I am still single 2 years after Mel......
......he was MY chocolate.....
i went into that relationship with every intention to just have fun.........
go clubbing,eat out,shows,concerts-name it-we did it.....sleep cuddled in his arms,gbensh(earth-shattering,mind blowing)....,eat,watch movies on the couch all day...he would catch up with work when i was asleep...i always knew when he would slide out of bed......i would walk into the living room to find him buried in his designs(graphic artist)........he liked to go running sunday mornings....every second with him was bliss......
we are both bats......he only takes his(glasses) off to gbensh and bath....
i take mine off in familiar surroundings.........
of them all(lovers i have had-ask Angelina Jolie only 4)...........he is the one man i was ready to commit to...i would have literarily climbed the highest mountain for him.......
yea i know he should have done the climbing........
he would call just to hear me voice he would say.....i had access to his home,friends,sister but not his folks(wasnt looking forwad to access then either).....by the tyme i fell....i fell HARD!!!!
told him i wanted more cos i don fall..he said
**i think i am in love with you too**......
i broke that rule...ladies never say it first they say...
i was past caring......we then pussyfoot around the subject for 8 months
then he comes over to mine-says we need to talk.....we retire for the
night at 10 and talk till 5am.....we didnt even shag...
we had to get up to go to work....
i'm feeling...after this(THE TALK) we would be headed for the altar in a yr........only for dude to disappear from my life........
we hook up 3months later......he needed to clear his head he says.......(i for don know say na lie abi)
we hang out at a jazz concert then head on to his-i'm looking forward to heart stopping boffing..........i'm riding him and i see a card on his wall......a val card......didnt send him one-all i got was a text from him wishing me a great day(it was during his 3 month head clearing session).....and i start to cry-snivelling...tears streaming down......he turns me over to ride me.....he notices the tears just as bright ligths go off in my head......
he cradles me but doesnt ask the reason for my tears....
.........i dont say either......
he calls me two days later and i ask him to loose my number.......
we got together last yr when his younger sister got married......i kept my distance whilst still secretly yearning cos i can draw it(the offending val card) from memory!!!!!!!!!!!!
after the wedding-he came to mine a week later-we talked-said he thought i cried cos he was hurting me-and i asked if he got bigger in the 3 months hhe took to clear his head-so i told him about the card.....he said it meant nothing...i'm sure it did i said...just that the name in that card stared at me amongst the names in the wedding train.......
......u dont have to lie to me i said....i can take it-the truth.....
all u had/have to say is i no love you.......
....he called me a few months back when i changed jobs to say congrats........crazy thing is i still kinda long for him but i've resigned myself to the fact that i cant have him.....but if he calls me up today....tomorrow....next month
....i might go back to them arms......t'was such a perfect fit.........
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
KNEADING 2......................
freshened up.....got to the meet looked for my ex....
found him...found a spot beside him.....
we exchange pleasantries.......
said i was looking good and doing things
to him with me voice........i just smiled.......
everyone gets down to biz.......its 1am.....
ex whispers how long am i gonna be...i say another hour
.........asked which room i was in.....first floor...
second door on the left...meet u there at 2am he said...
meeting would still be in progress.....
i set my mental alarm.....most of the stuff i
would need to give a full report on-would have been thrashed
........2am.......
i get up...head towards the loo.....didnt want
smallie following me....head for the stairs.......
in my room...minutes later a knock.....my ex......
he comes in..........turns the locks.....no words
are needed..i had boffed this man for 3yrs.....
he gave me my first orgasm......
and there were two before him.......
...making out was as good as i remembered......
he is the originator of my fascination with fingers in me
......he could make me cum with his fingers(G-spot finder)........
now if it was him that had his fingers in me hours earlier...
i for no fit write them minutes again oooooooo.........
so we grope,lick,suck,touch,flicker,kiss......
i got the orgasms i needed....good man that he is...
my pleasure comes first.......he makes to have coitus
.......no i say......
.........*&^%$£%$^&.......i'll make you come i say...
you cant without coitus he says....
try me i said with a glint in my eye..........
.........i'm cleaning up a while later......
i'd rather that,than swallow his cum......
he had this silly grin on his face......
you are the first girl that has ever succeeded.......i have hidden talents i say.....
minutes later i usher him out......went back downstairs......
council meeting ended about 4am......back to my room....
was about to turn out the lights......i was gonna have to get up by 7am
....a knock.......my kneader...........
go to bed i say......
but we had an agreement he says.....
i open the door a crack and say.....boy........
go to bed...what did u think i was gonna let you do??????
dont worry-in a yr or two u will find a girl your
age ready to let go of her virginity........
someone down the hall laughs........i lock my door......
turn out the lights and send Mel a text.....
will be at urs about 5pm-see ya....je te manque......bientot!!!!
incase you are wondering......when this happened
ex was engaged-we broke up the year before(03)...
started dating Mel two months after i broke up with ex.....
by the tyme this happened-Mel and i had been an item 6 months
..........i didnt cheat on Mel with ex.........or did I????????
found him...found a spot beside him.....
we exchange pleasantries.......
said i was looking good and doing things
to him with me voice........i just smiled.......
everyone gets down to biz.......its 1am.....
ex whispers how long am i gonna be...i say another hour
.........asked which room i was in.....first floor...
second door on the left...meet u there at 2am he said...
meeting would still be in progress.....
i set my mental alarm.....most of the stuff i
would need to give a full report on-would have been thrashed
........2am.......
i get up...head towards the loo.....didnt want
smallie following me....head for the stairs.......
in my room...minutes later a knock.....my ex......
he comes in..........turns the locks.....no words
are needed..i had boffed this man for 3yrs.....
he gave me my first orgasm......
and there were two before him.......
...making out was as good as i remembered......
he is the originator of my fascination with fingers in me
......he could make me cum with his fingers(G-spot finder)........
now if it was him that had his fingers in me hours earlier...
i for no fit write them minutes again oooooooo.........
so we grope,lick,suck,touch,flicker,kiss......
i got the orgasms i needed....good man that he is...
my pleasure comes first.......he makes to have coitus
.......no i say......
