Complicated.................

I am horny

Do it already...........

With who?

I dont have me a man

My fuckmate is on suspension
he didnt call for 3 months
or maybe i should get me a new fuckmate????

Got a proposition from a guy 2yrs younger
I am not bothered that he is younger
I am bothered that he acts his age

y should it bother me?
Why cant I just get what i want
what does it matter who from?



Sex is easy
i should just get it
Its everything else that is complicated
(he's younger,acts his age,might not be able to pleasure me



Men think dating is fine
sex is good
an attachment? no way


Women think dating is important
sex is/should be earth shattering
an attachment? how soon


Why am I Female?

First times.......

Was reading Nyemoni's blog..
first tymes.......

I guess i wanna blog about my first day at school..........
the one i remember will be secondary/high school
i have no recollection of my first day at primary school

i had this weird desire to school as far away from home as possible
so i guess i looked at the map of Nigeria and from Lagos........
i chose to school at Federal Government College Sokoto
My uncle was a pilot at the then Nigerian Airways so i knew getting there wouldn't be a problem-he had two sons there-so i was looking forward to being the female cousin

I didnt get in........
I got into Federal Government College Minna
I really was tiny then and i was 11
so i got my period on the night before i left for school
yea.....new chapter of my life.....new me
my mother still cringes..........

ok-two stories in one
first period-first day at school

was watching a movie...my stuff all packed
felt funny
went off to the ladies
saw blood................
at first i drew a blank
then it ocured to me
Ohhhhhhhh now i get to be a woman?
went off to tell Gramps...he smiled and sent me off to Grandma
She was amazed-kept wondering aloud why it had to be tonight of all nights
no sanitary towels at home
Granma didnt need it no more
My uncle went to the store....closed

i guess its crude but i had to make do with the cloth
remember how Grandma did it before sanitary towels?
Grandpa came in after a while and suggested tissues
so grandma showed me how to use the tissue

the whole neighbourthood would have known i got my period
i was walking like i had something between my thighs
i did
try telling an 11 yr old she had to walk like she had nothing btw her legs..............

then came the talks...............
u are going off to boarding school
be wary of boys
now u have ur period u can become pregnant if they touch u down there
dont let NO ONE touch u down there
Gramps first then Grandma
they called my parents and i got the talk over the phone as well
Mum,Dad,Mum's eldest sis,Uncle the Doc finally my Aunt the chaperon
must have got to bed about midnight

off to school the next morning after kissing Gramps goodbye
(loved to run my little palm over his stubble)
miss u Gramps................

got to the park
stores still not open
Grandma and my aunt went with me
who lets an 11yr old travel from Lagos to Minna by road alone?
not my family

Stopped at...have no idea...Aunt says come along...
we went to the ladies after finally getting some sanitary towel
she showed me what to do
i still walked liked i had something between my legs
it was uncomfortable in my opinion
i just wanted to yank it out and keep changing my pants once they were soaked

I love sleep and it loves me too
i have no idea what the scenery was
i spent every min that wasnt spent wit my nose in my novel sleeping
must have been a twelve hour journey in my opinion
at every stop,my aunt and I had to check down there.............

Every min i spent seated was bliss cos of.....u know what
Finally got to Minna then to the school
we had to look through a list for our names
my name was put against yellow house
i was still debating the idea of I in a yellow outfit
the School's Guidance counsellor who had being contacted
by my Aunt the Chaperon-my Aunt visited the school soon after we got the notification that i was gonna be in Minna-she met this nice family who put her through and she suggested or they suggested they would look after me during my stay in school
nice family....


