ibiluv

Birthday Cards

2011-12-13T16:53:00.000-08:00

I used to really appreciate them........birthday cards
i love words
it takes me forever to form them
cos i never take words for granted

i've always been a note writer
i'll write a note/text/mail to my boss,colleague,subordinate
rather than call/or walk up to a person

words can be beautiful
leave you happy even when you are penniless
just like a great big bear hug practically cures depression

the best words???
those left unsaid

2 days ago
bad head space
everything was work related
and to cap it ...i was bone tired and hungry
i was dragging myself to get brunch when a pal walked up to me and without a word gave me a hug
it was so sweet of him to do that
ibi i hate it when you look forlorn
what is wrong?
this place i said
we laughed.....

Cruella has been a good girl lately
but cos evil never completely erodes
her evil side showed up last week
3 days of ignoring her and shes back to being sane

its my other boss....he, i would love to poison

the job is fyne-i love it
the pay sucks..........
my colleagues-fun people
my boss.........i hope he drops dead

back to words..........

i honestly cant remember the last time i went off to buy one
i cant be bothered anymore to find a meaningful card
a text message- a bbm display picture-a bbm-a voice note
all of that and more will do it
why buy cardboard that will eventually be used to pack dirt?????

oh and by the way-a birthday gift will show just how much you care
the more useful it is to the person the more meaningful

so out with birthday cards...in with...gifts
cash gifts?
always a pleasure
wink...........

do we really ever know anyone or ourselves?

2011-10-20T16:58:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder if i am being truthful when i say i am

not sad,not lonely,not angry,or that i am happy

whilst i agree that happiness is a choice

i do know that sometimes being happy or getting

to the frame of mind of being happy is/can be a chore

i have legendary mood swings

one minute i am sad

the next minute i am happy

it doesnt matter if its home/office/play

when my mood changes i just wanna be left alone

sometimes i dont even know why i'm suddenly sad/upset

so i let it simmer for a few minutes then internalise

and find what triggered it

usually i am able to find what it is and deal with it

if i care about a person/thing
i bother about her/him/it
i involve myself in their life
be it in a little way or a big way
a call/a text/an email
if i can drag myself to visit.........
i must love you

that is because i only need people in small doses

i spent a lot of time growing up by myself
so i'm used to entertaining me
i've never been bored in my life
i'm pretty sure it will never happen
i'm also quite able to create new worlds in my head
worlds i wanna live in
afterall dreams come true
i'm also adept at doing nothing.....my favourite past time

i'm sensing they think its jealousy
maybe even envy
its actually anger

i'm the chatter box
in someone's company so long as there is no tv
i'll entertain you
i talk a lotttttttttttt
most of my stories are about me

i'm not a good gossip
cos i tend to confess to the victim
so hardly would you catch me gossiping

why am i angry?
its not like i think its anyone's fault
its one thing for me to like being by myself
its another thing to be excluded

now that i no longer wish to be included
they are coming at me with the snide remarks
jealousy,envy,sadness they say

i say-go jump over the third mainland bridge please

i'm upset at work peeps
every single one of them forgot my birthday
i made a fuss to a select few
some reverted with a genuine apology
someone in particular seemed to shrug me off

i'm vindictive enuff to do same to her in 2012
oh and dat goes to everyone in my life

its the one day in my life that i will exercise
my God given right as a woman to invent and establish drama

oh and another thing............
i treat people the way they treat me

did i fare better?

2011-10-09T22:17:00.000-07:00

i've had a very bad case of blogger's block
i've also been incredibly lazy

but i did promise i'll be back
and i always do a birthday post

so i was a year older on the 7th
afrobabe i love you
*cyber hugzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

i tend to get a little melancholic on my birthdays
so to make up for the shitty head space i knew i was gonna get into
i was supposed to hang out with the girls after work
and it was a friday but the rain was a bitch

so we didnt have girls nite out
dinner someplace
get tipsy
flirt shamelessly
dance like crazy and tumble into bed in the morning

so we had a lazy saturday instead
we shopped-meat,veggies and condiments for edikaikong
facials
ran into my aunt
2 yrs older but technically my aunt
harrassed her kidz(i love em kidz)
had dinner
and laffed so hard i almost peed in my pants
i love you girls

i temporarily moved to my aunt's since july
construction at my zone is driving me nuts
she doesnt get it apparently that i love my own space
she keeps asking me what is wrong
then goes into a prayer session
cos my cousin(her daughter) who i am a year older than
is getting married in nov

i dont have a jealous bone in my body
and i only envy people what they have that i wish i had

i wish her mum got it
but then again if i was to explain it to her the way it really is
it would only be read as jealousy or envy
since it is neither-she(my aunt) will have to get used to my smiles and the sealed lips
i'm wondering why she hasnt brought it up with my mum
well cos my mum hasnt asked me
even though my mum gets it
well if she does-i'm guessing my mum will tell her to ignore it
mum calls it-the curse of my dad's family
we internalise and shut everyone out
people think it is cos we are bothered about something
but the harsh truth is its cos we really dont care

my brother is well
has a new girl on his hands
i dont particularly like her
i dont consider her cute/curvy/nice
and i dont like girls who live in filth with their squeeze
especially cos i have to witness the filth
i still breeze into my place anyday i wanna
well,i harrassed her 2 wks ago
so far she seems to have imbibed the clean space rule
good

you hurt me......bad
I need a proper apology
jewelry always works i hear
but do remember to ask me before you splurge on an item i'll detest
cos i'm still very upset with you
i'm gonna let you deal with your stuff
cos i get it............
but you owe me.........

so my colleague has been advised to get a vibrator
i've tried to get her to surf the web
and maybe make a purchase but she keeps dilly dallying
with my man outta town a lot
life would be almost unbearable if i didnt own one
*wink*
i know a vibrator wont take the place of a warm body
but it can take the edge of animalistic tendencies
wink

a friend of mine seems to be avoiding me/us
i guess its cos lately all we do is berate her
well its like this
if you must date more than 1 married guy
please make it about the money
no sense in hoping from one bed to another for a meal and a drink
well maybe........some lousy thousands

cos apparently shez been sleeping with 2 married guys
(mayb more)
and she gets pregnant
does she
a-ask them to accompany her on the same day or on different dayz?
b-get the fundz from both possible fathers but go fix it alone?
c-fix it then bill the fathers heavily?
d-fix it then bill then what the doctor billed her?

kindly note i think shez an ass-
dating 2 or more men that are off limits to you is bullshit
actually allow both of them to sperminate you is stupid
then to get fertilized was downright idiotic
but to then decide to be cautious about billing them?
i thot.....silly

to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction
if you wanna sperminate you have to worry about fertilization
not so?

I owe y'all a post shey?

2011-10-09T00:56:00.000-07:00

i'll b back

Ibiluv is 4 years old today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yippieeeeeeeeeeeee

2011-05-30T18:31:00.000-07:00

She loved her beach house. It wasn’t only the serenity she craved it was also the sight and sound of the ocean. Also knowing she just upped and left everyone-her job, her friends and family just gives her inner devil a lotta joy-the minute she got in-she took a shower and had a meal-God bless her housekeeper-now it was tyme to settle down for a lovely story
It was sunset and she could no longer read by sunlight, her glass of lemonade stood empty on the floor beside the chaise lounge she had been reclining on-she had heard him drive in a while ago-she knew he would need to go to his study to do some work before joining her upstairs..

Lost in her thoughts she heard a sound behind her…..there he stood…her adonis…this man had to have been a greek god in another life…beautifully sculpted…people tell her all the time how fabulous she looks..she always wishes she could retort wait till you see my man….

Wordz were not needed…her body always reacted when ever his was close…and he could always tell-even in the midst of an argument, they both could still cut the sexual tension in the air with a knife….it didn’t help that she only had on her lingerie…..a slinky number in the softest pink and he could see every inch of that body he loved so much..he had a smirk on his face cos already he could see her nipples hardening…

She stood where she was..her back to the sea..listening to the sounds..he walked towards her…when he got to her-he enveloped her in a bear hug…this was one of the reasons she loved this man…fitting into his arms like this always felt so right….she went on her knees and slowly flicked her tongue over the tip…..he made it to pre cum in a matter of mins…slowly she trailed her fingers down his legs whilst giving her tongue the liberty to roam freely along his shaft

He had his hand on her head, her hair..he wasn’t tugging or shoving..just resting his hand there…she smirked cos she knew for him it was some way to balance himself so he wouldn’t topple over…over and over again she licked, sucked and worshipped his family jewels….she wasn’t even sure how they made it to the chaise but he was gently laying her on it and proceeded to plant feathery kisses on her inner thighs..after what seemed like aeons..he kissed her...long and slow and slipped his digits into her…she loved how he managed to do both…kissing him was always a joy. The fusion of their pie holes always drove her completely nuts…and his digits???…glorious and they always served as a reminder of what was to come…

She whispered..you are driving me nuts. Could you please fuck me now? I will he said…he turned her over and with the slightest of motions stationed dat lovely appendage by her labia lips-she gasped..just the feel-nothing else yet…but she was dripping buckets and dat was all the encouragement he needed..slowly ever so slow he inched into her…felt like he was going in in millimeters….and then he filled her…and there they were…naked with the salty air swishing around them kneeling by the chaise as he proceeded to make love to her….

It was glorious and earth shattering…much later as they lay spent...she listened to both their heart beats as normalcy returned...the kiss to her forehead was the last thing she remembered before she drifted off to la la land..

Should I fix you a drink too?

2011-04-17T11:19:00.000-07:00

‘Should I fix you a drink too?’

he asked as he set down his backpack on the bed, shrugging out of his shirt as he walked to the mini-bar in the room.

‘Yes honey, thanks’ she said as she typed away furiously at her laptop keyboard, wanting to finish the report and email it so she could relax fully and enjoy her weekend with her lover.

She had been looking forward to this time alone with him for a while, and her boss dumping an overdue report on her late on Friday was quite the mood dampener but after hearing his deep, drawling voice on the phone saying he was leaving the airport...that made her, perk up.

She was startled by the touch of a cold glass on the back of her neck, she had been so engrossed in her work she didn’t realize when he came up behind her. ‘What are you working on?’ ‘it’s a damned report my boss insists must be sent today’ she says as she placed a hand over his warm, calloused one that was kneading the muscles of her shoulder. ‘Aahh, that feels so good’ she says… He hands her drink to her, at the same time bending over her and placing a kiss on her forehead like a father would on his daughter. ‘take it easy babe, you’re all tensed up’ he breathes in her ear.

The familiar smell of him suddenly makes her nerve endings tingle as she inhales the mix of aftershave, the musky cologne he favours and sweat of travel that wafts off him. She realizes how much she had missed him being with her and suddenly ignored her computer, turning in her chair, she grabs him by the waist. ‘I missed you baby’ she murmurs into his belly, the soft hair around his navel tickling her lips as she speaks.

His reaction is instant, his loins tighten up as her soft, warm arms encircle him. He leans down over her, rubbing down her back through the sheer material of the work shirt she has on.. pulling the shirt out of her skirt, finding her skin beneath and working his thick, hard fingers into her muscles. She sighs in pure pleasure, writhing under his touch as she feels herself relaxing.

He straightens up, picking his glass from the table and sipping on his drink, pulling her up by the arm as he does. She gets into his arms, face turned up as he envelopes her in a deep,fiercely passionate kiss. She can feel the hunger for her in him and that knowledge makes her both excited and scared at the same time. Excited that she holds such an attraction for him and scared that she may lose him at some time. He lives and works in another part of the country as an engineer, always on the road, sleeping in different hotels in different towns… and surely meeting lots of different women.

She feels his breath get deep and fast, the taste of brandy in his mouth mixing with hers as both their tongues entwine. Her nipples are so sensitive; they are almost painfully squeezed against his chest. His hands slip lower, cupping her round bottom in a gentle squeeze. He lifts her off her feet while still kissing her, and lays her on the bed. His eyes are locked on to hers, boring a hole deep into her soul as he gets up and removes his jeans, then his boxers. He doesn’t say a word and does not break eye contact while he walks to the window and opens it.

There is a sudden, moist and cold breeze from the rain outside in the room. With the curtains billowing behind him, she watches him stalk back to the bed like a panther, his erection proudly displayed to her lustful gaze.

She licks her lips, smiling at him while feeling the molten heat well up from inside her core. She starts to unbutton her shirt but he stops her with a hand. Gently but firmly pushing her down on to the bed, he grabs her glass and gulps some her drink, then he leans over her and kisses her again. As her lips open she feels her drink trickling down into her mouth from his. He hadn’t swallowed, just used his mouth to serve her. He has deftly shed her buttons while kissing her, now he slides his hand underneath her and unclips her bra. Her proud breasts feel the heat of his hands and the coolness of the breeze coming through the open window. It is such a delicious feeling.

Her hands rake through his hair as he lowers his lips to her nipple, biting and sucking hard while his hands slide under her skirt and hooks on the waistband of her panties. She raises her hips to help him ease them off, watching his eyes look down her skirt as she raises her legs to kick off the panties. He smiles and rubs a hand lazily across her chest, palm flat over her breasts, fingers teasing her neck and chin. His other hand he cups firmly over her mound, the heel of his hand making hard contact with her clit as his finger teases her wet slit. He’s not going inside, just gliding his finger over her lips enough to open them, circling round her opening and making her groan with the need to have any part of him inside her.

Her arousal is very evident now in the rich scent of her feminine musk which he inhales rather dramatically. She knows he’s teasing her, she sees that look of intense concentration on his face she knows is a sign of his arousal. His gaze never leaves the moist morsel between her thighs as he lifts his glass to his lips, drinks and bends his head to her sex. His hands push her skirt up to her waist as he spreads her legs wide, she is wide open to his view and intentions now. She shudders as she feels his breath over her engorged clit, then the exquisite pleasure of his tongue, which is cold from the drink and warm as he licks in slow, circular motions around her clit. He does not touch her anywhere else… yet.

She clutches at the sheet as he abruptly plunges his tongue into her slick tunnel in the same motion that he uses his hands to raise her hips.
Her sensual, thrusting motion makes her clit contact against his nose as she fucks his tongue. She can feel her orgasm coming up quickly. He’s a master at working his tongue sinuously inside her, bringing it up to suck on her clit. Now he has 2 fingers deep inside her while her clit is being strummed by his tongue. She’s moaning deep in her throat and bucking under his face like a wild horse. She starts to drum her feet on his back as she climaxes, holding his head tight against her dripping wet sex. His name is spinning on her mind as she lies breathless in the afterglow of the intense orgasm. He brings his head up, breathing deep, looking at her with lust filled eyes, his lips glistening with her juice.

He smirks at her effort to regain balance and says ‘I missed you too babe’… She smiles and pulls him to her, licking his lips, nose, eyes.. tasting herself mixed with him, instantly getting a high from that. She says ‘I know honey, I know’. Her hands are both stroking his hot hardness and his soft sac as she kisses him. She scrapes a fingernail over his glans and gets the reaction she wants from him. A sharp intake of breath, then a long drawn out sigh of pleasure as she takes him in her mouth.. takes him as deep as she can. He’s big and stretches her lips but she loves sucking him. She’s got saliva coating him and her movements are smooth and sensual, fucking him with her mouth just as she fucked his mouth earlier. She’s good at this and knows exactly how to bring him to a load...moaning her name in the process... She wants to taste his seed and drink it greedily but he’s not having that.

He held her head to stop her, moaning ‘I don’t want to cum yet baby, I need to be inside you’. The naked need in his voice makes her cream her pussy even more. So she gets on her knees and he gets behind her, the penetration is fast and hard but not painful. She is well lubricated but feels the immense size of him filling her up, pushing against her womb. The connection is deep and erotic, the sound of his balls slapping against her as he thrusts deep into her are adding to her excitement. He’s groaning deeply and she knows he will unleash his thick cream into her very soon. His hands grab her breasts like the reins of a horse he’s riding….. and he is riding her, hard, deep, furiously. She feels a throbbing inside her that emanates from his magnificent dick buried deep inside her, his belly on her soft butt.

He starts to rub her clit with a hand in time with his thrusts, which are getting quicker. He’s close to losing control now. She arches her back, raising her bottom up and presenting him a deeper angle of penetration. Though it’s a bit painful, she revels in the sex she’s giving him and urges him on with her voice ‘fuck me baby, fuck me hard… who’s ur sweet baby?’ he responds with a furious, grunting assault on her body that rocks him to an explosive climax, which makes him give short, choked off cries as he cums deep inside her. She feels the heavy gush of warm, male seed flooding her insides and that triggers another orgasm for her, clenching her butt cheeks and pulsing the walls of her tight pussy to milk every drop from him.