.........*&^%$£%$^&.......i'll make you come i say...
you cant without coitus he says....
try me i said with a glint in my eye..........
.........i'm cleaning up a while later......
i'd rather that,than swallow his cum......
he had this silly grin on his face......
you are the first girl that has ever succeeded.......i have hidden talents i say.....
minutes later i usher him out......went back downstairs......
council meeting ended about 4am......back to my room....
was about to turn out the lights......i was gonna have to get up by 7am
....a knock.......my kneader...........
go to bed i say......
but we had an agreement he says.....
i open the door a crack and say.....boy........
go to bed...what did u think i was gonna let you do??????
dont worry-in a yr or two u will find a girl your
age ready to let go of her virginity........
someone down the hall laughs........i lock my door......
turn out the lights and send Mel a text.....
will be at urs about 5pm-see ya....je te manque......bientot!!!!
incase you are wondering......when this happened
ex was engaged-we broke up the year before(03)...
started dating Mel two months after i broke up with ex.....
by the tyme this happened-Mel and i had been an item 6 months
..........i didnt cheat on Mel with ex.........or did I????????
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
KNEADING 1..........
....So i got to surulere 7:28pm
my Aunt was in the living room
i too respect the woman oooooo
na ma mama elder sis
she no gree me kill her only daughter
cousin's laptop has a virus
on my flash or hers.........files no show
on her laptop e dey show
so i practically formatted her laptop
as well as her flash
if it is on her desktop at work
.........it will crash.........
i am flash files-less
mad that i lost office related documents i had on it
can always retrive it though.......
pics and sturvs???
will start a new library
never will i let her touch my stuff again
....never...........
poro luving friend called to apologise
she agrees its partly her fault
cos of her hurry..........
bottom line-i will survive
............4years ago......
i was actively participating in a youth oriented organisation
late night meetings were our speciality........
i was a member of everything
usually holding down exec positions
i had two meetings that night
first meeting was scheduled to hold in my room
9pm-10pm we agreeed........
second meeting was scheduled for 10pm
and would probably last till dawn..........
first meeting in progress......i was cold
i owned this big wrapper.......used it to cover my legs/feet...
dude sitting beside me decided he was also cold
wrapper was big enuff for two
moreover na leg i wan cover........had on a red shorts.........
a few minutes later his hand lands on my lap.....
i dont flinch.............
.......i'm taking minutes..........
a few miniutes later he gets bolder...
i allow his hands to caress.......
.......whilst still ignoring his ministrations......
he moves up...........not even a sigh from me........
...i'm scribbilng so i can later transcribe....
he finds me panties......starts to play with my lips
........i bend down to scratch non itchy feet........
he gains more access...........
..........i hear him gulp.......
.........i'm scribbilng...........
he gets bolder.........
one finger makes an attempt.........
i move closer to edge of the bed......
.....more access...he goes in.....scribbling
he's drooling...........
...........if anyone else in that room noticed .....
they didnt bat an eyelid.........
........he has a field day...........
meeting ends......i usher everyone out........
need to prepare my notes for the next meeting......
he hesitates at the door........
come back after the meeting-i say.......
Does it matter i am 5 years older??????..........
i figured dude needs to practice......
I needed to freshen up.......
......my ex was in the building......
i had bigger fish to fry............**wink**
ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!
At a local college dance, a guy from America
asked the girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze,
and says, “In America, we call this a hug.”
She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.”
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek,
and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.”
She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”
Toward the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later,
he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to
have sex with her, and says,
“In America, we call this a grass sandwich.”
She says, “Yaaah in Sveden,
we call it a grass sandwich too,
but we usually put more meat in it.”
Three women were sitting around talking
about their sex lives.
The first said, “I think my husband’s like
a championship golfer. He’s spent the last ten
years perfecting his stroke.”
The second woman said, “My husband’s like the
winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into
bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps.”
The third woman was silent until she was asked,
“Tell us about your husband.”
She thought for a moment and said,
“My husband’s like an Olympic sprinter.”
“How so?”
“He’s got his time down to under 11 seconds.”
my Aunt was in the living room
i too respect the woman oooooo
na ma mama elder sis
she no gree me kill her only daughter
cousin's laptop has a virus
on my flash or hers.........files no show
on her laptop e dey show
so i practically formatted her laptop
as well as her flash
if it is on her desktop at work
.........it will crash.........
i am flash files-less
mad that i lost office related documents i had on it
can always retrive it though.......
pics and sturvs???
will start a new library
never will i let her touch my stuff again
....never...........
poro luving friend called to apologise
she agrees its partly her fault
cos of her hurry..........
bottom line-i will survive
............4years ago......
i was actively participating in a youth oriented organisation
late night meetings were our speciality........
i was a member of everything
usually holding down exec positions
i had two meetings that night
first meeting was scheduled to hold in my room
9pm-10pm we agreeed........
second meeting was scheduled for 10pm
and would probably last till dawn..........
first meeting in progress......i was cold
i owned this big wrapper.......used it to cover my legs/feet...
dude sitting beside me decided he was also cold
wrapper was big enuff for two
moreover na leg i wan cover........had on a red shorts.........
a few minutes later his hand lands on my lap.....
i dont flinch.............
.......i'm taking minutes..........
a few miniutes later he gets bolder...
i allow his hands to caress.......
.......whilst still ignoring his ministrations......
he moves up...........not even a sigh from me........
...i'm scribbilng so i can later transcribe....
he finds me panties......starts to play with my lips
........i bend down to scratch non itchy feet........
he gains more access...........
..........i hear him gulp.......
.........i'm scribbilng...........
he gets bolder.........
one finger makes an attempt.........
i move closer to edge of the bed......
.....more access...he goes in.....scribbling
he's drooling...........
...........if anyone else in that room noticed .....
they didnt bat an eyelid.........
........he has a field day...........
meeting ends......i usher everyone out........
need to prepare my notes for the next meeting......
he hesitates at the door........
come back after the meeting-i say.......
