be that hijab wearing sister but acknowledging His
goodness/mercies/blessings upon moi and mine and trying to be a better muslim is
important to me.....very important

2) I love my mama & brothers to death(my dad.......i love him.....just not to death)

3) If i dont act soft around/with you........live with it

4) If i act soft around/with you-chances are i may let you fuck me
silly.......*wink*

5) I used to suck my tongue

6) I'm lazy

7) I did not like watching porn

8) I hate being broke

9) I think my doctor likes me.....*wink*

10) I miss that shimmery afterglow i get after earth shattering
sex.......


so i hereby pass this on to........

1) Smaragd
2) Freaksho
3) Afrobabe
4) Aloofa
5) LG
6) Baroque
7) Padosh

all ye other darlings of mine

Oyin said 7 people......if i wan write everyone name.....page go finish
...abi make i tag all of una??????

mwah

erm............i forgot......so
There are some simple rules to accept this award:
1. List 10 honest things about yourself, hopefully
interesting.

2. Pass the award on to 7 bloggers

Did you hear me cum????????

INYANYA WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nii came second
Praise third
Annette 4th

i'm elated..........

.....alas......they say i'm too old for him(Inyanya)

i should give girls his age a chance

i lick my wounds in private.......
and hope Banky W will have me back.......
i promise to be a faithful groupie......







My cousin is getting introduced in two weeks
had girl talk over the sallah holidays

when did you know it was him?


she's known him 5 years
.......then she thought
u want a whiff of this...in another life

he confessed back then
all he wanted was a little sumthing sumthing

she never gave in.........

different relationships and years down the line

they are talking one day
and he goes....marry me.....

she goes thro every reason why she should say no
cant find any..........

she's happy...........i'm happy for her







Saw my ex over sallah........Mel.......
...turns out my Gramps and his Gramps
built their Lagos Villas opposite each other

i wonder how many times his gramps and mine
exchanged neighbourly banters......

...............both dead now

his mum has moved into her dad's place
she has a cordial relationship with my grandma

everytyme i visit Gran and she pops in.......
i have this evil grin on my face

wondering if she'll ever find out
how many ways her son fucked me brains out
in the three years i dated him......

its a wonder i still have a medula.....*wink*

neways he was there to see his mum
i was there to see gran
we saw.....we said hi

we hung out for an hour later in a group

talked....laughed together as a group

for a split second..........
i wanted him to grovel
i saw myself straddling him
i saw his mum and my gran.....neigbours....in-laws.....


his fone rang...he did not pick it.....

it was her(i'm sure)....

i'm secretly hoping she's the face on facebook

i can gloat.......she's got nothing on me(she no fyne reach me)

moreover if he could not say............i'm with friends

then he's gat withdrawal symptoms......*evil grin*





sent my song in to Geisha
if una no like when una hear am
make una no abuse me o

i just hope it wasnt the other stuff i sent in
*blush to my roots*

the sound of me cummmmmmminggggggggg........

how come i have it recorded?????
i have no idea............*wink*

IT...............................

Thanks peeps for your response to 4 fingers
she now knows....even a whole fist is possible.....*wink*


So Bisola (Project fame)is out....felt sad she had to go
neways she go quick go hook up with Kodjo.....*lol*.....

make una vote for
My heart....Iyanya...i wonder if going all groupie over him
is because he is Calabar(i think).....*cough*......

Praise.....dont care

Annette.....she has a great vocal range in spite of them jugs....or cos of them...*wink*............

Nii........my Charlie.....

Made it to the doc on fri...skipped work
got some drug for my back......muscle pain he said
got a home massage......my aunt the nurse did the honours
........t'was good and cheap(free)....*wink*
blood work showed a little malaria,a little thyphoid
got drugs for them too
and spent the weekend swallowing pills

i'm much berra now........health wise
but i would really love to get a fix......*wink*.....


in the absence of a fix.......
let me tell u a story.......
story......story........


First job straight out of camp(NYSC)
a bank........job was ok..hours were good
peeps i had to work with were mostly assholes
i didnt give a hoot...needed some sort of experience on my cv
was in a branch close to my abode
but i would go to the head office twice a week to help out

.....if you've ever heard me on the phone(guys)
you really wanna see the face that accompanies the voice...........
i know it...they know it......*wink*

while i'm no Bella Naija(girl is HAWT)
but i can hold my own.............*wink*


during the course of discharging our duties
we would need to call the IT department at the Head Office
sometimes several times a day
i developed a good rapport with two guys that were assigned to us

after a while,one of them O was already talking
about browsing my website(his exact words)

i only waved it away......i was amused but not interested

three months at the job....i became a guru.....
any problem i couldnt solve was a network problem
hence IT guys..........

twice a week......tues & thursday....i was expected to head out
to Head Office to help with paper work............

was at H.O this fateful thursday
minding my work whilst gisting and someone made me laugh.........

i heard someone call out my name
i came out of the cubicle
his voice sounded familiar.......
i scanned thru the faces in my brain files

no match........

he goes...hi Ibi..
then it clicks.....ohhhh....the other IT guy....
(he's cute)
nice to finally meet you.....
(i was mentally wondering how much oil my wayward nose must have secreted)
i've got pimples............
oil on my face comes with the territory
oily facial skin...pimples or acne.....lol

my supervisor coughs.....enuff with the greeting...get back to work


an hour later the intercomm buzzes
i'm allowed to pick her calls........i pick it
its D.........come upstairs....now??
yes....