The Guardian Cou...lets say Mr O comes up and says nooooo
strike that off...........She will be in green house
i felt yea someone after my heart
Along comes this plump beautiful lady-he pulls me towards her and says
shes from Lagos and she is your responsibility
she R was in green house,he needed for me to be in the same house as she
My very own school mum-wasnt elated but being the school daughter of the Labour prefect turned out to be bliss

It almost became a family thing-Male labour prefect then decided to be my school dad
i said no-he liked the fact that i had a mouth on me
i was easily one of the smallest in the whole school then
this tiny thing who had a BIG mouth and wasnt afraid to talk back to ANYONE

I spent a lot of my tyme with Gramps and i was encouraged to say just about anything
so it was an eye opener to know i had to shut up if i didnt want to be eligible for punishment from the seniors

i had immunity all thru my first year in school
so i guess i got worse
all that tyme the seniors in SS 2 were plotting...........
they couldnt wait for my immunity to wear off cos wear off it did in my second year
now i have to blog about my first punishment.......

how did i go from first day to first period to first year in school?
R=school mum's eyes almost popped out of their sockets when she found the towels in my luggage
she helped me get thru the next few days
it was like having a big sis
which is cool(i dont have a female sibling)

After the introduction to school mum i said good bye
to Grandma & Aunt the Chaperon
She was being all clingy and i wasnt having that
i felt your job is done u have seen me here safely
can u please go?
i couldn't wait to go explore my new surroundings

went off with school mum after Grandmum&Aunt the Chaperon
had settled into Mr O's home
they had to spend the night-couldnt make the trip back to Lagos
was asked to spend the night with them
i choose to go check out my new abode

Hung around school mum the rest of the day while she handled her duties
slept in her bed-i have no idea where she passed the night
next day i got the bed beside hers
she made sure she hung around till i fell asleep though
t'was a tad colder than Lagos
had a dreamless sleep
i forgot to mention how disgusted i was by all the other new comers like meself who burst in tears once their folks had to go


stay tuned for other firsts.......

Comfortable

How comfortable are you in your skin?

Moi...................Very

I remember one full moon night in Uni
we girls had this habit of having our baths outside
not outside the compound-thing is the house we all lived in
had this open space at the back where the well was
we were priviledged to have a well in our compound
others would come and beg for water in our abode

Thing is when we needed to do this........
we would ask that someone shuts the main entrance
and if anyone heard a knock the person was sure to go inform whoever was bathing outside that a male was coming in

so this day -whoever it was that opened the door decided to reduce my brideprice
so i am there having my bath....
and this guy walks in
it would have being nice if he was just some random guy in school
he turned out to be a friend's friend-but a person i know and speak with

he saw me-shey he would have just walked away
he just stood there and said Ibi.............Hi
5 secs later i got over my intial shock and i said hello
how u been?
he says cool-then asks me-have i seen D?
the babe he was in my hostel to see
i said no-check her room
he says
nice seeing u-then proceeds to knock on D's door
D opens the door and is shocked that he was at her door and there I was

later she comes into my room mortified-why did'nt i run,scream,pour water on him?
i said well he had already seen me
what was the point?
he decided to be like that............
so i played along
afterall no body send me to bath outside abi?


i have a cousin who goes once she sheds her clothes before a man
she becomes shy.................
i know brothers dont mind baring it
but in my opinion
since we are both in our birthday suits
what the hell
i aiint feeling shy over my body
its beautiful-i am proud of it
ok-so i aiint as bootilicious as Jlo
it will happen yet
in my lifetyme..................

but if some bro thinks if he happens to see me
i am gonna be embarrassed about it.........
it aiint happening
not unless my clothes get torn in the middle of third mainland bridge
or somewhere densely populated
but if its a brother at a tyme*wink*
even uninvited onlookers.............
i looooooooooooove my body.......................
come see

