Sunday, November 7, 2010

See bucket of ice cream oo

Hey peeps
i have been away 3 months

in between being without impure thots cos of ramadhan-wink
and treating malaria back to back thrice
it was easy to neglect blogging

but The great has been bugging me to update
and he did promise me ice cream..........
oya i don update.....if i no see ice cream
i will defriend you ooooooooooooo

had a convo with a group of guys
colleagues at work
3 married guys and a girl
the girl was venting
saying her hubby would be castrated
and be imprisoned if he strays and she catch am
so i asked.........castrated and imprisoned for what?
wetin the guy do whey he deserve such punishment?

as was expected, the guys hailed me and said please tell her jo
two of them go on to say
when their wives say
Dear Lord thank you for my hubby
they get scared........
well.....cos they know
they do the nasty with others
so it scares dem that their wives actually speak of them as loyal

the third guy didnt add his two pence
his marriage is younger
i think he hasnt strayed........(yet)

i am not saying men should cheat
i just dont see why a woman wont ask herself
*why* he is cheating
cos reasonable men *always* have a reason

she's hawter than wifey
finer,leaner,fleshier,curvier,lighter skinned,bigger boobs
she shares his hobby(s)
she loves to fuck
she fucks him silly
she is always ready to fuck
she fulfils his sexual fantasies
(yup-sex is a major reason why peepe cheat)
she listens to him
she feeds his ego
she babies him
she understands damage control
she says she's sorry and means it

so if he cheats
i hope you married your friend
so you can ask him why
and i pray he can be honest
cos every wise woman knows
you should neva allow your man's mind wander
their mind always gets lost
they have a short memory span

9 times out of ten
its old men that become senile

how many senile grandmothers do you know?

gramps had 3 wives............
no wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love you gramps
miss you like crazy
but i now see why you went that route.......

A pal called me up on my birthday
to those of you who forgot....
you just dont care enuff in my books
and if na so-then na so
aguda o jeun labe geesi.......
friendship no be by force

Star surfaced on facebook
my very first boyf
i remember planning to elope with him
aeons ago....*fluttering lashes*
reality set in and several buxoms taller ladies later
we fell apart

whenever either of us was between relationships
its not like he was the best i eva had
but it was easy to fall back into his bed
last tyme we hooked up
all he wanted to do was get me pregnant
he wanted me pregnant so we could tie the knot he said
he was tired of hopping around he said
i detested the fact that
he thought both parents would only be swayed by a pregnancy
to let us walk down the aisle
i didnt like the reason for the aisle walk
moreover i wasnt ready to be a mother
he wasnt ready to be a father either

a couple of months later he ranted...........
ranted about how i needed to get off the pill
or whatever i was using
he did said he was irate
all i saw in his features was...........relief

fast forward to today
the lovesick star is getting married sometime in 2011
i am soooooo looking forward to the the rice
(even though i was rooting for the babe before this one)
babe is hawt!!!!!!!!!!!
this one?
she will grow on me.....
he has chosen her......

if you think it odd
you dont know me..........those who do know
know that Ibi is a very good girlfriend
i stay cordial with every man i have ever fucked dated
except the one who could not fuck
the one who wants to marry me and leave me in california
(while he fucks every thing in sight in lagos)
the one who wanted to sleep with my mother
(sleeping with a mother and daughter ensures long life in his village)
and two guys who seem to have dropped off the earth's surface

and she(Ibi) will make some guy a very happy man soon
i also plan to be a fabulous mother
when i was 15
my goal in life was
*to be a wonderful wife and mother*

an aunt of mine has a very solid marriage
and all i see in her is
patience and wisdom
two virtues i have an abundance of

my current goal?
i wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad

shade and bukky are gisting
how i go dey help my mate?shade says
cos dude is probably a few years older than me
his wifey cant be much older than me
that is if she old reach me sef
so how i go dey help my mate or my junior?
she suppose fit fuck her dick well ke
and i wonder why her dick keeps saying
oh you are sooo tight
you are soooo wet
him wife neva born
wetin dey make her pussy untight?
abegi i tire
i don delete teh guy o
i cant justify to myself anymore this mate helping i dey do
i would rather help my aunty's mate jare
i was brought up to help my elders carry their load
not my mate

it took a lot of willpower for me not to laugh out loud

my closest female pal and i didnt speak for about 4 months
we exchanged emails,jokes,messages,or whatever catches our fancy
but no calls or hook ups

recently we had a reunion with a couple
of oda peeps and we all just synced

fast forward 2 weeks
she looses her job
i ask an innocent question and she starts to hyperventilate

i wonder what it is about me that gets her mad

Uti won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me.....i am glad that arrogant short prick didnt win