He’s dripping with sweat and breathing hard against her back. She bears his weight on her as her hands and knees tremble from the shared orgasms. ‘welcome home baby’ she murmured.....

hurt,naija idol,naija sings,how far?,lottery,VP's,career-dislike,escorts,

2011-03-13T18:41:00.000-07:00

so sometimes it crosses our minds.....
not to be as we are in the presence of those we love
because sometimes they judge us harshly
i guess we are all human
and when a person strips himself/herself so you see dem as they are
you really should be more grateful that hurtful
and if they are no longer toeing that line
dont sing dat broken record of you shouldnt have
said person already made a platinum album out of said phrase for self

people sometimes react a certain way about who you were or who you are
and in the person's reaction.....the person hurts you
whether they know it or not
a lot of times i'm slow to comment...
slow to react...
slow to do just about everything in my life
cos i hate being wrong
and i only ever regret the things i didnt have the guts to do or say
there is nothing in my past i am ashamed of
i may shield some parts of me from certain people
but allowing a person(s) see me
as i am
is a really big deal
so when i am then judged by that person
it hurts.......deep
ironically......said person may not even know they hurt me
but they will............they will
cos someday i will bring it up and they will know just how bad
dat laff
that smirk
dat harsh word
dat ungiven hug.............hurt

i am looooovvvvviiinnnnggggggg Naomi Mac
she's soooooooooo breathtaking
602 to 34365
abeg make una vote jare
maybe una go win motor
chei this kind free advert
Naomi u owe me ooooooooo

i was for the brothers to win Naija sings
i was miffed Casey won
but his single is not bad

and have you heard Tonii-idol evictee's new singles?

i like............a lot

as for american idol
i have not really heard dem all
but Scott can propose to me anytyme
such a voice........swoooonnnnnnn
and he's 16
reallly????

Naima is cute....she is doll like
i liked her umbrella rendition
albeit pitchy.....
i hope she gets better

and Pia has pipes.........
its hard to do a celine,aguilera,whitney and maria
and she did celine so well..........

so a person has a problem
eg she needs a car
everytyme you see said person you ask how far?
the need to buy the car...is your need to see her in a car greater than her need to own one?????

note to married friends of single people
dont ask your single pal *every time* you see/call/write/mail/bbm/tweet said person
how far?
is getting married....the same as choosing what gown to wear to what dinner party???

i dont ask you how far?
with when you plan to have number 2
or when you plan to move out of your rented apartment into your own home
or some other silly question
if a person is single and you have not magically produced a spouse suitable to that person
stop *how faring* them

later you will complain they dont vist
how dem go visit?
all you will do is how far dem and moreover did getting married somehow suggest to you that your single friend is the jobless one that must come visit you always?
dem gum ya own yansh for ur house?

we ask God how far all the tyme
He always replies............soon

dats good enuff for me/we/us

you people should stop how farring us

if i have not seen you in 8 years and you ask me,how far?
i get it........you are catching up

if you saw me yesterday and ask me how far
i'll poison your drink

i'm depressed..........
i want to win a lottery
there's none going on at the moment...or is there?
please when you hear of a lottery
make una let me know
i love the things money can buy
so i really really like money
but i dont love money
else i would have......let me keep my evil thots to myself
i wont do anything to get it(Money)
but i would love to win the ottery

yes i know...........a lazy man's dream
i never lied about being lazy..........

i watched the vice presidential debate and i wonder why Sambo went to cause traffic from the airport to abeokuta instead of facing his peers
in btw i have a distant uncle as a vp aspirant
so make una no try me
ibi will soon be in aso rock as the vice president's official speech writer

i've been thinking of a change of career a lot lately
i havent really done anything about it......yet
let me just roll it in my head for a bit longer
i may take the plunge soon

i seem to have developed a considerable amount of dislike for my boss
no not Cruella
me and her are cool these days
its the big dawg
he smiles a lot and just talks/acts damn rite nasty
he has also perfected the act of lieing thru his teeth
mschewwwwwwwwwwwwwww
these days all i wanna do is slap the idiot

i prefer nasty people with dour expressions
but an always smiling fuck????.........he makes me cringe

in part he is one of the reasons i wanna leave
i don tire to dey see him face

found this online
www.loungebella.com
a pal of mine wants to know if there is a site that caters to women as well
let us know............

rude,iron,crib,mum,fat,house,eyes only

2011-02-13T18:20:00.000-08:00

She's in the living room
explaining every scene of the movie as if my brother is deaf and blind
i would love to shut her up
but wetin concern me
i guess i'm just irritated cos she didnt notice big sister Ibi and greet
the dumb spawn of my mother didnt greet either
so is it her fault?

i don enter my room....lock my door
i will punish him for said crime later....

in between
i truly am an evil sister.....
in the last year
2 steam irons have found their way to the scrap yard
i dont trust my brother
things electrical always go bad around him

its exasperating cos the asswipe has a degree in electrical electronics from an obodo oyibo university

you people should sha tell him

i have replaced gen,pumping machine,fan,iron,since he rolled into town
i will castrate him if anything happens to my kettle,fridge and microwave

oh...hehehehehe i recently bought a new iron and i am hiding it in my room

went to say hi to my pal at her place
nice crib
really nice

i'm not speaking to my mum
matter of fact i think she owes me an apology
the way it happens-when we both get upset
we dont talk for 2 weeks
thats like her limit
then her eldest sister calls and mandates me to call mum and apologise

this tyme i will also demand my own apology

if she wont give it

i prefer to stay dis-daughtered

i wonder why birthing me gives her the right to dole out shit to me and i am expected to lap it up

this text message whey she send to me dat day ehn(whey dey vex mi)
i will make her apologise for it o
either directly or indirectly.......

all these fat in my belle(2inches of fat)
please go to my bum
neither I nor Dee likes dis belly fat
we both prefer yansh fat
truth be told
na me dey find yansh fat
he loves Ibi's ass as it is
and considering i gained a few kg's recently
ibi's ass is looking gud!!!!!!!!!!!
crunches here i come.....

so Dee teased me about not registering for bba6
are you worried i may be worried about you getting horny and fucking some dude in the house he asked
my job i said
not a gud enuff excuse he said....
i know you Ibi
kisses and mayb blowjobs is as far as you will go
i grinned.....

got me wondering though...if i really went into the house
would i stay unfucked by anoda cos Dee might watch/hear
or cos Mama Ibi might watch/hear
quite frankly Dee-much as i love you and we both know i will stay unfucked in the house(if i enter)cos i love love love making love to/with you...
its the mama Ibi situation dat will keep my pants up
cos if i stray i know you will forgive me
she wont............

some outfits i buy
just to wear for Dee
yup
if its really short and its not a pair of shorts
its just for Dee's eyes
if i've got mi boobs spilling out
its just for Dee's eyes

i recently allowed Akin talk me into these 2 gowns
both short
but.....not too short
a little more than i would normally do............
but i find that i'm looking forward to getting my sexy self into them clothes and getting *toasted*
wink

sex...candidate...24 vs 33...omoluabi...mirror...yellow...my girls

2011-01-24T18:03:00.000-08:00

you walk into a room looking and smelling like sex
if an ex was there......
would it *all* be about him?
or are you just allowing yourself enjoy the shark frenzy?
especially since boyf is home with a fever?
i guess it's a little bit of everything........

and then when he(the ex) walks up to you to say
you look good.......
you flutter your lashes and say
i know

30 mins later he sends you an email
had to leave....you were giving me a woody..........

BINGO...........

and so my brother thinks i am a good candidate for bba6
i kinda think i would make interesting tv
but i guess if i ever went for bba
my mum would disown me
Ibi would forget the cameras
while i may not be the slut everyone hates but loves to watch
my mother wont forgive me the kisses i would steal.......wink

when i was 16
i told myself i wanted to get married at 24 to a man who is 33
i still prefer my men way older than me.....
mostly because older men know their own mind
.......a man has to be very sure of himself to handle ibi

younger men mostly irritate me
yea i like to say exasperate
but i'm mostly irritated

i turn 33 in a couple of months so if i am still hunting down
my perect age gap-he would be 42......
hence he must be married with kids...best case scenario widowed
cos the other options are divorced or seperated

so am i trying to snatch,share someone's father and claim him as my baby?
NO
my uncle got married 3 months ago
at 44 he was very single-never married-no kids
so if Baba Loke wants to grant my wish for an older man
he's out there.........

but if he thinks i am best suited to a 35,37,39 year old
i'll take him
i dont care for labels
i'll even take a 25 year old
heheheheeheheheheh

so HO told my pal that when we dated i didnt give a damn
so i sent him a lengthy email
met him at my Aunt's christmas party
one of the first things he told me was........
i dont drink....i dont smoke cos i am badddddd enuff without these vices
then he goes on to say
you know how people say omoluabi
i am omo without the luabi
which loosely translates to i am the baddest motherfucker you can lay your eyes on
my Aunt scolded,threatened,quarrelled with me over the thing we had ~~relationship~~ ~~friends with benefits~~...fuckbuddies
but I had found out by then that the sex was great
and Ibi remembered that was *all* he put on the table
it was all i had to give as well

its been 9 years we were an item and he says
i didnt give a damn

i didnt

i mirror the men in my life

you give a damn-i will
you treat me like dirt-i will return the favour
before i kick ye to the kurb

my brother pulls his weight around the flat
i will cook him meals
he doesnt.........he starves

my father actually foots *a* bill
i will run my ass ragged when he sends me on errands
as he never does-i dont run errands

the man in my life gives a shit-i will
he acts like an ass-i will return the favour

hey Ubong....our friend is yellow

i'm slighty depressed at some shit that went down at work
i'm most upset with self cos i see now what i should have done to avert the shit hitting the fan

i dont wear my emotions on my face or sleeve but it slowly trickles into everything i touch

and my support group isnt doing much to get me out of this rabbit hole i have fallen into

been a while i updated
needed to vent....

i'm due for a day/nite out with my girls

calling them up now

we'll insult each other...tease each other mercilessly,laff and cry together and they'll give me the comfort i'm currently craving....

be back soon peeps...........wink

Club,PtP&PhD's,Connection,Details,Love

2010-12-05T16:34:00.000-08:00

So my cousin is in town for a couple of weeks
after 9 years in the states
so we decided to treat him to a nite out on the town
na so i carry my tired bones and got
into some short shorts and 6 inch heels
even my best pal asked how i was gonna dance in them heels???
but with the help of a glass of vodka and cranberry juice
with lodsa ice and barbecue....
i managed 3 and a half hours of dancing
deejay didnt make me loose my head but he try sha

such a far cry from wearing a pair of jeans and sneakers
to a parry or club and dancing from 11pm till 5am

i don old o

heheheheheheheheheheheheh

i love PhD's
i Bless God that my man has one

i pride myself on my PtP
bite me if you dont believe it to be true

i cant stand PsD's
what does any woman need them for?

i feel sympathy for PsP's....
please visit Dr matlock

wonder what they mean?
pretty huge dick
pretty tight pussy
pretty small dicks
pretty slack pussy

10 signs of a Perfect Girl:
Truthful
Intelligent
Gentle
Humble
Talented
Polite
Understanding
Sexy
Smart
Youthful
In otherwords - T.I.G.H.T.P.U.S.S.Y!!

wink

the last man i told
i love you
responded by saying i think i love you
at that tyme it was all i expected of him
but then....months later..........i wanted more
and his thoughts were no longer enough for me

i do believe i have said those same words to a man recently
not sure if i have said it to his face though
aeons after he first said it to me
i do remember butterflies in my belly and my heart going fast
when i heard him say it
and i thought-oh hell no!!!!!.....you dont.....

i have heard that there is a difference between i love you
and
i am in love with you

i have found that it is easy to love someone
someone does you a good deed
u like dem so much....it feels like love....so you say it
even if you dont really mean it.....
i love you
someone saves you from a bad situation
i love you
you spend a lot of tyme with someone
i love you
but when these people move away or you lose touch
life goes on.....

but what is it that makes you pine for someone
after they have left your life

sometimes its not even love

my last boyf i pinned for......when it ended
but when i got over him i realised i was happy
we didnt end up as a couple
cos what we really were was acquaintances who enjoyed good sex

the reason why being with Dee is soooooo glorious is cos
with him............i am me

i can be goofy,silly,fart,dress like an ass,
speak like an uncultured slum rat
be this eloquent speaker,dress sexy,plain,official
he is the older brother i dont have
the friend i can get a man's perspective on.....on anything
the one i call when i am hurt,sad,hollow,exasperated,angry,horny,need advice,need to laugh,sometimes just to hear dat sexy voice
the one i am able to be me with....no airs
the one who has never once...judged me

i was thinking back and i realised its been
a while i had that kinda connection with a man
it occured to me that i have not in a long time
being the real Ibi with a man
what i am with him is the persona i decide to be
so it gets old after a while and i want out

unlike how i was with Star/Marl.....no airs.....
odd how i was me with first two guys
i dated and it just went downhill after dem two
sometimes i held back
sometimes i gave all of me and dem guys could not handle it
so i conformed to what seemed to suit them

but thing is Ibi is too old to play charades
you either love this small,shy,loudmouthed,foul mouthed
eloquent,lovely voiced,dirty minded,sexy,talkative,lazy,indecisive,
(there are more adjectives but my wrist don dey pain me)
sweet siren or you can go jump into the lagoon

feels great to have this again.....

its crazy how i was thinking forever with Mel
but i couldnt talk to him about everything and anything

Ubong wants to know why i only danced with my cousins at the club
told him i dont pick guys at clubs
i have gone out with guys i have met online
at alumni meetings
at other meetings
at office parties
at a friend's party
at the workplace
in uni
friends of friends
cos i need ur info
verified info before i set out on the date

i neva go anywhere or hang out outside my home after 7pm
without an sms or bbm to my cousin and my pal

they dont do same
but its an old habit
i always had to let mama know exactly where i was headed
guess it stuck with me

even with Dee outta town a lot
he usually has a pretty good idea where i is

but then i love this relationship because
we have no boundaries
but on the other hand
we do have boundaries neither of us will cross

do i experience jealousy sometimes? i do
does he? i hope so
do i experience an overwhelming need to possess?
when he impales(Ubong's favourite word) me....yesssssss
will i ever do anything to hurt him?never
just as i know for sure in my heart
hell would freeze over before he hurt me

oh and then again i agree with this....
"You know it's love when all you want
is that person to be happy,
even if you're not part of their happiness."
- Julia Roberts

See bucket of ice cream oo

2010-11-07T15:19:00.000-08:00

Hey peeps
i have been away 3 months
DAYYUMMMM!!!!!!!!!!

in between being without impure thots cos of ramadhan-wink
and treating malaria back to back thrice
it was easy to neglect blogging

but The great has been bugging me to update
and he did promise me ice cream..........
oya o...as i don update.....if i no see ice cream
i will defriend you ooooooooooooo

had a convo with a group of guys
colleagues at work
3 married guys and a girl
the girl was venting
saying her hubby would be castrated
and be imprisoned if he strays and she catch am
so i asked.........castrated and imprisoned for what?
wetin the guy do whey he deserve such punishment?

as was expected, the guys hailed me and said please tell her jo
two of them go on to say
when their wives say
Dear Lord thank you for my hubby
they get scared........
well.....cos they know
they do the nasty with others
so it scares dem that their wives actually speak of them as loyal

the third guy didnt add his two pence
his marriage is younger
i think he hasnt strayed........(yet)

i am not saying men should cheat
i just dont see why a woman wont ask herself
*why* he is cheating
cos reasonable men *always* have a reason

she's hawter than wifey
finer,leaner,fleshier,curvier,lighter skinned,bigger boobs
whatever.....
she shares his hobby(s)
she loves to fuck
she fucks him silly
she is always ready to fuck
she fulfils his sexual fantasies
(yup-sex is a major reason why peepe cheat)
she listens to him
she feeds his ego
she babies him
she understands damage control
she says she's sorry and means it

so if he cheats
i hope you married your friend
so you can ask him why
and i pray he can be honest
cos every wise woman knows
you should neva allow your man's mind wander
their mind always gets lost
they have a short memory span

9 times out of ten
its old men that become senile

how many senile grandmothers do you know?

gramps had 3 wives............
no wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love you gramps
miss you like crazy
but i now see why you went that route.......
hmmmmmmmmmmm

A pal called me up on my birthday
to those of you who forgot....
you just dont care enuff in my books
and if na so-then na so
aguda o jeun labe geesi.......
friendship no be by force

