Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I'M SOOOOOO WHIPPED..............

So my cousin's neighbour has a mini stroke
they (neighbour's) rallied around to take him to the hospital
my little cousin is one of the *men* appointed to take him
old man starts to convulse and actually shits in his pants

he was at a political meeting a week later
so you all know he's better

joke is...........

when he came to a couple of days later
he asks
who has these pampers?

his younger brother whispers

eyin la lo fun ni igba ti e poopoo

*we had to use them on you when you lost control of your bowel*

couldnt help laughing at that......lol






Ubong asks why no updates?

i said i have no idea why

i've had writer's block

he says its D.........hmmmmm




I open my eyes....(my alarm goes off)
its 430am
he's still asleep
i smile to myself
i have to be at my desk in a few hours
he will be on a plane later in the day
i wriggle back into his arms
he turns...wraps his arms around me whilst still groggy..........

i lay back and sleep for about half an hour
get up,bath,dress up.....was gonna put my make up on
decided against it......
i'll do it when i get to work

I get back into bed and give him a hug
he stirs....

you dressed????
yea i say......

i kiss him.....long........slow...........deep
.......what are you doing he asks????
Smiling......I pop a mint in my mouth....
i slide his boxers off
pull out the mint
circle the tip with my minty breath
then..............his whole shaft
i hear his sharp intake of breath

i grin to myself

every last dredge of sleep is well and truly gone now
i make him squirm whilst not letting him grope me
then i raise my head....strip and tell him
i want you.....

he turns me over and goes down on me
..........i'm bucking and moaning
ok peeps i'll spill
my soundtrack is Oh my God!!!!


when i can no longer take it
i pull him up and say
fuck me..........''

and he does.........

made it to work 10 mins late
and i swear even a reduction in salary
could not have taken the smirk off my face
i had it on ALL FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miss you D...............




My cousin was on her way home from a tryst
on a bike-she loves the speed.......
I will never get on a bike before 630am or after 7pm
when i drive......i drive 5 cars
so when i'm on a bike
we drive the damn thing together
........i dont see sooooo good at night
so i wont be on that silly machine when my sight is impaired


they see a flash of colour
colour was human
they rise,they swerve,they hit the curb
they land
machine on top of them........wheels still rolling


someone dashed towards them
help help help he says
finally an immigration guy and a taxi stop
okada guy goes in the boot
he got the worst end of the stick
some guy pays for 3 cards at the hospital
then they start to call last numbers on their fones

my cousin?
they got
her boo
her pastor and her two friends
it was 9pmish.....


Flash of colour has a nasty head gash and she's not coherent
nurses are suspecting....some bolts in her head are loose

bike man may have internal bleeding
bad facial wounds,bruises all over and he was spitting blood
he's Adamawa bound.......


she(cousin of mine) has a badly sprained hip muscle
so she has to use crutches for 2 weeks
to keep her weight off her hip muscle so it'll heal nicely
her calf is swollen.........the silencer burn
her face is swollen
badly sprained ankle
bruises on face,arms,fingers,legs

she looks like she got hit by something
(erm....she was)

hospital she was taken to....doctor who's treating her?
my friend in uni.....small world shey????

she's home tomorrow
from the hospital

its gonna be a couple of weeks before
she can ride her favourite machine
heheheheheheheheh




this is the second cousin who has had a mishap with this yeye machine
OKADA
dude in question woke up whilst under the knife to fix his broken finger
they had to give him more anaesthesia
silly ass had an out of body experience
was watching his mama and sister trying to wake him up

when he told me
i was like silly fool
so you were gonna die without leaving anything for us to inherit???
we laughed
but i sure wasnt ready to bury the asswipe.......
he did confess he told the bike man to break all speed limits
he had an appointment............
the one he kept.......was at the hospital
he's lucky he can move his finger
its slightly crooked though
a reminder of what could have been...........
he hardly gets on bikes anymore




so make una help me tell G
may her love for the machine diminish
well,i'll see what 2 weeks on crutches will teach her.......
and as for her boo?????

i think he's silly
cos knowing her
she's a stubborn fool
she would have opted for a bike instead of a cab
he really should have dropped her off home
and not done the see me off thingy they do

he comes to ours
she sees him off halfway to his
gets on a bike...back home........


our mothers dont know yet
and we are not telling......
her mum..........recently widowed

my mum.........will have to visit the docctor
well...when we fall ill...she does too
odd,crazy,silly,corny but true.........


hopefully i'm back from my hiatus...........

