I'M SOOOOOO WHIPPED..............

So my cousin's neighbour has a mini stroke
they (neighbour's) rallied around to take him to the hospital
my little cousin is one of the *men* appointed to take him
old man starts to convulse and actually shits in his pants

he was at a political meeting a week later
so you all know he's better

joke is...........

when he came to a couple of days later
he asks
who has these pampers?

his younger brother whispers

eyin la lo fun ni igba ti e poopoo

*we had to use them on you when you lost control of your bowel*

couldnt help laughing at that......lol






Ubong asks why no updates?

i said i have no idea why

i've had writer's block

he says its D.........hmmmmm




I open my eyes....(my alarm goes off)
its 430am
he's still asleep
i smile to myself
i have to be at my desk in a few hours
he will be on a plane later in the day
i wriggle back into his arms
he turns...wraps his arms around me whilst still groggy..........

i lay back and sleep for about half an hour
get up,bath,dress up.....was gonna put my make up on
decided against it......
i'll do it when i get to work

I get back into bed and give him a hug
he stirs....

you dressed????
yea i say......

i kiss him.....long........slow...........deep
.......what are you doing he asks????
Smiling......I pop a mint in my mouth....
i slide his boxers off
pull out the mint
circle the tip with my minty breath
then..............his whole shaft
i hear his sharp intake of breath

i grin to myself

every last dredge of sleep is well and truly gone now
i make him squirm whilst not letting him grope me
then i raise my head....strip and tell him
i want you.....

he turns me over and goes down on me
..........i'm bucking and moaning
ok peeps i'll spill
my soundtrack is Oh my God!!!!

when i can no longer take it
i pull him up and say
fuck me..........''

and he does.........

made it to work 10 mins late
and i swear even a reduction in salary
could not have taken the smirk off my face
i had it on ALL FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miss you D...............




My cousin was on her way home from a tryst
on a bike-she loves the speed.......
I will never get on a bike before 630am or after 7pm
when i drive......i drive 5 cars
so when i'm on a bike
we drive the damn thing together
........i dont see sooooo good at night
so i wont be on that silly machine when my sight is impaired


they see a flash of colour
colour was human
they rise,they swerve,they hit the curb
they land
machine on top of them........wheels still rolling


someone dashed towards them
help help help he says
finally an immigration guy and a taxi stop
okada guy goes in the boot
he got the worst end of the stick
some guy pays for 3 cards at the hospital
then they start to call last numbers on their fones

my cousin?
they got
her boo
her pastor and her two friends
it was 9pmish.....


Flash of colour has a nasty head gash and she's not coherent
nurses are suspecting....some bolts in her head are loose

bike man may have internal bleeding
bad facial wounds,bruises all over and he was spitting blood
he's Adamawa bound.......


she(cousin of mine) has a badly sprained hip muscle
so she has to use crutches for 2 weeks
to keep her weight off her hip muscle so it'll heal nicely
her calf is swollen.........the silencer burn
her face is swollen
badly sprained ankle
bruises on face,arms,fingers,legs

she looks like she got hit by something
(erm....she was)

hospital she was taken to....doctor who's treating her?
my friend in uni.....small world shey????

she's home tomorrow
from the hospital

its gonna be a couple of weeks before
she can ride her favourite machine
heheheheheheheheh




this is the second cousin who has had a mishap with this yeye machine
OKADA
dude in question woke up whilst under the knife to fix his broken finger
they had to give him more anaesthesia
silly ass had an out of body experience
was watching his mama and sister trying to wake him up

when he told me
i was like silly fool
so you were gonna die without leaving anything for us to inherit???
we laughed
but i sure wasnt ready to bury the asswipe.......
he did confess he told the bike man to break all speed limits
he had an appointment............
the one he kept.......was at the hospital
he's lucky he can move his finger
its slightly crooked though
a reminder of what could have been...........
he hardly gets on bikes anymore




so make una help me tell G
may her love for the machine diminish
well,i'll see what 2 weeks on crutches will teach her.......
and as for her boo?????

i think he's silly
cos knowing her
she's a stubborn fool
she would have opted for a bike instead of a cab
he really should have dropped her off home
and not done the see me off thingy they do

he comes to ours
she sees him off halfway to his
gets on a bike...back home........


our mothers dont know yet
and we are not telling......
her mum..........recently widowed

my mum.........will have to visit the docctor
well...when we fall ill...she does too
odd,crazy,silly,corny but true.........


hopefully i'm back from my hiatus...........