i drop the receiver..........who was it?.....
..........my call i say.....

ten minutes later....i need a break i say

be back in twenty she says......to the loo
hair in place.......check
glasses out....contacts in......check
oily nose.......powdered
lip gloss......popping...
a dab of CK-In2u..........
i pee...i clean up...i wash...
i dry...i moisturise..........

i head out to the IT dept

he's there with Mr *browse your website*
i sit..Mr website...leaves

we chat......i'm fascinated...
he shows me some of the stuff he does
i'm awed............yea....
......i love to be around intelligent people........

neways....my 20mins is up
i go back down
....now we've met
we find several reasons to call
on a daily..............*wink*

3 months later he asks if i'll hang out for an icecream after work..........
why not......yippieee.....(i'm a sweettooth junkie)
fabulous.................

he picks me a while later

we hang out till its too late/dangerous to head back to mine.....
i no complain o.........
he was witty and easy to talk to
the hours flew.........

he suggests his place.....ok i say.....
no electricity........gen was in a bad mood.....
..........fashy it we did

.......he gives me a shirt.......we take
separate showers

on his bed...we lie facing each other......
gisting..........

....my phone rings.........its 1130pm...

which kain winchy be dis??????????

Four Fingers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Project Fame

i honestly had goose pimples
before they called Iyanya
until a few weeks ago
Banky W was my favourite Nigerian artiste
he could do no wrong...........
i looked forward to him serenading moi
THE VOICE AND THAT FACE......

but i dare say
Banky......i'll continue to be a follower
on your blog but Iyanya has my heart now

the guy gives me goose pimples

and yes it was I on stage with him
on saturday
the little drama when he serenaded moi with.......
.'love,truly'.........
OMG...............now every one knows what i look like
(fat chance)

no be me
but it could have been me
that song WAS FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!

On Sunday
Nii was marvelous
his costume......fabulous

Bisola was fabulous as always

Annette...kai she CAN sing....

I dont care for Praise.....though i grudginly agree
that he CAN do things with his voice
'but i wont be sad to see him/Annette go on sat
kai i wonder how much credit i will burn this week
to keep my peeps in......



Achy shoulder...berra
Massage...next weekend definitely
Did i see the Doc...no
I'm chilling out for my annual check up thingy
after the massage if i still dont feel berra cos
i did get all the rest i needed over the weekend
and i dont feel ill so i want my consultation fee to count.......



So someone i know says you cant have four fingers in you

me thinks....why not???????

she says even after two kids...
its just not possible....

so i ask
since i'm usually not checking how many fingers go into moi....

GUYS!!!!!!!!!(and/or ladies).......
CAN an undilated(about to have a baby)...........
sexually aroused........
never had a kid before.......
never been pregnant.......
lady have 4 fingers in her???????

*wink*..........

For Gramps!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weekend was busy
a wedding on saturday
and a trip to Abeokuta on Sunday

for Gramps memorial
Its been a year.................

My cousin threatened to leave me in lagos
if i dont make it to hers at 7am
made it 720am
she wasted MY time till 820
we head out in their bus
4 adults
2 teenagers
1 maid(sorry)i dont mean this the way it came out
3 kids

about 9 am we stop to buy fuel.......just bcos
...........bus refuses to start

we are at it for 10 minutes.....e no gree
then we get a mechanic(sun Morn)..........lucky us
he is at it for 10 minutes
says we need a *rewire*
rewire surfaces.........he is at it for an hour

because we were in contact with the others
an Uncle close to where we dey
comes to meet us about 11am
with his minivan
we tow the bus to his abode
pile into the minivan
then head out to our country villa

we get there about 1pm ........
we do all the hellos
I particularly avoid an Aunt
who will only say hello after you let her
touch ur booby

no marra who u are
na so she go greet u

if to say i no know say she's very straight
i for fear...........


we clean up
settle down
pray for Gramps soul
take pictures........dance and feast!!!!!!!!!!!!
........goody!!!!!!!!!

at about 4 pm
we clean up
and pile back into our vehicles
and head back to Lagos

not one of us resides in Abeokuta.......

Gramps..................
i love you and miss you dearly
just to let you know
we are all...........

your 2 wives(shoulda being 3 but we lost his 3rd wife)
12 children
37 grand children and counting(i'm number 3-first female).....lol
3 great grandchildren and counting

.........saying Alihamdulallahi cos we are sure Paradise
is were you reside!!!!!!!!!!!!





i've been getting this back aches
my shoulder aches...it has become constant
i want a massage so bad(a greek massuer please)
cant find the time and i kinda need a referral
can anyone recommend a good gym/spa i can get one

or i just may see my doctor
cos i just remembered body pain for me
sometimes preceeds a malaria bout........


or maybe just maybe
na this drought dey cause...........*wink*

Pot Pourri

Caught World Music Awards on Ait last night

The Russian guy...must be gay
Akon...suave
The Dokpesis,Keke,D1,2face....looking good
Estelle....fab
The Mid-eastern act...i liked



heard the phrase........"thanks for having me".......whilst watching a movie
and i smiled.....cos me thinks when u spend *tyme* wit your boo and you are leaving and you say those words.....i guess you are saying thanks cos he/she not just "had" you over but also probably "had" you......*wink*.....




i've been following Project Fame Academy on Ait....i have my favourites

I have a crush on Iyanya(can anyone mail me his number??.......cos everytime he sings.....all i hear is the song by Jennifer Hudson in Dream Girls.."One night only".....i would love to spend one night with him...*wink*........

