Happy Sexy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Usually i'm in braids..plaits...locks
i like it
i look good in 'em
and it doesnt interfere with my favourite past time...*wink*

when i'm running late (most mornings)
i rake it in place with my hands
when i've been thoroughly ravished....*wink*
i rake it back in place with my hands

a weave is harder to manage
you need to oil it.....
hair accessories,nets,brushes,combs,sometimes gels
i just cant be bothered to have to spend 5-10 mins
on my hair on a daily
and that IS mornings only
Lord knows how many more times i have to check my coif
during the course of the day

but i got meself a long wavy weave two weeks ago
everyone seemed to like it
i did too
t'was.........sexy......

i remembered my childhood dream
hair as long and silky as Hema Malin's
or was it Rekha?

i have now decided......i'll do a weave more
maybe not always long
maybe not always wavy
but once in a while i'll do away with the norm of
braids....locks....twists...plaits....

so sleek,amingos,paloma,expressions....
whoever and whatever ur names are...
i do solemnly promise to use you more in 2009

my ex (Mel) called last week
this week he sent me an sms at 12:04 am on his birthday
i already decided i was gonna act like i forgot
but he called........so i just let slip a happy birthday

next thing i know if i remember correctly
there will be an invite to hang out........
una whey sabi am
helep me tell him
he will ONLY get a whiff........after marriage......
IF we get married.....else.....
he cant just leave me.......then 2yrs later.....

i know........once debe.....ever debe
but in this case
for him to debe;he must OWN it......
afterall i gave him 3 years.......

but then again
maybe he is just being friendly.......
i sit back and watch......
soon....wind go blow.......we go see fowl yansh




I remember 31st Dec 2000
dude i was dating then
said to me
i want your eyes to be the first thing
i see in the new year......
please spend the new year with me.........

its corny i know
we were not in love but it was sweet.........
we had only being dating about a week...
yea.........i did spend it with him....we went to church
church abi???....ask me o......we were hanging out as a group

and one of us na deacon pickin.......
he did look into my eye at the dot of midnight and we kissed
how did we manage it in church???
i no know but i remember someone hissing......lol

after church we went clubbing
please remind us no be church we from come?????


neways on the eve of 2009 ....there was no one who
wanted to look into my eyes.....

2008 was a great year.......
again and again i was assured of God's love........
my family.......i love to bits....and vice versa
my job i love...and hopefully vice versa..*a raise*.....
friends i care deeply about....hopefully vice versa
being broke didnt happen this year...yippie....
enuff money in the bank...an suv...a man that bones me silly

oops the money in the bank,suv and man na typo
those are wishes for 2009.........*wink*

wish u all a fabulous 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!


Happy New Year Blogville!!!!!!!!!!!

For Freak.......

Movies

Worst Movie: Irapada(yea......t'was shown at galleria)

Second Best: Jenifa 1/Letters to a stranger

Best Movie: American gangster


Food

Worst Meal/Snack: cant think of any...if i dont have good reviews about it......it
wont come near my mouth

Second Best: Chicken republic is da best fast food joint i know

Best: Amala...Ewedu...Fresh fish....no one does it like i do....erm maybe
momma....*wink*


Drink

Worst Drink: none

Second Best: Hollandia yoghurt......it settles my tummy....

Best: Baileys on the rocks


Music

Worst Song...just watch an hour of tv...someone is bound to spoil your lunch......

Second Best: Street Credibility ...9ice & 2face....

Best:.........Dont break my heart.......Banky W


Moment

Worst Moment: none

Second Best: getting the call-you got the job

Best: getting a grammy after a certain someone made me sing my heart out
after an eight month drought...*wink*.....t'was so good i lost
phone on the way home.....


Fashion

Worst accessory/kit: one crazy bag my aunt sold to me

Second Best: cute shoes i got at a bargain price

Best: my pink la senza lingerie..it counts...*wink*


Toy

Worst Toy: None

Second Best: None

Best: I dont do toys....*wink*..but life would be hard without my fones & lappy.....


Person

Most Difficult Person: Pa

Second Best: Mi brothers

Best: Mama...i'm grateful you were my vessel to earth.....if i had to pick...i'd
pick you again and again....


Favourite Blog Post

By another blogger...hard to pick....

By moi:..............same as above..every post is a reflection of my
mood.........shy,sad,reflective,funny,angry,horny,
happy,rich,broke....little bits and pieces of me......


Skill

Worst Skill: evaluation and report writing skills

second Best: being diplomatic

Best: Multi-tasking...working effectively & blogging




Xmas was quiet but i went and added 2 inches to my love handles.....i do hope i can do my sit ups for real......in the last 6months...i've been doing them in my head...*wink*...........Merry Xmas peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For Oyin(Kinshar)

Oyin why you wanna be all up in my biz???

here goes......

1) I love God.....i may not be that hijab wearing sister but acknowledging His
goodness/mercies/blessings upon moi and mine and trying to be a better muslim is
important to me.....very important

2) I love my mama & brothers to death(my dad.......i love him.....just not to death)

3) If i dont act soft around/with you........live with it

4) If i act soft around/with you-chances are i may let you fuck me
silly.......*wink*

5) I used to suck my tongue

6) I'm lazy

7) I did not like watching porn

8) I hate being broke

9) I think my doctor likes me.....*wink*

10) I miss that shimmery afterglow i get after earth shattering
sex.......


so i hereby pass this on to........

1) Smaragd
2) Freaksho
3) Afrobabe
4) Aloofa
5) LG
6) Baroque
7) Padosh

all ye other darlings of mine

Oyin said 7 people......if i wan write everyone name.....page go finish
...abi make i tag all of una??????

mwah

erm............i forgot......so
There are some simple rules to accept this award:
1. List 10 honest things about yourself, hopefully
interesting.

2. Pass the award on to 7 bloggers

Did you hear me cum????????

INYANYA WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nii came second
Praise third
Annette 4th

i'm elated..........

.....alas......they say i'm too old for him(Inyanya)

i should give girls his age a chance

i lick my wounds in private.......
and hope Banky W will have me back.......
i promise to be a faithful groupie......







My cousin is getting introduced in two weeks
had girl talk over the sallah holidays

when did you know it was him?


she's known him 5 years
.......then she thought
u want a whiff of this...in another life

he confessed back then
all he wanted was a little sumthing sumthing

she never gave in.........

different relationships and years down the line

they are talking one day
and he goes....marry me.....

she goes thro every reason why she should say no
cant find any..........

she's happy...........i'm happy for her







Saw my ex over sallah........Mel.......
...turns out my Gramps and his Gramps
built their Lagos Villas opposite each other

i wonder how many times his gramps and mine
exchanged neighbourly banters......

...............both dead now

his mum has moved into her dad's place
she has a cordial relationship with my grandma

everytyme i visit Gran and she pops in.......
i have this evil grin on my face

wondering if she'll ever find out
how many ways her son fucked me brains out
in the three years i dated him......

its a wonder i still have a medula.....*wink*

neways he was there to see his mum
i was there to see gran
we saw.....we said hi

we hung out for an hour later in a group

talked....laughed together as a group

for a split second..........
i wanted him to grovel
i saw myself straddling him
i saw his mum and my gran.....neigbours....in-laws.....


his fone rang...he did not pick it.....

it was her(i'm sure)....

i'm secretly hoping she's the face on facebook

i can gloat.......she's got nothing on me(she no fyne reach me)

moreover if he could not say............i'm with friends

then he's gat withdrawal symptoms......*evil grin*





sent my song in to Geisha
if una no like when una hear am
make una no abuse me o

i just hope it wasnt the other stuff i sent in
*blush to my roots*

the sound of me cummmmmmminggggggggg........

how come i have it recorded?????
i have no idea............*wink*

IT...............................

Thanks peeps for your response to 4 fingers
she now knows....even a whole fist is possible.....*wink*


So Bisola (Project fame)is out....felt sad she had to go
neways she go quick go hook up with Kodjo.....*lol*.....

make una vote for
My heart....Iyanya...i wonder if going all groupie over him
is because he is Calabar(i think).....*cough*......

Praise.....dont care

Annette.....she has a great vocal range in spite of them jugs....or cos of them...*wink*............

Nii........my Charlie.....

Made it to the doc on fri...skipped work
got some drug for my back......muscle pain he said
got a home massage......my aunt the nurse did the honours
........t'was good and cheap(free)....*wink*
blood work showed a little malaria,a little thyphoid
got drugs for them too
and spent the weekend swallowing pills

i'm much berra now........health wise
but i would really love to get a fix......*wink*.....


in the absence of a fix.......
let me tell u a story.......
story......story........