Star surfaced on facebook
my very first boyf
i remember planning to elope with him
aeons ago....*fluttering lashes*
reality set in and several buxoms taller ladies later
we fell apart

whenever either of us was between relationships
its not like he was the best i eva had
but it was easy to fall back into his bed
last tyme we hooked up
all he wanted to do was get me pregnant
yup
he wanted me pregnant so we could tie the knot he said
he was tired of hopping around he said
i detested the fact that
he thought both parents would only be swayed by a pregnancy
to let us walk down the aisle
i didnt like the reason for the aisle walk
moreover i wasnt ready to be a mother
he wasnt ready to be a father either

a couple of months later he ranted...........
ranted about how i needed to get off the pill
or whatever i was using
he did said he was irate
all i saw in his features was...........relief

fast forward to today
the lovesick star is getting married sometime in 2011
i am soooooo looking forward to the the rice
(even though i was rooting for the babe before this one)
babe is hawt!!!!!!!!!!!
this one?
she will grow on me.....
he has chosen her......

if you think it odd
you dont know me..........those who do know
know that Ibi is a very good girlfriend
i stay cordial with every man i have ever ~~fucked~~ dated
except the one who could not fuck
the one who wants to marry me and leave me in california
(~~while he fucks every thing in sight in lagos~~)
the one who wanted to sleep with my mother
(~~sleeping with a mother and daughter ensures long life in his village~~)
and two guys who seem to have dropped off the earth's surface

and she(Ibi) will make some guy a very happy man soon
i also plan to be a fabulous mother
when i was 15
my goal in life was
*to be a wonderful wife and mother*

an aunt of mine has a very solid marriage
and all i see in her is
patience and wisdom
two virtues i have an abundance of
wink

my current goal?
i wanna be a billionaire so freaking bad
wink

shade and bukky are gisting
how i go dey help my mate?shade says
cos dude is probably a few years older than me
his wifey cant be much older than me
that is if she old reach me sef
so how i go dey help my mate or my junior?
she suppose fit fuck her dick well ke
and i wonder why her dick keeps saying
oh you are sooo tight
you are soooo wet
him wife neva born
wetin dey make her pussy untight?
abegi i tire
i don delete teh guy o
i cant justify to myself anymore this mate helping i dey do
i would rather help my aunty's mate jare
i was brought up to help my elders carry their load
not my mate
mschewwwwwwwwww

it took a lot of willpower for me not to laugh out loud

my closest female pal and i didnt speak for about 4 months
we exchanged emails,jokes,messages,or whatever catches our fancy
but no calls or hook ups

recently we had a reunion with a couple
of oda peeps and we all just synced

fast forward 2 weeks
she looses her job
i ask an innocent question and she starts to hyperventilate

i wonder what it is about me that gets her mad

Uti won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BBA5
me.....i am glad that arrogant short prick didnt win
who?
Munya

(people dey talk say Uti papa burial go rock!!!!!!!!!)
human beings!!!!!!!!!!!
wish him well
and i hope he dumps Sheila fast
i cant stand confused people

and if you are bisexual or gay
you are confused
Q.E.D

it is my blog
i can say what i like
if you dont like what i have to say
go and sit inside gutter water
if gutter no dey near you
drink battery water

remember that machine(mi car) i bought for my birthday last year?
i sold it
it was planning to give me hypertension
i have a wooden box
donations are welkome
Ibi needs a new ride

this year for mi birthday?
i shopped for new eyes,clothes,shoes and bags
taxi neva finish for Lagos

I hope i love sex as much as i do now when i get married
my mind is in a perpetual state of filth
it needs to be washed with izal,dettol,jik,persil,omo.....
all i see in my mind's eye is phallus
all i wanna do is cum cum cum
and oh dear
oh God
Oh my God
i am definitely currently having the bestest sex of my life
marra of fact
this guy makes love to me
its not just about getting sexually gratified
its its its..........cant fucking explain it......
mwah sweetim

my colleague is going away to born pikin
5 months she will be away
see how my life just got easier?????
i have her duties plus mine
they say i just got more relevant in the work place
so i should embrace it
i dont mind ooooooooooooo
i just need half of her salary..........

Baby....We not talking....My Past....Bullet...Cruella...

2010-08-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

Always be my baby by Mariah Carey Cannon

you'll always be a part of me
i'm a part of you indefinitely
boy don't you know you can't escape me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
and we'll linger on
time can't erase a feeling this strong
no way you're never gonna shake me
ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

This song was the theme song for me and star
well it was the song in my head
everything i thought of him

I am still in love by new edition

I'm still the man for you
And I'm still the man that's true
And I'm still the man who's lucky
And I'm still in love with you
It don't matter what your friends do
They're just jealous of me and you
And I'll always keep you happy
'Cause I'm still in love with you
I'm still in love

this was the song in my head when
he left me for a jambite

i heard the first song whilst
getting my nails done today
and i remembered him
star
i loved dat man
first cut is the deepest they say

but my mum would never have let us be
t'wasnt cos he was a xtian
it was cos he was 19 i was 18
and we both had AS as genotypes
he turned 33 a few hours ago
8th aug
i decided not to facebook or email him

i dont care for ex's dat dont keep in touch
just a line
email,messenger,facbook-something
and then when i drop a line
they ignore it?
or take me off their friend list
i guess its cos some people need closure
i am not built that way
i dont go having relationships
with every thing that has a third leg

so it irritates me
when a person i consider friend
takes me off their list
or ignores my emails/sms/facebooking etc
just cos he considers me an ex?
i would have thought i the female
should be the one exiting people

i have always being a very good girlfriend
the relationship mite not work
but if it wont, i dont wanna stop being friends

i wont be all up in ur biz
but actually removing me from ya friends list is
unpardonable in my books
mcshewwwwwwwww

oh and i always remember people's bday's
but in the last year
i decided
u forget mine
i forget urs
Q.E.D
that is also an unpardonable crime in my books
send an email,flash me,text me,facebook me
do something
but if you forget the day i was born
i will forget yours
and even if its a cruise you invite me to
i aiint coming

i choose my friends carefully
so if anyone wants to defriend me
good ridance

which brings me to my pal
we havent talked in a little over 2 weeks
well we went at each other pretty much
i just told her some shit she was always getting herself into
and she decided to recount how i was celibate for 8months
cos no guy wanted my punani
and how i used to have flings
and how i used to..........

so i told her
pretty much used to
you still havent learnt from your mistakes seemingly
i learnt from mine

i love sex
but i always know when a man is around me
just for sex
and it is possible to have something deep
with a person which no one else undertands
which wont lead to the altar
people dont need to understand why/how each person lives dia life

but i just am tired of listening to her bemoan her single status
and i think she looks for a husband in every 3rd legged homo sapiens

she buys a wedding dress (in her mind)
with every guy that says hi to her
it irritates me to my core
na so to marry dey hungry person?
you meet a guy monday
and by friday you are checking out
if his crib looks like it is ready for female habitation?

oh well
the last tyme she upped away from my friendship
she didnt speak to me for a year
she came back after she broke up with
her then boyfriend of 9yrs
oh i was also accused of being happy
that said relationship didnt lead to the altar
even though i found out about the break up
5months after it happened

i dont do female drama well
i may have my own share
but i have too much male in me to handle it
so when a friend/relative lays down the drama queen attitude?
i ignore them

I stole this-its cute!!!!!

My Past....

I do not fear it

Rather.....

I embrace it

Because whether I triumphed or

whether I screwed up

I cannot change it now

But it has made me strong

It is…………………

MY PAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have a new vib
remember how i gave the old one
too much love and killed it?
i dont like dildos
but my clitoris and my new toy
are great friendssssssssssss
wink

Cruella?
spawn of the devil?
she dey.....
we are pretty much keeping each other at arms length
i love the new Ibi vs Cruella office mood

Its On...Wicked....Married vs single.......Sneaky....

2010-07-11T17:21:00.000-07:00

I've got on red nails
i've got on a sleek hairdo
i've a mini dress
i'm gonna pamper my skin
then get a bikini wax.....
its on dearie.....it's on....
wink

She's soooooooo wicked
If i was dating a married man
i wouldn't encroach on his personal space
See...Dad had 2 other mum's
Mum had 2 other mum's
so i come from a generation of women who share
friends find it odd when i say i can share
my very first boyfriend couldnt understand
why i never got mad when he cheated on me
if i asked...did you? and he says...no
it was all i wanted to hear
it meant(to me)
if i was married to his ass
she was still a girlfriend or a mistress
def not a mate(for me)

squeeze your face all you want
spit all you want
i come from a family of women who share
and i have no issues sharing if i have to
i just want the sharing to be fair

so back to my story
if i was dating a married man
and his wife's pic is his screensaver
it would not bother me
if i was dating a married man and he,wifey and the kids
did london-dubai-US for three weeks and all i get is a perfume
it would not bother me
if i was dating a married man and he talked about his plans
his dreams,his biz and all this had wifey and kids in it and no me
it would not bother me
if i was dating a married man and he always had money for madam and the kids and all i ever get is a measely financial boost one every few months it wouldnt bother me

i would enjoy every minute i get with him
not mind (so much)about the dates that get canclled
cos jnr fell ill or daughter had a recital he couldnt miss
or madam needed him at home to put on the gen

you know why?
she freaking owns him
and he owes her.....
he swore before God and man to be there for her....always
and his *unborn children*
what I have with him I cant justify when i go down on my knees
what she has with him she can justify everyday....to everyone
and to the *supreme being*

i digress....
its hard to judge why people cheat on their spouses
or why single people date married people
some girlfriends will become second,third or fourth wives
some girlfriends will be elevated to mistresses
some will bear the term the *the mother of my children*
some girlfriends will have their relationship fizzle out
some girlfriends will eventually become that girl you used to shag
but whose husband you now play golf with
the one who helps your wife understand you berra
is there when you need someone to talk to
but cos you are both married
neither of you will cheat on their spouse

I consider her a friend-she's like the sister
i dont have
everyone else in my life doesnt get me as much as she does
.......but when she told me
she sent an sms to her Tolu's wife (her married boo's wife)
...........*i'm pregnant for Tolu*

i told her
she is wicked
i still cant comprehend it
then she says
her emotions run deep
she wants him to marry her
she is mad about having aborted the pregnancy last yr
(i just found out about this abortion)

granted wifey calls her up
send curses her way....etc
but wifey can do that shit
even though her pulling such stunts means she's crass
cos women who have class know...
if u are mad at hubby
*punish ur man*
ignore the litle hussy who has her claws in ur man
oh did i tell u
when Tolu needs to go out and
he sends an sms to wifey saying where he is gonna be
it annoys my pal

did i mention
said pal was devastated by her father's
actions when he got a second wifey cos
her mama was relegated to the warehouse
(felt like it)

stupid girl probably doesnt remember what
it was like growing up in her home anymore
she has her eyes set on becoming the *other* woman

i'm appalled at her
i'm mad at her
i'm surprised that she learnt nurrin
from her parents's situation
and i still think
she is down right wicked

when i get invited to a wedding
if the groom is my pal and i know only him
chances are.....i wont attend
i just appreciate being invited
if the bride is my friend and i know only her
chances are.....i wont attend
i just appreciate being invited
but i will buy the aso ebi
if i and some other peeps are friends with
either or both the groom and or bride
chances are.......i will attend
I and other friends can keep ourselves company
if the couple forgets to plan for us
i've been to weddings that i dont even get a sip of water
sorry folks
bad planning by couple
cos your friends wont chase after the caterer or your mama
so if noone is detailed to entertain them
they will share your happy day but
stay hungry and dehydrated

but..........
what is it with peeps who get married and dont tell you?
it feels sneaky...........i hate sneaky
i understand about peeps needing to have quiet weddings
i understand about peeps not wanting you at their weddings
but you can send me an sms,mail,chat,post,ping,buzz
i'm getting married soon
dont even hint me about date or venue
i'll know you informed me even if you didnt invite me
i get so upset when i get to facebook
and another status has changed
i guess people forget to invite peeps
once again
all i need is to be informed
i dont need to be invited
i may not even honour the invite
but when i dont hear about it and a week later
your status changes on facebook
it upsets me
cos i care....
becos you see only the people i care about
......are able to hurt me
with their words and or deeds
it tells me said friend doesnt care as much as i do

my friend tells me to shut up about it
i wont invite everyone she tells me
i know i wont
i honestly want a wedding of about 30 people
but my mum gets to be mother of the bride once
me
so i may have to let her invite the
whole town like i know she wants,needs to
but we may compromise
i really would love a nikkah of about 30 peeps
then a big reception(to please my mum and the clan)
months or even a year later.....

but i'm not bothering myself about it yet anyways
i need me a yam supplier first
(42 tubers of yam)

Lion King,Preggies,Passwords,

2010-06-13T16:48:00.000-07:00

Finally saw lion king at my salon
yup i know..........
where have i been?
i have no idea.....

Had another convo with my uncle
his take....pregnant women are delicious
he says if a man has a long dong
all he needs to do is stay away from his wife in her first trimester
soon as she hits the 4th month or did he say 5th month?
he can carry go....shagging as he pleases
.....his take...a pregnant woman secretes more
hence allowing for berra lubrication
and preggies enjoy the sex too
so why say cos wifey is preggers; no sex
please try it he advises
you shall not be disappointed he assures you

oh he also said some babies have come screaming
into this world with semen all over them
(now i know why his wifey had those miscarraiges)
my uncle has a long dong
my uncle has a long dong
wink

so why do people put passwords on their fones?
it irritates the shit outta me
i tried it once
doesnt work for me
having to put a password in, every tyme
i needed to make a call or send an sms
was frustrating for me
the password lasted 20mins
wink

i dont scroll thru people's stuff
its just not me

i however hate it
absolutely hate it when people go thru my stuff
fones,drawers,bag in my absence
in part cos i always place things a certain way
so, if that order is tampered with
it annoys the shit outta me

but if someone wants to read my emails,sms,go thru my pics
help yaself
anything you see that bothers you
please take it to your grave
remember ignorance is bliss
and opening pandoras box always
brings on grave consequences

sigh..........
this thrush has refused to go away
need to see my doc....i ususally dont self medicate
but how many women dont self medicate when it comes to thrush???
its like part of our daily lives.....
maybe i can sneak in a pap smear
wink

Mi Blog is Three!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-05-31T00:31:00.000-07:00

My Blog is 3 today
Yippie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is fabulous with his tongue
he has a small phallus(she told me)
he is possessive
checks her fone,stresses over everything
wonders how as a markerter in a bank
she seems homely

his possessiveness drove her nuts and she said HELL NO
after all the dick no dey *fill* her neways

8 months later he marries his ex

he's been married about 10 months now
and word from him is his wife has not fucked him in 8 months
not even a kiss he says
his ex(my pal) and i are wondering if na the smallness of the dick
dey cause marital issues
why she marry am?
cos no sex after ONLY 2 months of marital bliss?
or is she pregnant?
well we didnt ask cos some wives tend to close shop
when they get pregnant
but then again
is it a case of two sexually incompatible people getting married?
but why do men marry women with whom they are not sexually compatible?

but like my cousin says........wives change........

my cousin told me
these days after 2 kids he has to beg for *it*
sometimes he needs to buy a gift for wifey
before she lets him have sum
this is a woman who would give it to him just about everywhere
and anytyme when they were dating
so is it the kids that tire her so much???
i no know why her man has to beg for it o
he confessed to loving the tyme work sent him to SA
he sowed his oats he says.......
now he is back and he is begging for it all over again
for some reason he has no plans to cheat on her in naija
but he is running out of his mind..........

i KNOW there's more to a marriage than sex
but THUNDER fire anyone that tells me
IT IS NOT IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!

colleague of mine
his wife had a miscarriage after 3 months
when she got pregnant the second time
*his words*............she closed shop
up and down shop he says
she for at least open the top shop he said
but she was sore.....
shop was closed for 9 months and now the baby is here
shop is still closed.......
(i know there is a 6 week no sex after baby rule)
its been 3 months since the baby came
he MUST be a saint cos i know him well enuff(i think) to know
he probably has mastered the art of masturbating
or he just cant,wont sleep with others to let go of his sexual tension
cos he tells me almost on a daily,how sexually frustrated he is
i always give him a great big hug and tell him to hang in there.....

another colleague has the same scenario
miscarriage and shop closed
but with him???all he needs is a willing female
who knows??? he may already have a few....