20 comments:

TayneMent said...

So you made me laugh, then turned me on then had me fearing for my peeps who get on bikes. lol. Hope your cousin heals well.

mizchif said...

Hmmmmmmmmmmm....somebody is whipped..
Nice
I'm jelox!

LovePaprika said...

of everything u blogged bout...

D killed it :(

doll said...

thank God your cousin (bike accident) is ok...for one moment...i thought you were gonna say she dint survive it...

and thank God for the politician..

and thank God for the smirk you had on your face all fucking day.LOL

Evee said...

have you ever gotten on a rollercoaster with the turns and lifts? that was how i felt reading your blog. I love the way you write, you just say it with humour too. So with D away you can tell give Ubong an update now.

Fragilelooks said...

thank GOD ur cousin dey ok. LOVE UR DESCRIPTION. I'M JEALOUS OF U AND D'S.......

Omotee! said...

oh yes u r whipped and crazy too!

lol @ granps pampers. thank God sha

Afrobabe said...

Hopefully we are back together..

was gonna start the comment with lmao @ the old guy on seeing diapers but then saw the okada accident and wanted to say oh no..but then saw where she was coming from and the fact that she wont be able to ride her favorite okada again...hehehheeh she might manage though..

Then again the D story has me wanting a lil something something...have mercy on a girl!!

LucidLilith said...

Yeah...okay. So your sex life is giving me a complex...Good for you. Nothing like shining kongo before work.

Btw- i hope your cousin feels better.

Myne Whitman said...

Welcome back jare, you don trip me and fear me in the same breath. I hope your cousin heals quickly.

CaramelD said...

Hope your cuz gets well soon. I'm jealous :)

SOLOMONSYDELLE said...

oh my, I'm glad your cousin is okay. And the man who pooped on himself had me cracking up. I'm so happy I read this post.

How you dey?

rayo said...

me i will still get on a bike 2nyt!

SHE said...

Where have I been?

LOL at this man o! e come dey ask who get pampers. Lord have mercy.

I didn't read third paragraph. I saw the PG-18 notice in time.

Bike accidents can be ghastly. But what would ever-running-late people do without them?

Fluffycutething said...

babes,
I'm almost falling into labour from all the laughter...

what did papa say to his younger brother in response?????????

kai na wa oh SLMAO

MIke said...

Your blog has been recommended to us as a interviewee's favorite blog!

We would like to do an interview with you about your blog for Blog
Interviewer. We'd
like to give you the opportunity to
give us some insight on the "person behind the blog."

It would just take a few minutes of your time. The interview form can
be submitted online here Submit your
interview
.

Best regards,

Mike Thomas

Naijalines said...

Well whipped obviously and enjoyed it too. Lol.

The smirk must last, so...the whipping continues?

Muse said...

why won't you have that smile on your face? I'm sure even madam can't throw enough tantrums to spoil your mood.

crazy9031 said...

wow come check out my blog. it is sure to make u pee in ur pants

www.crazy-hottopic.blogspot.com

Leave many comments

ibiluv said...

@Taynement.....wink....she's much berra...thanks

@Mizchif.......how i for do???

@LovePaprika......yep he's my boo

@doll....ah...she survive am o...we Thank the Lord

@Evee.....awww...you make me blush....Ubong no gree write o...i don dey beg am sinnncccceeeee

@Fragilelooks....awwwwwww dont be jealous.....

@Omotee.....so freaking whipped....crazy?...confirmed tipe tipe....yea lol at the pampers guy

@Sis...yea we don come back....so did u get sum????wink

@Lucidlilith....wink a complex???how so???nurrin beats it babes....thanks...cuz is aiight

@Myne Whitman....bless you...thanks...she is aiight....one wound got infected but she's getting berra daily

@CaramelD....thanks...dont be jealous....

@Solomonsydelle....i'm great dearie...how are you and the clan??

@Rayo....i get on them too sometimes..but its rare to catch me on one after 7pm...

@She...no be the guy fault ke....he was trying to stay alive....lol at PG 18...yea we no get choice...sometimes we need to get on those damn things

@Fluffycutething....no enter labour when hubby no dey house o...the man just quiet...wetin him go talk????

@Mike...will check you out

@Naijalines...yup...thoroughly enjoying myself....it sure continues.....

@Muse.....i was walking on air.....i no notice Cruella at alllllllllll

@Crazy9031.....will be there