First job straight out of camp(NYSC)
a bank........job was ok..hours were good
peeps i had to work with were mostly assholes
i didnt give a hoot...needed some sort of experience on my cv
was in a branch close to my abode
but i would go to the head office twice a week to help out

.....if you've ever heard me on the phone(guys)
you really wanna see the face that accompanies the voice...........
i know it...they know it......*wink*

while i'm no Bella Naija(girl is HAWT)
but i can hold my own.............*wink*


during the course of discharging our duties
we would need to call the IT department at the Head Office
sometimes several times a day
i developed a good rapport with two guys that were assigned to us

after a while,one of them O was already talking
about browsing my website(his exact words)

i only waved it away......i was amused but not interested

three months at the job....i became a guru.....
any problem i couldnt solve was a network problem
hence IT guys..........

twice a week......tues & thursday....i was expected to head out
to Head Office to help with paper work............

was at H.O this fateful thursday
minding my work whilst gisting and someone made me laugh.........

i heard someone call out my name
i came out of the cubicle
his voice sounded familiar.......
i scanned thru the faces in my brain files

no match........

he goes...hi Ibi..
then it clicks.....ohhhh....the other IT guy....
(he's cute)
nice to finally meet you.....
(i was mentally wondering how much oil my wayward nose must have secreted)
i've got pimples............
oil on my face comes with the territory
oily facial skin...pimples or acne.....lol

my supervisor coughs.....enuff with the greeting...get back to work


an hour later the intercomm buzzes
i'm allowed to pick her calls........i pick it
its D.........come upstairs....now??
yes....

i drop the receiver..........who was it?.....
..........my call i say.....

ten minutes later....i need a break i say

be back in twenty she says......to the loo
hair in place.......check
glasses out....contacts in......check
oily nose.......powdered
lip gloss......popping...
a dab of CK-In2u..........
i pee...i clean up...i wash...
i dry...i moisturise..........

i head out to the IT dept

he's there with Mr *browse your website*
i sit..Mr website...leaves

we chat......i'm fascinated...
he shows me some of the stuff he does
i'm awed............yea....
......i love to be around intelligent people........

neways....my 20mins is up
i go back down
....now we've met
we find several reasons to call
on a daily..............*wink*

3 months later he asks if i'll hang out for an icecream after work..........
why not......yippieee.....(i'm a sweettooth junkie)
fabulous.................

he picks me a while later

we hang out till its too late/dangerous to head back to mine.....
i no complain o.........
he was witty and easy to talk to
the hours flew.........

he suggests his place.....ok i say.....
no electricity........gen was in a bad mood.....
..........fashy it we did

.......he gives me a shirt.......we take
separate showers

on his bed...we lie facing each other......
gisting..........

....my phone rings.........its 1130pm...

which kain winchy be dis??????????

Four Fingers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Project Fame

i honestly had goose pimples
before they called Iyanya
until a few weeks ago
Banky W was my favourite Nigerian artiste
he could do no wrong...........
i looked forward to him serenading moi
THE VOICE AND THAT FACE......

but i dare say
Banky......i'll continue to be a follower
on your blog but Iyanya has my heart now

the guy gives me goose pimples

and yes it was I on stage with him
on saturday
the little drama when he serenaded moi with.......
.'love,truly'.........
OMG...............now every one knows what i look like
(fat chance)

no be me
but it could have been me
that song WAS FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!

On Sunday
Nii was marvelous
his costume......fabulous

Bisola was fabulous as always

Annette...kai she CAN sing....

I dont care for Praise.....though i grudginly agree
that he CAN do things with his voice
'but i wont be sad to see him/Annette go on sat
kai i wonder how much credit i will burn this week
to keep my peeps in......



Achy shoulder...berra
Massage...next weekend definitely
Did i see the Doc...no
I'm chilling out for my annual check up thingy
after the massage if i still dont feel berra cos
i did get all the rest i needed over the weekend
and i dont feel ill so i want my consultation fee to count.......



So someone i know says you cant have four fingers in you

me thinks....why not???????

she says even after two kids...
its just not possible....

so i ask
since i'm usually not checking how many fingers go into moi....

GUYS!!!!!!!!!(and/or ladies).......
CAN an undilated(about to have a baby)...........
sexually aroused........
never had a kid before.......
never been pregnant.......
lady have 4 fingers in her???????

*wink*..........

For Gramps!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weekend was busy
a wedding on saturday
and a trip to Abeokuta on Sunday

for Gramps memorial
Its been a year.................

My cousin threatened to leave me in lagos
if i dont make it to hers at 7am
made it 720am
she wasted MY time till 820
we head out in their bus
4 adults
2 teenagers
1 maid(sorry)i dont mean this the way it came out
3 kids

about 9 am we stop to buy fuel.......just bcos
...........bus refuses to start

we are at it for 10 minutes.....e no gree
then we get a mechanic(sun Morn)..........lucky us
he is at it for 10 minutes
says we need a *rewire*
rewire surfaces.........he is at it for an hour

because we were in contact with the others
an Uncle close to where we dey
comes to meet us about 11am
with his minivan
we tow the bus to his abode
pile into the minivan
then head out to our country villa

we get there about 1pm ........
we do all the hellos
I particularly avoid an Aunt
who will only say hello after you let her
touch ur booby

no marra who u are
na so she go greet u

if to say i no know say she's very straight
i for fear...........


we clean up
settle down
pray for Gramps soul
take pictures........dance and feast!!!!!!!!!!!!
........goody!!!!!!!!!

at about 4 pm
we clean up
and pile back into our vehicles
and head back to Lagos

not one of us resides in Abeokuta.......

Gramps..................
i love you and miss you dearly
just to let you know
we are all...........

your 2 wives(shoulda being 3 but we lost his 3rd wife)
12 children
37 grand children and counting(i'm number 3-first female).....lol
3 great grandchildren and counting

.........saying Alihamdulallahi cos we are sure Paradise
is were you reside!!!!!!!!!!!!





i've been getting this back aches
my shoulder aches...it has become constant
i want a massage so bad(a greek massuer please)
cant find the time and i kinda need a referral
can anyone recommend a good gym/spa i can get one

or i just may see my doctor
cos i just remembered body pain for me
sometimes preceeds a malaria bout........


or maybe just maybe
na this drought dey cause...........*wink*

Pot Pourri

Caught World Music Awards on Ait last night

The Russian guy...must be gay
Akon...suave
The Dokpesis,Keke,D1,2face....looking good
Estelle....fab
The Mid-eastern act...i liked



heard the phrase........"thanks for having me".......whilst watching a movie
and i smiled.....cos me thinks when u spend *tyme* wit your boo and you are leaving and you say those words.....i guess you are saying thanks cos he/she not just "had" you over but also probably "had" you......*wink*.....




i've been following Project Fame Academy on Ait....i have my favourites

I have a crush on Iyanya(can anyone mail me his number??.......cos everytime he sings.....all i hear is the song by Jennifer Hudson in Dream Girls.."One night only".....i would love to spend one night with him...*wink*........

I love love love Kodjo's voice

Bisola needs to pick the songs that make her sound like the dynamite that she is

Annette has a lovely vocal range

Nii is fabulous

Onyemechi is great

Praise is aiight

Dorcas/Caro need to go home.......
sadly Kodjo, Bisola & Iyanya are all on probation this week...
wish i could vote online............





Mom asked my Aunt to get her some jewelry-i asked for a bracelet.....when it arrived.....she(Aunt) went above my price range.....and i loathed it on sight...so i asked that it be sent to mum but my (jobless) cousin lost it in transit.........so i will have to pay for something that i hated on sight but which is now missing......ohhhh she(cuz) is gonna pay somehow......someday.........






So some guy in the news....rapes a girl in his car and falls asleep....she drives him to the police station and jail.......na so Baba Loke go dey make my enemies fall into pit whey them dig for me......amen!!!!!!!!!





Muri Okunola saga...is Harry dead yet???.....





*I love you*...last time i said those words to a man
and meant it..............
last night(was talking to my brother)....

ok.....before you all ask...last time i said it to a man
that is not family and i meant it......
Sept 2007..............
a man i have never boffed and i probably never will.........


i know una go ask.....last time i said it and meant it
to a man i had boffed..was boffing...and i had no plans at that time to stop boffing........................
.............2000........


Catching Quantum of Solace tonight........
Freaksho & Sirius say it didnt do much for them.........
my colleague at work says other wise
so......i'm gonna go see.........

LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dont sell yourself short
if you are in love with him
Dont kill yourself trying to keep him

If he's gonna leave you
theres absolutely nothing you can do about it......

How Best Do we Express Love????