I love sex......after i discovered it...
i keep wondering if pregnancy and kids
will keep away from *my* phallus
cos i know when i decide to have and to hold
one for the rest of me life
its gotta be a pretty good specimen
else why would i wanna forsake all others???
so if i decide to forsake all others
how can he be sexually frustrated if we are in the same bed???
ok fine-some days/nights-one or both of us is too tired
some days/nights...one or both of us is mad....so there will be no soundtracks
some days/nights...I or he will be away
i can understand a few days of madness in personal lifes and no sex happens

but
man
woman
bed
court documents signed to say sex is legal
yams exchanged
dowries paid in families where dowries are accepted

and one month
two months
then to hear 8 months
NO FREAKING NOOKIE?????

WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO???????

wives stop letting those women outside outshine you jo
so even if and when he gets sum on the outside
because some men will...........

homeboy knows for sure that when he gets home
madam will fuck him like a porn star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know someone who is in love with a man who has
4 wives and 9 children
She is seperated from her own husband
her husband has remarried or is currently cohabiting
with another woman who has a son for him
and he is asking for a divorce

what i dont understand is
she gets into a relationship after her seperation and it is
with a man with 4 wives????

cos for a woman to be number 5
guy must have DIRTY MONEY
wrinkle your nose all you want
shake your head if you will
but something must make a woman wanna be number 5
if you dont know what i mean
ever been near a compost heap?
see how bad it smells and affects you?
yels money that does that to a person
heheheheheheeheheheh

i'm a muslim.....almost everyone i'm related to
is a polygamist
i come from a world where polygamy
is encouraged and accepted

man takes a second wife...no need to crucify him
if we are able to know the inner workings of the man's mind
more often than naught...he has a valid reason....
hard to believe i know
wrinkle your nose
shake ya head
spit on the floor if you will
if the guy is not a promiscous fuckhead
there is usually a valid reason......Q.E.D

but when he takes a third and a fourth
he is either a confirmed polygamist.....hehehehehehe
or a KING

so help me ask this person i know
is madness worrying her?
she has been crying ooooo
begging him(Mr 4 wives) to come back
cos her elder sister made a big fuss and
Oga said im no do again
me i dey wonder gan ni
number 5?
9 children?
so her kid if any...will be number 10?

if his money isnt smelling...yea dirty money smells....
there is no basis for number 5ism

cos if he is a pussy eater
he probably has eaten 4 pussys before he heads to yours
if he is a kisser
that 4 pussy eating mouth will pass you saliva????

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

abi i lie?

dick enter pussy 1,2,3,4 then hers
mouth chop pussy 1,2,3,4 then hers
mouth exchanges saliva with mouth 1,2,3,4 then hers
moreover if he's shagging her(she's not his wife is she?)
then he is shagging others!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and (whisper)your average married man doesnt use condoms
well he's gotten used to, not needing to wear the damn thing
matter of fact....most married phalluses detest *the sheath*
I hear peeps attest to it(men and women alike)
once you put a sheath on such a dick
dick goes to sleep
so her own Oga is probably going sheathless
into some 5 pussys and counting????

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh the things we endure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yes...............we....
you,I and all of us whey dey shag.........

Polygamy,Puker,Preggy,Marriage,Webcams....

2010-05-18T18:03:00.000-07:00

So my uncle says
polygamous men live longer lives

with one wife
she could kill him so she can get all he has
with 2 wives
if one is trying to do away with him
the other is making sure he stays alive
with three
even better..........
all 3 wives want him around long enuff...else
who will fend for their upkeep with him gone???

and he ended the convo by saying he is getting himself
wife number two a few years from now
sigh

i was one of those irritating kids
if we went to a petrol station
i will puke

if i went on a plane ride
i will puke

if it was a bus ride,so long as i had a meal
before embarking on the journey
i will puke

if a man decidded to puff beside me
i will puke

lucky me-papa didnt smoke
uncles who did............
stayed away from me

i can now feast before and during plane rides,bus rides
trips to the petrol station
without puking

as for men who smoke
i've dated and even dreamt of being married to 3

see how people change

My Pal is pregnant!!!!!
happy for her
At first she was sad
now she seems resigned to the situation
her fiance is not around
so i guess the idea of long cold alone nights
na im cause all the cry cry
i sooooo look forward to seeing her with her bump
heheheheheheeheh

Am i weird
i honestly dont give a damn about the institution marriage....yet
my cousin disgusts me
every freaking sentence
she cant wait to be outta here
in her own home
she cant wait to be married
funny thing is
she doesnt look,act the part(potential wife)
wish her well sha..........na she sabi

...i keep telling people to stop being worried
for me
i'm not worried.......werrin dia own??
coupledom will happen for me
cos even the Lord knows i'm not yet mentally and emotionally ready
dats why he's keeping the yam buyer away
(yup...........future husband of mine owes my family 42 tubers of yam)
wink

as for webcams
mine suppose don blow
the things we get up to...
kai...............

Stroll,Fela,M-word,Compromise....

2010-05-03T13:55:00.001-07:00

Took a stroll after dinner this evening
saw two couples
different distances
couple one hugging by the roadside
one half had to be headed off to theirs
other couple downstairs in the dark
and i thought....cute

but....a roadside hug mean say
them no get motor(heheheheheheheh)
and a downstairs in the dark hug mean say
make mama and or papa no catch them...
hehehehehehehehehehehehehe

mind me not
just feeling evil

must be all the pettyness Cruella spreads my way
must be rubbing off.....

I MISS FELA ANIKULAPO KUTI
his music.......
used to own a few tapes
cant find my old tapes
need to go get me some cd's
i remember boyfriend i was dating then
used to say i acted possessed whilst listening to his music
guy threathened to throw my tapes out
kept my tapes away from him
and indulged in my obsession or possession whenever he wasnt around
wink

When a guy stops taking your calls,wont email,text,visit....
is he breaking up with ya?
I think he is.....
My cousin finally read the writing on the wall
guy is an ass though
a man can get most things he wants without dangling the M word
cos when you do dangle then misbehave....i really just wonder
i know some men do that, cos it seems thats all the girl wants to hear
i think its decidedly evil though to dangle the M word with a babe
who is soooooo ready to be married
when there are soooooooo many other girls that will let you do as you please
with each realising thats all there is to it......sex and or friendship
no in-laws,no wedding,no kids ever.....

but then again, why is that once *sum* babes dont hear Marriage dey wont date
NOT EVERY MAN IS USEFUL FOR THE LONG HAUL
sometimes all a man is good for......is his dick
sometimes his money
sometimes he can get you up the corporate ladder
or he is just that darling friend who helps you sieve the good from the bad
cos,well he is male.....
cos they have a code-a man always knows-
so whenever your male friend tells you to let that guy go
drop him fast.........

Lynette of desperate housewives can always get Tom to do what she wants
its like, what she says is what gets done
Tom says letting her get her way makes her feel safe
cos her childhood was wack

In will you merry me?
The fathers told the son
the secret to a happy marriage is deciding if you wanna be right or happy

so they choose to be happy
hence they let their wives get away with most things

isnt that a *white* thing
In Naija...........what the guy wants, is all that matters...true?

I think in every relationship
there has to be balance.........compromise
with each couple there should always be the one dat can back down first
so peace can reign......

I like to talk things through when i'm calm
I hate to argue when i'm angry or mite get angry
at that point-silence is what i'll dish out
but when i'm calm...........
i can be sooooo annoying
cos i wont stop talking till u see it my way
or pretend to see it my way
and i'll enjoy it immensely cos i'm calm and
whoever it is,is probably pissed or headed there....
*evil grin*

Padded,Customers,NYSC,Lastma,Hurt,Understand????

2010-04-12T21:19:00.000-07:00

I saw a girl a few days ago....she walked past me
she looked padded............
Ay and I used to *pad*.........way back in uni
wear 1 or 2 pairs of shorts underneath our outfit(s)
looking at ourselves,we thought
we didnt pass for members of nassatall(no ass at all)

but seeing the young padded lady 2 days ago
she sure looked padded......so i guess
we probably didnt succeed in our quest to look like we had bigger butts
and people could see we had some extra padding to back then
sigh

isnt it just mad when conductors harrass their passengers
arent passengers the customers?
isnt the customer always right????

told the nysc guy in my office
he needs to find a way to keep busy
being online means he's idle
which is ok....if he doesnt get caught
he got caught yet again today
my boss actually said
he's always online...........
i wonder what Cruella will say in her mail tom..........
she loves to make things *official*

monday morning
saw a dead kid on the road
bus/car....something hit him/her and left him/her dia
lastma vs agberos and bus drivers had a faceoff
dey say......lastma oppresses dem
lastma says dey stop to pick and drop passengers
at busstops dat are not designated
na the peeps whey dey stranded for busstops i pity

it shouldnt hurt when ex's get engaged,married,have kids abi?
it does.......
it hurts less if he/she has nurrin on a person
but if he/she has a mate whey fyne.....maybe pass the person
it hurts..........
its way easier to accept their coupledom if their other half is fugly/stupid
and the one who gets married first........
usually doesnt get the other amongst their wedding party
sometimes dey get invited
sometimes dey get omitted
but its easier to be at an ex's wedding if already engaged/married
if not,you wish them well.......maybe(evil grin)
and wait for your own............

some are drop dead gorgeous
some its the voice
some its the height or lack of it
some its the charm
some its the shoes(dress sense)
some its the way he/she walks,talks
some its the diction
some he/she is so intelligent/stupid...(lol)
some spend money like its from a bottomless pit
some make the other feel special
some you just wanna have their genes in your offsprings
some are fabulous cooks(homemakers)
some shag you real good.....wink
so many reasons, why we are attracted or stay attracted to people
others outside of the relationship try to understand it
i advice them to stop trying..............

I'M SOOOOOO WHIPPED..............

2010-03-17T15:20:00.000-07:00

So my cousin's neighbour has a mini stroke
they (neighbour's) rallied around to take him to the hospital
my little cousin is one of the *men* appointed to take him
old man starts to convulse and actually shits in his pants

he was at a political meeting a week later
so you all know he's better

joke is...........

when he came to a couple of days later
he asks
who has these pampers?

his younger brother whispers

eyin la lo fun ni igba ti e poopoo

*we had to use them on you when you lost control of your bowel*

couldnt help laughing at that......lol

Ubong asks why no updates?

i said i have no idea why

i've had writer's block

he says its D.........hmmmmm

I open my eyes....(my alarm goes off)
its 430am
he's still asleep
i smile to myself
i have to be at my desk in a few hours
he will be on a plane later in the day
i wriggle back into his arms
he turns...wraps his arms around me whilst still groggy..........

i lay back and sleep for about half an hour
get up,bath,dress up.....was gonna put my make up on
decided against it......
i'll do it when i get to work

I get back into bed and give him a hug
he stirs....

you dressed????
yea i say......

i kiss him.....long........slow...........deep
.......what are you doing he asks????
Smiling......I pop a mint in my mouth....
i slide his boxers off
pull out the mint
circle the tip with my minty breath
then..............his whole shaft
i hear his sharp intake of breath

i grin to myself

every last dredge of sleep is well and truly gone now
i make him squirm whilst not letting him grope me
then i raise my head....strip and tell him
i want you.....

he turns me over and goes down on me
..........i'm bucking and moaning
ok peeps i'll spill
my soundtrack is Oh my God!!!!

when i can no longer take it
i pull him up and say
fuck me..........''

and he does.........

made it to work 10 mins late
and i swear even a reduction in salary
could not have taken the smirk off my face
i had it on ALL FUCKING DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miss you D...............

My cousin was on her way home from a tryst
on a bike-she loves the speed.......
I will never get on a bike before 630am or after 7pm
when i drive......i drive 5 cars
so when i'm on a bike
we drive the damn thing together
........i dont see sooooo good at night
so i wont be on that silly machine when my sight is impaired

they see a flash of colour
colour was human
they rise,they swerve,they hit the curb
they land
machine on top of them........wheels still rolling

someone dashed towards them
help help help he says
finally an immigration guy and a taxi stop
okada guy goes in the boot
he got the worst end of the stick
some guy pays for 3 cards at the hospital
then they start to call last numbers on their fones

my cousin?
they got
her boo
her pastor and her two friends
it was 9pmish.....

Flash of colour has a nasty head gash and she's not coherent
nurses are suspecting....some bolts in her head are loose

bike man may have internal bleeding
bad facial wounds,bruises all over and he was spitting blood
he's Adamawa bound.......

she(cousin of mine) has a badly sprained hip muscle
so she has to use crutches for 2 weeks
to keep her weight off her hip muscle so it'll heal nicely
her calf is swollen.........the silencer burn
her face is swollen
badly sprained ankle
bruises on face,arms,fingers,legs

she looks like she got hit by something
(erm....she was)

hospital she was taken to....doctor who's treating her?
my friend in uni.....small world shey????

she's home tomorrow
from the hospital

its gonna be a couple of weeks before
she can ride her favourite machine
heheheheheheheheh

this is the second cousin who has had a mishap with this yeye machine
OKADA
dude in question woke up whilst under the knife to fix his broken finger
they had to give him more anaesthesia
silly ass had an out of body experience
was watching his mama and sister trying to wake him up

when he told me
i was like silly fool
so you were gonna die without leaving anything for us to inherit???
we laughed
but i sure wasnt ready to bury the asswipe.......
he did confess he told the bike man to break all speed limits
he had an appointment............
the one he kept.......was at the hospital
he's lucky he can move his finger
its slightly crooked though
a reminder of what could have been...........
he hardly gets on bikes anymore

so make una help me tell G
may her love for the machine diminish
well,i'll see what 2 weeks on crutches will teach her.......
and as for her boo?????

i think he's silly
cos knowing her
she's a stubborn fool
she would have opted for a bike instead of a cab
he really should have dropped her off home
and not done the see me off thingy they do

he comes to ours
she sees him off halfway to his
gets on a bike...back home........

our mothers dont know yet
and we are not telling......
her mum..........recently widowed

my mum.........will have to visit the docctor
well...when we fall ill...she does too
odd,crazy,silly,corny but true.........

hopefully i'm back from my hiatus...........

Car,Deola&Tayo,The One,Muse,

2010-01-31T15:18:00.000-08:00

Got my car in Oct
went back and forth over the mechanical problems it developed
then i got frustrated and asked that it be sold
my agent-uncle picked it up and unearthed a damn good mechanic

car came back to me rolling great
parked it for a month cos i wasnt ready to do the fuel hassle thingy

recently a colleague asked if i was still owing the guy that brought my car in
anyways i also discovered i was spending more on public transport than i would spend on fuelling my car
i was also secretly afraid of braving the roads
but i found out i was lusting after other pretty babes in their rides

so this weekend
i got my adorable cuz to do the fuel hunt for me
poor boy spent 6 hrs at the station

car wash dude said he had no idea my car was that good looking
well that was 4 weeks of grime.......wink
also needed my brake pads changed

everything else rolls fyne

so i did surulere to my hood with my L sign proudly displayed
(whisper....my second learners permit expired in Jan)
i do have a license though

dont ask me how
this is naija aiint it

my other learner's permit expired in 2004
lol

i'm gonna do mama Ibi style
she went for 11 out of 20 lessons
proudly displayed the L sign and hit the roads
so after 2 lessons 6yrs apart and 2 expired permits
i need to earn the right to use my license

so,if u see a cutie with an L sign in a car
dat makes you do a double take
thats me from today.....wink

D......i love your poem
mwah

His late nights are driving me nuttttttttttttttttsssssssssssssss
yes o my brother........
he just waltzed in-its 1am
there's work today
he will wake up at 5 and start to moan about needing more sleep

I could kill for a raise.........

Ubong asked for an update on Deola and Tayo
Tayo just came back from his trip
dem never see
Deola insists she will break it off
but i did let her read all them comments
and she thinks it'll be nice to give Tayo a good bye fuck
Cos me thinks and i told her
if he hasnt given you the 400k yet
its 2 things..........
he doesnt have it to give OR he is not gonna give ya
or maybe he thinks she hasnt earned it yet...lol
i told her they need to talk about it
will he or wont he give?
he can always loan it to her if he cant give it to her
he insists she shouldn't bother about his wifey.....
the decison is hers to make.........

My cousin has finally found *the one*
i really think she hit the jackpot this tyme
this is the first tyme she's talked marriage
and i'm looking forward to it
she's had 2 previous fiance(s) that i didnt care for
the girl is the most ready to marry babe i know
lol

Ubong will send the update to the former post
soon as he gets his creative juices flowing
(he really isnt blogging anymore)
i'm just a fantastic muse
wink

From Ubong,Caught,Cruella,Vib.....

2010-01-24T14:10:00.000-08:00

It is quite windy today she said as she held my arm and snuggled into me,resting her head on my shoulders and placing her open palm on my chest.That is a nice perfume you are wearing she said, as she playfully traced circles on my chest. I placed my arm around her shoulders rubbing her upper arm in a futile attempt to warm her up.