(people dey talk say Uti papa burial go rock!!!!!!!!!)
human beings!!!!!!!!!!!
wish him well
and i hope he dumps Sheila fast
i cant stand confused people

and if you are bisexual or gay
you are confused

it is my blog
i can say what i like
if you dont like what i have to say
go and sit inside gutter water
if gutter no dey near you
drink battery water

remember that machine(mi car) i bought for my birthday last year?
i sold it
it was planning to give me hypertension
i have a wooden box
donations are welkome
Ibi needs a new ride

this year for mi birthday?
i shopped for new eyes,clothes,shoes and bags
taxi neva finish for Lagos

I hope i love sex as much as i do now when i get married
my mind is in a perpetual state of filth
it needs to be washed with izal,dettol,jik,persil,omo.....
all i see in my mind's eye is phallus
all i wanna do is cum cum cum
and oh dear
oh God
Oh my God
i am definitely currently having the bestest sex of my life
marra of fact
this guy makes love to me
its not just about getting sexually gratified
its its its..........cant fucking explain it......
mwah sweetim

my colleague is going away to born pikin
5 months she will be away
see how my life just got easier?????
i have her duties plus mine
they say i just got more relevant in the work place
so i should embrace it
i dont mind ooooooooooooo
i just need half of her salary..........


Yetunde said...

Heyyyy, I love love love your you are so honest and straight to the point...I hope you'll update your blog more often though... btw I just made an gmail account just to tell you this....thanxx :)

LG said...

sweerie welcome back'

btw i hope dis 'big' sallah meat nor go pass me o *fingers crossed* :)

Evee said...

Welcome back dear. You are so real. The question we should ask is why is he cheating?

doll said... sold the car? hope u get another soon. welcome back

miz-cynic said...

why do u wana ask why he is cheating?for men ther will always be a reason...oh sorry an excuse.even the perfect wives get cheated on.

Tayne said...

welcome back. I loved how long this was

Myne Whitman said...

This has made up for the long absence. I hope you replace your car soon.

bArOquE said...

when i fell in love wit Ibiliv, they thought i was mad...she just cracks me up...whenever i read her posts i fall deeper in love with her

meanwhile, i dont quite get the part about the guy that wanted to sleep with your mum

Funms-the rebirth said...

good to see u back.......
why do women bother themselves with asking why a dude is cheating, unnecessary heartache....

good to know u are fine jare

histreasure said...

that was some bombo, babe (yep, BBA5 talk -lol

welcome back, jare..

Tega said...

Loved the post...thanks for all the spanking gist :D

Mama Junior said...

i asked my hubby why he was cheating, i asked myself too... still no answers...Not sure that your theory gels oh!!!

LusciousRon said...

This is indeed three months worth of gist! O ga Enjoy the sexing.

Barka de Sallah in advance,P>S we suppose exchange meat o!

Afrobabe said...

I think bisexual people have the best of both worlds!!

mizchif said...

Good to see you back.
Haven't even finished the post, but see that part about men ALWAYS having a reason to cheat? I DO NOT agree rara, sometimes men just fuck around, for fucks sake, no justification.

Welcome back and Happy belated baiday :)

mizchif said...

Chai, see why i love you ehn?

Anyway no gutter for my side or even battery water sef,so....

Meanwhile i am jealousing you and this ya current sweetie, have fun woman!

SHE said...

Your friend is probably going through a lot. Might not be you she was reacting to. Just my thoughts.

I don't / didn't like BBA!

I'm with Afro: Bisexuals have the best of both worlds. Hehehe!

Naijamum said...

Phew...I think I need a drink after this read...
Really entertaining and refreshing. I saw your comment on my blog and I decided to drop by. Not disappointed at all. Keep it up!

naijaLines said...

You're just something else. Mind in a perpetual state of filth ehn? What's wrong with wanting to cum cum cum? It's better than's gone! Hehehe.