A friend once said the only way to express love is by boffing(sex).......

another said-sex is the only thing by nature known to man and animals alike
that gives pleasure.....the best known to man......

another said for God so loved the world
........that He gave us sex............

if it was meant for pro-creation ONLY
how come ecstasy is involved????

we worship,feed,sleep,pray.....
other activities of our daily life.........

some we enjoy immensely
some we don't particularly enjoy
but only SEX initiates ecstasy.....

through the ages..........
some have killed for it
others betrayed for it
age,colour,creed,religious,political,social affiliations.........
don't matter.........


ladies.....
if the phallus didnt give so much pleasure......
would you touch it????

damn thing isnt good looking......

your lover may be drop dead gorgeous
but other than the fact that a good sized phallus
promises an earth shattering tyme

we probably wouldn't have them things near us.......

i'm no male
i have no idea if men think vaginas are good looking
but me thinks for guys as well
its all about what it can do
not what it looks like

cos if it was about looks

we would all die virgins...........*wink*....

Class Rep 2

So we get home
laugh and imagine her reaction......

an hour later the
Speaker to Student Union Govt(SUG)
comes to visit
one of us is dating his cousin and roomate

we tell him what we've done
he laffs and decides to chill
she'll come fully armed he says

as expected......she comes with a whole gang of people.....
angry mob they sounded like
were they armed?with anger....yes...
with violent stuffs????...no.....dem be church people.......

through our bolted door and window
we laff at all her/their ranting

then she says i'm headed to the speaker to report...........
speaker says speak up-i'm right here in Ibi's room

he then says you have to return their money
then they will return your stuff

tell your gang to leave
i'll ask Ibi to open the door
do remember if any sort of violence breaks out here
i shall personally report to the House & the VC

we opened the door and let her in
she saw her stuff was safe

she promised to give us the money in class tomorrow
we promised to bring the bag to school
but only to drop it IF our money was returned

these in the presence of SUG Speaker

she and her gang leaves

we laff some more

all was well in our kingdom

i fear to imagine her with broken limbs if......
she/any of hers had touched a hair of our skin.......

while WE had never being members of any *affiliations*

my ex knew to *BEG* me when we broke up

oh.....he had to be sure i had no hard feelings

he and his babe were due to be.......

all i needed to do was cry wolf to my......

Police or Thief??????

So i'm in a bus riding home
silly ass tax collectors stop us twice already in 3 mins

just when we thought
we were free

we see them again
conductor is mad

decides to ignore them
them no gree

one jump in front
another raise gun
kai i dey window beside the gun welding idiot

was kinda amused........usually i get raving mad

just when we were all telling conductor
*answer them make we go*

this car pulls up beside us
and proceeds to come down

na snr officer

whats happening here?

why start a traffic jam??

release that bus immediately
i'm pleased
every one in the bus says
Oga God bless u ooo
no mind them

Ole Ole Ole

i couldnt help laughing
Olopa don turn ole........

LOVE IS.......................

...a lifestyle
...an attitude
...a decision
...selflesss
...giving
...caring
...kind

.....a smile
.....a kind word
.....a good deed
.....doesnt expect anything back

most of all
.....loving yourself

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i turned 30 today
was gonna have a big bash
but i don posstpone am

year 2013
i go call all of una........

i'm feeling loved
my fone rang every 2 mins from midnight

to all my friends and family that remembered

thank you.............i love you all

to those of u who forgot.......i plan to forgive you all next year
IF you remember

to those i consider friends but do not have an inkling of my birthday
next year i shall not forgive you if you forget........



We write our own scripts
live in what we ourselves create
and we are ultimately responsible for
everything
that happens to us............

cant remember where i got this from
but i concur......

My tendencies...............someone asked!!!!!!!!!!!!

So i caught a movie
king has a rule
any young man that works in the palace must be castrated

Queen no gree make them castrate a particular guy
cos she fancied him as a boff mate so she changed the castrator
to a trusted man......

i wonder what will happen in part 3 when they catch them..........






So my tendencies..........

na one babe make them think am ooooooooo

we needed to donate money for something in school
na 100 level i dey

na so we donate to class rep

two weeks later no project no money returned

na hin i broke oooooo
i ask for my own
na so my people...3 other ladies ask

she talk say she go give us back

a week later ...no money

na so for class one day
we 4 go meet am
return the kiishi........abi u don spend am????

no i havent...........i just keep forgetting

ok no wahala............dont forget tomorrow

tomorrow she no come class...........

na so for evening we 4 plus one attache go her house

we all wear black pants-battle ready outfit......abi no b so????

as we reach her hostel ask for her
the first person we ask look us-up....down she say no
she no dey this hostel
we just laugh..............

na so i tell my peeps make them chill
i see one toaster-na so i tune up my foney voice
how u doing?i need to pick up an assignment from D
do u know where her room is??

na so guy grin show me the room

i go back to call my peeps
room was ajar.......
she no dey room

we searched every where
upturned her bed
looked under the mattress...locker..bags...boxes

two of us no dey see meat
dem chop the meat whey the girl cook for pot

another one see pad soaked in bucket

after all our ransacking
not a dime..............

so we took
her bag
a few books(we be classmates-we know whats important)
and her iron(iron na serious thing to own in school o)


then we dropped a note

YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE
YOU ARE A DIRTY LITTLE THIEF
SEE SOAKED PAD IN YOUR ROOM
YOU NO SABI COOK SEF-MEAT NO SWEET

IF YOU WANT YOUR BAG,IRON&BOOKS BACK

RETURN OUR MONEY!!!!!!!!

we left singing songs and feeling good with ourselves

kept our hostel and room door locked
we expected her to retaliate..............

Honesty na best policy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Red sapphire

The Rules:
1. When you receive the prize you must write a post
showing it, together with the name of who has given
it to you, and link them back.

2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more)
that you find brilliant in their content or design.

3. Show their names and links and leave them a
comment informing that they have received an award

4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and
those you give the prize (optional).

5. And then pass it on!

......*blush*....
this is late but better late than never they say.....

as you (Red Sapphire) dash me honesty award...........
no be my fault if u see the kain bulala my
mama beat me when she taught me the honesty lesson
u for understand why i honest like this......


i was 7...mama wanted to teach me the 'be honest always' lesson........

day 1-sweep the room.....i did....there was 1 naira coin under her praying mat
-i picked it up and put it in my pocket......

spent it on sweets later........

day too.....same scenario......

day 3..she must have been watching-just as i dropped it in my pocket
she walked in..........what is that she asked?nothing i said...
did u see any money?

no i said...na so she say open your hand and empty your pocket
na dia she see the coin......na so she lock door......ah
temi ti bami(my own don meet me)

no one to save me o...she beat....she beat..........
na so my palle dey shout.....no kill am o......
she answer-na me born am if i kill her i go born another!!!!!!!!

shuo????

kai my malle beat me that day ehhhhhhh

i asked her later if i was adopted

after the beating
she carry liniment put for my body give me panadol
coca cola and fried fish to step down.........
she come ask me 'do u know why i beat u like that?

i dey chop fish i only shake head

NEVER EVER TAKE WHAT IS NOT YOURS AND
DONT U EVER LIE TO ME OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY!!!!!!!!

lesson learned!!!!!!cos walahi to this day i remember the
way my body smarted-its a wonder my skin fresh.....*wink*!!!!!!!!!!!!


ok back to awards
Red Sapphire.....thanks love

who i go dash????-u don already dash ladyguide,enigma,afro,fff,funms,parakeet,baroque,emilia....

i hereby dash my awards to twinny......u know now
if not u who else???...her blog is like a summer breeze

freaksho....his mind???? a wonderful gift

charizardandbuttercup......two for the price of one.....why ever not???

solomonsdyelle...her kids......i love.....abi she go dash me????

007......his posts.....lovely writing sytle.....

madeinnaija.....where else but blogsville would we find
someone as precious/eccentric as u????

ubongda.....i miss......

tejuola.....sweets we need another series!!!!!!!!!

theres always miz-cynic,doll,uzezi,teediva,mz dee,shubby doo,unnaked,fluffy,geisha.song,afronuts,ozaveshe,ninestein,laspapi,speechgirlbucknor,freshandfab,nyemoni,princesa,tubman,oluwadee,nigerican,inyamuakut,duchess-duchessofnaija,misstairebabs.thekushchronicles,aphroditesearch,aloofaa,plastik-musings,fragito,anotherwomanslife,womanonthebrink,rhea9914,shacrown,agbero,ashewo,shiraoko,rethots,anannimos,cogitations-on-the-web,zara,eyemuse,obalichi,moaboy,sprezatura,ejura,allied,cat-dragged-in,darlingoma,sprezatura,tininu,mscocoabrown....dem remain i swear cos i peruse about 200 blogs.....lol.....but i'm tired of typing...no vex....love ya all-everyone has a different style but that what makes us who we are.......





wetin u say make i do?make i tag dem tell dem say i dash dem award abi????

i go try remember..........*wink*......

