Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I TOLD HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A pal had just lost her mum
at the party to celebrate her life
i saw this dark guy-quite dark-i was intriguied
asked my pal-who is he?
a family friend she said
i kept stealing glances till he noticed
then i stared at him
i could see he was wondering who be dis babe???

hours later he swaggers to our table
not a Denzel swagger but close.....he goes- hi Ibi
i like guys that do their homework,i had also done mine
so i am like hey people meet J-my future husband
for the life of me i had no idea why i said that
but once i had said it-it felt right

dude was taken aback......i just smiled at him
hours later when the last guests had gone and we were done cleaning
i got up to go to bed-he corners me and says
did u mean what u said?he asked?
so i asked him-are u in a relationship now?
no he said
i said yea,i meant it
he goes-are u asking me out?
i said yea!!!!!

Pal & I were scheduled to go back to Uni 2weeks later
we found tyme to hang out and he kept saying he would
*show me pepper*...........
guys who talk like that-CANT DO WACK!!!!!!!!!!
i didnt know that then-i hadnt been wit any one wack
but then i hadnt been with anyone who had promised me pepper
i should have known-not so????

but then again,was that the way to find a husband???
i liked what i saw and i figured if it worked
i would have had my 3 kids now...........lol

J visits me in Uni 6 months later but before
then he would call every other night-no mobiles in naija then
by then i was sooooo ready to discover his brand of pepper........
when he visited he wanted us to spend the weekend together
but insisted on going to his place which was a 2hr drive
i had no issues with that but we werent gonna get any cabs to take us
he refused so i packed my stuff and we set out

tired and dusty an hour later we were back in my room
i sang------i told u so
we showered,had dinner and settled in

the kisses were good not great
i decided to leave him be
it may get better.........not so?

his touch was ok but not terrific
dude was so spoiling my Denzel fantasy
then the do.....

it was wack.......
he groped,prodded and did the whole slam bang thing...
i pushed him away after a while
i needed to pee i said

went to my pal's room and spent the rest of the night in bliss
in the morning i could sense his anger
i ignored it.....
made him breakfast which he refused
we got ready and set off for his place

his dad's country home(abi na village home)
hadnt been lived in in a while
so first we had to clean,sweep,dust
we took a shower
went to town to get something to eat
he stopped by a drugstore to replenish his cd ration
i was wondering if he had had lessons i didnt know about
cos i didnt know what the cd's were for?????

...........a while later
when his kisses started geting intense
i told him not to repeat the shit he tried yesterday
he looks at me and goes...........
is it cos he didnt blow his top at me leaving
him with blue balls???
u were performing rubbish so i decided to sleep i said
i was not having my vagina battered..........

dont do the bang bang bang i said
first thrust-slow...........
touch,feel,kiss i said
u can pick up pace later....change rhythm............
ok he says
obviously a bad student
so i let him hammer at me a while
he wasnt doing anything for me
and i wasnt lubricated
i wasnt about to have a sore vagina in the morn
stop i said-let me give you fellatio
no he says
he wont give or take oral sex(selfish ass!!!!!)

roll over and sleep i said
u are a lousy fuck
what do u mean????? he said
exactly what i said!!!!!!!!!!

watch movies or hook up with a courtesan
watch the kama sutra or something
when u get better
give me a call

i roll over
ignore his black ass and fell promptly asleep

back to school the next day-he dared to
suggest one for the road
i say no-i aiint about to subject meself
to that shit...........
i get to school and tell my pal-
ur family friend is a lousy fuck
i am definitely not letting him near
my vagina till i feel he has improved........
how will u know he has improved she asked
i said if i let him stew a few months i
expect him to go get lessons somewhere or
mayb when he is more receptive to being schooled

i ignore his calls............
back to Lagos a month later
he finds out i am home,calls me and insults me for 45mins

i am listening without hearing the words
i let him rant and when he is spent,i engage the phone

next day i call him up and ask him to loose my number and address
i am no longer interested in what we have.........
he dares ask me why........

the sex was wack and you fight like a girl

he still calls occassionally
maybe he wants to show me his new skills.....
and to remind me
i wanted to marry him at one tyme
i shudder at the thought that i could have married
such a lousy fuck and a man that fights like a girl

thats the only tyme i was in the hands of a man
who didnt know how to make my animalistic tendencies surface

God has been good to me..............
HE has always sent me guys who are sensitive to my needs
and i theirs.........
while i have had ok sex
i have mostly always had earth shattering sex

ladies i pray thou shall not fall
into the hands of men who didnt have practise with their maids.............LMAO!!!!!!!!!