Does it matter i am 5 years older??????..........
i figured dude needs to practice......
I needed to freshen up.......
......my ex was in the building......
i had bigger fish to fry............**wink**
ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!
At a local college dance, a guy from America
asked the girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze,
and says, “In America, we call this a hug.”
She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.”
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek,
and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.”
She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”
Toward the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later,
he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to
have sex with her, and says,
“In America, we call this a grass sandwich.”
She says, “Yaaah in Sveden,
we call it a grass sandwich too,
but we usually put more meat in it.”
Three women were sitting around talking
about their sex lives.
The first said, “I think my husband’s like
a championship golfer. He’s spent the last ten
years perfecting his stroke.”
The second woman said, “My husband’s like the
winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into
bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps.”
The third woman was silent until she was asked,
“Tell us about your husband.”
She thought for a moment and said,
“My husband’s like an Olympic sprinter.”
“How so?”
“He’s got his time down to under 11 seconds.”
Sunday, August 17, 2008
IRATE IBILUV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Went to see my aunt yesterday-decided to
share mi pics with my cousin-my pal was headed my way
to hook up with her phallus so she
was hurrying me up.....so i let my cousin have a
field day with my flash............
only pictures abi???
idiot copied all my files
saw her trying to do more than pictures
said she wanted my raunchy file too
didnt mind sharing cos i know all my personal
raunchy pictures are on my laptop which doesnt leave my room
and is passworded berra than fort knox........
BUT i should have monitored the transfer
cos all she did was delete all
my files from my flash......
pictures,documents(personal&work related),blog notes
i wasnt here(blogville) last week so i used the weekend
to write posts enuff for 2 weeks now she has them all.........
annoying thing is she wants me to come get it.......
she is so lucky i live 60mins away......didnt find out
till i was winding down last night-if it wasnt that late
i would have gone right back to hers......
whatever happened to her sending it all back via mail?????
she has come up with every stupid reason imaginable
why she cant send it back via mail*&&^%$£%^**
she must have been born stupid cos all she had to do
if she wanted to snoop was copy
not delete from my flash...........
i would have been none the wiser she had all my info...............
........the secretive idiot-she never spills-but likes
to hear it all-i am a chatterbox-so i've learnt-staying
away from people keeps me from spilling-if i dont get my files
via mail by COB today MONDAY the 18th August-i'm leaving work
at the dot of 5pm(dont care what my boss says) and i'll head to
hers-idiot has papers in school(MBA)tues so i pray she wont
go reading at some friends place and wont be home.............
even if she aiint home -i'm staying till she surfaces cos
i want to retrieve my files-hopefuly she hasnt deleted
them from her laptop in the bid to send them to me via email...........
.......i'll strip her laptop and flash clean
of all that concerns me-not unless she saves them on her desktop at work
-which will crash(yes o-i have hidden talents)-
nosey parker-all i agreed to share was pics(family and funny stuff)
but idiot took it all-invasion of privacy is what she's done
ps:met Enigma....dark,goodlooking,dimpled,talks nice..........
i'm a sucker for any guy that has all 4 traits but dude IS engaged,i've got *cough* and i didnt agree to hook up
just so i could dig me claws in....a cute laff he says i have
if only he knows only in the prescence
of blokes or when i'm on the phone with a bloke is my laff cute.......)
you need to see me lafffing at oshodi or mushin...
na correct mad laff i dey potray..........lol
catch u all....work willing tom...u people should
pray my cousin has not deleted my files-cos first
no more blogs this week,second-i will be in jail for
killing my cousin(i just might).........all this bcos
she wanted to copy my raunchy picture file......
amebo copied scratch that deleted my files........
I AM MAD.............
STARK RAVING MAD........
FURIOUS...........
IRATE...........
I hate it that she snooped like that......
I am also mad at my pal who because
she wanted to go meet her poro
hurried me up so i didnt supervise the transfer
well i was having dinner so i needed to concentrate
on the chicken wing in my hand whilst 'bolo'
was having a field day with my flash and cocksucker
was blaring her horn.............
both of them i have no love for this minute.......
work had berra be an improvement-i need some cheering up.........
else...i'm gonna be snapping off heads today........
boss inclusive.........
i'm also mad cos poro loving friend got sum
while i didnt and never lacking poro cousin has all my files............
i cant sleep.....its 2:45am and i have to be up at 4:30am
poro loving pal is picking me up at 5:30....
headed to work together we are(her poro is driving).........
3rd mainland brouhaha...........i'm falling promptly
asleep soon as i get into the car.....i dont wanna hear
any mush mush in my ears all the way from my hood to cms
..........let him be my 'driver' tomorrow morning.......
mad is what i am(thats y i cant sleep)
raving...........mad hatter MAD!&^%!%$%^&^%
replies to the comments on my previous post dey among deleted flash documents....might retrieve them by tomorrow or put up new ones......
eventually only got an hour of sleep
ina berra mood this morning.......
poro loving pal and her phallus didnt pick me up.....
suits me fyne..........
i'm in a berra mood this morn.......love my peeps at work
moreover i'm thankful to BABA LOKE He has given me anoda day!!!!!!!!!
later u all!!!!!!!!!!!!!
share mi pics with my cousin-my pal was headed my way
to hook up with her phallus so she
was hurrying me up.....so i let my cousin have a
field day with my flash............
only pictures abi???
idiot copied all my files
saw her trying to do more than pictures
said she wanted my raunchy file too
didnt mind sharing cos i know all my personal
raunchy pictures are on my laptop which doesnt leave my room
and is passworded berra than fort knox........
BUT i should have monitored the transfer
cos all she did was delete all
my files from my flash......
pictures,documents(personal&work related),blog notes
i wasnt here(blogville) last week so i used the weekend
to write posts enuff for 2 weeks now she has them all.........
annoying thing is she wants me to come get it.......
she is so lucky i live 60mins away......didnt find out
till i was winding down last night-if it wasnt that late
i would have gone right back to hers......
whatever happened to her sending it all back via mail?????
she has come up with every stupid reason imaginable
why she cant send it back via mail*&&^%$£%^**
she must have been born stupid cos all she had to do
if she wanted to snoop was copy
not delete from my flash...........
i would have been none the wiser she had all my info...............