I love love love Kodjo's voice

Bisola needs to pick the songs that make her sound like the dynamite that she is

Annette has a lovely vocal range

Nii is fabulous

Onyemechi is great

Praise is aiight

Dorcas/Caro need to go home.......
sadly Kodjo, Bisola & Iyanya are all on probation this week...
wish i could vote online............





Mom asked my Aunt to get her some jewelry-i asked for a bracelet.....when it arrived.....she(Aunt) went above my price range.....and i loathed it on sight...so i asked that it be sent to mum but my (jobless) cousin lost it in transit.........so i will have to pay for something that i hated on sight but which is now missing......ohhhh she(cuz) is gonna pay somehow......someday.........






So some guy in the news....rapes a girl in his car and falls asleep....she drives him to the police station and jail.......na so Baba Loke go dey make my enemies fall into pit whey them dig for me......amen!!!!!!!!!





Muri Okunola saga...is Harry dead yet???.....





*I love you*...last time i said those words to a man
and meant it..............
last night(was talking to my brother)....

ok.....before you all ask...last time i said it to a man
that is not family and i meant it......
Sept 2007..............
a man i have never boffed and i probably never will.........


i know una go ask.....last time i said it and meant it
to a man i had boffed..was boffing...and i had no plans at that time to stop boffing........................
.............2000........


Catching Quantum of Solace tonight........
Freaksho & Sirius say it didnt do much for them.........
my colleague at work says other wise
so......i'm gonna go see.........

LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dont sell yourself short
if you are in love with him
Dont kill yourself trying to keep him

If he's gonna leave you
theres absolutely nothing you can do about it......

How Best Do we Express Love????

A friend once said the only way to express love is by boffing(sex).......

another said-sex is the only thing by nature known to man and animals alike
that gives pleasure.....the best known to man......

another said for God so loved the world
........that He gave us sex............

if it was meant for pro-creation ONLY
how come ecstasy is involved????

we worship,feed,sleep,pray.....
other activities of our daily life.........

some we enjoy immensely
some we don't particularly enjoy
but only SEX initiates ecstasy.....

through the ages..........
some have killed for it
others betrayed for it
age,colour,creed,religious,political,social affiliations.........
don't matter.........


ladies.....
if the phallus didnt give so much pleasure......
would you touch it????

damn thing isnt good looking......

your lover may be drop dead gorgeous
but other than the fact that a good sized phallus
promises an earth shattering tyme

we probably wouldn't have them things near us.......

i'm no male
i have no idea if men think vaginas are good looking
but me thinks for guys as well
its all about what it can do
not what it looks like

cos if it was about looks

we would all die virgins...........*wink*....

Class Rep 2

So we get home
laugh and imagine her reaction......

an hour later the
Speaker to Student Union Govt(SUG)
comes to visit
one of us is dating his cousin and roomate

we tell him what we've done
he laffs and decides to chill
she'll come fully armed he says

as expected......she comes with a whole gang of people.....
angry mob they sounded like
were they armed?with anger....yes...
with violent stuffs????...no.....dem be church people.......

through our bolted door and window
we laff at all her/their ranting

then she says i'm headed to the speaker to report...........
speaker says speak up-i'm right here in Ibi's room

he then says you have to return their money
then they will return your stuff

tell your gang to leave
i'll ask Ibi to open the door
do remember if any sort of violence breaks out here
i shall personally report to the House & the VC

we opened the door and let her in
she saw her stuff was safe

she promised to give us the money in class tomorrow
we promised to bring the bag to school
but only to drop it IF our money was returned

these in the presence of SUG Speaker

she and her gang leaves

we laff some more

all was well in our kingdom

i fear to imagine her with broken limbs if......
she/any of hers had touched a hair of our skin.......

while WE had never being members of any *affiliations*

my ex knew to *BEG* me when we broke up

oh.....he had to be sure i had no hard feelings

he and his babe were due to be.......

all i needed to do was cry wolf to my......

Police or Thief??????

So i'm in a bus riding home
silly ass tax collectors stop us twice already in 3 mins

just when we thought
we were free

we see them again
conductor is mad

decides to ignore them
them no gree

one jump in front
another raise gun
kai i dey window beside the gun welding idiot

was kinda amused........usually i get raving mad

just when we were all telling conductor
*answer them make we go*

this car pulls up beside us
and proceeds to come down

na snr officer

whats happening here?

why start a traffic jam??

release that bus immediately
i'm pleased
every one in the bus says
Oga God bless u ooo
no mind them

Ole Ole Ole

i couldnt help laughing
Olopa don turn ole........

LOVE IS.......................

...a lifestyle
...an attitude
...a decision
...selflesss
...giving
...caring
...kind

.....a smile
.....a kind word
.....a good deed
.....doesnt expect anything back

most of all
.....loving yourself

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i turned 30 today
was gonna have a big bash
but i don posstpone am

year 2013
i go call all of una........

i'm feeling loved
my fone rang every 2 mins from midnight

to all my friends and family that remembered

thank you.............i love you all

to those of u who forgot.......i plan to forgive you all next year
IF you remember

to those i consider friends but do not have an inkling of my birthday
next year i shall not forgive you if you forget........



We write our own scripts
live in what we ourselves create
and we are ultimately responsible for
everything
that happens to us............

cant remember where i got this from
but i concur......