You Bit Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was the year 2000-the month of september.............
i was on a camping trip with mi late night loving club to one of the northern states

got my first ride on a bike-(okada) t'was fun

another opportunity to meet and make new friends-males and females...
as well as new toasters

so i met C
goodlooking but fair skinned
looked,talked,walked,acted like a man with a string of girls(exactly the type of guy who wont get a whiff)

i made a female pal-we fast became close
dude would spend day tyme with moi-promise me heaven and earth

and spend evening tyme with my new female pal..........he must have got a kick from it

one of them nights we had a competition
u loose......u down half a bottle of small stout

at the end of the game i had a bottle in me

he had downed 2 small bottles

he looked,acted,talked tipsy........a man who cant handle his alcohol i cant stand.......

i do remember that on the last night of camp-dude said to mi-
if i leave without shagging you Ibi-i don fuck up

that was enuff reason to let his woody hang
(even hard......it didnt look interesting)

i told him to go to my new female pal-she may be more receptive.......
he left.....to this day i have no idea if she was a lot kinder than i was..........

three years later
we hook up in lagos

he invites me to motherland
i love Lagbaja but hadnt been............
so i accepted

fateful friday-we hook up
the ride we were gonna go with-acted up
we grab a cab and head there


he offers popcorn-no
suya-no
a drink-alcohol-no
juice-no

dont u want anything??
i'm fine

all i want.........u already gave
watching Lagbaja perform live!!!!!!!!!!

he downs two big bottles
gets louder by the min
i aiint fazed

there were other acts,comedians
......in all

i had funnnnnnnnnnnn

we leave at 4am
too early to head to mine
we head to his

we get to his
i'm beat
head to his room
lie down

my senses are on red alert...
i had on a knee length skirt with a slit

true to type
a while later his hands start to wander
i sit up and without mincing words

i aiint no virgin
i do like sex
but i aiint fucking you
not tonight
not ever
if you are not gonna let me get an hours sleep before i head to mine
i can go wait the hour in the living room

but then again i dey wonder.........
how safe will i be with his druken flatmates
if i head to the living room....

sorry he says......i'll let you be

i fall asleep
a while later i feel his hands on me


i try to get up
dude gets rough

i'm trying to free myself
stop.....relax he says
stop.....chill he says
stop.....please he says

he gets rougher
he says.....please i need this

i realise no be joke o
this guy go fuck me o
abi na rape me sef at this rate


OH GOD
WHY DID I WEAR A SKIRT
I'M STRUGGLING
i'm close to tears
pls stop....pls stop....pls......


yeeepaa.......his finger in my punny????
i dont want this i say......u are wet he says

this realisation gives him ammo
na so dude wan tear pant ooooooooo

ah for this Lagos?????


I BIT HIM ON HIS SHOULDER
i must have tasted blood

he screams.......arrrrgggghhhh
YOU BIT ME!!!!!!!!

na so he release me
i scuttle away......grab mi bag/shoes

as i dey waka commot i still dey hear
Ibi......u bit me...........

i no look back o

wait he says
for where??????

i get to his gate-locked
i was ready to tear it down
was about to go wake up his flatmate(s)

Baba Loke loves mi o
his neighbour steps out
opens the gate

Good morning i say
the guy dey look mi one kain
i no send ooo
walk as fast as possible

get to the busstop
get a bus to maryland

na so i begin shake
abi na shiver
abi na convulse(my doctor says na shock)

i cry small sef
the guy beside me for bus dey look mi

i just dey think am
ahhhhhhhhhh na so them dey rape person oooooooo


i get to maryland
by now C has called 8 times
i aiint picking
get a cab-to mine

got home
had a bath
breakfast

lights off
windows drawn
fones on silent

go to bed(must have been 9 am)


i wake up about 5 pm(no nightmares)
i return all missed calls
except C's............


call mi closest pal
we talk about it
laff about it


i finally pick his 30th call.....
about 9 pm

i'm calmhi i say

i'm so sorry he says
i didnt mean to be rough
i just wanted you soooooooooo bad
you do things to me

in fact you had me in knots all night
i do apologise
but Ibi..........
you didnt have to bite me
i would have stopped if i realised you really didnt want me

i said
ah u for no stop o
you were like an animal
beyond reasoning
i wasnt taking chances
you for do.............
then blame it on the alcohol

i like u C
i could never date u though
and i sure as hell aiint fucking u

but i do forgive u
as for biting you...........i'm glad i did

take care of u
thanks for taking me to motherland
i had fun


i honestly felt no animosity towards him

but if he had entered

hmmmmmmmmmm

no be only bite i for bite am o
i wasnt suspected to be a female cultist in school for nothing o
i had/have certain tendencies...........

LETS GO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go where?
i no know..........lol

We dey fast
no talk about gbenshing
no thinking about it
no doing it
no writing about it
commenting about it
watching it
reading it
dreaming about it

kai..........i will survive

i am that hair covering,sock wearing,glove wearing sister
dressed like a woman in purdah..........

even as i am the above.....................
it dont change the fact that i looovvvveeeee sex
i love to think it
dream it
fantasise about it
do it
talk about it
think of new ways to enjoy it


i am............i am..........

so i read somewhere a loooonggggggggggg tyme ago

in the month of Ramadhan
married couples can play with themselves during the day
(if they wish)..........emphasis on married
so long as there is no copulation and ejaculation

the fast remains valid

so decided.........this rule i shall follow

what does it matter if i aiint married???????????

and.........


at night

what do u think??????????

From Fluffy

Are you clean???????

How often do you:



take a shower - once a day, hardly ever twice!!!


brush your teeth - Once a day


floss - after meals


wash your toilet - everyday


wash your tub/shower - once a week


dust your furniture - weekly


Windex the windows - monthly


let your dirty dishes sit in the sink/on the counter for more than 1 day?
more than a day??????????NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!a few hours at most


Use a washer or hand wash your dishes? hand wash only-it makes sense to wash plates once i clear them-i already walked to the kitchen........no?????


wear the same jeans over and over? if its black-2months or thereabouts if its blue-2weeks at most


wear the same bra over and over? same bra two days in a row.....no no.....and they get washed weekly


wash your car? when i get one-definitley once its dirty-boys whey dey do car wash need to chop!!!


clean the interior of the car? soon as i see dirt


cut your toenails? weekly


wash your bed linen? forthnightly


use wet toilet paper (they make those now) instead of dry toilet paper?
water works just fine


vacuum? no rugs-tiles only


wash your fridge? weekly


put your laundry away after washing them? immediately


take your garbage outdoors? its outside-i empty it weekly

Do you:

dump trash out your car? nope.


leave leaves or seeds lying around on your coffee table? no cofee table


collect junk mail unintentionally? all the tyme


have bills everywhere but in one spot? nah


have stains on your carpet? none if i can help it


have dirty handprint marks near your doorknobs or doorways? Nah


toothpaste gels in your sink? never


toothpaste/water splash marks on your mirror above your sink? Nah


have a mop? yea


How do you disinfect?

Dettol(for the Naija people LOL)- Plenty plenty



i tag-Enigma,Freaksho,LG,Afro,Smaragd,007,invisible,miz-cynic,chaari,fantasy queen,shubby doo,dark cat,badder chic,funms,lady koko,jaguda,geisha,sprezatura,doll,fff,aphrodite..(I'M TIRED)
ok i tag EVERYONE tag reads mi blog!!!!!!!!!!!!

5 Thrusts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7years ago.....was in sch...well it was one of them
outings with that club of mine where we like
late night meetings.......

went from our uni to another 2hrs drive away.....
1 female and 3 guys

3hrs later-this dude is shatting me up.....
i'm loving the attention-one of the dudes i travelled
with from my uni had been trying to date moi for about
6 months so he wasnt enjoying the attention i was getting
or the fact that i was obviously loving it....

dude chatting me up-lets call him Jay-stays glued to my side...
all this while guy from my school-(lets call him Sean)
his frown gets darker by the minute.....

we've been there 6 hours....meetings done-
it was tyme to joli..........
Jay's crooning in my ears-next thing i know he's
asking me to marry him-dude has known me 6 hrs.....

i'm basking in the attention not believing a word
of all the love he is professing-he(S)is married
with a pregnant wife so i know
he just needs to get laid cos he's not been
getting any at home.....

fast forward to midnight i'm tired-dude(Jay) no gree mi dance
so i'm tired from the inactivity i say i wanna sleep
he offers me a bed-we usually have this late nite sturvs
in hotels-so i go in-he decides to lie beside mi-
i'm too tired to bother

next thing i know he's touching-i just let him be
he gets bolder i swat his hands off

he keeps at it
i decide-make i see werrin he wan do

...........the twins are freed
i'm looking into his eyes
no longer feigning sleep
he keeps at it

bra off
shirt off
jeans off
pants off
i pause.........

he says pleassssssssseeeeeeee
i ask why he is begging(ish pisses me off like crazy)


he says let me in-
just the head
i ask how that will help him
he pleads
pls just let mi thrust 5 times
so i tell him
make it worth ur while cos you are only gonna get 5


he puts on protection
he goes in.........(nice)
first.......second.......fifth.....

i slide out
get up
dress up and walk out

his jaw must have been on the floor............

back in the hall
i pull up 3 chairs
made miself a makeshift bed and doze.....

news travels....no?
cos Sean found out
not sure if Jay bragged or if Paul a pal of Sean said
sumthing cos he saw me come out of the room with Jay.........

all i know is Sean insulted/abused/teased
me the whole 2 hr drive back to our uni the next day

i didnt even bat an eyelid
i let him rant
all the while reading a novel..........

its my vagina............no?????
i can dash whom i wish

Mel and I.......................