From Shacrown

Two Names you go by:
Ibi
Az


Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
Jeans
Earrings

Two Things You Would Want (or have) in a Relationship
Chemistry
Honesty

Two of your favorite things to do
Watch movies
browse d net

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
Chocolates
More money

Two pets you had/have:
Cats
Chickens

Two things you did last night
Listened to Asa
Watched Tv

Two things you ate last night:
Yam
Fish

Two people you last talked to
Boss
Co-worker

Two longest car rides
Lagos-Jos
Lagos-Kano

Two favourite holidays
Christmas
Eid-Il-Kabir

Favourite Beverages
Milo
Milo


Person no longer alive you'd like to talk to
Gramps
Maternal Grandma

Dream

O calls me yesterday to tell me about his befuddlement
He works for company V and gets a mouth watering offer from company M
he drops a letter for company V and is to start at company M 3rd march
thereby giving V two weeks notice
yesterday company M calls him up and says if he doesnt start work today 21st
the job goes to someone else........
So he has to come in to company V today and tie up loose ends since he cant work till the 29th no more
he really wants to work for M-more work load,better pay,car,experience,exposure-the works
but he just got slightly amazed over the *if he doesnt come today 21st he looses the offer*
i'm thinking some big shot@M wants his brother to have the job
havent spoken to him but he said he will be at M today


I just started with company A in feb
yesterday i got an offer from company E
*mouthwatering offer*
'cos i am going...........
just feels sad that just when i was building bonds at A
E sauntered in with this yummy deal


Last night i had a dream
O & I in bed together-just comforting each other
no intimacy.............
thing is -it couldn't ever happen
he is crazy in love with J and much as i love O
it's platonic
Does my dream have anything to do with the fact
that we are both changing jobs
both offers are contract positions
but i am thinking if we can both work our asses off for the next 2yrs
we get to stay dont we?

Facebook,Grammar,Jokes

...........and Laspapi had to burst my bubble
Some addictions are a phase(even i know dat)
while i will never loose my addictions for
all things sweet(blame my incurable sweetooth for that)
I have been cured of my facebook addiction
not cos of laspapi's comment
even though this post makes it seem so..........
but......cos i think someone at work has decided
Ibi shall no longer have mins to spare for facebook
but i shall always find tyme to blog&do my rounds


I have a serious problem with people who have a problem with their tenses
while i understand that for such people it may
have started as a result of going to the wrong primary schools(not their fault)
what irks me is.........
*when they get older-y do they still have a problem&^%$#@*(&%#
i just cant stand it
anyone above 10 who goes
did u saw him?
should be SHOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So there's this guy who is trying...........
he's been sending mails,sms
then he calls and goes
did u saw him?
i think he needs to b shot
i have deleted his number
i have no plans to foster further friendship
or whatever he had in his little miind
with a person who cant have a conversation
with my 4yr old niece without me having heart palpitations






A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the female blonde driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"

The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"

Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener

What???,Jokes

Hey peeps
I am having bloggers block

When i first discovered facebook
i wasnt impressed..

i re-discovered it recently
and i have to not go to facebook till it's about an hour to go home
its sooooooooooo addictive

which brings me to my other addictions
icecream,movies,music,blogging,novels

i wonder if i deserve my earnings??

*wink*

ok so i am rambling.......

ENJOY


A new monk arrives at the monastery.
He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand.
He notices, however, that they are copying from copies,
not the original manuscripts.
So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this.
He points out that if there were an error in the first copy,
that error would be continued in all of the other copies.

The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for
centuries, but you make a good point, my son.
" So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to
check it against the original.

Hours go by and nobody sees him. So, one of the monks
goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from
the back of the cellar, and finds the old monk leaning over one
of the original books crying.

He asks the old monk what's wrong, and in a choked voice comes
the reply..."The word is 'celebrate.'"





A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like
his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign reading, “BEST DEALS.”

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign reading, “LOWEST PRICES.”

The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read: “MAIN ENTRANCE.”


have a fabulous weekend u all
i plan too

Happy Valentine

I got what i wanted
remember i said it didn't matter where it came from
i was willing to perch
A cake
My boss got all the ladies at work a cake
so i got a cake
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


I wish u all a day that will gladden ur heart
and make u warm all over
have a happy happy val's day


Joke-Couldn't resist
One day a man tried to get a job with a great company.
He passed every test with flying colors,
but during the final interview,
the CEO told him that his constant blinking
would bother customers.

"I can fix that with some aspirin.
I'll just take some and be better in a second.
" So, he reaches into his pocket and pulls
condom after condom out until he finds the aspirin.
He takes it and his blinking goes away.

The CEO says, "We don't approve of womanizing!"
The guy says "Oh, no!
Have you ever tried to ask a pharmacist
for aspirin while you’re winking?"