My tendencies...............someone asked!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i caught a movie
king has a rule
any young man that works in the palace must be castrated

Queen no gree make them castrate a particular guy
cos she fancied him as a boff mate so she changed the castrator
to a trusted man......

i wonder what will happen in part 3 when they catch them..........






So my tendencies..........

na one babe make them think am ooooooooo

we needed to donate money for something in school
na 100 level i dey

na so we donate to class rep

two weeks later no project no money returned

na hin i broke oooooo
i ask for my own
na so my people...3 other ladies ask

she talk say she go give us back

a week later ...no money

na so for class one day
we 4 go meet am
return the kiishi........abi u don spend am????

no i havent...........i just keep forgetting

ok no wahala............dont forget tomorrow

tomorrow she no come class...........

na so for evening we 4 plus one attache go her house

we all wear black pants-battle ready outfit......abi no b so????

as we reach her hostel ask for her
the first person we ask look us-up....down she say no
she no dey this hostel
we just laugh..............

na so i tell my peeps make them chill
i see one toaster-na so i tune up my foney voice
how u doing?i need to pick up an assignment from D
do u know where her room is??

na so guy grin show me the room

i go back to call my peeps
room was ajar.......
she no dey room

we searched every where
upturned her bed
looked under the mattress...locker..bags...boxes

two of us no dey see meat
dem chop the meat whey the girl cook for pot

another one see pad soaked in bucket

after all our ransacking
not a dime..............

so we took
her bag
a few books(we be classmates-we know whats important)
and her iron(iron na serious thing to own in school o)


then we dropped a note

YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE
YOU ARE A DIRTY LITTLE THIEF
SEE SOAKED PAD IN YOUR ROOM
YOU NO SABI COOK SEF-MEAT NO SWEET

IF YOU WANT YOUR BAG,IRON&BOOKS BACK

RETURN OUR MONEY!!!!!!!!

we left singing songs and feeling good with ourselves

kept our hostel and room door locked
we expected her to retaliate..............

Honesty na best policy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Red sapphire

The Rules:
1. When you receive the prize you must write a post
showing it, together with the name of who has given
it to you, and link them back.

2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more)
that you find brilliant in their content or design.

3. Show their names and links and leave them a
comment informing that they have received an award

4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and
those you give the prize (optional).

5. And then pass it on!

......*blush*....
this is late but better late than never they say.....

as you (Red Sapphire) dash me honesty award...........
no be my fault if u see the kain bulala my
mama beat me when she taught me the honesty lesson
u for understand why i honest like this......


i was 7...mama wanted to teach me the 'be honest always' lesson........

day 1-sweep the room.....i did....there was 1 naira coin under her praying mat
-i picked it up and put it in my pocket......

spent it on sweets later........

day too.....same scenario......

day 3..she must have been watching-just as i dropped it in my pocket
she walked in..........what is that she asked?nothing i said...
did u see any money?

no i said...na so she say open your hand and empty your pocket
na dia she see the coin......na so she lock door......ah
temi ti bami(my own don meet me)

no one to save me o...she beat....she beat..........
na so my palle dey shout.....no kill am o......
she answer-na me born am if i kill her i go born another!!!!!!!!

shuo????

kai my malle beat me that day ehhhhhhh

i asked her later if i was adopted

after the beating
she carry liniment put for my body give me panadol
coca cola and fried fish to step down.........
she come ask me 'do u know why i beat u like that?

i dey chop fish i only shake head

NEVER EVER TAKE WHAT IS NOT YOURS AND
DONT U EVER LIE TO ME OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY!!!!!!!!

lesson learned!!!!!!cos walahi to this day i remember the
way my body smarted-its a wonder my skin fresh.....*wink*!!!!!!!!!!!!


ok back to awards
Red Sapphire.....thanks love

who i go dash????-u don already dash ladyguide,enigma,afro,fff,funms,parakeet,baroque,emilia....

i hereby dash my awards to twinny......u know now
if not u who else???...her blog is like a summer breeze

freaksho....his mind???? a wonderful gift

charizardandbuttercup......two for the price of one.....why ever not???

solomonsdyelle...her kids......i love.....abi she go dash me????

007......his posts.....lovely writing sytle.....

madeinnaija.....where else but blogsville would we find
someone as precious/eccentric as u????

ubongda.....i miss......

tejuola.....sweets we need another series!!!!!!!!!

theres always miz-cynic,doll,uzezi,teediva,mz dee,shubby doo,unnaked,fluffy,geisha.song,afronuts,ozaveshe,ninestein,laspapi,speechgirlbucknor,freshandfab,nyemoni,princesa,tubman,oluwadee,nigerican,inyamuakut,duchess-duchessofnaija,misstairebabs.thekushchronicles,aphroditesearch,aloofaa,plastik-musings,fragito,anotherwomanslife,womanonthebrink,rhea9914,shacrown,agbero,ashewo,shiraoko,rethots,anannimos,cogitations-on-the-web,zara,eyemuse,obalichi,moaboy,sprezatura,ejura,allied,cat-dragged-in,darlingoma,sprezatura,tininu,mscocoabrown....dem remain i swear cos i peruse about 200 blogs.....lol.....but i'm tired of typing...no vex....love ya all-everyone has a different style but that what makes us who we are.......





wetin u say make i do?make i tag dem tell dem say i dash dem award abi????

i go try remember..........*wink*......