........the secretive idiot-she never spills-but likes
to hear it all-i am a chatterbox-so i've learnt-staying
away from people keeps me from spilling-if i dont get my files
via mail by COB today MONDAY the 18th August-i'm leaving work
at the dot of 5pm(dont care what my boss says) and i'll head to
hers-idiot has papers in school(MBA)tues so i pray she wont
go reading at some friends place and wont be home.............
even if she aiint home -i'm staying till she surfaces cos
i want to retrieve my files-hopefuly she hasnt deleted
them from her laptop in the bid to send them to me via email...........
.......i'll strip her laptop and flash clean
of all that concerns me-not unless she saves them on her desktop at work
-which will crash(yes o-i have hidden talents)-
nosey parker-all i agreed to share was pics(family and funny stuff)
but idiot took it all-invasion of privacy is what she's done
ps:met Enigma....dark,goodlooking,dimpled,talks nice..........
i'm a sucker for any guy that has all 4 traits but dude IS engaged,i've got *cough* and i didnt agree to hook up
just so i could dig me claws in....a cute laff he says i have
if only he knows only in the prescence
of blokes or when i'm on the phone with a bloke is my laff cute.......)
you need to see me lafffing at oshodi or mushin...
na correct mad laff i dey potray..........lol
catch u all....work willing tom...u people should
pray my cousin has not deleted my files-cos first
no more blogs this week,second-i will be in jail for
killing my cousin(i just might).........all this bcos
she wanted to copy my raunchy picture file......
amebo copied scratch that deleted my files........
I AM MAD.............
STARK RAVING MAD........
FURIOUS...........
IRATE...........
I hate it that she snooped like that......
I am also mad at my pal who because
she wanted to go meet her poro
hurried me up so i didnt supervise the transfer
well i was having dinner so i needed to concentrate
on the chicken wing in my hand whilst 'bolo'
was having a field day with my flash and cocksucker
was blaring her horn.............
both of them i have no love for this minute.......
work had berra be an improvement-i need some cheering up.........
else...i'm gonna be snapping off heads today........
boss inclusive.........
i'm also mad cos poro loving friend got sum
while i didnt and never lacking poro cousin has all my files............
i cant sleep.....its 2:45am and i have to be up at 4:30am
poro loving pal is picking me up at 5:30....
headed to work together we are(her poro is driving).........
3rd mainland brouhaha...........i'm falling promptly
asleep soon as i get into the car.....i dont wanna hear
any mush mush in my ears all the way from my hood to cms
..........let him be my 'driver' tomorrow morning.......
mad is what i am(thats y i cant sleep)
raving...........mad hatter MAD!&^%!%$%^&^%
replies to the comments on my previous post dey among deleted flash documents....might retrieve them by tomorrow or put up new ones......
eventually only got an hour of sleep
ina berra mood this morning.......
poro loving pal and her phallus didnt pick me up.....
suits me fyne..........
i'm in a berra mood this morn.......love my peeps at work
moreover i'm thankful to BABA LOKE He has given me anoda day!!!!!!!!!
later u all!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, August 8, 2008
Liquor2
next day-i slept the whole day............
the alcohol in me and i do love sleep........
got to school day after the next and scolded T&H....
they aplogise and said they thought boffing him would come easy.......
the cretins knew*&^%$£.......
i let it slide.......later that night i am home
and T comes over,he says H wants to see me.........
i said i was tired and needed to chill but he persuaded me
and i went with him..........
first to see H....nurrin serious...had dinner.....
laffs,he was supposed to walk me home...
i wan pop in to see someone he says.........
another bar.........
i suppose just waka go my home abi?..........
no...........
na so i siddon follow drink another 4.........
during the 4th(did i mention that shit is bitter?????
it did nurrin for me-y i was plying meself with
drink i have no idea.......
did i get high????
i dunno, i do know T and i left the bar and headed
to Down-G........
with my 4th bottle in hand......
we strolled thru the dark night.......
must have been about 2am....
went into this ashi joint.........
see a few guys from school......
i'm feeling aiight-extra confident........
no one can touch me.........
this dude from my class A goes up to T and whispers to him
.....abeg una for tell me say as i b babe and i dey ashi joint
dem fit join me with those whey dey *sell*.........
T seems humbled by whatever A said and we leave the ashi joint
and go hook up with this other dudes.........na outside we go o..........
i am still with my bottle....this dudes were leering......
they were not students but grown ass men.....
they bought me suya.....and na so my eye clear.....
dey bought me my fifth small bottle......
a little over an hr later...i'm drowsy......
everyone around me is either gone or asleep......
i am eyeing a free spot on a bench to lie on when L steps up to me.......
L's been wanting to date me since forever.....
he and i chat for a few mins and he goes he's headed home
and i said bye.......
he says i look drowsy,i say i am........
Ibi where are you gonna sleep????
once again na so my eye clear o.....
if i venture out to mine alone.....i may get hit by a
bus scratch that a *daf* or killed by
indigenes or students(i fit disrupt their meeting).........
if i sleep dia..... a few feet away from an ashi joint
and i get solicited and i say no.....
bye bye to innocence the harsh way........
L says come home with me-thing is L stays a few
houses away from boyf........
L is a berra option so i go home with L,get to his......
lay side by side...i'm cold and all liquored up
but i get to sleep like a baby...........
he's a gentleman.....he doesnt even ask for a kiss......
2hrs sleep and its 6am.........i get up,say my thanks
and take a cab home..........
its not a school day......nobody find me sef.....
mi cuz goes sebi na T i follow go.........
they are having breakfast and i'm famished....
went into shock.....i do when my blood sugar level drops.......
mi cuz rustles up a meal.....i wolf it down and it
all comes back up..........they laff at me......
they knew i must have gotten stuffed with alcohol.....
u cant hang out wit a dog and not eat shit they said.......
i drink some tea....it stays down...i take a shower
close the windows and sleep for 8hours.........
i wake up and who do i see...........
boyf......
from the look in his eyes i knew it...he had heard it all.........
i had a lot of explaining to do.....
have a luvly weekend y'all!!!!!!!!!