Disappearing val,Jokes

So i met this guy last year-Jan
He professed love after 4 days
i wasnt falling for that shit
moreover all i ever wanted from him
was a friendship or an acquaintanship
love?hell no

so he asks me like a few days to val(last year)
what do i want for vals
i say nothing
he pesters-i insist nothing
he then suggests
he will come take me out to diinner
thing is i hate dinner at a fast food restaurant on val's
especially with a person i wasnt feeling hot about

he calls me
says he wil be at my place in another hour
this was about 7pm
i never saw him
i never called him
his love died a natural death
didnt hear from him...........

TODAY i met him online
he says hi
we chat
next thing i know he is asking for my number
yes the mo' fu' lost it
i gave it to him
then he goes he needs to see me
i am wondering y
i ask y we need to see
he says he REALLLY NEEDS TO SEE ME

can someone out there remind him
tom is vals day
is he trying to do another disappearing act?
i feel no anger or anticipation
i am just stupefied at him

is he normal *&^%$^&^$$

he did call
i was in no mood for a conversation
y did i give him my number?
i'd just rather let him have it
than get it from any other mo' fu'
i can always ignore his calls
so he knows i dont wanna talk to him
when i ignore his calls

as much as i am hoping to get a piece of cake
(remember my friend's boyf-who should get her a cake)

if it comes from him....
i will give it out






A guy walked into a bar and sat down next to an extremely gorgeous
woman. The first thing he noticed about her was her pants.
They were skin-tight, high-waisted and had no zippers, buttons
or velcro for opening them. After several minutes of puzzling over
how she got the pants up over her hips, he finally worked up the
nerve to ask her.

"Excuse me miss, but how do you get into your pants?" he asks.

"Well," she replied, "You can start by buying me a drink."







Larry was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when
he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Bill Johnson,
who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.
Larry, somewhat of a loudmouth, shouted across the garage,
"Hey Johnson... Is that you? Come over here a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Larry
was working on a car. "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at this work.
I also take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I
finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get
the big bucks when you and me are doing basically the same work?"

Johnson, very embarrassed, walked away and said softly to Larry, "Try doing your work with the engine running."







An extremely shy fellow brought his date a bouquet of flowers.
She threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard.
After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door.

She exclaimed, "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't!" he replied. "I'm going out to buy you some jewelry








An Irishman walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "What'll you have?"

The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one,
then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, "Sir, you don't have to order three at a time.
I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States.
We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together.
So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.”

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers.

Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that
I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."

The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking."

Mobile,Babes,Love is, Jokes

cant remember my life without my mobile anymore
is it just me??????


i obsess about the sms's on my fone
any texts that is personal is deleted once read
any text that can be misconstrued is deleted
cos some people are just nosy parkers.........





i think a lot of kids out dia are loving the *twins*
their mum's and any other........
had *my* encounter on sun
first thing the little lady did was pinch me on the boobs
then she proceeded to kick me
i think cos i wasn't forthcoming
her mum kept apologising.........
but i didnt give a hoot
she could have kicked me from here to the bahamas
for all i care
she has no claim on my twins
so if she was showing her displeasure........
it was my pleasure to displease her



You dont have to find the perfect person
to experience perfect love


Love is when you care about someone else's
happiness always and forever
whether or not-you are destined to be together



A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine
restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman
comes over to their table, gives the husband a big
kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell
was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife.
"I've had enough, I want a divorce."

"I can understand that," replies her husband,
"but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you
don't get any more shopping trips to Paris,no more
wintering in Barbados , no more summers in
Tuscany ,no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no
more yacht club.But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant
with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.




While sports fishing off the Florida coast,
a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators
kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,
"Are there any gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber replied. "The sharks got 'em





The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day
and told him to come into his office.

"What is your name?" was the first thing he asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of
a namby-pamby place you worked at before,
but I don't call anyone by their first name.
It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.
I refer to my employees by their last name only --
Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all.
I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson.
Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

Jokes.......Flyer

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?"
asked the first guy.