You Bit Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was the year 2000-the month of september.............
i was on a camping trip with mi late night loving club to one of the northern states

got my first ride on a bike-(okada) t'was fun

another opportunity to meet and make new friends-males and females...
as well as new toasters

so i met C
goodlooking but fair skinned
looked,talked,walked,acted like a man with a string of girls(exactly the type of guy who wont get a whiff)

i made a female pal-we fast became close
dude would spend day tyme with moi-promise me heaven and earth

and spend evening tyme with my new female pal..........he must have got a kick from it

one of them nights we had a competition
u loose......u down half a bottle of small stout

at the end of the game i had a bottle in me

he had downed 2 small bottles

he looked,acted,talked tipsy........a man who cant handle his alcohol i cant stand.......

i do remember that on the last night of camp-dude said to mi-
if i leave without shagging you Ibi-i don fuck up

that was enuff reason to let his woody hang
(even hard......it didnt look interesting)

i told him to go to my new female pal-she may be more receptive.......
he left.....to this day i have no idea if she was a lot kinder than i was..........

three years later
we hook up in lagos

he invites me to motherland
i love Lagbaja but hadnt been............
so i accepted

fateful friday-we hook up
the ride we were gonna go with-acted up
we grab a cab and head there


he offers popcorn-no
suya-no
a drink-alcohol-no
juice-no

dont u want anything??
i'm fine

all i want.........u already gave
watching Lagbaja perform live!!!!!!!!!!

he downs two big bottles
gets louder by the min
i aiint fazed

there were other acts,comedians
......in all

i had funnnnnnnnnnnn

we leave at 4am
too early to head to mine
we head to his

we get to his
i'm beat
head to his room
lie down

my senses are on red alert...
i had on a knee length skirt with a slit

true to type
a while later his hands start to wander
i sit up and without mincing words

i aiint no virgin
i do like sex
but i aiint fucking you
not tonight
not ever
if you are not gonna let me get an hours sleep before i head to mine
i can go wait the hour in the living room

but then again i dey wonder.........
how safe will i be with his druken flatmates
if i head to the living room....

sorry he says......i'll let you be

i fall asleep
a while later i feel his hands on me


i try to get up
dude gets rough

i'm trying to free myself
stop.....relax he says
stop.....chill he says
stop.....please he says

he gets rougher
he says.....please i need this

i realise no be joke o
this guy go fuck me o
abi na rape me sef at this rate


OH GOD
WHY DID I WEAR A SKIRT
I'M STRUGGLING
i'm close to tears
pls stop....pls stop....pls......


yeeepaa.......his finger in my punny????
i dont want this i say......u are wet he says

this realisation gives him ammo
na so dude wan tear pant ooooooooo

ah for this Lagos?????


I BIT HIM ON HIS SHOULDER
i must have tasted blood

he screams.......arrrrgggghhhh
YOU BIT ME!!!!!!!!

na so he release me
i scuttle away......grab mi bag/shoes

as i dey waka commot i still dey hear
Ibi......u bit me...........

i no look back o

wait he says
for where??????

i get to his gate-locked
i was ready to tear it down
was about to go wake up his flatmate(s)

Baba Loke loves mi o
his neighbour steps out
opens the gate

Good morning i say
the guy dey look mi one kain
i no send ooo
walk as fast as possible

get to the busstop
get a bus to maryland

na so i begin shake
abi na shiver
abi na convulse(my doctor says na shock)

i cry small sef
the guy beside me for bus dey look mi

i just dey think am
ahhhhhhhhhh na so them dey rape person oooooooo


i get to maryland
by now C has called 8 times
i aiint picking
get a cab-to mine

got home
had a bath
breakfast

lights off
windows drawn
fones on silent

go to bed(must have been 9 am)


i wake up about 5 pm(no nightmares)
i return all missed calls
except C's............


call mi closest pal
we talk about it
laff about it


i finally pick his 30th call.....
about 9 pm

i'm calmhi i say

i'm so sorry he says
i didnt mean to be rough
i just wanted you soooooooooo bad
you do things to me

in fact you had me in knots all night
i do apologise
but Ibi..........
you didnt have to bite me
i would have stopped if i realised you really didnt want me

i said
ah u for no stop o
you were like an animal
beyond reasoning
i wasnt taking chances
you for do.............
then blame it on the alcohol

i like u C
i could never date u though
and i sure as hell aiint fucking u

but i do forgive u
as for biting you...........i'm glad i did

take care of u
thanks for taking me to motherland
i had fun


i honestly felt no animosity towards him

but if he had entered

hmmmmmmmmmm

no be only bite i for bite am o
i wasnt suspected to be a female cultist in school for nothing o
i had/have certain tendencies...........

LETS GO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go where?
i no know..........lol

We dey fast
no talk about gbenshing
no thinking about it
no doing it
no writing about it
commenting about it
watching it
reading it
dreaming about it

kai..........i will survive

i am that hair covering,sock wearing,glove wearing sister
dressed like a woman in purdah..........

even as i am the above.....................
it dont change the fact that i looovvvveeeee sex
i love to think it
dream it
fantasise about it
do it
talk about it
think of new ways to enjoy it


i am............i am..........

so i read somewhere a loooonggggggggggg tyme ago

in the month of Ramadhan
married couples can play with themselves during the day
(if they wish)..........emphasis on married
so long as there is no copulation and ejaculation

the fast remains valid

so decided.........this rule i shall follow

what does it matter if i aiint married???????????

and.........


at night

what do u think??????????

From Fluffy

Are you clean???????