I am still single 2 years after Mel......

......he was MY chocolate.....

i went into that relationship with every intention to just have fun.........

go clubbing,eat out,shows,concerts-name it-we did it.....sleep cuddled in his arms,gbensh(earth-shattering,mind blowing)....,eat,watch movies on the couch all day...he would catch up with work when i was asleep...i always knew when he would slide out of bed......i would walk into the living room to find him buried in his designs(graphic artist)........he liked to go running sunday mornings....every second with him was bliss......

we are both bats......he only takes his(glasses) off to gbensh and bath....

i take mine off in familiar surroundings.........

of them all(lovers i have had-ask Angelina Jolie only 4)...........he is the one man i was ready to commit to...i would have literarily climbed the highest mountain for him.......
yea i know he should have done the climbing........

he would call just to hear me voice he would say.....i had access to his home,friends,sister but not his folks(wasnt looking forwad to access then either).....by the tyme i fell....i fell HARD!!!!

told him i wanted more cos i don fall..he said
**i think i am in love with you too**......

i broke that rule...ladies never say it first they say...
i was past caring......we then pussyfoot around the subject for 8 months
then he comes over to mine-says we need to talk.....we retire for the
night at 10 and talk till 5am.....we didnt even shag...
we had to get up to go to work....

i'm feeling...after this(THE TALK) we would be headed for the altar in a yr........only for dude to disappear from my life........
we hook up 3months later......he needed to clear his head he says.......(i for don know say na lie abi)

we hang out at a jazz concert then head on to his-i'm looking forward to heart stopping boffing..........i'm riding him and i see a card on his wall......a val card......didnt send him one-all i got was a text from him wishing me a great day(it was during his 3 month head clearing session).....and i start to cry-snivelling...tears streaming down......he turns me over to ride me.....he notices the tears just as bright ligths go off in my head......

he cradles me but doesnt ask the reason for my tears....

.........i dont say either......

he calls me two days later and i ask him to loose my number.......

we got together last yr when his younger sister got married......i kept my distance whilst still secretly yearning cos i can draw it(the offending val card) from memory!!!!!!!!!!!!

after the wedding-he came to mine a week later-we talked-said he thought i cried cos he was hurting me-and i asked if he got bigger in the 3 months hhe took to clear his head-so i told him about the card.....he said it meant nothing...i'm sure it did i said...just that the name in that card stared at me amongst the names in the wedding train.......

......u dont have to lie to me i said....i can take it-the truth.....
all u had/have to say is i no love you.......

....he called me a few months back when i changed jobs to say congrats........crazy thing is i still kinda long for him but i've resigned myself to the fact that i cant have him.....but if he calls me up today....tomorrow....next month

....i might go back to them arms......t'was such a perfect fit.........

KNEADING 2......................

freshened up.....got to the meet looked for my ex....
found him...found a spot beside him.....
we exchange pleasantries.......
said i was looking good and doing things
to him with me voice........i just smiled.......

everyone gets down to biz.......its 1am.....
ex whispers how long am i gonna be...i say another hour
.........asked which room i was in.....first floor...
second door on the left...meet u there at 2am he said...
meeting would still be in progress.....


i set my mental alarm.....most of the stuff i
would need to give a full report on-would have been thrashed
........2am.......

i get up...head towards the loo.....didnt want
smallie following me....head for the stairs.......
in my room...minutes later a knock.....my ex......

he comes in..........turns the locks.....no words
are needed..i had boffed this man for 3yrs.....
he gave me my first orgasm......
and there were two before him.......

...making out was as good as i remembered......
he is the originator of my fascination with fingers in me
......he could make me cum with his fingers(G-spot finder)........
now if it was him that had his fingers in me hours earlier...
i for no fit write them minutes again oooooooo.........

so we grope,lick,suck,touch,flicker,kiss......
i got the orgasms i needed....good man that he is...
my pleasure comes first.......he makes to have coitus
.......no i say......

.........*&^%$£%$^&.......i'll make you come i say...
you cant without coitus he says....
try me i said with a glint in my eye..........

.........i'm cleaning up a while later......
i'd rather that,than swallow his cum......
he had this silly grin on his face......
you are the first girl that has ever succeeded.......i have hidden talents i say.....

minutes later i usher him out......went back downstairs......
council meeting ended about 4am......back to my room....
was about to turn out the lights......i was gonna have to get up by 7am
....a knock.......my kneader...........

go to bed i say......
but we had an agreement he says.....
i open the door a crack and say.....boy........
go to bed...what did u think i was gonna let you do??????

dont worry-in a yr or two u will find a girl your
age ready to let go of her virginity........

someone down the hall laughs........i lock my door......
turn out the lights and send Mel a text.....
will be at urs about 5pm-see ya....je te manque......bientot!!!!

incase you are wondering......when this happened
ex was engaged-we broke up the year before(03)...
started dating Mel two months after i broke up with ex.....
by the tyme this happened-Mel and i had been an item 6 months
..........i didnt cheat on Mel with ex.........or did I????????

KNEADING 1..........

....So i got to surulere 7:28pm
my Aunt was in the living room
i too respect the woman oooooo
na ma mama elder sis
she no gree me kill her only daughter


cousin's laptop has a virus
on my flash or hers.........files no show


on her laptop e dey show
so i practically formatted her laptop
as well as her flash


if it is on her desktop at work
.........it will crash.........


i am flash files-less

mad that i lost office related documents i had on it
can always retrive it though.......

pics and sturvs???
will start a new library

never will i let her touch my stuff again
....never...........

poro luving friend called to apologise
she agrees its partly her fault
cos of her hurry..........


bottom line-i will survive








............4years ago......
i was actively participating in a youth oriented organisation
late night meetings were our speciality........

i was a member of everything
usually holding down exec positions


i had two meetings that night

first meeting was scheduled to hold in my room
9pm-10pm we agreeed........
second meeting was scheduled for 10pm
and would probably last till dawn..........

first meeting in progress......i was cold
i owned this big wrapper.......used it to cover my legs/feet...

dude sitting beside me decided he was also cold
wrapper was big enuff for two
moreover na leg i wan cover........had on a red shorts.........

a few minutes later his hand lands on my lap.....
i dont flinch.............

.......i'm taking minutes..........

a few miniutes later he gets bolder...
i allow his hands to caress.......

.......whilst still ignoring his ministrations......

he moves up...........not even a sigh from me........

...i'm scribbilng so i can later transcribe....

he finds me panties......starts to play with my lips
........i bend down to scratch non itchy feet........
he gains more access...........

..........i hear him gulp.......

.........i'm scribbilng...........

he gets bolder.........
one finger makes an attempt.........
i move closer to edge of the bed......

.....more access...he goes in.....scribbling

he's drooling...........

...........if anyone else in that room noticed .....
they didnt bat an eyelid.........

........he has a field day...........


meeting ends......i usher everyone out........
need to prepare my notes for the next meeting......


he hesitates at the door........

come back after the meeting-i say.......


Does it matter i am 5 years older??????..........
i figured dude needs to practice......

I needed to freshen up.......




......my ex was in the building......
i had bigger fish to fry............**wink**



ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!

At a local college dance, a guy from America
asked the girl from Sweden to dance.


While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze,
and says, “In America, we call this a hug.”


She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.”


A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek,
and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.”


She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”


Toward the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later,
he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to
have sex with her, and says,
“In America, we call this a grass sandwich.”


She says, “Yaaah in Sveden,
we call it a grass sandwich too,
but we usually put more meat in it.”







Three women were sitting around talking
about their sex lives.

The first said, “I think my husband’s like
a championship golfer. He’s spent the last ten
years perfecting his stroke.”


The second woman said, “My husband’s like the
winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into
bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps.”


The third woman was silent until she was asked,
“Tell us about your husband.”