Her finger soon found the opening in my shirt and slipped in. I gasped as she held my nipples between her fingers and started stroking it. She giggled saying your nipples are getting hard like those of a babe. I moaned out my response, those are not the only things getting hard.

Are you serious she said with a mischievous look on her face. See for yourself. She retracted her hand from inside my shirt traced down my stomach and placed her open palm on my bulge squeezing lightly and saying it must be very uncomfortable in there. Before I had any chance to respond she zipped down my trousers and plunged her hand inside and brought out my phallus which immediately rose like a peacock once freed from his confines.Better.......she said as she gripped it in her small soft palms. You dick feels very warm and nice she said as she started sliding her palm up and down its length and cupping the head...I groaned, closed my eyes and leaned back on the park bench where we were seated, overlooking the water front of our hotel. It was very late at night; everyone else had gone in for the night except us.

It had been a week since we came in for the conference. The conference had lasted for just 2 days but we decided to stay back an extra week to sightsee and do some shopping. We were due to travel back to our country the next day. We met during the conference, upon discovering that we were from the same country we bonded and flowed naturally. The time spent shopping and touring together made us bond even closer and within a short time we were discussing and revealing intimate things about ourselves to each other. Our marriages were good but the sex had become routine and boring. We both agreed that we loved our partners. She had asked me if I have ever had an extramarital affair and my response was yes, once in a while but I didn’t have any permanent person and I try very hard not to make it a habit. She said in her own case she met up once with an ex and they smooched heavily but she didn’t allow him to go all the way and that at times she wished she had.

She started pumping faster as I involuntarily raised and dropped my waist in perfect synchrony with her hand movements. I could feel the pressure mounting inside me as my balls filled up and swelled under her ministration. I warned her that I was about to erupt upon which she bent over and took me into her mouth. The warmth and wetness around my dick was too much for me.....I came instantly spurting hot cum into her mouth. She transferred her palm to my balls, squeezing gently as she milked the cum out of me, swallowing as I discharged. She eventually released my dick licking it clean, before placing her head back on my chest and saying you taste really good.

She didn’t put my dick back in my trousers but held it in her palm, squeezing as it softened and shrank. I turned to her and asked if I could return the favor?, she looked up, smiled and said…

………………………….TO BE CONTINUED ………………………………

Deola dates Tayo
Tayo is married
Tayo says he loves his wife
Deola really does not care
Ironically Deola doesnt even know why she bothers with Tayo

Deola is with Tayo cos Tayo seems to really like her
I think.......its bcos of the 400k he says he'll give her for her car
She's 400k short of getting the car she wants
truth be told-she cant walk the streets of Lagos beside him
she'd rather be slightly behind or ahead........
when they hook up
its usually always nite tyme and she keeps her head down so no one
who knows her will see her with him

Tayo doesnt wear his wedding ring
(when did that ever stop anyone anyways)
she doesnt let him kiss her down there or even on the mouth
she hates her clit being stimulated by him
she wont indulge him with raunchy fone calls or text messages
she just wants him to do the deed and go home
her own orgasms she reserves for someone else

Tayo told Deola his wife found a text from him to her
so he told wifey....Deola is a married friend of his
well wifey did the facebook surfing thingy and has confronted Tayo
Wifey described Deola in detail

the text wifey saw was about him(Tayo) needing to hear her(Deola's) voice
cos he was calling her and she was cutting him off
what if wifey had seen/read loads of raunchy texts between them?

Deola has been meaning to break it off with Tayo
His recent carelessness is all the fuel she needs
There is someone else she would rather be spending all her tyme with

He(Tayo) is currently in Spain on a business trip
Deola assures me soon as he returns, she's breaking it off
she's considering a goodbye tryst
I say thats the one wifey will trace her husband to
and catch them together at........

This is one tyme when its ok to break it off with someone on the fone

Cruella is back...........meaner and nicer
She sent a crazy mail on Monday
gives me a back breaking deadline
She's extra nice to me by wed
i deliver on wed.....wink
she says its crap after perusing for 2 mins
i insist i wont take that from her
i expect her to study for 10mins tops before
she can commend and not condemn my hard work
She asked me to come in sat
i ignored the request
its gonna be a backbreaking week starting tom
i look forward to it

I think a dead relative will re-die by thurs
i think i'm gonna need the day off
wink

My Vib is not working
aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
D insists i over worked him
i say
what is a girl to do?
was resigned to bed humping last night
it didnt stimulate me
i'm hooked on mr silva
D is a mechanical genius
he better fix mr silva or we're getting me a new toy
wink

curious about toys?
www.zeevirtualmedia.com

Gifts,Links,Bills,Curfew,Brazen

2010-01-17T12:52:00.000-08:00

Someone gave me a new year gift
a dvd-he apologised that it was small
it was an apt gift cos
the one in my living room recently packed up
my brother asks is the guy your toaster?
i say no
he says oh he will soon toast you
i said no i doubt
he says......well guys dont give women gifts without a reason
i said it was a group of us at work o
he says well he may have given the others gifts as well
but your gift has a hidden reason
so people cant give or receive gifts again without people thinking *something*???

as for him(brother)
in the space of a month
i've so far stumbled on four different *links*
he says a link is not a girlfriend and neither is she a slut
she may become a girlfrend
but for the moment she's a link

he always asks me
what do you think?
i always shrug
i dont think nothing
i dont even register their faces
i only acknowledge their greeting
then immmediately ignore them
i have no intention of *knowing* any link
he can ask my opinion when he gets a girlfriend
one of them is probably off the link list
well she asked for 3k for her hair
she got 1k
and since then she's been acting funny
his words

i dont know what she expected
guy is only just a corper
how much do they pay them peeps?
and yes i object to my money being spent on his *links*

i remember in uni
while some would send/take a list of 10k home for the folks
another would send a 30k list
whilst another had a 50k list
my deduction
you ask for what you know the person can afford

if my papa na farmer
my list no go pass 5-10k
if my papa na banker
i'll try for 15-20k
if my papa na politician
why?i'll ask for 100k
wink

same with boyfriends abi?
a friend of mine used to say
how do u date a guy and not get money from him?
i've always thought-why should he pay my bills?
if he's a student like you
if he doesn't pay for your hair
wont you make it?

if he's a corper like you?
if he doesn't buy you dem shoes
will you go barefeet?

if he works like you do?
what is your own salary for?

no qualms if a lady is broke/has a need
and her man gives her some money/sorts her out
no qualms if he puts her on a salary
but i have a real issue with babes like my colleague
even if all she needs to buy/pay for is 1k
in her words
a man has to pay/buy it for her

i dont get it

note to future husband
yes you will foot every bill
sorry......my mama foots the bills in my home
i aint doing same for NO man
i wish we could get papa to pay child benefits
sadly...........we are not children......

its been another week without electricity
sigh

caught Sherlock Holmes and Avatar
with peeps from work
both movies i enjoyed
had a 5 min doze during both movies
i guess i was dog tired

as for mr link
since i gave him a spare key to the gate
my 11pm curfew no longer counts
if i ask him when he came in
he says at a reasonable tyme
if i say
not true cos i fell asleep at 230am
he goes well i must have come in about 3am then?

D says boys will be boys
i just lock my door once i'm settled for the nite
i dont want any surprises

since most women dont get orgasms from vaginal stimulation
why do friends look at me funny when I mention vibrators
especially the ones for stimulating the clit
ok i must admit
a woman has to be brazen to need a toy
apparently i'm one of the brazen ones
wink

Stallion,Cruella,Marry Me,Pregnant,Horny

2010-01-11T15:50:00.000-08:00

She could smell the sex
even as Gabe and his handlers brought the stallion in
the air in the shed thickened with it
sharp,edgy,elemental
the mare called out,in protest or welcome
and the stallion answered with a sound that caused
something to thigten in Kelly's stomach

In a powerful lunge,the stallion reared up and mounted the mare
wide-eyed she(kelly) watched
the stallion plunged wildly-his need.....frantic and somehow human

he covered her-demanding.................commanding
she(mare)accepted-her rolling in what Kelly thought must surely be pleasure

without realizing it-she(kelly) moved closer
fascinated by the passionate frenzy of mating
her own heart pounding
her blood hot-the quick pang of arousal staggered her
then she found herself looking at Gabe
shocked to see her own primitive and unexpected reaction mirrored in his eyes
staggering to have the vision flash through her mind of being taken as the mare was being taken
fiercely...............
violently..............
heedlessly.............

wink

You people should warn Cruella for me o
when i wanted to go on leave
she said i could not have 3 weeks off cos me
being away from my desk for 3 weeks
means the office can do without me
and to show my job is important to me
i can only do two weeks at a stretch

now i'm being owed a precious month
2010's days none inclusive

but..........she just took a month long holiday
not due back till the 25th
i have enjoyed not having her breathing down my neck
but if she thinks she can take 4 weeks
then bring back some measley chocolates
hoping i will forget she damn well took four weeks at a stretch

not counting all the numerous relatives she buried in 2009

she no well

those days i am owed

i shall take by hook or by crook

every dead member of my family will die again
so she may just be getting some randoms sms's

sorry cant make it in
uncle died last night
off to ife to bury
off to ilesha to bury
off to maiduguri to bury........

in 2009 alone.............she must have buried 9 relatives..............

i think its tyme the dead in my family died again
cos the silly ass wont approve my leave......
if i feel like a few days off
.......na to rebury my dead...........Q.E.D

wink

last tyme he had me was in 2003
i was off to nysc camp
it lasted a while
then fizzled out
abegi
i no dey for lagos-ibadan expressway every fri
dick dey lagos
Q.E.D

he visited me today
he wants to marry me
i smiled

then said..........whatever i did to you in '03
i must have left a lasting impression
but you see
he dropped the marriage card
and asked dat whomever
i am currently dating needs to go

i'm sorry T
cant do that
I'm crazy about D

and just cos you dangled the marriage card dont mean i will jump
its mean to do that when a man is talking to an overipe for marriage babe like me

sigh

like my pal said
theres more to marriage than good-great sex
moreover he still works in that yeye ibadan
me?
lagos-ibadan expressway?

na burials dey make me travel that road o

cos if na wedding
dem go still born
do naming etc
i'll make up for missing dia wedding
but na once person dey die

i no dey for that kain journey
i still maintain it

dick dey lagos
dem plenty sef............

and as my paddy said

if he wants me as a second wife
he better be ready for me to get a
second husband a few years down the line
cos

me?numero two?

nah......................

did i mention
he also said
i can choose to live in cally?
i wont have his babies in naija-yes oooooooo
the twins God promised him.......that his wife has not given him
dem apparently dey my body

yeye

i say i've never been pregnant
everyone i've ever told wonders if i'm normal

i've never lived with a man
so its pretty easy to stay away from spermatozoa when i'm ovulating
and in any case
when most men hear-i'm not safe
they wear two condoms....wink

and there's always the pill(s).....

so seriously
why is it soooooooooooo hard to digest????

i've never being

to the best of my knowledge
there nothing wrong with my fertility

moreover i aiint trying to make a baby......yet
so why should i bother about being (in)fertile
when i'm emotionally and financially ready to make a new life
i will

and i know i will do it with or without a man beside me

afterall
Oluwa ni fun ni lomo............God gives children

And as for this always wanna shag mode that i've been in lately
i just dey wonder.................

wink

Its 2010

2010-01-02T04:31:00.000-08:00

I have a good feeling about 2010
its sexy to even say it............
20-10
its cumbersome to say two thousand and ten

2009 was a good year
albeit incidental
people died
people lost jobs
the recession hit us in naija

last few days of the year
my mama has gone from a pneumonia scare
to
something fishy in her blood
to the all clear
to her blood pressure issues

my diagnosis

she should come back to lasgidi

my mama is ill cos she has money issues
and she is depressed cos she goes home to noone.......everyday

i want her close
........she does get under my skin
but i love her to bits

my pa......enjoying himself with his new (rumoured pregnant) lady

my brothers are fyne
S is driving me crazy
but i'll survive

the other S
(both brothers have S names)
he's great

I.............i'm fyne

i have no resolutions
i didnt reach some of the goals i set for myself in 2009
but i have a good feeling about 2010

its gonna be a marvelous year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

H factor...ring...lingerie...lullaby

2009-12-27T13:51:00.000-08:00

My people please help me pronounce

The eye's clinic

doesnt it seem like you have the H factor?????

lol

if a man wears a wedding ring.............
his dick must work.......(probably overtime)...wink

hey guys
should we(ladies) only ever wear lingerie????
or you dont mind us doing the granny briefs?

truth be told
sexy is great
but good old comfort a la granny briefs is blissful...wink

my first asked me a few months after we started dating
permit me to rephrase that
2 months after we started to fuck........wink
why i didnt own lingerie
i just ignored him.....lol
stupid ass has no idea how much dey go for

when his friends start to drop hints that he is seeing some other girl
or they tell you to look elsewhere for love
or you can hardly ever lay your hands on him anymore
cos he *is busy*
chances are
............you need to start looking for a new guy

i always find it easy to fall asleep
but.......some nights i just stay awake
considering counting sheep wont ever work for me
something does............

my very own lullaby
my brain is able to stop,pause,play,forward
a sexcapade that happened
or create a new one............wink

also there's always self help
an orgasm ensures sleep.......

Celibate....Kiss & Tell.....Sheaths

2009-12-13T16:19:00.000-08:00

Are you dating?

You are definitely shagging................

Scream yourself hoarse if you will

Who will believe you if you say you aiint shagging?

Its hard to be celibate

when there is always time,opportunity,place...........

Dont roll your eyes at me...for virgins its easy(dem never chop before)

But if you have ever chopped before

And time,opportunity and place continually rears its delicious combo

una go do

and remember....you only have to cross the barrier once....wink

Once debe.......ever debe..........

Should people kiss and tell?

Back in Uni
This guy apparently spent the nite with a babe
he must have been mighty pleased with himself
cos he decided to share the story

so we had roughly 7 guys hanging together and this guy is talking in detail
about how it went last nite
a pal of the babe gets a whiff of the story and goes to the babe

the babe struts to the guys and goes

i fucked you
you fucked me
i rode you
you rode me
so
i used you just as much as you used me
what the hell is the noise for?

and walks away...........

guy is left looking stupid
his pals make fun of him.......

how many babes can do that?

truth be told i have no qualms
about past,present or future sexual liaisions
they are all still illegal anyways................so why bother
only married sex is legal aiint it.............wink

so what happens on the day
some guy decides to spill the beans about some episode we've had??
i dont know how much i'll care
cos i'm frankly more worried about pictures or videos
but if all he is armed with, is mental images
who will he share them with?????...my father????

which brings me to the fact that
a potential FB(fuckbuddy)asked me a while ago
lets call him P
do you know BT?
i say yes

how do u know BT he asks?

so i ask him

*ask BT how he knows me*

i kinda dated BT a while back
BT has been married some two years now
he did throw the word marriage around a couple of times
but that word meant nothing to me back then
and i didnt see me married to him
i didnt see myself bound to him forever after

so P says BT is a very dear friend
in fact he's my brother from another mother

so i say to myself.......so?????
and to him........dats nice......

the two of them can share their stories
if they are so inclined............

will P have his own stories to tell????
as a rule........
i dont do friends.......wink

i have a cousin who opted for single motherhood
after having a nervous breakdown when her guy
left her for her colleague at work a few months to their wedding
one day we got crazy and decided to count our sexual partners
i tuned out after she got to 30
i know for most men
that's not a lot
but for a woman
ITS A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i very much doubt that she sees men beyond what dangles between their legs

if we slept with every man that made our labia twitch
the average woman would clock 365 in a yr
yes-a man for every day of the year
thank God for common sense...............

moreover......the STI's are keeping us in check abi?

let me tell you all.....................fact

NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE PLAY SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

some pple just get lucky and not get any serious STI's
cos its easy to get the occassional sti and get treatment for it

cos i dare say
for every 8 out of 10 sexual liaisions
by the third time the couple gets together
sex gets vigorous or the feelings are becoming overwhelming......

and they both discuss the hiv thingy and on realising they have both
tested negative at their last test........
he jettisons the cd halfway thru
either cos the one he was using broke
or he just wants to *feel her*

he's probably gonna start with a cd and remove it halfway thru
a couple of times
then.....eventually they both stop to bother about the sheath
they are now exclusive and they are both hiv negative

or he likes to rub his pre-cum dick against her wet pussy
(he likes the feel)
then he puts on the sheath before penetration

if he's done that(the pre-cum deal)-he should forget about the cd
pre-cum is as potent as cum
if not more potent
its a body fluid

six months later either or both of them takes their twice annual test
and hopefully,they are both still negative
THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i must commend the men who keep it on though
thru thick and thin
thru hotel rooms,bedrooms,hallways,clubs,cars and bars
thru sexy lingerie and great boobs.....
parties and beds......
toilets,bathrooms and living rooms
some guys keep it(the sheath) on

but for those who jettison it
if they are both comfortable enuff as well as willing and able to
face the consequence of going in without a sheath

ride on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Men Pay.............