How often do you:



take a shower - once a day, hardly ever twice!!!


brush your teeth - Once a day


floss - after meals


wash your toilet - everyday


wash your tub/shower - once a week


dust your furniture - weekly


Windex the windows - monthly


let your dirty dishes sit in the sink/on the counter for more than 1 day?
more than a day??????????NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!a few hours at most


Use a washer or hand wash your dishes? hand wash only-it makes sense to wash plates once i clear them-i already walked to the kitchen........no?????


wear the same jeans over and over? if its black-2months or thereabouts if its blue-2weeks at most


wear the same bra over and over? same bra two days in a row.....no no.....and they get washed weekly


wash your car? when i get one-definitley once its dirty-boys whey dey do car wash need to chop!!!


clean the interior of the car? soon as i see dirt


cut your toenails? weekly


wash your bed linen? forthnightly


use wet toilet paper (they make those now) instead of dry toilet paper?
water works just fine


vacuum? no rugs-tiles only


wash your fridge? weekly


put your laundry away after washing them? immediately


take your garbage outdoors? its outside-i empty it weekly

Do you:

dump trash out your car? nope.


leave leaves or seeds lying around on your coffee table? no cofee table


collect junk mail unintentionally? all the tyme


have bills everywhere but in one spot? nah


have stains on your carpet? none if i can help it


have dirty handprint marks near your doorknobs or doorways? Nah


toothpaste gels in your sink? never


toothpaste/water splash marks on your mirror above your sink? Nah


have a mop? yea


How do you disinfect?

Dettol(for the Naija people LOL)- Plenty plenty



i tag-Enigma,Freaksho,LG,Afro,Smaragd,007,invisible,miz-cynic,chaari,fantasy queen,shubby doo,dark cat,badder chic,funms,lady koko,jaguda,geisha,sprezatura,doll,fff,aphrodite..(I'M TIRED)
ok i tag EVERYONE tag reads mi blog!!!!!!!!!!!!

5 Thrusts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7years ago.....was in sch...well it was one of them
outings with that club of mine where we like
late night meetings.......

went from our uni to another 2hrs drive away.....
1 female and 3 guys

3hrs later-this dude is shatting me up.....
i'm loving the attention-one of the dudes i travelled
with from my uni had been trying to date moi for about
6 months so he wasnt enjoying the attention i was getting
or the fact that i was obviously loving it....

dude chatting me up-lets call him Jay-stays glued to my side...
all this while guy from my school-(lets call him Sean)
his frown gets darker by the minute.....

we've been there 6 hours....meetings done-
it was tyme to joli..........
Jay's crooning in my ears-next thing i know he's
asking me to marry him-dude has known me 6 hrs.....

i'm basking in the attention not believing a word
of all the love he is professing-he(S)is married
with a pregnant wife so i know
he just needs to get laid cos he's not been
getting any at home.....

fast forward to midnight i'm tired-dude(Jay) no gree mi dance
so i'm tired from the inactivity i say i wanna sleep
he offers me a bed-we usually have this late nite sturvs
in hotels-so i go in-he decides to lie beside mi-
i'm too tired to bother

next thing i know he's touching-i just let him be
he gets bolder i swat his hands off

he keeps at it
i decide-make i see werrin he wan do

...........the twins are freed
i'm looking into his eyes
no longer feigning sleep
he keeps at it

bra off
shirt off
jeans off
pants off
i pause.........

he says pleassssssssseeeeeeee
i ask why he is begging(ish pisses me off like crazy)


he says let me in-
just the head
i ask how that will help him
he pleads
pls just let mi thrust 5 times
so i tell him
make it worth ur while cos you are only gonna get 5


he puts on protection
he goes in.........(nice)
first.......second.......fifth.....

i slide out
get up
dress up and walk out

his jaw must have been on the floor............

back in the hall
i pull up 3 chairs
made miself a makeshift bed and doze.....

news travels....no?
cos Sean found out
not sure if Jay bragged or if Paul a pal of Sean said
sumthing cos he saw me come out of the room with Jay.........

all i know is Sean insulted/abused/teased
me the whole 2 hr drive back to our uni the next day

i didnt even bat an eyelid
i let him rant
all the while reading a novel..........

its my vagina............no?????
i can dash whom i wish

Mel and I.......................

I am still single 2 years after Mel......

......he was MY chocolate.....

i went into that relationship with every intention to just have fun.........

go clubbing,eat out,shows,concerts-name it-we did it.....sleep cuddled in his arms,gbensh(earth-shattering,mind blowing)....,eat,watch movies on the couch all day...he would catch up with work when i was asleep...i always knew when he would slide out of bed......i would walk into the living room to find him buried in his designs(graphic artist)........he liked to go running sunday mornings....every second with him was bliss......

we are both bats......he only takes his(glasses) off to gbensh and bath....

i take mine off in familiar surroundings.........

of them all(lovers i have had-ask Angelina Jolie only 4)...........he is the one man i was ready to commit to...i would have literarily climbed the highest mountain for him.......
yea i know he should have done the climbing........

he would call just to hear me voice he would say.....i had access to his home,friends,sister but not his folks(wasnt looking forwad to access then either).....by the tyme i fell....i fell HARD!!!!

told him i wanted more cos i don fall..he said
**i think i am in love with you too**......

i broke that rule...ladies never say it first they say...
i was past caring......we then pussyfoot around the subject for 8 months
then he comes over to mine-says we need to talk.....we retire for the
night at 10 and talk till 5am.....we didnt even shag...
we had to get up to go to work....

i'm feeling...after this(THE TALK) we would be headed for the altar in a yr........only for dude to disappear from my life........
we hook up 3months later......he needed to clear his head he says.......(i for don know say na lie abi)

we hang out at a jazz concert then head on to his-i'm looking forward to heart stopping boffing..........i'm riding him and i see a card on his wall......a val card......didnt send him one-all i got was a text from him wishing me a great day(it was during his 3 month head clearing session).....and i start to cry-snivelling...tears streaming down......he turns me over to ride me.....he notices the tears just as bright ligths go off in my head......

he cradles me but doesnt ask the reason for my tears....