She thought for a moment and said,
“My husband’s like an Olympic sprinter.”


“How so?”


“He’s got his time down to under 11 seconds.”

IRATE IBILUV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went to see my aunt yesterday-decided to
share mi pics with my cousin-my pal was headed my way
to hook up with her phallus so she
was hurrying me up.....so i let my cousin have a
field day with my flash............

only pictures abi???

idiot copied all my files

saw her trying to do more than pictures
said she wanted my raunchy file too
didnt mind sharing cos i know all my personal
raunchy pictures are on my laptop which doesnt leave my room
and is passworded berra than fort knox........

BUT i should have monitored the transfer
cos all she did was delete all
my files from my flash......

pictures,documents(personal&work related),blog notes
i wasnt here(blogville) last week so i used the weekend
to write posts enuff for 2 weeks now she has them all.........

annoying thing is she wants me to come get it.......
she is so lucky i live 60mins away......didnt find out
till i was winding down last night-if it wasnt that late
i would have gone right back to hers......

whatever happened to her sending it all back via mail?????

she has come up with every stupid reason imaginable
why she cant send it back via mail*&&^%$£%^**

she must have been born stupid cos all she had to do
if she wanted to snoop was copy
not delete from my flash...........

i would have been none the wiser she had all my info...............

........the secretive idiot-she never spills-but likes
to hear it all-i am a chatterbox-so i've learnt-staying
away from people keeps me from spilling-if i dont get my files
via mail by COB today MONDAY the 18th August-i'm leaving work
at the dot of 5pm(dont care what my boss says) and i'll head to
hers-idiot has papers in school(MBA)tues so i pray she wont
go reading at some friends place and wont be home.............

even if she aiint home -i'm staying till she surfaces cos
i want to retrieve my files-hopefuly she hasnt deleted
them from her laptop in the bid to send them to me via email...........

.......i'll strip her laptop and flash clean
of all that concerns me-not unless she saves them on her desktop at work
-which will crash(yes o-i have hidden talents)-
nosey parker-all i agreed to share was pics(family and funny stuff)
but idiot took it all-invasion of privacy is what she's done


ps:met Enigma....dark,goodlooking,dimpled,talks nice..........
i'm a sucker for any guy that has all 4 traits but dude IS engaged,i've got *cough* and i didnt agree to hook up
just so i could dig me claws in....a cute laff he says i have
if only he knows only in the prescence
of blokes or when i'm on the phone with a bloke is my laff cute.......)

you need to see me lafffing at oshodi or mushin...
na correct mad laff i dey potray..........lol

catch u all....work willing tom...u people should
pray my cousin has not deleted my files-cos first
no more blogs this week,second-i will be in jail for
killing my cousin(i just might).........all this bcos
she wanted to copy my raunchy picture file......
amebo copied scratch that deleted my files........

I AM MAD.............
STARK RAVING MAD........
FURIOUS...........
IRATE...........

I hate it that she snooped like that......

I am also mad at my pal who because
she wanted to go meet her poro
hurried me up so i didnt supervise the transfer
well i was having dinner so i needed to concentrate
on the chicken wing in my hand whilst 'bolo'
was having a field day with my flash and cocksucker
was blaring her horn.............

both of them i have no love for this minute.......
work had berra be an improvement-i need some cheering up.........
else...i'm gonna be snapping off heads today........
boss inclusive.........

i'm also mad cos poro loving friend got sum
while i didnt and never lacking poro cousin has all my files............

i cant sleep.....its 2:45am and i have to be up at 4:30am
poro loving pal is picking me up at 5:30....
headed to work together we are(her poro is driving).........
3rd mainland brouhaha...........i'm falling promptly
asleep soon as i get into the car.....i dont wanna hear
any mush mush in my ears all the way from my hood to cms
..........let him be my 'driver' tomorrow morning.......


mad is what i am(thats y i cant sleep)
raving...........mad hatter MAD!&^%!%$%^&^%

replies to the comments on my previous post dey among deleted flash documents....might retrieve them by tomorrow or put up new ones......

eventually only got an hour of sleep
ina berra mood this morning.......
poro loving pal and her phallus didnt pick me up.....
suits me fyne..........

i'm in a berra mood this morn.......love my peeps at work
moreover i'm thankful to BABA LOKE He has given me anoda day!!!!!!!!!

later u all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Liquor2

next day-i slept the whole day............
the alcohol in me and i do love sleep........

got to school day after the next and scolded T&H....
they aplogise and said they thought boffing him would come easy.......

the cretins knew*&^%$£.......

i let it slide.......later that night i am home
and T comes over,he says H wants to see me.........
i said i was tired and needed to chill but he persuaded me
and i went with him..........

first to see H....nurrin serious...had dinner.....
laffs,he was supposed to walk me home...
i wan pop in to see someone he says.........

another bar.........

i suppose just waka go my home abi?..........
no...........

na so i siddon follow drink another 4.........

during the 4th(did i mention that shit is bitter?????
it did nurrin for me-y i was plying meself with
drink i have no idea.......

did i get high????

i dunno, i do know T and i left the bar and headed
to Down-G........
with my 4th bottle in hand......
we strolled thru the dark night.......

must have been about 2am....
went into this ashi joint.........
see a few guys from school......

i'm feeling aiight-extra confident........
no one can touch me.........

this dude from my class A goes up to T and whispers to him
.....abeg una for tell me say as i b babe and i dey ashi joint
dem fit join me with those whey dey *sell*.........

T seems humbled by whatever A said and we leave the ashi joint
and go hook up with this other dudes.........na outside we go o..........

i am still with my bottle....this dudes were leering......
they were not students but grown ass men.....
they bought me suya.....and na so my eye clear.....

dey bought me my fifth small bottle......

a little over an hr later...i'm drowsy......
everyone around me is either gone or asleep......

i am eyeing a free spot on a bench to lie on when L steps up to me.......

L's been wanting to date me since forever.....
he and i chat for a few mins and he goes he's headed home
and i said bye.......

he says i look drowsy,i say i am........

Ibi where are you gonna sleep????

once again na so my eye clear o.....

if i venture out to mine alone.....i may get hit by a
bus scratch that a *daf* or killed by
indigenes or students(i fit disrupt their meeting).........

if i sleep dia..... a few feet away from an ashi joint
and i get solicited and i say no.....
bye bye to innocence the harsh way........

L says come home with me-thing is L stays a few
houses away from boyf........

L is a berra option so i go home with L,get to his......
lay side by side...i'm cold and all liquored up
but i get to sleep like a baby...........

he's a gentleman.....he doesnt even ask for a kiss......

2hrs sleep and its 6am.........i get up,say my thanks
and take a cab home..........

its not a school day......nobody find me sef.....
mi cuz goes sebi na T i follow go.........
they are having breakfast and i'm famished....
went into shock.....i do when my blood sugar level drops.......

mi cuz rustles up a meal.....i wolf it down and it
all comes back up..........they laff at me......
they knew i must have gotten stuffed with alcohol.....
u cant hang out wit a dog and not eat shit they said.......

i drink some tea....it stays down...i take a shower
close the windows and sleep for 8hours.........

i wake up and who do i see...........

boyf......

from the look in his eyes i knew it...he had heard it all.........

i had a lot of explaining to do.....




have a luvly weekend y'all!!!!!!!!!





A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an
afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.


The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was
that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride
was a healthy, vivacious young woman.


But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down
the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto
the banister for dear life.


She finally managed to get to the counter of the
little shop in the hotel.

The clerk looked really concerned,
“Whatever happened to you, honey?
You look like you’ve been wrestling an alligator!”


The bride groaned, hung on to the counter
and managed to speak,
“Oh God! When he told me he’d been saving up for 75 years,
I thought he meant his money!!”











Tim and Joe finished their weekly round of golf
with Tim pulling out his typical victory, although
not by the customary wide margin.

Even though the match was unusually close,
Joe seemed more upset than usual by the outcome.


“Talk about the worst luck in the world,” grumbled Joe
as they headed into the locker room.
“I just can’t seem to buy a darn break.”


“Why are you being so hard on yourself?” asked Tim.
"You played great all week. Heck, you almost won.”


“That’s what’s so aggravating,” yelled Joe.
“I cheated like crazy and I still lost!”



A salesman decided to become a policeman.
Several months later, a friend asked him how
he liked his new job.


"Well," he replied, "The pay isn't great and
the hours are long, but one thing I really
like is that the customer is always wrong!"

Do u know me???????

How well does one truly know another person?

TRULY KNOW?

there are secret parts to all of us

parts we dont always know well ourselves




ENJOY

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever.
He’d waggle, look down, look up, but never start his back swing.

Finally David, his playing partner, asked,
“Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?”


“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse,
and I want to make this shot a good one,” said Bob.