2009-12-05T14:30:00.000-08:00

he pays the children's fees
the rent
the electricity bill
ensures everyone is comfortable
pays the helps wages
gives you housekeeping and self maintenance money

what do u do

feed him and fuck him

who paid who?

he buys you that jewelry,weave,outfit,perfume you've been wanting forever

what do you do?

feed him and screw his brains out

he does your assignments and tests..........maybe even exam....ehehehehehe
strolls around campus with u(she's mine)

what do you do?

you feed him and his friends and fuck his brains out

PAYMENT???
APPRECIATION??
LOVE??
GIVING AND TAKING??

I dare say the more generous either partner is.............
the more generous the other partner will be...........*wink*

Nkenna of BBA4 cracks me up
she's sooooooooooooo crass
but i do enjoy watching her.............sometimes
her reasoning is just so warped

my brother was rude to me.....
i saw red
i then send him outta my room
he storms outta the house
he knows his curfew is 11pm
i may lock him out.......(he came back at 1145pm)
i hate hate the company he currently keeps
and i have warned his black ass........
if he gets into trouble..........
i'm gonna let him simmer in it.............
i hope he knows i mean it........
i'm not his mother..........

excerpts.......impression without expression leads to depression
na one yeye oga dey toast him employee

energy is neither lost nor destroyed
its only transfered from one party to another
hmmmmmmmmm

a girl has the hiv virus
guy falls in love
his friend asks him..................

how do u expect to drink clean water from a poisoned well?

i love big willies.........
i miss yours...........*evil grin*

i mentioned this to a friend..........
width over depth

i'd rather he fill me up
than he touch my belly button on the inside.......*wink*

Massages.............

2009-11-15T12:40:00.000-08:00

i always seem to be the center of attention everywhere that has my in it........

my home

my school(s)

my workplace(s)

amongst my friend(s)

what does that make me????

fabulous..........*wink*

I was 21

he was 22

his elder brother was getting married

so i got invited to the bach eve

his other brother came to pick me

he was already there i was told

party was dull for me till i saw him

we left the group and went to dance

Little star woke up

he said i had to do something about it

i chuckled

we left the hall

took a stroll

went to the car

the driver was asleep on the bonnet of the car beside the car I came in

we opened the passenger door

he kissed me...long slow kisses

i went pliant.........

he hitched up my skirt and laughed.....

i was commando......*wink*

he drew down his jeans........alas no briefs either.....

it was hard,fast and glorious

then bright lights exploded.............

we got dressed

then he said lets get outta the car before you wake up little star again

or someone comes to the car

we sat up

the driver on the other bonnet beside us ...........was awake

did he watch us?

did we wake him?

i didnt give a rats ass.......

i just had great sex in my boyfriend's brother's car

at his other brother's bach eve

i was feeling mighty pleased with myself................

first he gave me as a foot massage

then i got a back massage

i then gave him a damn good blowjob and

fell asleep...........bare chest to bare chest

with his arms around me........*sigh*

that felt really good...........

i had my pants and knickers on

he was nude

but from the attention my boobs got......

*my bean* is in for a good time when he gets to work on it

i'm soooooooooooooooo looking forward to that......

its been 16 months since i've been in a room with a bed

with my favourite organ.....................*a phallus*

if i have a pack of flavoured condoms

how do i find out if they actually taste flavoured?

do i lick them before he rolls it on?

do i lick his hand after he rolls it on?

do i roll them on myself and taste them somehow?

Hallow wetin?

2009-11-02T14:57:00.000-08:00

Wetin concern me with blending in with ghosts?

Wetin my own with costume?

A scary one at that????????

My people.................

From the moment i'm outta my door till i'm back within the comfort of my home

Na so so conversation with Baba

Because that Him banner no suppose comot from our head o

Eko le ni( Lagos Hard)

By God's grace-I will not meet and they will not meet me

Phone collectors
Pickpockets
Tax Collectors
Time Wasters
Unneccessary Bumper to Bumper Traffic
Car Jackers
Ritualists
Kidnappers

All the above no do me?

Why set aside a day to extra scare meself???????

i dont need me a special day to remind myself
or
to prepare myself to be scared

Can someone advice my neighbourhood kids to stop with the fireworks already?(banger)

I hate being startled.............

and the one that is unfortunate to be caught by me................

Tarzan Monologues............

2009-10-18T13:44:00.000-07:00

So i caught Tarzan Monologues earlier today.....

O.C Ukeje was definitely the star of the show for me
asides looking good enuff to eat.....*swoon*
and delivering his lines so well....
he just seemed to have all the juicy monologues.....

every actor gave a stellar performance

I must say Paul Alumona showed us his skills.....
yea other than his acting skills...that guy can move(dance)
hence he must be a good in bed....*cough*

Kunle Adeyoola was fun to watch....

Kanayo was great...he seemed to get all the poverty monologues though
....Wole why now???

Precious was hilarious when he talked about Hadijat......lol

Kenneth.....no man should be that foolish...i must say there
must have been some greed involved in your jail sentence
(i do know it was just an act-this is not to say anything about your character)

Bimbo was fabulous....powerful sexy grey you....the cane was cute......

Thanks Wole a.k.a Laspapi....i thoroughly enjoyed the play....

looking forward to two weeks of no work

yea i *FINALLY* got time off work
and two weeks just does not cut it......

i wanted three weeks for starters but Cruella Deville
wondered what the office would do without me for 3 weeks
besides none of my colleagues wanted the responsibilities of my duties

neways i got some time off
i need to gain those extra kg's i lost recently

i wish to God i had a cook.............

Dear Future Hubby....i love you
but i will have a cook on my payroll even if i wont have a maid

i *can* cook up a storm..........
but I know as much as he will find out
my better skills are not in the kitchen....*wink*

a pal of mine says
women always expect men to pay for sex
i say no
he says yes
what say yo????

Another Year............

2009-10-07T16:03:00.000-07:00

I was a year older

7th October

to those that forgot........
your case(s) are hopeless

to those who remembered
thank you..........

to those who sent texts,called,put up facebook wall posts and messages
i really appreciate.......

to my mum.....thanks for being my vessel

to my brothers.....thanks for being there for me always

to my dad........you are not beyond redemption....

to friends and family.......i appreciate you all

to the man who will be my lover,confidante,best friend,brother,father and father of my children.......bump into me........soon

to my car......i waited this long to own you-you are not brand new but i promise to take good care of you,please remember i should ride you and not the other way round......be good to me....

did i jump to conclusions???

2009-10-02T19:32:00.000-07:00

my ex called

do i still hang out at my cousin's??

yea i said

he's housesitting for his mum

so without saying it

he passed the message across...........

Ibi pop over sometime.....

i say

when hell freezes over..........

Roaches........

2009-08-10T14:02:00.000-07:00

So................last night
i was watching a movie
then i see a roach

aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cant stand cockroaches
i'd rather be in the same room with a snake
well i have been..........
but i cant be in the same room with a rat or roach
the dreaded R's

i always have insecticide beside my bed
so i use it

that was my undoing..............

i saw another..........
then another
i jumped up
put on the light

yea...the bug uns that can fly
four of them had been irritated by the insecticide
so i get up
and deal with them

eventually i see four big uns and three small uns
very dead......yippie......
left them on the floor of my room and swept them out in the morn

now if i believed in that shit
i would say i dealt with them
u know.....erm.....the witches they sent to me in cockroach form

my room now smells of insecticide and perfume and i'm cockroach free

*wink*

why do babes go fuck fuck fuck when they are getting fucked
i tend to go ...........

i have no idea why you thought i would tell you what my soundtrack is

so a pair of ex's have been calling
the other one i blew away cos it seemed everything i said was rude
i am opinionated
i know what i am
so i knew we could not be together
moreover dude was stuck in a town i had no idea to go live in

other ex is Mel
he's being acting nice
off and on again
which was his signature in the 3 years we were off and on again

neways i'm celibate.........single.......and need a raise

sex i can get
or may get............

I'm gonna be lazying around sooooooooonnnnnnn
i wanna laze around cos
its coming........

The Holy Month!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brought work home........ended up visiting Baroque's and stole this.....

2009-07-22T15:59:00.000-07:00

Stolen Anything: i only borrow...*wink*...

Been Drunk Before Noon: if being satiated counts....

Had Sex In A Public Place: a car,a roof,the stairs,someone's porch abi na verandah,on a well,hotels(lol)....off to find new spots

Got Caught Telling A Lie: Of course.....

Been Arrested: Almost...arresting officer saw the press card my pal had and he changed his mind...

Littered: When i was younger......

Fantasized About A Co-Worker: Everyday...*wink*

Cheated On A Test: The end justifies the means......

Cheated In A Relationship: He was sleeping with his ex........

Failed A Class: Never. A few.......

Screened Your Phone Calls: I had to....

Eaten Food Off The Floor: does beef and groundnut count?

Stuck Gum Under A Desk: Was i suppossed to put it under my shoe????

Wished You Were Someone Else: Denzel's wife

Cried During A Movie: A few tear drops.....the first movies---the burning train and yeh vada raha....

Had A One Night Stand: A few.......

Had To Pull Over On The Side Of The Road To Puke?: nope

Had Your Heart Broken?: ...it cracked......

Had A Good Feeling About Something?: Yep

Had A Near Death Experience: my life flashed before my eyes....

Swam In Freezing Water: I have no plan to.....

Jumped Off A House: i have no suicidal tendencies...............

Been Attacked?: not really

Bungee Jumped: I'd rather get fucked on an escalator(in a mall).....

White Water Rafted: is it the same as playing ludo?

Pulled An All Nighter?: what do you think????.honestly......

Surfed: I'd rather get my pussy eaten.....

Lied About Your Age: why would i????...if he can handle it-so can I

Broken A Bone?: and be unable to get some great sexing???????hell no.........

Onesidedexamsex

2009-06-23T17:24:00.000-07:00

So i caught Jerry Springer recently and this woman
said even though her husband has cheated on her for
8 of the ten years they have been married,she was not
letting him have sex with her cos she was scared of sti's
but until the last of the 6 children she
has for him turns eighteen-he was stuck with her

i was amused at the way she slapped him around
and the fact that she said she wasnt letting him go

sometimes we do that
either forcefully or subtly

we hang on to a relationship that is one sided............

so i went for my annual basic medical exam.......
turns out it was ante natal day
met a pal who asked if i was breeding......
nah......not yet....

Doc talked me out of doing a fertility test
he said i can always find out when i start trying
and maybe have difficulty conceiving

he also scolded me for not having done a breast
exam since the one i had

abegi make my booby rest-who knows.........
maybe just maybe.....*wink*

got talking sex with my aunt and it was funny
recollecting how difficult it was for my first to deflower me

he never succeeded.......he caused me no pain
and eventually left my hymen intact

the man who did ....caused me bittersweet pain......*wink*

when i get a boyfriend and or a husband

he will not be allowed to read this blog

.......if he ever finds it

it wasnt me
cos i dont care how in love he is

i'm quite sure he would take no pleasure
in my sexcapades.......most of them have
being recounted in detail on my blog

for all of una whey dey miss the sexcapades series

my pussy no see action so how i go write story??????

i've been called a lioness,magnificent,wonderful,sensual,sexy,

i've been told i bring out the animal in him

i've been told no one has ever made him do this....
.........go on and on and on in one night....

i've been told you have a pert butt,never say you are a
member of nassatall.....(it looks perter now).......*wink*

i've been told i have lovely skin......

i've been told i have mad skills.....

i've been told i do great things with my waist,legs,mouth,hands.....

i've been asked not to look-my eyes were doing things to him he said

i once gave a guy a hard on from spooning rice,plantain and beef into my mouth.....

i've been told i'm flexible

i've been told i've got lovely boobs....

i've been told sex/lovemaking was earth shattering,mind blowing,special,different,fab,great

i've been told...Ibi you are lazy...

i've also been asked...do you want to kill me

i've been told Ibi let me feel u(lets jettison a condom)

someone once asked me to marry him after i fucked his brains out
he only brought out the beast in me-if i dare say so miself
but marraige&^%$£%&*.........hell no

all of these and more in relation to sex......

told mi aunt i dont miss sex

well i dont....

but after writing this......i do..........

Crossroads,PHCN,Passwords and Hot water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-14T14:41:00.000-07:00

So a pal of mine was at a crossroad(since this post is a week late)
my internet provider cut me off due to a mistake by the silly teller at the bank or the silly office assistant who took the money to the bank-one or both of them.......aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh

.....she settled for someone cos he was the only one in her life
but now she's met the kinda guy she would
rather spend the rest of her days with

i know her well enuff to know
she just has more fun in new guy's company cos he's classy
a real gentleman.........

i'm just waiting to see who ends up for the long haul

i did not have long to wait especially after i told her
its aiight to have fun but you need to decide what you'd rather have

fun or friendship..........

frankly i could care less about her love live crisis.......
here i am.......bemoaning my lack of a phallus
and there she is with two dicks at her beck and call.....
mcsheeeeeeeeewwww

frankly.......
if i snap my fingers i could get to tumble
with a guy(s)........*fluttering eyelashes*
but the one willie i'm craving is off limits
*sigh*

i reminded myself not to get worked up watching tv
t'was reality tv sef-isnt that staged????????

PHCN...........your PAPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rain you dey do me strong thing
me cuz just got a car
she got me all broody(for a car)
her car is cute and it aiint brand new
maybe.......just maybe.....

met a woman at the saloon last week
she was foolish enuff to let her maid take her weave off
she's now bald in four spots

it just occured to me every password i own is either vulgar
or has one of my brother's name or their bday date

i once had to give my boss access to my system and
he could not get over mi having a boys name as my password
to this day......
he thinks thats my boo's name

lucky for me
it was not bigwillieat.....(yea its a password i use)

A Joke

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day,
picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy: "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued: "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied: "not exactly, but they aren't for me.
They're for him. He's my brother. He's four.

We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike and right now, he can't do either

And a sex tip
'A breath mint in your mouth before performing oral sex
has the dual benefit of both making it more pleasant for you
and extra stimulating for her. '

So i got dropped off at oshodi about 720pm
tried to get the red Lagbus to my destination
could not.........
so i took a regular bus

it had a flat around siemens
got scared cos it was almost 8pm by now and i had my lappy with me

so i got a cab
i ordinarily would not have taken it
thanks to mi cuz
she hates rickety cabs
but i was almost choking on my fear
i'm a scaredy cat on the streets of Lagos
after 7pm when i have valuables on me

so i got into the cab
get comfy and was praying the cab would not fall to pieces

Thank God i was praying
next thing i know
i see steam on the dash and water trickles down to my feet
at first i'm mesmerized

till i start yelping
the water is HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how does water from a radiator steam up and run down the dashboard???
so he stops
and i hop out
i cross the road blindly then i'm dancing
all the while -i'm watching the cab closely

the man starts to fiddle with his car
then a good samaritan stops to help baba
then i scream
BABA!!!!!!!!!everything i own is in your cab
if anything happens!!!!!!!!!

my left feet is smarting the whole time
and i'm dancing to relieve the pain
i was also barefoot

he calls to me to come over,that he has it under control
i ask him to get off the road
i start to scout for another cab

Baba bemoans the loss of his cab fare
thats when i remember my lappy!!!!!!!!!!!

i scream
run to the cab and pull up the bag
the bag is wet!!!!!!!!!!!

i start to wail
no tears but i was wailing
Baba goes why are you crying??? the bag is not wet
i'm screaming its wet its wet oh my God!!!!!

my lappy!!!!!!!!
my left foot still smarts

i get another cab head home
strip my lappy
yippie....its aiight maybe if i had left it a little longer.......

then i send a text to my aunt the nurse(the only medical personnel i know who can consult over the phone)my cuz and my pal
who in turns suggested a burn cream,vaseline and an egg

the burn cream i could not get from the pharmacy-e don finish
vaseline gives you blisters after a burn
the egg i ended up breaking it

so i resorted to pap

and it worked

its been a week
the spot the water hit is dark and itches like crazy

which means its healing(cos it itches)
i'm just glad i did not get a blister

here's a picture of me with my first aid.....lol

Ibiluv is 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-05-31T14:37:00.000-07:00

So mi blogged turned two today
yippie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i treated blog writer to a manicure,a pedicure
and dinner out..........
alone yea but it felt good to treat me

i lost 5,000 naira yesterday
got sooooooooo mad i was prone to curse
the bagger that picked it
then i remembered it was my fault
if i had put the money in my purse instead of
in my pant pocket,i for no loose am.........

then i sent a prayer to Baba God
i pray my money does not end up spent on drugs,cigarettes or alcohol
it had better go to some hungry family that saw it as manna from heaven

my aunt says i look pregnant
since i've not held,rode,sucked,licked or had
a phallus in almost a year
and i doubt if we have sperm banks in naija
moreover i have not visited one....
her diagnosis is soooooooooooooo wrong.....

neways i'm all for a sexually satisfying relationshipwithout getting pregnant

children should be catered for
nutured.......
brought up in the way of the Lord
educated
fed
clothed
and one should be ready to worry till they die
moreover they cry at night
then they teeth
then they crawl
then you have to chase them around the home
then they are adorable darlings
then little horrors
then darlings
then annoying adolescents
then they make your heart soar with pride
until they become your meal ticket.....(maybe not)
but then they start to take care of you
when you loose the ability to do so yourself
why would any human not think it thru
before getting pregnant

sex lasts all of 13 mins for most men(i'm not counting foreplay)
children last a lifetime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my mama calls me sometimes to ask if i've eaten
when i scream she goes
you'll always be my child
i dont care how old you get........

awwwwwwwwwwwwww
love you mama............