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an
afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was
that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride
was a healthy, vivacious young woman.
But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down
the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto
the banister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the
little shop in the hotel.
The clerk looked really concerned,
“Whatever happened to you, honey?
You look like you’ve been wrestling an alligator!”
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter
and managed to speak,
“Oh God! When he told me he’d been saving up for 75 years,
I thought he meant his money!!”
Tim and Joe finished their weekly round of golf
with Tim pulling out his typical victory, although
not by the customary wide margin.
Even though the match was unusually close,
Joe seemed more upset than usual by the outcome.
“Talk about the worst luck in the world,” grumbled Joe
as they headed into the locker room.
“I just can’t seem to buy a darn break.”
“Why are you being so hard on yourself?” asked Tim.
"You played great all week. Heck, you almost won.”
“That’s what’s so aggravating,” yelled Joe.
“I cheated like crazy and I still lost!”
A salesman decided to become a policeman.
Several months later, a friend asked him how
he liked his new job.
"Well," he replied, "The pay isn't great and
the hours are long, but one thing I really
like is that the customer is always wrong!"
the alcohol in me and i do love sleep........
got to school day after the next and scolded T&H....
they aplogise and said they thought boffing him would come easy.......
the cretins knew*&^%$£.......
i let it slide.......later that night i am home
and T comes over,he says H wants to see me.........
i said i was tired and needed to chill but he persuaded me
and i went with him..........
first to see H....nurrin serious...had dinner.....
laffs,he was supposed to walk me home...
i wan pop in to see someone he says.........
another bar.........
i suppose just waka go my home abi?..........
no...........
na so i siddon follow drink another 4.........
during the 4th(did i mention that shit is bitter?????
it did nurrin for me-y i was plying meself with
drink i have no idea.......
did i get high????
i dunno, i do know T and i left the bar and headed
to Down-G........
with my 4th bottle in hand......
we strolled thru the dark night.......
must have been about 2am....
went into this ashi joint.........
see a few guys from school......
i'm feeling aiight-extra confident........
no one can touch me.........
this dude from my class A goes up to T and whispers to him
.....abeg una for tell me say as i b babe and i dey ashi joint
dem fit join me with those whey dey *sell*.........
T seems humbled by whatever A said and we leave the ashi joint
and go hook up with this other dudes.........na outside we go o..........
i am still with my bottle....this dudes were leering......
they were not students but grown ass men.....
they bought me suya.....and na so my eye clear.....
dey bought me my fifth small bottle......
a little over an hr later...i'm drowsy......
everyone around me is either gone or asleep......
i am eyeing a free spot on a bench to lie on when L steps up to me.......
L's been wanting to date me since forever.....
he and i chat for a few mins and he goes he's headed home
and i said bye.......
he says i look drowsy,i say i am........
Ibi where are you gonna sleep????
once again na so my eye clear o.....
if i venture out to mine alone.....i may get hit by a
bus scratch that a *daf* or killed by
indigenes or students(i fit disrupt their meeting).........
if i sleep dia..... a few feet away from an ashi joint
and i get solicited and i say no.....
bye bye to innocence the harsh way........
L says come home with me-thing is L stays a few
houses away from boyf........
L is a berra option so i go home with L,get to his......
lay side by side...i'm cold and all liquored up
but i get to sleep like a baby...........
he's a gentleman.....he doesnt even ask for a kiss......
2hrs sleep and its 6am.........i get up,say my thanks
and take a cab home..........
its not a school day......nobody find me sef.....
mi cuz goes sebi na T i follow go.........
they are having breakfast and i'm famished....
went into shock.....i do when my blood sugar level drops.......
mi cuz rustles up a meal.....i wolf it down and it
all comes back up..........they laff at me......
they knew i must have gotten stuffed with alcohol.....
u cant hang out wit a dog and not eat shit they said.......
i drink some tea....it stays down...i take a shower
close the windows and sleep for 8hours.........
i wake up and who do i see...........
boyf......
from the look in his eyes i knew it...he had heard it all.........
i had a lot of explaining to do.....
have a luvly weekend y'all!!!!!!!!!
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an
afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was
that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride
was a healthy, vivacious young woman.
But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down
the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto
the banister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to the counter of the
little shop in the hotel.
The clerk looked really concerned,
“Whatever happened to you, honey?
You look like you’ve been wrestling an alligator!”
The bride groaned, hung on to the counter
and managed to speak,
“Oh God! When he told me he’d been saving up for 75 years,
I thought he meant his money!!”
Tim and Joe finished their weekly round of golf
with Tim pulling out his typical victory, although
not by the customary wide margin.
Even though the match was unusually close,
Joe seemed more upset than usual by the outcome.
“Talk about the worst luck in the world,” grumbled Joe
as they headed into the locker room.
“I just can’t seem to buy a darn break.”
“Why are you being so hard on yourself?” asked Tim.
"You played great all week. Heck, you almost won.”
“That’s what’s so aggravating,” yelled Joe.
“I cheated like crazy and I still lost!”
A salesman decided to become a policeman.
Several months later, a friend asked him how
he liked his new job.
"Well," he replied, "The pay isn't great and
the hours are long, but one thing I really
like is that the customer is always wrong!"
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Do u know me???????
How well does one truly know another person?
TRULY KNOW?
there are secret parts to all of us
parts we dont always know well ourselves
ENJOY
Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever.
He’d waggle, look down, look up, but never start his back swing.
Finally David, his playing partner, asked,
“Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?”
“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse,
and I want to make this shot a good one,” said Bob.
“Good Lord,” said David,
“You haven’t got a chance of hitting her from here.”
BACK ON FRI WITH LIQUOR 2
mwah.......