"Well, not exactly. She's more into the trick dog aspect of it," replied his friend.

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?" asked the first guy.

"Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg; then she rolls over and plays dead."







A Nigerian and an American man are sitting next to
each other on a long flight from London to New York .

The American man leans over to the Nigerian and asks
if he would like to play a fun game.

The Nigerian just wants to take a nap, so he politely
declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few
winks.

The American man persists and explains that the game
is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask
you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you
pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't
know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the Nigerian politely declines and tries to get
to sleep.

The American man,now somewhat agitated, says, "OK,
if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I
don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"

This catches the Nigerian's attention, and he sees no
end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to
the game.

The American asks the first question. "What's the
distance from the earth to the moon?" The Nigerian
doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls
out a five dollar bill and hands it to the American.

Now, it's the Nigerian's turn. He asks the American
"What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down
on four?"

The American looks up at him with a puzzled look. He
takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his
references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem
and searches the net and the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers-- all to
no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Nigerian and hands
him $100. The Nigerian politely takes the $100 and
turns away to try to get back to sleep. The American,
more than a little miffed, shakes the Nigerian and
asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the
Nigerian reaches into his wallet, hands the American
$5, and turns away to get back to sleep.







A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window
"I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir;
I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!"

"I'm very sorry, sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank.
" So saying, the teller leaves the window and goes over
to the bank manager to tell him about the situation.

They both return and the manager asks the old geezer,
"What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no problem, damn it!" the man says,
"I just won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery
and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see," says the manager. "Is this bitch giving you a hard time?"















So i got this flyer
some woman calls herself
prophetess evangelist chaplain major general president overseer of a minsistry
is it just me,or does she need all these titles?????

she goes on to tell us the good she's done and
wants to continue to do for beggers,destitutes
the handicapped,the deaf,dumb,elderly pple,motherless babies,refugees,widows,hospitals and prisons
whilst i commend her and appreciate what she's doing
i have an issue with her asking us to help her cause
by sending money in two accounts both with the same bank
one savings,the other current
but both in *her* name

i am thinking y?
how does she account for all the money that goes in????
i know it's a question of integrity
but for proper accountability........
i think it should be an account in a company name
with other signatories
no offence intended but is it just me who thinks
thats the way it should b????????

Joke,Val cake,My Mantra,Love is...

An old lady was rocking away the last of her days on her front porch,

reflecting on her long life,when all of a sudden a fairy godmother appeared

in front of her and informed her that she will be granted three wishes.

"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be really rich."

POOF! Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young, beautiful princess."

POOF! She turns into a beautiful young woman.

"Your third wish?" asks the fairy godmother.

Just then the old woman's cat wanders across the porch in front of them.

"Ooh can you change him into a handsome prince and make him my husband?" she asks.

POOF! There, before her stands a young man more handsome than anyone she could

possibly imagine.

She stares at him, smitten.

With a smile that makes her knees weak, he saunters

across the porch and whispers in her ear:

"Bet you’re sorry you had me neutered."




Ok so i am valess(i don't have a val)
but i've developed a craving for a *val* cake
so i dropped not so subtle hints to my pal's boyfriend
that she will appreciate a cake for val
(along wit whatever else he wanted to give her)
thing is..........i will get to eat some
i know so-she cant finish it all by herself
she will need help and i will be there(i am salivating)
i just hope he gets the hint*wink*




God may not answer you when u want but he is always on time



love is many things.it's varied,
one thing it is not and can never b is unsure


it's true dat most times we cant help those most close to us
either in part cos we don't know which part to give
or the part we have to give is not wanted
and that is why it's so that those we live wit and should know...........elude us
but we can still love them..........
we can love completely without complete understanding



Have a fabulous weekend
see ya all Mon
MWAH

Latecomer?Bus ride,The Miser,Impossible Situations

So i should get to work at 745am
I usually make it there anytyme from 750-810am
does that make me a latecomer?
no one is complaining though..........




