Friday, July 25, 2008

Its friday again and.....

........i was about to alight
this slim thing decided to shoot out
i blocked her progress and i almost fell

so i started to speak
thought to let it go...

she stopped and said talk now........

i said why did u do that????

she started to rant and i gave her the high five
talk to the hand....

she hisses and says
oh...sef...na
talk to the finger.......

i didnt bother....it just made it clearer to me
she wasnt worth my spit...............



TGIF U ALL

An angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his
breath and lipstick on his collar.

“I assume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good reason for you to
come waltzing in here at six o’clock in the morning?”

“There is,” he replied. “Breakfast.”







On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her
95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
“He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years
old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied Granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced
age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells
would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and
even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”


She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, “And if that damned
ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”







One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home
and leaves her, hoping she will be well-cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and
set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She
seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in
her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her
up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other
side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This
goes on all morning.

Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her
new home.

“So, Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask.

“It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart.”



see u all mon.........

33 comments:

Afrobabe said...

Kolo...lol..u dey fight for bus abi...kai, that was me u just gave the hand....

lmao @ granny, eya, those ice cream bells are very fast.....apparently too fast for grandpa...

Tairebabs said...

lol at all those jokes. Loved the granny ones more..farting and the ice cream bell sex!

I wanted to be first! afro why now?

LG said...

buahahahahahahahhahahahaha at d jokes esp d 'fartin' one
IB, u nor well
ehen who dey look 4 ur trouble, where she dey??? *ties headtie on waist* i say where she dey???? no!! no beg me,
lol

@afro; naury gal

Chari said...

chai Ibiluv...u no go kill me I swear!

blazingdaola said...

hahahahahaha!HAHAHAHAHAHAH!BUAHHHHHHH!I I I .... AMM ..IN ...HAAAAAAAAAAAAA.TNX....

SOMEONE ELSE'S LIFE said...

lol!!!! grany jokes r hilarious.!!!!

She hissed and said talk to d fingers? How is she not sure it was talk to hands and waka all at once dat u were giving her...hehheh

'Yar Mama said...

Ha ha. Nice jokes...

ibiluv said...

@sis....i no fight for bus o...i no just wan make she chance me.....lol........

gramps should have stuck to the church bells......*wink*.....


@tairebabs.....no mind sis.....she stalks me......lol......


@lg.....haba....ore,if u deal with am with that posture,she no go survive am....ma binu.....lol


@chari.....just to make u laff hard dearie thats all....*wink*.....


@blazingdola....u r welcome dearie.........


@someone else's life....she no know thats why i no correct am.....*wink*....

'yar mama.........i aim to please.........

Aphrodite said...

Slim thing?
You harsh o,lol...

Love the jokes.

Smaragd said...

sweetie, maybe it was me u fought o...lol. coolu coolu coolu temper o.

actually, that granny's posture for farting reminds me of my mum...lol. seriously, she just has to give her bum an angle!

poor gramps!

Smaragd said...

see the person calling someone slim thing...lol

ibiluv said...

@aphrodite......the gal vex mi ni.......

@twinny.....me fight???*appalled*....i just ignore am....when seated there's nothing like a good angle to fart....*wink*

@twinny....i am lusciously slim ....no try me......*wink*........

Enigma said...

I cant wait to have my internet fixed! i try to do sneak previews at work..

Abeg, no fight o, aint worth the mental time, not to talk of spit!

Thanks for the jokes!

Ps: see y'all on monday?, today na tuesday o...

Erm...so...how's celibacy going? **wink**

ibiluv said...

@enigma......its really not fair.....thanks for asking....*scratch that*......i will pluck ya eyes out for asking$%#&^%*&

are u making fun of me?????

well...it will happen ...yes in this lifetyme...i will find someone that will give me *earth shattering sex* and all u gloaters shall enter your shells in shame....

cos in my opinion....whilst constant shagging is great......one great shag every once in a while is fabulous...at least until i snag me one for life.......*wink*.....

me fight?????/koyo too much of a lady to try that......*wink*.....

i will get to a post soon maybe thurs......

Enigma said...

Babe, i aint making fun of you... just looking out for a sister! **wink**

ibiluv said...

@enigma....its aiight.......just kidding meself.........lol

princesa said...

LOL@she wasn't worth my spit.

Good thing no one ended with a black eye.

ibiluv said...

@princesa.na true she no worth am......*wink*....black eye for where.......i no fit fight oooo na mouth i get......lol......

Mz. Dee said...

Loool!!

make d woman tell dem say she wan fart na!!

Jinta said...

ibiluv, are you a trouble-maker?

i like the ice cream joke. hope i'll still be doing it to rhythm at a 100

ibiluv said...

@mz.dee.......granma is cool like that.....y she be putting her biz
out like that......they should juet let her be...lol

@jinta......i am........me and u dearie....me and u......the wish!!!!!!!!

Afrobabe said...

Its almost another friday oh...so berra update..

always been curious about which telecoms firm you work in...

ibiluv said...

@sis......i will get to it...today or first thing tom...

been swamped at work!!!!!!!!!

mail me at ibiluv@live.com

i just might tell u which one(telecomms) it is.....*wink*........

Shubby Doo said...

lmao...ding dong indeed

In my head and around me said...

I love the joke about farting. It was so unexpected...

ibiluv said...

@shubby doo....yea that na gramps pace.........

@in my head and around me.......glad to know u liked it........

ablackjamesbond said...

where r u? No Friday post?

ibiluv said...

@007........omo na work ooooooo

so i owe two posts shey
i shant disappoint!!!!!!!

Smaragd said...

i've been asking for ur email addy since o, ehen! *pouting not talking to u*

rayo said...

first tym hirn nd i'm savin d page... love d jokes nd d laid bak way u wryt

ibiluv said...

@twinny........mwah......

@rayo.......thanks......I aim to please.......

Buttercup said...

hahahahahahahaha! u had me literally rollin on the floor wit laughter wit this one! ok, not literally..but yea...

ibiluv said...

@buttercup......i am ur recommended de-stresser!!!!!!!!!