.........i dont say either......

he calls me two days later and i ask him to loose my number.......

we got together last yr when his younger sister got married......i kept my distance whilst still secretly yearning cos i can draw it(the offending val card) from memory!!!!!!!!!!!!

after the wedding-he came to mine a week later-we talked-said he thought i cried cos he was hurting me-and i asked if he got bigger in the 3 months hhe took to clear his head-so i told him about the card.....he said it meant nothing...i'm sure it did i said...just that the name in that card stared at me amongst the names in the wedding train.......

......u dont have to lie to me i said....i can take it-the truth.....
all u had/have to say is i no love you.......

....he called me a few months back when i changed jobs to say congrats........crazy thing is i still kinda long for him but i've resigned myself to the fact that i cant have him.....but if he calls me up today....tomorrow....next month

....i might go back to them arms......t'was such a perfect fit.........

KNEADING 2......................

freshened up.....got to the meet looked for my ex....
found him...found a spot beside him.....
we exchange pleasantries.......
said i was looking good and doing things
to him with me voice........i just smiled.......

everyone gets down to biz.......its 1am.....
ex whispers how long am i gonna be...i say another hour
.........asked which room i was in.....first floor...
second door on the left...meet u there at 2am he said...
meeting would still be in progress.....


i set my mental alarm.....most of the stuff i
would need to give a full report on-would have been thrashed
........2am.......

i get up...head towards the loo.....didnt want
smallie following me....head for the stairs.......
in my room...minutes later a knock.....my ex......

he comes in..........turns the locks.....no words
are needed..i had boffed this man for 3yrs.....
he gave me my first orgasm......
and there were two before him.......

...making out was as good as i remembered......
he is the originator of my fascination with fingers in me
......he could make me cum with his fingers(G-spot finder)........
now if it was him that had his fingers in me hours earlier...
i for no fit write them minutes again oooooooo.........

so we grope,lick,suck,touch,flicker,kiss......
i got the orgasms i needed....good man that he is...
my pleasure comes first.......he makes to have coitus
.......no i say......

.........*&^%$£%$^&.......i'll make you come i say...
you cant without coitus he says....
try me i said with a glint in my eye..........

.........i'm cleaning up a while later......
i'd rather that,than swallow his cum......
he had this silly grin on his face......
you are the first girl that has ever succeeded.......i have hidden talents i say.....

minutes later i usher him out......went back downstairs......
council meeting ended about 4am......back to my room....
was about to turn out the lights......i was gonna have to get up by 7am
....a knock.......my kneader...........

go to bed i say......
but we had an agreement he says.....
i open the door a crack and say.....boy........
go to bed...what did u think i was gonna let you do??????

dont worry-in a yr or two u will find a girl your
age ready to let go of her virginity........

someone down the hall laughs........i lock my door......
turn out the lights and send Mel a text.....
will be at urs about 5pm-see ya....je te manque......bientot!!!!

incase you are wondering......when this happened
ex was engaged-we broke up the year before(03)...
started dating Mel two months after i broke up with ex.....
by the tyme this happened-Mel and i had been an item 6 months
..........i didnt cheat on Mel with ex.........or did I????????

KNEADING 1..........

....So i got to surulere 7:28pm
my Aunt was in the living room
i too respect the woman oooooo
na ma mama elder sis
she no gree me kill her only daughter


cousin's laptop has a virus
on my flash or hers.........files no show


on her laptop e dey show
so i practically formatted her laptop
as well as her flash


if it is on her desktop at work
.........it will crash.........


i am flash files-less

mad that i lost office related documents i had on it
can always retrive it though.......

pics and sturvs???
will start a new library

never will i let her touch my stuff again
....never...........

poro luving friend called to apologise
she agrees its partly her fault
cos of her hurry..........


bottom line-i will survive








............4years ago......
i was actively participating in a youth oriented organisation
late night meetings were our speciality........

i was a member of everything
usually holding down exec positions


i had two meetings that night

first meeting was scheduled to hold in my room
9pm-10pm we agreeed........
second meeting was scheduled for 10pm
and would probably last till dawn..........

first meeting in progress......i was cold
i owned this big wrapper.......used it to cover my legs/feet...

dude sitting beside me decided he was also cold
wrapper was big enuff for two
moreover na leg i wan cover........had on a red shorts.........

a few minutes later his hand lands on my lap.....
i dont flinch.............

.......i'm taking minutes..........

a few miniutes later he gets bolder...
i allow his hands to caress.......

.......whilst still ignoring his ministrations......

he moves up...........not even a sigh from me........

...i'm scribbilng so i can later transcribe....

he finds me panties......starts to play with my lips
........i bend down to scratch non itchy feet........
he gains more access...........

..........i hear him gulp.......

.........i'm scribbilng...........

he gets bolder.........
one finger makes an attempt.........
i move closer to edge of the bed......