So mi cousin says
only a man knows why he wants to be with a female
maybe all he likes is the swell of her cleavage
maybe he just likes how her ass looks in a skirt
maybe he likes the way she talks
maybe he likes the way she sings
maybe she can cook up a storm
maybe she fucks his brains out
when he makes the decision to marry
if and when he decides to.......

only he will know why he choose to spend
the rest of his life with the woman he chooses

dont be surprised if he cant explain it

why did he give me this lecture?
he has a girl
she's hawt..............she models part time(she's in uni)
but he's been chasing after a little girl
that lives in the flat below where i live with her family
i dont care if all he wants to do is tap that ass

cos he asked if i was not curious about his attentions to her
and if i was gonna tell the babe anything
and i said all i could and will tell her if she thinks
she can cosy up to me bcos of him is
*he just wants to tap that ass*
so she better continue to be a silent neighbour
and if she's allowing her ass to be tapped

at least she's getting sum.............

my friend's ex used to say je ka lo dobo
used to get her hackles up
cos it means lets go fuck

i read a novel recently and dude says
come upstairs and lie with me
i thought *sweet*

but that just gives her time to say no

men should never ask dem yeye questions
can i kiss you?
can i fuck u?

if u wanna.....just turn her to putty
if she lets you
chances are..............you can tap it

whats all that question and answer for??????????

i know i talk,write,read,watch sex a lot......

its the next best thing to having it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gat sex on my mind..............

2009-05-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

What do you think this is above???

i'm not promiscuos by any means
and i certainly wont tumble into bed with every man
i go wow over......
i'm liberated and independent enuff to choose my partners

which is why i need my head examined for ogling my cousin
he was in the country two weeks ago

last tyme i saw him he was a tot
so i hang out with my uncles and their kids
and the next day i drop by their hotel before
heading into work cos i needed to send some stuff to my mum

so my little cousin
well he's not so little anymore
comes to the door with his boxers on
and my jaw dropped..........

daayyuuuuummmmmmm
you dont get a bod like that
without spending tyme in the gym

i mentally shook my head cos i needed
to stop............

but i guess its cos
most guys my age dont have abs like that
they are all gaining love handles

dont remind me i have love handles
so i do
but i LOOOOOOKKKK good
and you dont see my love handles except you've got me naked
and i hear when a lady is naked
it dont matter what little things are.....*fluttering eyelashes*

so my cousins(another one)like to have get togethers every birthday
its her mum's birthday next month
and i'm supposed to drop.....

i can but i really dont wanna
i could invest in a killer bag or shoes for me......

but i'm gonna......cos i dont wanna be labelled stingy
cos everyone else seems to be in the mood to be generous.....

but i'm soooooo gonna be on her case in dec when it is my mum's birthday
i'll keep u posted if she drops or scrams

I can sleep with you
enjoy you
but we are not a couple

its never too late
to be who you wanna be

What else is new?????
i always have sex on my mind.....*sigh*
which is bad when u are single
dont wanna be labelled a slut......
and you have a bedsheet like mine.........yea
i sleep on the red and white......what is that???????????
*wink*

Butt Crack....Arms Akimbo........Una travel???

2009-05-13T15:10:00.000-07:00

Abeg when butt crack dey scratch person for road
wetin man oops woman go do?

if i waka funny
people go think say i go chop big one

if i waka normal the thing go they scratch me dey go

na so i manage o
as i climb okada sef
e still dey itch me

soon as i enter house
e no scratch me again

i tire o

i enter bus
one elderly well in her 40's
wanted to be comfortable
so she sat arms akimbo
at first i ignored it
then i pointed it out to her
moreover i be lepa sef so wetin?????
she apologised o

only to continue to sit akimbo
shuo
if she wants comfort
she should buy a car
make we bus people continue our
skin toucing games until we can afford comfort....

what do u do when u see a celebrity
as for me-it depends on my mood o
sometimes i smile,wave,acknowledge
go over for a chat and or a picture
other times i look at them without even a flicker of acknowledgement

why?
cos sometimes i'm just not in the mood to be friendly.......

saw my fave celebrity at a party over the weekend

he looked tired
i wanted to go over,give him a hug
and let him rest his head on my bosom...........

*sigh*.....his entourage no gree

effing bee of eye(FBI)...lol

last week,some yeye dogs for my neighbourhood
dey bark like say them don rabid

i was not comfortable with the noise
but hey what can a fyne gal do

some one decided to do something
he got a stick and chased them dogs away

two days later
no electricity-as usual-he was chilling outside
on his car bonnet

small time-he heard a bark
he is startled and falls off his car
does not see a dog he said
but he realises he cant get up

he is there for 30mins before someone walking by saw him
his left side was paralysed
head to foot

he is back on his feet now
left side restored
he spent a few days in hospital and in church

they say it was the dog.........

me i say

partial stroke no be beans
and to have had a full recovery
in a matter of days is a miracle.

a pal of mine was with a pal of his
i passed by and she laughed
it seemed.......with him

it seemed i was the butt of the laugh

it may not have been

i was self conscious for 10mins
then i remembered i was not carrying shit

so why would they laff at me????

but it reminded me again why the Holy book
says laughter is an agent of the devil

the prophet Mohammed (saw) only ever smiled
he never laughed

if men were to be punished for that alone
i no go smell paradise
i too dey laff
at people, with people, at myself......*wink*

the next time someone wonders about me being single
i will tell them to go read my Quran

Khadijat got married to a 25 year old hunk at age 40
yes.......she(40)...he(25)

so since i have not yet attained the ripe old age of 40
my adonis shall not pass me by

in the mean time.......before Denzel arrives

where are all the phalluses......una travel????????

Butt Augmentation..........Alum

2009-04-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

I'm too swamped at work to go online anymore
partly true but we no longer have acccess to the internet
i have no idea what *they* did
but they've done it again

so i do all my online biz at home
it also means i've been listening to E! more

Dr 90210 is a fav of mine
a brazilian butt augmentation is looking
like what i'll give myself
for my next birthday

but i'll pass
all i need to do is gain weight
cos i know it'll go south...*wink*

Do what makes you happy
sometimes what makes you happy
is a lot harder and scarier than what is safe

Raise your left leg
make it go clockwise
write 1-6 in the air...........*wink*
did u do this successfully?????

Someone should tell this idiotic mallam across the road
i need to pass by his hut to get to the busstop
545am is no time to be bathing!!!!!!!!!!!
so what if he's hiding between two parked cars??????

next time i hear him
i'll turn my torch on his phallus!!!!!!!!!
i wanna see if he's as big as the myth says he is

what myth?
the myth that Hausa men are endowed......*wink*

one yeye babe killed english
she pronounced musk as mooooooosque
only cos she needed her bobo to buy musk
does he smell?????????
i didnt get close enuff to find out........

he was still inside her
could not bear to seperate himself
h knew he should...ease away and give her time to recover
however much he'd fought not to hurt her there was bound to be some discomfort

finally a book that attests that breaking a woman's hymen
will cause discomfort

ladies
we need not bother with kaun(alum) as the myth says
Dr Matlock can give us that tight feeling men cherish

personally i take my kegels seriously
but..........

Dr Matlock says kegels dont work

note to self-stop kegelling my poor vagina

after my kids i'll just go see Dr Matlock
so mi hubby(the one who brings my pa 40 tubers of yam)
never forgets to visit the pussy he signs on
to partner his dick for life

*wink*

Names.......Inquisition......K leg

2009-04-21T15:24:00.002-07:00

So do chinese people really drop
alumimium plates to name their kids?????
sing li
chen shuo

My people use the circumstance of birth to give names
Oluwapamilerinayo(God has given me laughter)
Omolaja(A child has arrived to settle a family dispute)

What do the whites use???
you go hear Akeelah.....Terrica....
*&^%£"$%&*

Inquisition???

A guy steps up to you
Hi my name is Bode
I'd like to know you better.......
can we hang out for a drink?????

Or he steps up to you

Hi
What is your name?
What do you do?
Where do you live?
How old are you?

Which of the two scenarios do you prefer???????

the phrase i'd like to know you better irritates me
i have no idea why...........
but once a guy uses that line..........he gets minus 1000 points

So mama asked....dont guys chat you up in buses?????

how i go answer???
i fall asleep immediately after paying my fare
any bobo whey wan chat me up
will have to wake me up first..shuo!!!!!!!!!

so you wonder why do i need to be chatted up in a bus??

she wants her daughter married
by any means.....*wink*

Another preacher said...........
when kids on holiday dey go home
the ones with bad result are scared
cos their result get K-leg

Do you have K-leg before your God?????

as for me.................
my legs are slighty bow before my God
all the better to bend it like beckham with
so as to accommodate

*cough*.............

Traffic & Prison& A Boob Massage!!!!!!!!!!

2009-04-13T16:23:00.000-07:00

I was in a bus
one yeye traffic like that
silently wishing i could afford a chopper ride
one stupid fat fuck lastma official entered the front seat

the minute i saw him i knew he had arrested the bus
the lady beside me said he was hitching a free ride
he seats in silence for about ten minutes then proceeds
to tell the bus driver where to go to

i hissed and insulted the fat fuck
it was bad enuff we were stuck in traffic
the stupid ass was only concerneded about a quick buck

he refused every plea and journeyed with the bus in that traffic
as far as the destination we dey go.....
all the while,the bus was arrested

stupid ass mo'fucker
i don forget hin name,i for publish am sef

some guy before we got arrested
was preaching

he has been in prison since 1985
the June 12 crisis he said
he did not steal nor kill
he was a victim of circumstance

then Gov Fashola visited the prison and granted amnesty
he was one of the lucky ones

his story made me remember my time in prison
2000

we were made to visit prison so we would never have to live in one
their living conditions aren't good
they feed poorly
and most times they are innocent(the warder said so)

the warder said some people have had to spend
years on the inside cos of N 5,000 about(£20)

there were inmates as young as 15 and as old as in their 80's

the warder said
if there were..........
2 men fighting on the street
and they were arrested by the police
if no one sets bail for them
it was not uncommon to find them spend years in prison......

whilst touring
we found out
for an afternoon meal of eba and no stew/soup
the eba had been made in the morning
left to cool without a cover
while the prisoners slaved in the workshops
the idea of workshops was for them to learn new skills
so they could be independent when they get out.........eventually

people............my Alfa says

ti won ba fi damask ran aso ewon...a oni ba won ni ipin ni inu e.........Amen

even if they change prison uniforms to damask materials.....
may we never have cause to wear it......Amen

had my boob massaged twice.........

mum's been hounding me to go for a cervical smear test

while i dont live in the uk
her GP knows she has a grown up daughter

then............Jade Goody dies and she hounds me again

found time to go in over the Easter break...........

cervix is fyne.........
some thing finally went into my vagina
even if it was a metal and was administered by a female

*sigh*

then i do a breast exam and she goes
she found a lump

i need to come in tom for a sonograph

went home

no fear at all

i figure she liked the feel of my boobs and wants to touch again..........

*wink*

i go in the next day
boob massager turns out to be male

yippie!!!!!!!!!!

i got a good massage
and he was thorough with the machine
asked if i've ever done a scan before
for boobs.....................nah
for my abdomen............yea
15 years ago...........

he says...........its nurrin to fear
just a fibrous mass

a pal of mine said
since i wasn't sportin 34DD's
they should have expected a mass

neways
i got a boob massgae from a woman then a man..........*wink*

Easter was restful

how was your Easter?????????????????

Sleep with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-30T17:36:00.000-07:00

una well done o
i no win anything !!!!!!!!!

www.naijabloggersaward.blogspot.com

anyway sha
as una dash me nomination
i'll make do..............

moreover the people whey win...............
dem deserve am.........

V monologues was a hit again this year

Revulva made more sense this year thanks to Omonor
Songs of praise.......a hit....again

Sleep with me...Absolutely.........

na for inside movie them talk am
i dey practise as i go take talk am........*wink*
soon as i get myself a willing dick
.....am interested in
cos its not like i lack willing dicks
the ones i want are miles away/married/in love with someone/blind to my charms

I have a great big crush on a certain crooner
never had one this bigggggg.......

*i shake my head for myself*

i recently discovered i've only being in love once
given the average human can fall head over heels in love seven times
i'm waiting for the remaining six times to happen
even if it is with the same man

cos i finally faced it
what i felt for Mel was lust

the guy who showed me his phallus???????????
(from my*are you ready to rumble* post)
he showed me
i ogled it
he put it back in
then said he was sorry
he then proceeded to say
he's been to churches
he has climbed mountains
he really has no idea why
but for the past four years
everytyme he sees a group of women
he gets this urge to show them his dick

most times people are shocked and run away
other times he gets beat up

his family.........they are tired of the shame

he walked away

i looked back at my friends
who just did not understand
how i could patiently look at *it*
not run........
then listen to his explanation

its a crazy world we live in.....

his story prompted my neighbour to tell us another

old woman
bachelor as tenant(works as bank manager)
woman had one child
a teenage girl
babe was bootylicious
bachelor impregnates her
landlady finds out
she calls dude
i know about the pregnancy
what do u wanna do about it?
dude starts to talk long story
woman says
no long talk
i'll take care of my girl and her kid
but you need to leave my home at the end of the month
dude later tricks the girl into taking some drugs
babes not only miscarries
she dies

what did land lady do?
she inflicted guy with said
phallus showing disease
crazy thing is
he needs to do his in a market
remember dude was a bank manger

they sent several emissaries to woman
she never denied afflicting guy with phallus showing ailment
she just says
she'll make it stop
if anyone can wake up her child

since no one can
he probably still does it

so the one i witnessed????
i wonder what he did.........

saw the international
i love the way it ends
cos life IS like that
you dont always get closure

watching the reader
slumdog millionaire
and the curious case of benjamin button
is bad for anyone's self esteem if it aiint high enuff
why did some guy not have that kind of undying love for me
when i was 8,13,15?????

why do i have to be boyfriendless
fuckmateless
friend with benfitless?????
in short....dickless.........

i tire o

my cousin's boyfriend's wife just had twins
she's been missing from home since the babies were delivered
she's helping the father ease his......i have no idea whats she's doing

i pity her
cos if she gets preggers
maybe she'll have triplets............
i wonder how she will explain to her fiance how she got preggers........

if you walk towards your car
and turn around to see a cutie grinning at you
it just might be me

lately.....i've just been grinning like an idiot
every tyme i see someone walking towards their car/or driving it
ermmmmmmmmmm
cute cars and delicious people only

why????

i just get this flash..........
that will be me in a few months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://naijabloggersaward.blogspot.com/

2009-03-21T21:21:00.001-07:00

GO VOTE FOR MOI RIGHT NOW

i just saw slumdog millionaire

the reader

curious case of benjamin button

and voted for meself

i'm off to bed

had to come remind you

vote for moi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm a Nominee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-19T04:40:00.000-07:00

I'm wearing a tag
i'm loving it

Improve your image
be seen with me

So i went into the loo after a dude
yea its a unisex loo
i saw hair on the seats
so i'm wondering does he have syphilis?

well some crazy bugger once told me
that hair loss there
is a sypmtom of the VD
i've never had it so i've never being able to confirm

I'M A NOMINEE
MAKE UNA VOTE OOOOOOOOOOOO

erm but make my mam no discover my blog o
why say una no nominate me for most intelligent?
Fire in my Pants - Blogger who would hook up with based soley on the content of their blog
and
Hot and Sexy! Blogger you think is hot in real life

honestly..................
i'm humbled i was nominated
i really had no idea
been mad busy at work
then too tired to log onto the net at home
na Smaragd remind me this morning say i never update

so i'm updating so i can canvass for votes

How many of you know your genotypes?
mine was drummed into my ear at age 7
everytyme i see a good looking brother i may wanna have babies with
i ask him his genotype
most people find it weird that i ask
i've lost cousins cos of this(sickle cell anaemia)

i have a cousin who has still not had his church wedding
we always have to postpone
dude is always too ill to have a big wedding
he is cheating his brides mum
we are cool with the small thingy we had at the registry
but his mother-in-law still wants Sunny Ade
to play at her daughter's wedding

sadly...i lost another cousin last week
young
married
pregnant wife
a son that will never know his father

its sad really
very sad

pardon my pessimism
i dont care if my Denzel shows up
if his genotype is AS(i'm AS)
i'm running away

but once i was in love enough to go the whole hog
we decided every tyme i got pregnant we would do an amniocentiesis
but i kept wondering if God will forgive me for letting my foetus(s) die
cos we decided everytime we found out we were having a baby with sickle cell
we would let the baby die(abort)
well he chickened out(he has lost an elder brother to sickle cell anemia)

Scroll down more

A little more,

Almost

Yap………………………………………………now read.