“Good Lord,” said David,

“You haven’t got a chance of hitting her from here.”


BACK ON FRI WITH LIQUOR 2

mwah.......

LIQUOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Liquor

my cuz&her boo were at mine over the weekend.....

he decided to get tipsy and finished a bottle of red wine
he wasnt drunk (so he said)me thinks he was tipsy at least
........cos he wasnt steady on his feet and he was
basket mouthing......

Mi Pa also does that,he takes a few bottles of
star&or wine and basketmouths......

always hated it......still hate it
what liquor makes u do or does to u


.....i've tried it.....why and how do people basketmouth????

t'was the end of my first yr in Uni-guy i was dating
was outta town-classmate of mine(lets calls her H)
had a permanent basket mouth for a boyfriend(lets call him T)
the guy was high 24hrs a day-he was also into *stupid ish*........

so i got bad grades-was looking for a way out-someone should
have told me all i needed to do was retake those exams...
no....i was told all i needed to do was see sum dude...
so we go see him(I,T&H) and he says see me after school(alone)....
(i should have suspected shey???

i did but i wanted to see this thru...

i go after school and he says we need to get to sum dude's place....
i was just looking for a way outta telling mum i failed 2 courses o

he goes to a bar....takes a few bottles.....
stout...persuades me to take a few...
(i remember i used to take a few sips of mi Pa's pink lady at age 9
.......i could probably control my alcohol...so i end up taking
2small bottles(i stupid abi)...i know......

we head out...........only to go to another bar...
shouldnt i have know this was not normal???

he took a few more...i took two more small bottles
....(i be champion......4small stout bottles=2big stout bottles)...
then we head on to dudes place......turned out to be his home....

i follow am reach dia....sparsely furnished room...i am tired and
starting to think mi glasses are getting weak...so dude says be comfortable
...i sit on his bed...the only available piece of furniture....

he then proceeds to touch me...i swear every ounce of liquour
.....zapped out of my system....i told him in the calmest voice i could muster

IF YOU TOUCH ME........I WILL WOOZE YOU!!!!!!!!......

he says but they(H&T) said u have a boyfriend......
so what if i have????even if i was boffing my boyf
must i boff u too?(i really wasnt boffing boyf then)

now i see why we had to get high....i thought we were going to see
sum dude who was gonna help with my scores.....
thingy was.....a script was suppossed to surface like an assignment
someone forgot to add up to my final score sheet.........

well i aiint that high......when u get to school tom....pls fail me in the other courses..........i walked out,got a cab to my hostel
and sleep the liquor away......


i learnt my lesson.....

apparently not........
wait till u read part two......

Second post!!!!!!!!!

Its morning....i am awake...........my fone rings
cousin says meet up with me at her designers.....for a fitting
she was getting married 3weeks later......

i am chilling-next thing i know...........sum dude steps in
at first i am like.....ok
T's flatmate probably..........
well seeing T has someone in his bed.....dude will notice....and walk out........
shuo...
he moves closer to the bed so i raise mi head and go hi-u want anything....
he didnt apologise for the intrusion
he just leaves&^%%$#@*(&%

......T wakes up a while later and lights up....i am sure as hell never gonna
get used to this ish.........

so i tell him what his flatmate did........

he says oh....he is a doc......

i am thinking what the fuck*&^%$^$
so what if he is a medical doc
does that give him the right to walk in and check my organs??????
maybe he would have if i was fast asleep

docs can be perverts though
T waves it off.........

i am fuming..........tell him off and he just keeps blowing out clouds of smoke at me

its not like i expected him to go beat up the dude
but is it just me-or when ur flatmate has someone over......u give a wide berth

and if the babe u just shagged kicks her heels in about stuff
even if u aiint gonna do shit-u make it seem like u will

got up.......i needed to get to the designers anyways
took a shower all the tyme watching out for *a doc*

T drops me off at the designers and apologises asked to see the finished
product of the outfit...........

i said ok
just maybe u will get to see a pic

and as i waved him off
i just knew.......

he is never gonna get a whiff of this anymore...........
after all......the earth didnt stand still

water was lukewarm.........neither HOT nor COLD.........





Jokes!!!!!!!!!!!

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would
like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient
man and asks how old he is.

“I’m 90 years old,” he says.

“Ninety!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?”

“Oh, sorry,” says the old man, “how much do I owe you?”






A dimwitted blonde bombshell walks into an airplane and sits in the
first-class section. Upon sitting down a stewardess asks to see her
boarding pass and informs her that she only has a coach ticket.

The blonde says, “I’m a cute looking blonde and I’m flying first class.”

The stewardess replies that she only has a coach seat to Atlanta. The
blonde then retorts, “I’m a cute blonde and I’m flying first class.”

Just then the captain happened by and asked what was happening. The
blonde tells him, “I’m a cute blonde and I’m flying first class to
Atlanta.”

The captain thinks about it for a moment and whispers something in her
ear. The blonde immediately gets up and jumps into a seat in the coach
cabin.

Puzzled, the stewardess asks the captain what he said to get her to move
so fast.

”It was simple,” he replied, “I told her that first class isn’t going to
Atlanta.”









A meat counter clerk, who was drunk and had a particularly good day,
proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it.

“That will be $6.35,” he told his female customer.

“That really is a little too small,” said the woman. “Don’t you have
anything larger?”

Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the
refrigerator, paused a moment, then took it out again. “This one,”
he said faintly, “will be $6.65.”

The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision. “I know what,”
she said, “I’ll take both of them!”


Great Weekend to u all..........MWAH........

Tease II.............

Forgive me peeps,work's been mad......but today is fri........

I could never do what bumight is doing-put meself out like that-i have this crazy
habit of being honest......

its bad enuff that i spill here about stuff i shouldn't be telling u all(lol).....
but thats stuff i wanna share but bumight takes the prize.......*shaking in my heels*.....

So T(Guy in tease).........we had this great companionship and after a while
he asked that we become *an item*.........

so i am thinking.....yea i like thee....but a guy who smokes,drinks,gets
high,still affiliates with sum *stupid ish* he did in sch....was not my idea of a
guy i could end up falling in love with.......(when u start to go steady-this
happens......no?......well sometymes.....

I always said us being an item wasnt gonna happen......he must have really liked
me or he just really wanted to tap that ass cos he kept at it.......

.........we would hook up regularly as friends......sometimes we would get up to all sorts......except penetration........i would help him get off though.....*wink*.....for me foreplay was the coolest ish...once i could get off....
i saw no need to have coitus.....

also dude has the longest phallus I had ever seen(then)....i plead the fifth-thou shall not ask me(a lady) how many had i seen then or now for that matter......just trust me when i say-even then i had seen quite a few........*wink*.......

.....truth be told-i was kinda scared........

6 months later-many make up sessions,dry humps,blowjobs,finger fucks,nipple and
boob massaging,licking,groping,suckjobs later-i was still afraid of taking *him* in.......

then it happened
I WAS MAD HORNY.........

fortunately or unfortunately-he called on that fateful day and asked that we hook
up-i came up with sum bullshit excuse cos i knew-i wasnt gonna stop at foreplay...
..but i did think to pull an all nighter at his-then jettisioned the idea.....not cos i wanted to be banged all night but cos after a good session(no?) i get to cuddle up to someone-i've never owned teddies-what can they do for me?????

next thing i know -flatmate's guy lands -so we reach a compromise-u guys can do
it anyhow,anywhere till noon tom...just drive me to T's........

guy is elated...doesnt even bat an eyelid-an hours drive at 930pm-they decide
they will drop me off,hang out sumplace then head back to mine.........

so i call T -i am coming over.........-90points-i had to pay my cab fare(so
what??????he didnt know i got dropped off by flatmates dude)-i was still a corper then-he did say he was gonna refund it-he did +50points...only the exact amount -190points

got fired up to receive all 9inches of him?no?..............he asked me what i was expecting after seeing how tall he is..............

na so i shake teh fear comot......una whey don born-abeg sebi pickin head big pass
phallus????even if na 9inch sef.........LMAO!!!!!

we talked,he got me dinner-how sweet!!!!!!!

i fiddled with the food....settled down to a movie....+50points-comedy not porn...


its 1130-lets go to bed he says....

foreplay was great......he attempts and i open up........settled in to a rhythm-wasnt bad---then he did the unthinkable....turned me over for a doggy????me????dogggy^%$£^&**&&$$

........hated it-i always felt ashi-ish when i do the doggy(weird i am) dont ask y(me sef i no sabi)-anything else except 'that'.........only allowed him a few thrusts then ......we did other things.....

later we are spent.....i resting in his arms.....we talked,drifted asleep-after
i had made it clear i dont do the doggy---then he goes he loves it-he gets the
deepest penetration-and i am like-how much deeper does a 9 inch individual wanna go.............