.....more access...he goes in.....scribbling

he's drooling...........

...........if anyone else in that room noticed .....
they didnt bat an eyelid.........

........he has a field day...........


meeting ends......i usher everyone out........
need to prepare my notes for the next meeting......


he hesitates at the door........

come back after the meeting-i say.......


Does it matter i am 5 years older??????..........
i figured dude needs to practice......

I needed to freshen up.......




......my ex was in the building......
i had bigger fish to fry............**wink**



ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!

At a local college dance, a guy from America
asked the girl from Sweden to dance.


While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze,
and says, “In America, we call this a hug.”


She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.”


A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek,
and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.”


She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”


Toward the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later,
he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to
have sex with her, and says,
“In America, we call this a grass sandwich.”


She says, “Yaaah in Sveden,
we call it a grass sandwich too,
but we usually put more meat in it.”







Three women were sitting around talking
about their sex lives.

The first said, “I think my husband’s like
a championship golfer. He’s spent the last ten
years perfecting his stroke.”


The second woman said, “My husband’s like the
winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into
bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps.”


The third woman was silent until she was asked,
“Tell us about your husband.”


She thought for a moment and said,
“My husband’s like an Olympic sprinter.”


“How so?”


“He’s got his time down to under 11 seconds.”

IRATE IBILUV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went to see my aunt yesterday-decided to
share mi pics with my cousin-my pal was headed my way
to hook up with her phallus so she
was hurrying me up.....so i let my cousin have a
field day with my flash............

only pictures abi???

idiot copied all my files

saw her trying to do more than pictures
said she wanted my raunchy file too
didnt mind sharing cos i know all my personal
raunchy pictures are on my laptop which doesnt leave my room
and is passworded berra than fort knox........

BUT i should have monitored the transfer
cos all she did was delete all
my files from my flash......

pictures,documents(personal&work related),blog notes
i wasnt here(blogville) last week so i used the weekend
to write posts enuff for 2 weeks now she has them all.........

annoying thing is she wants me to come get it.......
she is so lucky i live 60mins away......didnt find out
till i was winding down last night-if it wasnt that late
i would have gone right back to hers......

whatever happened to her sending it all back via mail?????

she has come up with every stupid reason imaginable
why she cant send it back via mail*&&^%$£%^**

she must have been born stupid cos all she had to do
if she wanted to snoop was copy
not delete from my flash...........

i would have been none the wiser she had all my info...............

........the secretive idiot-she never spills-but likes
to hear it all-i am a chatterbox-so i've learnt-staying
away from people keeps me from spilling-if i dont get my files
via mail by COB today MONDAY the 18th August-i'm leaving work
at the dot of 5pm(dont care what my boss says) and i'll head to
hers-idiot has papers in school(MBA)tues so i pray she wont
go reading at some friends place and wont be home.............

even if she aiint home -i'm staying till she surfaces cos
i want to retrieve my files-hopefuly she hasnt deleted
them from her laptop in the bid to send them to me via email...........

.......i'll strip her laptop and flash clean
of all that concerns me-not unless she saves them on her desktop at work
-which will crash(yes o-i have hidden talents)-
nosey parker-all i agreed to share was pics(family and funny stuff)
but idiot took it all-invasion of privacy is what she's done


ps:met Enigma....dark,goodlooking,dimpled,talks nice..........
i'm a sucker for any guy that has all 4 traits but dude IS engaged,i've got *cough* and i didnt agree to hook up
just so i could dig me claws in....a cute laff he says i have
if only he knows only in the prescence
of blokes or when i'm on the phone with a bloke is my laff cute.......)

you need to see me lafffing at oshodi or mushin...
na correct mad laff i dey potray..........lol

catch u all....work willing tom...u people should
pray my cousin has not deleted my files-cos first
no more blogs this week,second-i will be in jail for
killing my cousin(i just might).........all this bcos
she wanted to copy my raunchy picture file......
amebo copied scratch that deleted my files........

I AM MAD.............
STARK RAVING MAD........
FURIOUS...........
IRATE...........

I hate it that she snooped like that......

I am also mad at my pal who because
she wanted to go meet her poro
hurried me up so i didnt supervise the transfer
well i was having dinner so i needed to concentrate
on the chicken wing in my hand whilst 'bolo'
was having a field day with my flash and cocksucker
was blaring her horn.............

both of them i have no love for this minute.......
work had berra be an improvement-i need some cheering up.........
else...i'm gonna be snapping off heads today........
boss inclusive.........

i'm also mad cos poro loving friend got sum
while i didnt and never lacking poro cousin has all my files............

i cant sleep.....its 2:45am and i have to be up at 4:30am
poro loving pal is picking me up at 5:30....
headed to work together we are(her poro is driving).........
3rd mainland brouhaha...........i'm falling promptly
asleep soon as i get into the car.....i dont wanna hear
any mush mush in my ears all the way from my hood to cms
..........let him be my 'driver' tomorrow morning.......


mad is what i am(thats y i cant sleep)
raving...........mad hatter MAD!&^%!%$%^&^%

replies to the comments on my previous post dey among deleted flash documents....might retrieve them by tomorrow or put up new ones......

eventually only got an hour of sleep
ina berra mood this morning.......
poro loving pal and her phallus didnt pick me up.....
suits me fyne..........

i'm in a berra mood this morn.......love my peeps at work
moreover i'm thankful to BABA LOKE He has given me anoda day!!!!!!!!!

later u all!!!!!!!!!!!!!