OK in the bus today this chic was harrasing the driver about waiting at *every* bustop for passengers
i wonder-will he take an half empty bus to the island so u wont b late to work?
if u wanted to get to work on tyme...u leave home at the right tyme
not so?




There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,

"Wait just a moment!"
She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said,

"Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him."

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."






Impossible Situations
These are some situations that seem illogical but actually possible. This type of puzzle is the subset of Situation Puzzle or sometimes known as Lateral Thinking Puzzle.

How can these situations be possible?
One day a girl celebrated her birthday. Two days later, her older twin brother celebrated his.

Each of the two persons is standing behind the other one.

A father and his son were in a car accident. The father was dead on impact. The son was severely injured and rushed to the hospital. However, the surgeon refused to operate on the injured boy, saying "I can't operate on him, he's my son!"

A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year but they were not twins.

A person was born on December, but her birthday is always in the summer.

Alan was 27 years old the day before yesterday. Next year he will be 30.

Two people are talking on the phone long distance. One is in an East Coast state of the United States, the other is in a West Coast state of the United States. The first asks the other, "What time is it?" He hears the answer and says, "That's
funny. It's the same time here!" Neither one of them were mistaken about the time.

I have 2 windows in the front of my house. Each window is square, 4 feet high and 4 feet wide. But one window is twice as large as the other.

A man leaves home one night and drives over a mile to meet a friend for a drink. When the man arrives home, the clock shows a time only five minutes later than when he left.

Three large people try to crowd under one small umbrella, but nobody gets wet.

A man has twelve toothpicks in front of him. He takes one away, and now he has nine in front of him.

Two nurses are going to a hospital. One of them is the mother of the other's daughter.

A woman has five children and half of them are boys.

Two sons and two fathers go fishing. They each catch one fish. The total number of fish they caught was only 3.

A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts, to parents who were both born in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen.


Answers
Their mother gave birth while in a boat that was going to cross the International Date Line on a non-leap year. The boy,the older twin, was born early on March 1st. Then the boat crossed the International Date Line, and the girl was born on
February 28th. In a leap year, the younger twin celebrates her birthday two days before her older bother.

They are standing back-to-back

The surgeon is the boy's mother.

They are two of a triple/quadruple...

She was born in Australia.

Alan was born on December 31st, and today is January 1st.

One is in Eastern Oregon (Mountain time); the other in Western Florida (Central time), and the phone call takes place on daylight-savings-time changeover day at 1:30am.

The smaller window is tilted 45 degrees to make a diamond shape. It measures 4 feet horizontally and vertically from corner to opposite corner, while the larger window measures 4 feet along each side.

The man left his house just before the clocks were set back 1 hour for daylight savings time in the fall. His wife set the clock to show the correct time.

It is not raining.

The remaining 11 toothpicks were arranged to spell the word NINE.

They are a couple, a husband and wife.

She has all boys.

It is a grandfather, a father, and a son. The father is a son to the grandfather, and a father to the son.

The child was born before 1776.

Memory Loss,Cakes,Phones,Lack of use

So scientists have discovered that women have some sort of memory loss when *pregnant*
so when anyone u know is preggers and seems forgetfull..................
aiint her fault
blame the foetus!!!!!!!!!

about cakes...
www.bakersworldcakes.com
they deliver free if u book a cake worth 3500 and more
ehm ehm
i need a cake ooooooooo
*wink*



Would you like to know if your mobile is original or not?!!

Type *#06# on your mobile phone and the-International Mobile Equipment
Identity (IMEI) number appears.

Check the 7th and 8th digits.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 th 8 th 9 10 11 12 13 14 15
Phone serial no. x x x x x x x x x x x x


CLUES

1. IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 02 or 20 that mean it was assembled
in the Emirates which is very Bad quality

2. IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 08 or 80 that means it was
manufactured in Germany which is not bad

3. IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 01 or 10 that mean it's manufactured
in Finland which is Good

4. IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 00 that means it was manufactured in
original factory which is the best Mobile Quality ...

5. IF the digit number Seven & Eight is 13 that means it was assembled in
Azerbaijan which is very poor quality and potentially very dangerous to your
health!!