A 70-year-old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.”


The next day the 70-year-old man reappears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.


The doctor asked what happened and the man explains, “Well, doc, it’s like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing.”


The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”


The old man replied, “Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn’t get the darn jar open!”

Its friday again and.....

........i was about to alight
this slim thing decided to shoot out
i blocked her progress and i almost fell

so i started to speak
thought to let it go...

she stopped and said talk now........

i said why did u do that????

she started to rant and i gave her the high five
talk to the hand....

she hisses and says
oh...sef...na
talk to the finger.......

i didnt bother....it just made it clearer to me
she wasnt worth my spit...............



TGIF U ALL

An angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his
breath and lipstick on his collar.

“I assume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good reason for you to
come waltzing in here at six o’clock in the morning?”

“There is,” he replied. “Breakfast.”







On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her
95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
“He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years
old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied Granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced
age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells
would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and
even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”


She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, “And if that damned
ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”







One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home
and leaves her, hoping she will be well-cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and
set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She
seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in
her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her
up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other
side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This
goes on all morning.

Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her
new home.

“So, Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask.

“It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart.”



see u all mon.........

I was warned..................

So its been raining or drizzling
while i aiint salt
i dont like to get wet,damp or whatever
so i have been taking cabucabu .........

there's this bad patch on the way
its really bad
keeps getting worse
its been know to swallow SUV's
how much more cabucabu that
apapa trailers will blow away..........lol

ps:if u know anyone that owns a picanto
advice that person not to pass tincan,apapa route ooooooo

the car will be blown away
(I hate the vehicle)
it's tiny
any one who knows me knows i like big things
.....*cough*..........*wink*........

oh ok i digress...

so i engage this cabucabu and dude and i agree on 300 naira
......i let him pick other passengers on the way cos
he wanted 500 naira......

journey was smooth
no old papa to harass this tyme....*wink*.....

we get to the bad patch
i pretend to be engrossed in a novel

he GRUMBLES ALL THE WAY
at a point i felt we were gonna topple into the water......

we made it safe across........
then got to my destination
i alighted.....
paid and just as he received his fare he goes

Aunty..ni ojo imi ti e ba ri mi ni garagi wa
ema pemi kin gbe yin wa sibi yi
ona yin yen ko da rara o
mi o le ti tori ise 300 ki lo tun motor se fun 3000

Aunty...next time you get to our garage
dont engage my services to bring you here
i will not fix my car for 3000 naira
just cos of a 300 naira trip
the road is pretty bad


i just dey laff......

he kept shaking his head as he drove away
to face the bad patch again........

that was yesterday
today i swam across in my rain boots
and took a bike the rest of the way
i did see cabs at the garage but i was afraid

i remember baba's threat
i could have been lynched if i had tried
to get a cab cos i know baba must have spread the word

so u see
me sef dey fear small...........sometimes.......

*wink*...........

Tease............

He glanced across the table at her,she was spooning sorbet into her mouth. A small glob of it clung to her upper lip which she licked it off with the tip of her tongue. He watched her facinated and as he did, he experienced the most extraordinary physical attraction to her..... He was filled wit a fierce desire to make love to her...........

this is an excerpt from a novel........

it reminded me of......



it was www.whisper2u.com.........
my profile name drew his attention.....he buzzed....i responded
.....he was funny......i was doing the nysc thingy then...was looking forward to it ending and me getting a job.....he was with an advert agency(the first ad guy i dated).....i was fascinated with his job......he was the first man to say 'i lie for a living....lieing comes easy to me'...(2nd ad guy also said this to me once).....every ad guy i know......says 'models are good for the job but i dont date them'......'i prefer regular girls'.........

we would makes dates online ....hook up to the net and chat for hours.....3months later we exchanged numbers.....his voice i liked....6months later.....he called....i was just leaving my cousin's......thats really close to where i work-he said,why dont we hook up for lunch...i wasnt keen but he was persistent...so i headed there.....he was good looking(thank God) and tall...*cough*....we sat down...food was great...he was suppossed to head back to work but we were enjoying each other's company.....to prolong the date-he switched off his phone and we decided to have a drink......i was having such a great time......3hours later-i have go i said.... ok he said but give me a few mins to compose meself-i cant get up....i asked 'y'.....he asked if i really wanted to know...yes i said cos i couldnt understand this sudden need to sit tight and not get up....he pushed back his seat...i saw it...a lovely woody...i was stunned...i did dat i asked??...yea he said...when i asked?.....while u were eating he said..he said the idea of a drink was to give him tyme but whilst we drank and talked...it ony got worse.....i laughed.....secretly pleased...I...MOI...gave a guy i just met a woody just by spooning rice into my mouth&talking(not like i dont know what me voice can do to a man sometymes....*wink*)...what was it exactly i asked...ur eyes...mouth and voice he said...(my head swell).......

we agreed i should give him a few minutes to compose himself so i took a walk to look around...he met up with me and we headed...i was gonna take a cab home he insisted lets head to his place..i knew he only wanted me to pay for the woody......i said i needed to get a million things done.....he gave me this puppy dog look and i obliged him....company was good...flat was ok...he put on a movie...points for him it wasnt porn....we talked...he asked to kiss me......awwwwwwwwww i thought...he did......

i didnt particularly enjoy the kiss cos he was going too fast..i tod him so..he slowed down the tempo...i liked what his hands were doing to me.....i got up to pee and to make sure i was 'clean' incase his pink muscle was gonna say hi to my clit(i noticed he went into his room-to prepare the slaughter slab i am sure).......went back to the living room....making up was slow then fast and furious......i was loving it...he picked me up-he didnt halt the kiss(points for that)...next thing i know i was against cool sheets....he stripped me slowly....we touched,licked groped,sucked....his fingers down there was bliss......then the pink muscle....'sigh'.....t'was.....t'was.....t'was.....then....i saw bright lights......i felt goooooodddddd....decided to return the favour....stripped him but left his briefs on........

....i touched,groped,licked,sucked everywhere except his shaft......he was squirming.....then......i got up to pee(i'm sure he was like what kinda wickedness is this*&^%$£)....cleaned me self up....went back in.....started to dress up....what are u doing he said...i'm sorry.....its late i need to get home-it's 8pm already.....are u just gonna let me hang he asked...i'm sorry i said...i agreed to lunch..i didnt sign up for a great fuck...maybe some other tyme i said...he got up noticed i was dead serious then went to get himself off...met me in the living room a while later...told him not to bother about dropping me off....we found a cab....i got a passionate good bye kiss.....get her home safe he said...cab driver cooed all the way to me home about how lucky i am and how much my husband must love me......i had this huge smile on me face.......called when i got home and he said...now i like u more.....i was soooooooooo sure i was gonna get some tonight...he said he couldnt phantom not tapping that booty........

but i could have raped you you know...i said the thought didnt cross my mind....u know what ibi...next tyme i catch u...u wont get away so easy..........that was the whole idea though...keep him guessing.....so he comes back for more.....*wink*.....

FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i've got nurring much to say

my itch is still dia

my crystal ball still hasnt come up with a face

it looks like i aiint getting any

i will survive this drought

going celibate is not an option

ignoring the itch hardly helps

lately i've been admiring this good looking brother
that works in a differnt branch of my firm-its not
like i need him to scratch my itch....

i just like watching him walk.....*sigh*..the swagger


well Enigma....this is for you.....




A chicken and egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette
with a satisfied smile on its face, while the egg is frowning and
looking slightly annoyed. The chicken turns over on its side and mutters,
"Well, I guess that solves that debate."




Jack decides to go skiing with his buddy Bob. They load up Jack's
station wagon and head north. After driving for a few hours, they get
caught in a terrible blizzard. They pull into a nearby farmhouse and
ask the attractive lady of the house if they can spend the night.

"I'm recently widowed," she explains, "and I'm afraid the neighbors
will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Not to worry," Jack says, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."

Nine months later, Jack gets a letter from the widow's attorney. He
calls up his friend Bob and says, "Bob, do you remember that
good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"

"Yes, I do," Bob says.

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and have sex with her?" Jack asks.

"Yes, I have to admit that I did," Bob says.

"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" Jack
asks.

Bob's face turns red and he says, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."

"Well, thanks a lot, pal…” Jack says. “She just died and left me her
farm."



A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate
their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession
to make, I’m not a virgin.”

The husband replies, “That’s not a big deal in this day and age.”

The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”

“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”

“Tiger Woods.”

“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed
with him.”

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

“What are you doing?” asks the wife.

The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get
something to eat.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make
love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. “Now what are
you doing?” she asks.

The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to get room service
to get something to eat.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to bed and do it again.”

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more
time.

When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone
and starts to dial.

The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”

“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn
hole.”