Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Disappearing val,Jokes

So i met this guy last year-Jan
He professed love after 4 days
i wasnt falling for that shit
moreover all i ever wanted from him
was a friendship or an acquaintanship
love?hell no

so he asks me like a few days to val(last year)
what do i want for vals
i say nothing
he pesters-i insist nothing
he then suggests
he will come take me out to diinner
thing is i hate dinner at a fast food restaurant on val's
especially with a person i wasnt feeling hot about

he calls me
says he wil be at my place in another hour
this was about 7pm
i never saw him
i never called him
his love died a natural death
didnt hear from him...........

TODAY i met him online
he says hi
we chat
next thing i know he is asking for my number
yes the mo' fu' lost it
i gave it to him
then he goes he needs to see me
i am wondering y
i ask y we need to see

can someone out there remind him
tom is vals day
is he trying to do another disappearing act?
i feel no anger or anticipation
i am just stupefied at him

is he normal *&^%$^&^$$

he did call
i was in no mood for a conversation
y did i give him my number?
i'd just rather let him have it
than get it from any other mo' fu'
i can always ignore his calls
so he knows i dont wanna talk to him
when i ignore his calls

as much as i am hoping to get a piece of cake
(remember my friend's boyf-who should get her a cake)

if it comes from him....
i will give it out

A guy walked into a bar and sat down next to an extremely gorgeous
woman. The first thing he noticed about her was her pants.
They were skin-tight, high-waisted and had no zippers, buttons
or velcro for opening them. After several minutes of puzzling over
how she got the pants up over her hips, he finally worked up the
nerve to ask her.

"Excuse me miss, but how do you get into your pants?" he asks.

"Well," she replied, "You can start by buying me a drink."

Larry was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when
he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Bill Johnson,
who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.
Larry, somewhat of a loudmouth, shouted across the garage,
"Hey Johnson... Is that you? Come over here a minute."
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Larry
was working on a car. "So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at this work.
I also take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I
finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get
the big bucks when you and me are doing basically the same work?"

Johnson, very embarrassed, walked away and said softly to Larry, "Try doing your work with the engine running."

An extremely shy fellow brought his date a bouquet of flowers.
She threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard.
After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door.

She exclaimed, "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't!" he replied. "I'm going out to buy you some jewelry

An Irishman walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "What'll you have?"

The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one,
then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, "Sir, you don't have to order three at a time.
I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States.
We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together.
So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.”

The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers.

Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.
The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that
I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."

The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking."

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