TRULY KNOW?
there are secret parts to all of us
parts we dont always know well ourselves
ENJOY
Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever.
He’d waggle, look down, look up, but never start his back swing.
Finally David, his playing partner, asked,
“Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?”
“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse,
and I want to make this shot a good one,” said Bob.
“Good Lord,” said David,
“You haven’t got a chance of hitting her from here.”
BACK ON FRI WITH LIQUOR 2
mwah.......
Monday, August 4, 2008
LIQUOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Liquor
my cuz&her boo were at mine over the weekend.....
he decided to get tipsy and finished a bottle of red wine
he wasnt drunk (so he said)me thinks he was tipsy at least
........cos he wasnt steady on his feet and he was
basket mouthing......
Mi Pa also does that,he takes a few bottles of
star&or wine and basketmouths......
always hated it......still hate it
what liquor makes u do or does to u
.....i've tried it.....why and how do people basketmouth????
t'was the end of my first yr in Uni-guy i was dating
was outta town-classmate of mine(lets calls her H)
had a permanent basket mouth for a boyfriend(lets call him T)
the guy was high 24hrs a day-he was also into *stupid ish*........
so i got bad grades-was looking for a way out-someone should
have told me all i needed to do was retake those exams...
no....i was told all i needed to do was see sum dude...
so we go see him(I,T&H) and he says see me after school(alone)....
(i should have suspected shey???
i did but i wanted to see this thru...
i go after school and he says we need to get to sum dude's place....
i was just looking for a way outta telling mum i failed 2 courses o
he goes to a bar....takes a few bottles.....
stout...persuades me to take a few...
(i remember i used to take a few sips of mi Pa's pink lady at age 9
.......i could probably control my alcohol...so i end up taking
2small bottles(i stupid abi)...i know......
we head out...........only to go to another bar...
shouldnt i have know this was not normal???
he took a few more...i took two more small bottles
....(i be champion......4small stout bottles=2big stout bottles)...
then we head on to dudes place......turned out to be his home....
i follow am reach dia....sparsely furnished room...i am tired and
starting to think mi glasses are getting weak...so dude says be comfortable
...i sit on his bed...the only available piece of furniture....
he then proceeds to touch me...i swear every ounce of liquour
.....zapped out of my system....i told him in the calmest voice i could muster
IF YOU TOUCH ME........I WILL WOOZE YOU!!!!!!!!......
he says but they(H&T) said u have a boyfriend......
so what if i have????even if i was boffing my boyf
must i boff u too?(i really wasnt boffing boyf then)
now i see why we had to get high....i thought we were going to see
sum dude who was gonna help with my scores.....
thingy was.....a script was suppossed to surface like an assignment
someone forgot to add up to my final score sheet.........
well i aiint that high......when u get to school tom....pls fail me in the other courses..........i walked out,got a cab to my hostel
and sleep the liquor away......
i learnt my lesson.....
apparently not........
wait till u read part two......
my cuz&her boo were at mine over the weekend.....
he decided to get tipsy and finished a bottle of red wine
he wasnt drunk (so he said)me thinks he was tipsy at least
........cos he wasnt steady on his feet and he was
basket mouthing......
Mi Pa also does that,he takes a few bottles of
star&or wine and basketmouths......
always hated it......still hate it
what liquor makes u do or does to u
.....i've tried it.....why and how do people basketmouth????
t'was the end of my first yr in Uni-guy i was dating
was outta town-classmate of mine(lets calls her H)
had a permanent basket mouth for a boyfriend(lets call him T)
the guy was high 24hrs a day-he was also into *stupid ish*........
so i got bad grades-was looking for a way out-someone should
have told me all i needed to do was retake those exams...
no....i was told all i needed to do was see sum dude...
so we go see him(I,T&H) and he says see me after school(alone)....
(i should have suspected shey???
i did but i wanted to see this thru...
i go after school and he says we need to get to sum dude's place....
i was just looking for a way outta telling mum i failed 2 courses o
he goes to a bar....takes a few bottles.....
stout...persuades me to take a few...
(i remember i used to take a few sips of mi Pa's pink lady at age 9
.......i could probably control my alcohol...so i end up taking
2small bottles(i stupid abi)...i know......
we head out...........only to go to another bar...
shouldnt i have know this was not normal???
he took a few more...i took two more small bottles
....(i be champion......4small stout bottles=2big stout bottles)...
then we head on to dudes place......turned out to be his home....
i follow am reach dia....sparsely furnished room...i am tired and
starting to think mi glasses are getting weak...so dude says be comfortable
...i sit on his bed...the only available piece of furniture....
he then proceeds to touch me...i swear every ounce of liquour
.....zapped out of my system....i told him in the calmest voice i could muster
IF YOU TOUCH ME........I WILL WOOZE YOU!!!!!!!!......
he says but they(H&T) said u have a boyfriend......
so what if i have????even if i was boffing my boyf
must i boff u too?(i really wasnt boffing boyf then)
now i see why we had to get high....i thought we were going to see
sum dude who was gonna help with my scores.....
thingy was.....a script was suppossed to surface like an assignment
someone forgot to add up to my final score sheet.........
well i aiint that high......when u get to school tom....pls fail me in the other courses..........i walked out,got a cab to my hostel
and sleep the liquor away......
i learnt my lesson.....
apparently not........
wait till u read part two......
Friday, August 1, 2008
Second post!!!!!!!!!
