do we really ever know anyone or ourselves?

sometimes i wonder if i am being truthful when i say i am

not sad,not lonely,not angry,or that i am happy

whilst i agree that happiness is a choice

i do know that sometimes being happy or getting

to the frame of mind of being happy is/can be a chore

i have legendary mood swings

one minute i am sad

the next minute i am happy

it doesnt matter if its home/office/play

when my mood changes i just wanna be left alone

sometimes i dont even know why i'm suddenly sad/upset

so i let it simmer for a few minutes then internalise

and find what triggered it

usually i am able to find what it is and deal with it







if i care about a person/thing
i bother about her/him/it
i involve myself in their life
be it in a little way or a big way
a call/a text/an email
if i can drag myself to visit.........
i must love you

that is because i only need people in small doses

i spent a lot of time growing up by myself
so i'm used to entertaining me
i've never been bored in my life
i'm pretty sure it will never happen
i'm also quite able to create new worlds in my head
worlds i wanna live in
afterall dreams come true
i'm also adept at doing nothing.....my favourite past time



i'm sensing they think its jealousy
maybe even envy
its actually anger

i'm the chatter box
in someone's company so long as there is no tv
i'll entertain you
i talk a lotttttttttttt
most of my stories are about me

i'm not a good gossip
cos i tend to confess to the victim
so hardly would you catch me gossiping

why am i angry?
its not like i think its anyone's fault
its one thing for me to like being by myself
its another thing to be excluded

now that i no longer wish to be included
they are coming at me with the snide remarks
jealousy,envy,sadness they say


i say-go jump over the third mainland bridge please








i'm upset at work peeps
every single one of them forgot my birthday
i made a fuss to a select few
some reverted with a genuine apology
someone in particular seemed to shrug me off

i'm vindictive enuff to do same to her in 2012
oh and dat goes to everyone in my life

its the one day in my life that i will exercise
my God given right as a woman to invent and establish drama






oh and another thing............
i treat people the way they treat me

did i fare better?

i've had a very bad case of blogger's block
i've also been incredibly lazy

but i did promise i'll be back
and i always do a birthday post

so i was a year older on the 7th
afrobabe i love you
*cyber hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

i tend to get a little melancholic on my birthdays
so to make up for the shitty head space i knew i was gonna get into
i was supposed to hang out with the girls after work
and it was a friday but the rain was a bitch

so we didnt have girls nite out
dinner someplace
get tipsy
flirt shamelessly
dance like crazy and tumble into bed in the morning


so we had a lazy saturday instead
we shopped-meat,veggies and condiments for edikaikong
facials
ran into my aunt
2 yrs older but technically my aunt
harrassed her kidz(i love em kidz)
had dinner
and laffed so hard i almost peed in my pants
i love you girls


i temporarily moved to my aunt's since july
construction at my zone is driving me nuts
she doesnt get it apparently that i love my own space
she keeps asking me what is wrong
then goes into a prayer session
cos my cousin(her daughter) who i am a year older than
is getting married in nov

i dont have a jealous bone in my body
and i only envy people what they have that i wish i had

i wish her mum got it
but then again if i was to explain it to her the way it really is
it would only be read as jealousy or envy
since it is neither-she(my aunt) will have to get used to my smiles and the sealed lips
i'm wondering why she hasnt brought it up with my mum
well cos my mum hasnt asked me
even though my mum gets it
well if she does-i'm guessing my mum will tell her to ignore it
mum calls it-the curse of my dad's family
we internalise and shut everyone out
people think it is cos we are bothered about something
but the harsh truth is its cos we really dont care



my brother is well
has a new girl on his hands
i dont particularly like her
i dont consider her cute/curvy/nice
and i dont like girls who live in filth with their squeeze
especially cos i have to witness the filth
i still breeze into my place anyday i wanna
well,i harrassed her 2 wks ago
so far she seems to have imbibed the clean space rule
good


you hurt me......bad
I need a proper apology
jewelry always works i hear
but do remember to ask me before you splurge on an item i'll detest
cos i'm still very upset with you
i'm gonna let you deal with your stuff
cos i get it............
but you owe me.........




so my colleague has been advised to get a vibrator
i've tried to get her to surf the web
and maybe make a purchase but she keeps dilly dallying
with my man outta town a lot
life would be almost unbearable if i didnt own one
*wink*
i know a vibrator wont take the place of a warm body
but it can take the edge of animalistic tendencies
wink





a friend of mine seems to be avoiding me/us
i guess its cos lately all we do is berate her
well its like this
if you must date more than 1 married guy
please make it about the money
no sense in hoping from one bed to another for a meal and a drink
well maybe........some lousy thousands

cos apparently shez been sleeping with 2 married guys
(mayb more)
and she gets pregnant
does she
a-ask them to accompany her on the same day or on different dayz?
b-get the fundz from both possible fathers but go fix it alone?
c-fix it then bill the fathers heavily?
d-fix it then bill then what the doctor billed her?


kindly note i think shez an ass-
dating 2 or more men that are off limits to you is bullshit
actually allow both of them to sperminate you is stupid
then to get fertilized was downright idiotic
but to then decide to be cautious about billing them?
i thot.....silly


to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction
if you wanna sperminate you have to worry about fertilization
not so?

I owe y'all a post shey?

i'll b back