SO WHEN NEXT YOU GO OUT TO BUY A HANDSET, YOU KNOW WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR




Lack of use
A woman came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children? I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away! “And he replied:” Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened" "Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, “but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And he began: "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.

She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like them.
He took a quick breath and continued: "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,'"Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

Bus Ride

As unprepared as we were
i still expected a miracle as always
but Ghana is hosting to win apparently
we lost
thank God for the penalty
them for beat us 2-0

a lot of stuff goes on in people's lives
I enjoy bus rides in this city of lagos(sometymes)
one gets to hear all sorts

there was this woman,her grievance was that the fees lastma charges traffic offenders is too high
they should bring it to the barest minimum so people will not find it hard to pay
i disagree-the whole idea is no one should disobey traffic rules,if there is a steep fee to pay,people will learn to be cautious,why make it cheap?
so people can knowingly do damage to other road users just cos the fine is easy to pay?

one man's problem-atms
he picked a card
didnt change the original pin
which in my opinion is easily accessible to "any" hacker
so he uses his atm at an eatery
where he said a software programme was installed to take down pin numbers and card numbers of all atm cards used on it
i dont know how he came by the info.....
someone somewhere hacked into the system
he lost 20,000 naira
he went to the bank to complain-they showed him the transaction-no foul play detected
he has confisticated the atm card
he doesnt need it anymore-he says
he cant afford to loose money he didnt spend
i know people do all sorts with atm machines&stolen cards
i think maybe his money wouldn't have been tampered with
if only he had followed a simple instruction
"change your pin(personalise it)as soon as u receive your card"

another woman's grouse-she's been on leave
she noticed a lot of families seem to have men and women who stay at home all day and seemingly have no source of income but have what everyone else that has an 8-6(not9-5) thrive for....'the good life'

Large head..........sorry about ur cake saga....next tyme you need to book for a cake and pay for them to deliver...try Upper Crust and OR Cakes and Cream

men v women-choices,consent form

Scientists have confirmed what we knew all along
men go for looks when choosing a mate
women are far choosier
a speed dating project in munich,germany
men and women 26-40 ticked off their likes and dislikes after chatting for a few minutes
for men, attractiveness was on top of the list regardless of personality,professionalism or charm
for females,sensitivity,humour,charisma were reasons for second dates


What do u all think?

Dear All,
Following the rape accusation against Jacob Zuma and Kiiza Besigye, it is inevitable for men to start legally protecting themselves. Here is an agreement we are supposed to enter into when we have a date. Your comments please....please make sure all the documentations are fully signed and are in safe repository before doing the actual execution.

CONSENT FORM TO BE SIGNED BEFORE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE (MEN's PROTECTION DESIGNED AFTER THE JACOB ZUMA INCIDENT AND/OR CASE)

1. I _______________________, the undersigned female partner
(herein referred to as the "screwee"), about to enjoy sexual intercourse
with _______________ (hereafter referred to as the "screwer"), certify as follows:

1. THAT I am above the lawful age of consent.

2. THAT I am not under the influence of any narcotic substance(s).
3. THAT the aforementioned screwer did not use any force, threats, coercion or promises to influence me.

4. THAT I, the screwee, has no fear of him whatsoever.

5. THAT I do not expect or wish to marry him

6. THAT I do not know if he is married or not and I do not care.

7. THAT I am neither asleep nor drunk

8. THAT I am entering this relationship with him because I love it and want it as much as he does.

9. THAT in the event that I receive full and 'delicious' satisfaction, which I expect, I declare in advance, the capacity and willingness for further participation as soon as time permits.

10. THAT I will not act as a witness against him nor will I file charges against him in the event that:

10.1 I contract a sexual disease
10.2 I fall pregnant
10.3. I feel that he is violating any legislation - moral, legal or otherwise.

SIGNED BEFORE JUMPING INTO BED THIS _______ DAY OF (MONTH)____________

(YEAR) ___________ AT ___________________

Signature of screwee : ___________________

Date of birth : ___________________

Date of conduct : ___________________