Its morning....i am awake...........my fone rings
cousin says meet up with me at her designers.....for a fitting
she was getting married 3weeks later......
i am chilling-next thing i know...........sum dude steps in
at first i am like.....ok
T's flatmate probably..........
well seeing T has someone in his bed.....dude will notice....and walk out........
shuo...
he moves closer to the bed so i raise mi head and go hi-u want anything....
he didnt apologise for the intrusion
he just leaves&^%%$#@*(&%
......T wakes up a while later and lights up....i am sure as hell never gonna
get used to this ish.........
so i tell him what his flatmate did........
he says oh....he is a doc......
i am thinking what the fuck*&^%$^$
so what if he is a medical doc
does that give him the right to walk in and check my organs??????
maybe he would have if i was fast asleep
docs can be perverts though
T waves it off.........
i am fuming..........tell him off and he just keeps blowing out clouds of smoke at me
its not like i expected him to go beat up the dude
but is it just me-or when ur flatmate has someone over......u give a wide berth
and if the babe u just shagged kicks her heels in about stuff
even if u aiint gonna do shit-u make it seem like u will
got up.......i needed to get to the designers anyways
took a shower all the tyme watching out for *a doc*
T drops me off at the designers and apologises asked to see the finished
product of the outfit...........
i said ok
just maybe u will get to see a pic
and as i waved him off
i just knew.......
he is never gonna get a whiff of this anymore...........
after all......the earth didnt stand still
water was lukewarm.........neither HOT nor COLD.........
Jokes!!!!!!!!!!!
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would
like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient
man and asks how old he is.
“I’m 90 years old,” he says.
“Ninety!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?”
“Oh, sorry,” says the old man, “how much do I owe you?”
A dimwitted blonde bombshell walks into an airplane and sits in the
first-class section. Upon sitting down a stewardess asks to see her
boarding pass and informs her that she only has a coach ticket.
The blonde says, “I’m a cute looking blonde and I’m flying first class.”
The stewardess replies that she only has a coach seat to Atlanta. The
blonde then retorts, “I’m a cute blonde and I’m flying first class.”
Just then the captain happened by and asked what was happening. The
blonde tells him, “I’m a cute blonde and I’m flying first class to
Atlanta.”
The captain thinks about it for a moment and whispers something in her
ear. The blonde immediately gets up and jumps into a seat in the coach
cabin.
Puzzled, the stewardess asks the captain what he said to get her to move
so fast.
”It was simple,” he replied, “I told her that first class isn’t going to
Atlanta.”
A meat counter clerk, who was drunk and had a particularly good day,
proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it.
“That will be $6.35,” he told his female customer.
“That really is a little too small,” said the woman. “Don’t you have
anything larger?”
Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the
refrigerator, paused a moment, then took it out again. “This one,”
he said faintly, “will be $6.65.”
The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision. “I know what,”
she said, “I’ll take both of them!”
Great Weekend to u all..........MWAH........
cousin says meet up with me at her designers.....for a fitting
she was getting married 3weeks later......
i am chilling-next thing i know...........sum dude steps in
at first i am like.....ok
T's flatmate probably..........
well seeing T has someone in his bed.....dude will notice....and walk out........
shuo...
he moves closer to the bed so i raise mi head and go hi-u want anything....
he didnt apologise for the intrusion
he just leaves&^%%$#@*(&%
......T wakes up a while later and lights up....i am sure as hell never gonna
get used to this ish.........
so i tell him what his flatmate did........
he says oh....he is a doc......
i am thinking what the fuck*&^%$^$
so what if he is a medical doc
does that give him the right to walk in and check my organs??????
maybe he would have if i was fast asleep
docs can be perverts though
T waves it off.........
i am fuming..........tell him off and he just keeps blowing out clouds of smoke at me
its not like i expected him to go beat up the dude
but is it just me-or when ur flatmate has someone over......u give a wide berth
and if the babe u just shagged kicks her heels in about stuff
even if u aiint gonna do shit-u make it seem like u will
got up.......i needed to get to the designers anyways
took a shower all the tyme watching out for *a doc*
T drops me off at the designers and apologises asked to see the finished
product of the outfit...........
i said ok
just maybe u will get to see a pic
and as i waved him off
i just knew.......
he is never gonna get a whiff of this anymore...........
after all......the earth didnt stand still
water was lukewarm.........neither HOT nor COLD.........
Jokes!!!!!!!!!!!
An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would
like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient
man and asks how old he is.
“I’m 90 years old,” he says.
“Ninety!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?”
“Oh, sorry,” says the old man, “how much do I owe you?”
A dimwitted blonde bombshell walks into an airplane and sits in the
first-class section. Upon sitting down a stewardess asks to see her
boarding pass and informs her that she only has a coach ticket.
The blonde says, “I’m a cute looking blonde and I’m flying first class.”
The stewardess replies that she only has a coach seat to Atlanta. The
blonde then retorts, “I’m a cute blonde and I’m flying first class.”
Just then the captain happened by and asked what was happening. The
blonde tells him, “I’m a cute blonde and I’m flying first class to
Atlanta.”
The captain thinks about it for a moment and whispers something in her
ear. The blonde immediately gets up and jumps into a seat in the coach
cabin.
Puzzled, the stewardess asks the captain what he said to get her to move
so fast.
”It was simple,” he replied, “I told her that first class isn’t going to
Atlanta.”
A meat counter clerk, who was drunk and had a particularly good day,
proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it.
“That will be $6.35,” he told his female customer.
“That really is a little too small,” said the woman. “Don’t you have
anything larger?”
Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the
refrigerator, paused a moment, then took it out again. “This one,”
he said faintly, “will be $6.65.”
The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision. “I know what,”
she said, “I’ll take both of them!”
Great Weekend to u all..........MWAH........
Tease II.............
Forgive me peeps,work's been mad......but today is fri........
I could never do what bumight is doing-put meself out like that-i have this crazy
habit of being honest......
its bad enuff that i spill here about stuff i shouldn't be telling u all(lol).....
but thats stuff i wanna share but bumight takes the prize.......*shaking in my heels*.....
So T(Guy in tease).........we had this great companionship and after a while
he asked that we become *an item*.........
so i am thinking.....yea i like thee....but a guy who smokes,drinks,gets
high,still affiliates with sum *stupid ish* he did in sch....was not my idea of a
guy i could end up falling in love with.......(when u start to go steady-this
happens......no?......well sometymes.....
I always said us being an item wasnt gonna happen......he must have really liked
me or he just really wanted to tap that ass cos he kept at it.......