Free-flowing Florida said...

am first!

Free-flowing Florida said...

but dis is one long post o. work fit allow me?

Free-flowing Florida said...

ha. i bow 4 dat dude o. well, i suppose he was still young & baby-ness was still worrying him. am sure he's better now, & more matured.

i've had all sorts. good, bad, horrible, wonderful, loving, u name it. it's a wonder am not turned off sex! maybe d good times keep me hopeful. well now, it's only going 2 be one man 4 me 4rm now henceforth.

tobenna said...

This, my dear, is a fantastic prose.
I really like the flow.
Pretty neat.

Sad that the guy could not be schooled. I started that way. But I learned FAST!

LG said...

yeye gurl, wat happened to....
"hey people meet J-my future husband?

NaijaBabe said...

'lousy lay'
thats deep jo!

Funms said...

amen to ur last line.....
some dudes just dont take lessons. bad sex is one of the worst punishments....... ive been blessed mostly with good ones... lets hope the bad ones still steer clear

Sting said...

Interesting stuff. I love ur write-ups. The boy is a yeye person for real.

Enigma said...

Yeeeeeeeee!!!! practice with maids?!!!!LMAO!!! i didnt get to practice with our maids cos my mum always got old and ugly ones!

Damn! you make me wanna..*usher's song* (forgive me o everyone, just got caught up with these blogs!)

ps: im not selfish at all!!!! infact, i'll rather give than recieve!

pps:i've got u on live rss feed and i dont get to be first?!

Mz. Dee said...

This babe!!
U craze small o!!!
C me lmao readin dis!!
Ah.. now i can go to bed.. :p

ibiluv said...

@freeflowingflorida.........yea babe!!!!

work will.......

so long as he does it for you,one man is all good!!!!!!!!!!

@tobenna....yea.....tis better to be a fast learner........

@lg....bobs will have reported me to our village head eventually cos i will do everyone in the vicinity of our abode just to get sum good boffing...*wink*.......

@naijababe.......i aiint diplomatic when it is matters of the loins.........


@sting......he sure is!!!!!!!!

@enigma......well some guys practiced with their maids.......mind fff not she took ur position!!!!!!!!

mz.dee......kolo na my middle name!!!!!!!.lol

Smaragd said...

IBI, bad-ass chick!


that guy will never have sex again without thinking long and hard i'm sure.

ShonaVixen said...

lol..this real funny, enjoyed it so much...poor dude, maybe he still wants u to try and compare the present performance with the dismal past performance..lol

theicequeen said...

LOL!! rotflmao *gasp* chick you harsh oh! but i dey learn from you..no reason why we should put up with rubbish..and besides youve done him a favour sef..at least he'll know that he isnt tha shiat..

ibiluv said...

@smaragd..that was the whole idea twinny so no other babe will suffer that kinda ish......

@shonavixen........i just cant fit...once bitten..........lol

@icequeen...na so,let him check himself so he wont go bragging to some other unsuspecting babe hoping for a good lay..........kinda sad if he turns out to be the girls first....... imagine the horror&^%#@$&*........*shaking me head*

Lady Koko said...

HAHAHAHHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!1LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OH MA GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!HAHAHHAHAAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!! IBILUV OOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOLOLOLOLOLOL...DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I WORRY OOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!NO NOT FOR U MY DEAR..FOR ME OOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER WANNA BE ANYONE'S LOUSY FUCK!!!!!!SHIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOLOLOLO....I WILL BE LAUGHING AT THIS FOR DAYS MEHNN!!!!!!!!!.....YEP HE SHUD DE HAVE PRACTISED WITH THE MAIDS...LOLOLOLOL...oh gurrrl u summin else for real but i still lurrrrrrrve ya!xoxo

ibiluv said...

@lady koko........i aim to please........MWAH........

ABIMBOLA said...

i like the way you write, very spontaneous! Your blog saved me from being bored at work...kudos to you. Its really interesting how women think and process stuff kinda like that mel gibson movie(what women want). I always thought guys liked boffing more than gals...anyways keep it up and do update soon