.........we would hook up regularly as friends......sometimes we would get up to all sorts......except penetration........i would help him get off though.....*wink*.....for me foreplay was the coolest ish...once i could get off....
i saw no need to have coitus.....
also dude has the longest phallus I had ever seen(then)....i plead the fifth-thou shall not ask me(a lady) how many had i seen then or now for that matter......just trust me when i say-even then i had seen quite a few........*wink*.......
.....truth be told-i was kinda scared........
6 months later-many make up sessions,dry humps,blowjobs,finger fucks,nipple and
boob massaging,licking,groping,suckjobs later-i was still afraid of taking *him* in.......
then it happened
I WAS MAD HORNY.........
fortunately or unfortunately-he called on that fateful day and asked that we hook
up-i came up with sum bullshit excuse cos i knew-i wasnt gonna stop at foreplay...
..but i did think to pull an all nighter at his-then jettisioned the idea.....not cos i wanted to be banged all night but cos after a good session(no?) i get to cuddle up to someone-i've never owned teddies-what can they do for me?????
next thing i know -flatmate's guy lands -so we reach a compromise-u guys can do
it anyhow,anywhere till noon tom...just drive me to T's........
guy is elated...doesnt even bat an eyelid-an hours drive at 930pm-they decide
they will drop me off,hang out sumplace then head back to mine.........
so i call T -i am coming over.........-90points-i had to pay my cab fare(so
what??????he didnt know i got dropped off by flatmates dude)-i was still a corper then-he did say he was gonna refund it-he did +50points...only the exact amount -190points
got fired up to receive all 9inches of him?no?..............he asked me what i was expecting after seeing how tall he is..............
na so i shake teh fear comot......una whey don born-abeg sebi pickin head big pass
phallus????even if na 9inch sef.........LMAO!!!!!
we talked,he got me dinner-how sweet!!!!!!!
i fiddled with the food....settled down to a movie....+50points-comedy not porn...
its 1130-lets go to bed he says....
foreplay was great......he attempts and i open up........settled in to a rhythm-wasnt bad---then he did the unthinkable....turned me over for a doggy????me????dogggy^%$£^&**&&$$
........hated it-i always felt ashi-ish when i do the doggy(weird i am) dont ask y(me sef i no sabi)-anything else except 'that'.........only allowed him a few thrusts then ......we did other things.....
later we are spent.....i resting in his arms.....we talked,drifted asleep-after
i had made it clear i dont do the doggy---then he goes he loves it-he gets the
deepest penetration-and i am like-how much deeper does a 9 inch individual wanna go.............
A 70-year-old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.”
The next day the 70-year-old man reappears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explains, “Well, doc, it’s like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing.”
The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”
The old man replied, “Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn’t get the darn jar open!”
I could never do what bumight is doing-put meself out like that-i have this crazy
habit of being honest......
its bad enuff that i spill here about stuff i shouldn't be telling u all(lol).....
but thats stuff i wanna share but bumight takes the prize.......*shaking in my heels*.....
So T(Guy in tease).........we had this great companionship and after a while
he asked that we become *an item*.........
so i am thinking.....yea i like thee....but a guy who smokes,drinks,gets
high,still affiliates with sum *stupid ish* he did in sch....was not my idea of a
guy i could end up falling in love with.......(when u start to go steady-this
happens......no?......well sometymes.....
I always said us being an item wasnt gonna happen......he must have really liked
me or he just really wanted to tap that ass cos he kept at it.......
.........we would hook up regularly as friends......sometimes we would get up to all sorts......except penetration........i would help him get off though.....*wink*.....for me foreplay was the coolest ish...once i could get off....
i saw no need to have coitus.....
also dude has the longest phallus I had ever seen(then)....i plead the fifth-thou shall not ask me(a lady) how many had i seen then or now for that matter......just trust me when i say-even then i had seen quite a few........*wink*.......
.....truth be told-i was kinda scared........
6 months later-many make up sessions,dry humps,blowjobs,finger fucks,nipple and
boob massaging,licking,groping,suckjobs later-i was still afraid of taking *him* in.......
then it happened
I WAS MAD HORNY.........
fortunately or unfortunately-he called on that fateful day and asked that we hook
up-i came up with sum bullshit excuse cos i knew-i wasnt gonna stop at foreplay...
..but i did think to pull an all nighter at his-then jettisioned the idea.....not cos i wanted to be banged all night but cos after a good session(no?) i get to cuddle up to someone-i've never owned teddies-what can they do for me?????
next thing i know -flatmate's guy lands -so we reach a compromise-u guys can do
it anyhow,anywhere till noon tom...just drive me to T's........
guy is elated...doesnt even bat an eyelid-an hours drive at 930pm-they decide
they will drop me off,hang out sumplace then head back to mine.........
so i call T -i am coming over.........-90points-i had to pay my cab fare(so
what??????he didnt know i got dropped off by flatmates dude)-i was still a corper then-he did say he was gonna refund it-he did +50points...only the exact amount -190points
got fired up to receive all 9inches of him?no?..............he asked me what i was expecting after seeing how tall he is..............
na so i shake teh fear comot......una whey don born-abeg sebi pickin head big pass
phallus????even if na 9inch sef.........LMAO!!!!!
we talked,he got me dinner-how sweet!!!!!!!
i fiddled with the food....settled down to a movie....+50points-comedy not porn...
its 1130-lets go to bed he says....
foreplay was great......he attempts and i open up........settled in to a rhythm-wasnt bad---then he did the unthinkable....turned me over for a doggy????me????dogggy^%$£^&**&&$$
........hated it-i always felt ashi-ish when i do the doggy(weird i am) dont ask y(me sef i no sabi)-anything else except 'that'.........only allowed him a few thrusts then ......we did other things.....
later we are spent.....i resting in his arms.....we talked,drifted asleep-after
i had made it clear i dont do the doggy---then he goes he loves it-he gets the
deepest penetration-and i am like-how much deeper does a 9 inch individual wanna go.............
A 70-year-old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.”
The next day the 70-year-old man reappears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explains, “Well, doc, it’s like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing.”
The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”
The old man replied, “Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn’t get the darn jar open!”
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