Life is Good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-03-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

PADOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

INVITE ME TO YOUR BLOG THIS MINUTE.....
HOW COULD YOU???????

Riri & Chris......dude must be fantastic in bed
me thinks he's immature and with the
beatingwhey she just chop...........
the dick must be good..............
else why in heaven's name is she taking him back???????

if na me..i care not if the dick is as good as BW...
i aiint going back after such decking!!!!!!

Cradle snatcher called me at 1140 am sunday morning
this was after he called 8pm sat night to let me know
he is in my hood
his problem??he needs to connect his printer to his
laptop
i say-its sun morn-i know noone who can help
moreover if you are online-me thinks you should be able
to do it yourself
so he says-he's tried without success
why dont i come over???
so i tell him-i've got plans for the day and they dont
include solving his IT issues........

phone rings at noon another ex
he's in my hood and he is hungry
so i say.........ransack your mama's kitcehn
or go to a restaurant
cos the holy book says you shouldn't eat food prepared
by an concubine or an ex or otherwise
dude goees haba!!!!
kilagbe.....ki le ju(we dey fight???)
i say oh no....i'm just teasing
he says oh he really needs to see my face
so i say my face is busy

Dear Lord on a sunday morning
what type of terrible soap is this(whey i take baff)??????
i was nicely asking Baba to forgive me my trespasses
so i can pray for a windfall(money not dicks)
afterall i have not fornicated in 8 months
so i'm therefore worthy to seek and find

i hereby reject and rebuke all ex's
they are ex's for a reason(s)

Baba loke as we celebrate the prophet's birth
grant me my heart's desires............AMEN!!!!!!!!

am at the salon hours later...jejely making my nails
but giving my eyes food....watching everyone
this silly ass comes in...pretty..cute kid in tow
no wedding or engagement ring
who am i to judge.......
i'm single......no kids@30 going on......

but i totally hated her outfit
if i was male i would not spare her a glance
she was trying too hard...
tight skirt......bum was squeezed in...
so you couldnt't appreciate the bum........
top too low.......boobs seeping out
thrashy not classy!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but then again....to each his own.........

i just wonder.............
i watch nolloywod movies and when a guy needs to send his wife packing
he pushes her out with a ghana must go bag and a box
i look around my home now
and i wonder how many cars i'll need to cart away all
i've acquired over the years......
its irrelevant if i need them or not
they are MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and even though when i marry i know i'll have to do sum downsizing
i still know i've got a lot of little bits and pieces of me
that i'm taking along so
my new home will totally be my home

so pray tell Mr Director.......
if we ever need to act a movie
he had better get me a BRT bus to take my stuff
cos two bags wont take even my shoes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Names????????????

2009-02-22T15:13:00.000-08:00

Passed by a sign

No loitering
No hawking
No parking
Military zone
Fine-deflated tires

Some guy that sells OK in my hood
has a sign that says
80% off
OK is almost free
so i wonder with 80% off
why not just hand it out for free????????
(OK=Okrika=bend down boutique)

We know when we are being lied to(most times)
but.....some times.......
the truth hurts too much
we'd prefer the lies

I was talking to a pal
and i asked...............
what names do guys calls babes they sleep with these days....

together we came up with
scelle
tata
fish
bushmeat
fowl
help me-i'm no male
i know no female wants to be called any of these names

in my dictionary a man can be a
fling
fuckmate
friend
relative
boyfriend
fiance
husband
i doubt any guy wants to answer to either of the first two names
i've never insinuated to anyone he was any of the first two
................i've had one of both

but i'd rather tumble into bed with a friend

i fancied myself getting married to a guy a few years ago

they guy i leaned on when i broke up with Mel

he is currently in a relationship

it looks serious

last night he called

all i've done lately is emails

and he asks

am i happy he is in a relationship

i say yes

why would i not be?

is it cos i asked you(him) to marry me thrice

and on each ocassion you brushed me away????

he says..........i never asked

moreover he always thought he was not good enough for me

so i said.........well i did ask you

i even asked one time why we are we not dating

every time you brushed my questions away

i knew he had major issues because we dont see God the same way

he is a good xtian virgin guy

i was scared i was gonna lead him straight to hell

me-unclean

me-definitely not Xtian

neways......he's found a good Xtian girl

if she's virgin or not i know not

wish him well

i really do

i'm someday gonna find me an unclean guy

who wants to get dirtier with me

with his body and mind and possessions

not his soul

i need his soul to be pure....*wink*

Are you ready to rumble????

2009-02-16T13:57:00.000-08:00

Feb 14th
had errands to run and a wee bit of shopping
the sun was a killer
i growled when the bus conductor's sweat landed on my arm

got to my cousin's
laffs-stuffed my face
decided to head on home to dinner with myself

the rain decided otherwise
all the cabs had ladies
touching up their make up in them

an Uncle stays close
he heard i just left so he came to pick me
insisted i spend the night
why go home to yourself?????

i said most peeps just had their dinner ruined
with a glint in his eyes he said
*laroda ojo*
(theres no easy way to translate this
but what do you think he was saying????
rain-wet girlfriend-guy's doorstep-val's day/night)

went back to theirs
we had dinner
red wine
and watched
*why did i get married* (for the umpteenth time)
and it occured to me
they've been married 9 years
last year
she got cards at noon
lunch at 2pm(chinese)
and cake at 4pm
i have no idea what he had planned for dinner*wink*

this year
the people at her job missed out on oohing and aahing
but once again
they did not take themselves for granted
...........they have a good thing going

So conductor tonite hikes the fare by 20naira
i'm too tired to argue
I and many others
Some guy was in the mood for trouble
he decided not to pay the hike in price

conductor rants and raves
drives him past his drop
2 stops later driver stops for another passenger
conductor takes off his shoes/shirt
trust Lagosians they stopped them
i was in the mood to watch a royal rumble
moreover i was disgusted by his antics

any man that can floor you
doesnt bother getting neat
he wants you to bloody him if you can
cos he knows he can bloody you in seconds

in another life..........i have a black belt in karate
once........i had a crush on such a machine
one thing he always told those of us close to him was
*never try to catch me unawares*
guy who did
was flat on his back in seconds
and in danger of getting a dislocated shoulder
unfortunately 50 other people witnessed it

fooling around was usually tricky
you could get a broken finger
just for trying to startle him

i survive his friendship without any scars
but i think Chris Brown was wrong
any man trained in martial arts
never uses his skills outside battle
machine or not
hitting a woman...is sooooooooooo wrong

every kid of mine is gonna be skilled in martial arts
you never know when you may need to defend yourself.............

What would you do if you are standing together
a group of 6 women enjoying the evening breeze
asswipe walks up to you
good evening ladies..............
i want to show you something
i'm not interested cos i think
sales man
but
..........i watch as he zips down
pulls down his pants and shows us his phallus
the others run away screaming
i stand there grinning

it was a good sized one
in another circumstance
with a guy i really fancy
that would give me joy...........*wink*

Do I miss him/it????????

2009-02-09T13:54:00.000-08:00

Dealing with grief is hard ..........very hard
especially if the person is a loved one
when i was called about Gramps-all i said was its a lie
a minute later i was packing-heading home
he was gonna be buried in a few hours
but by the tyme i got to my boss to say why i needed to leave
the dam burst.............
i somehow got the words out and made it home
being with people who share your grief can make it easier

its not like he's the first i've lost
there was maternal gramps and gran
but paternal gramps-i spent my formative years with
we were close-it hit me hard
miss you gramps..............*sigh*

asides loosing family
there also friends who have left us
school friends
people we used to work with
acquaintances
neighbours

i believe when they go
its hard for us to take it in
but we must
cos if he/she wasnt meant to go
he/she would still be with us

a house crumbles
5 days later someone is pulled out almost no injury
same building someone who practically landed on top of the debris
who was seemingly ok-dies on his/her way to hospital

a home burns
same home
same circumstances
two people get out
one survives one does not

a plane crashes-one survivor

a car accident-a robbery

so many ways death may come

i have an aunt who says
death is a debt
we all must pay
only thing is
when it comes it comes with some thing

we hear he went to sleep and didnt wake up
or he coughed o-and that was it
he only complained of a headache
he was on a bike o
he was travelling o
na robbers shoot am o
so many scenarios

my wish for us all
that we pay the debt of death in our old age

i've seen one death too many
Dear Lord its too early in the year
to take your children home

PS:how come when i'm asked
do you miss her
all i think of is why miss her
will she give me money????

and if it is-do you miss him????
all i think of is why miss him???
will him give me money?????

but if its an ex
him....................no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
his phallus....oh yesssssssssssss i miss it

Weight & February..........

2009-02-01T16:50:00.000-08:00

weighed my cousin yesterday...........
his father refuses to pick him....he weighs 16.4kg

we call him *eru ti o se ji gbe*(kidnappers cant get him)...lol

he'll be two in april
i weighed 12kg at age 10
i remember cos we were weighed in school and i got the nickname cockroach
my mum came to school to warn my classmates and the silly ass teacher that gave me the name to desist from calling me such

next guy that did.....got a bloody nose

next person who got me REALLY mad *has* a chipped tooth

i'm VERY VERY slow to anger
the holy book says.......the best amongst men is he who can control his anger

the few times i've lost it
i've done things i *should* regret

i'm VERY vindictive
being able to control my anger is therefore a VERY good thing

at 12 some classmate told me he liked me
i didnt give a hoot

at 14 he sang the song again
i almost maimed him

at 15 the whole school must have *talked* to me on his behalf
i did start to date him
all he ever got out of it.........
was a side hug and hand holding

at 15 and half
next guy who liked me
used to read me poems
nice.....very nice
he stole a peck on my lips one night

at 17 i saw a pair of biceps and i forgot my name
dated him 6 months
fell in love........the first time
he had my heart and got my pussy
he didnt know what to do with it
(he was an 18 yr old virgin....forgive him.....*wink*)

at 19 i dated a guy 8 years older
he got my virginity but not my heart

at 22 i gave my body but not my heart
three years later......he got married

at 25 i tried to repeat *my previous arrangement*
but i lost my heart again at 28
sadly he wanted someone else

its been three years.........
all i'm willing to give is friendship
if i throw in my body........its my body

its february again
some guys are gonna start inventing stories
some will break up to make up later

what ever is on your plate
eat with relish

i'm gonna be pampering myself that day
not sure yet
a spa
movie(s) and good food
a good bout(s) of
mind melting
grammy award win soundtrack inducing
earth shattering

sex will be appreciated.............

Blue Ocean...............

2009-01-23T00:02:00.000-08:00

So i heard about strip clubs in las gidi
i decided to go see
so i mailed a blogger who had blogged about her experience
and she gave me a name.......blue ocean

mentioned it to A(my pal)..........she mentoned it to her boo

he said we three would go

next time we harrassed him about it.........he said not yet
later he said he needed to go see before letting two ladies tag along

Sat...we dropped off my cousin at the airport
and talked about hanging out
strippers came into the convo
we tried to go during the holidays

but he said he passed by and they were closed
we had a laff about it
'strippers on vacation'

we made it to ikeja
blue ocean still closed

na wa o
dem no go resume????????

we ladies said ok lets head home
dude says no
lets find another one
i say how?
he says the same way he found blue ocean
all he had was the name......no location......but he found it
i'll ask people even if i have to ask a police man he said
we must find one tonight
so he goes on his mission

we stay in the car to gossip
he comes back a while later with a dreadlocked pal in tow
i said new pal was not getting into the car

ask me-wetin my own?
i be passenger myself

neways new pal takes off on a bike
we follow
when he stops
i wonder
erm........it doesnt look like anything is happening
pal's boo D says-thats the same way blue ocean looks from the street

i spot someone and i chuckle
there sure is biz happening around here

really small place
walked in and did a quick survey
small cosy bar
spotted a girl dancing with the pole
took the cushion closest to her

sat back
we ordered drinks
and proceeded to watch the babe........

not bad

she did a striptease
had some sexy moves
was bad looking and as flat as a washboard
definitely not my cup of tea

next babe on had more meat on her bones..........i like
more stuff to jiggle

so we notice an oldie getting a lap dance

pal and i giggle about it.....so we decided to set her boo up

we asked him to get a lap dance
he was hesistant

we insisted

he got a glint in his eye
he said pick a girl

i picked a flat smallie(i figured-he did not have to enjoy it)
my pal said no.......she picked a cute voluptuous babe in a pink teddy

i wondered........will he touch?

at first no
but when she jiggled dem boobs at him
he grabbed ass

i knew he was in for the 'talk'
but then again na she pick......

i figured a lap dance-yes
grab ass-no
and babe has a luscious ass

after a while my pal stalks out
i know she's mad
he goes to talk to her

i'm grinning-imagining the convo in the car

i'm still watching the babes
another bootyliious babe was on
i particularly liked her red garter and make up

they had been in the car 20 mins
some dude decides i need company
yes o...he sat beside me

oturugbeke......a horny guy i no know
i no see anything o but how he no go horny....
he's been watching naked babes jiggle sturvs

i no blame am
as me sef siddon alone
maybe i dey advertise........

he then proceeds to move closer....ehn ehn
mo don jazzy re......
i get up.....get to the car..........ignore their tiff
scold them both for leaving me alone to the wolves in there

i needed to pee
we went back in
there was a big mama on when i came out of the loo
big mama should consider retirement
not a nice show-my opinion
but the guys seemed to enjoy her
she had no moves
just a lot of fat ass jiggling and droopy boobs
and vagina in ur face

we left soon after..........

so i've seen strippers in lagos
or as they are called..........gogo dancers

way back from work mon
babe ahead me in the bus
had a striking resemblance to a certain stripper
what are the odds?????????
i kept staring at her

she came down at my stop
i got a good look
not so sure though........but i still think she's the one

joint is open.....mon-sun.........7pm-5am

so i wonder
should i have gone to say hi???
and to ask why she did not go to work??????

ps:i'm soooooooooo loving the change in weather in lagos!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will i ever tire???????

2009-01-15T16:05:00.000-08:00

So.......

Silly ass conductor beats a passenger for giving him 20 naira for a 30 naira bus ride even though the guy was going halfway-no be 15 naira he suppose pay???

my 20 naira fell on drivers outfit...i kept asking for it...he kept ignoring me even though i had paid 30 naira to his conductor..........

He then proceeded to do a race with a tanker-since i had no idea if the tanker was empty,full with gas or fuel or diesel....i corrected him(this time he heard)

then told me to mind my business...he's been in the business since forever..........so i told him not to tell me rubbish....just cos i'm in his bus dont mean i cant drive a vehicle...and i know you dont race on a narrow road close to a t-junction at night especially if your neighbour is a tanker.....

no one need know the last time i handled an automobile was in 2004-dad promised me a car-i learnt-earned my learners permit-no car.....swore not to bother till i can buy it meself.....that day is sooner than later.............

I caught a yoruba movie recently
babe and guy na childhood sweethearts
dem marry
years down the line
the babe tells her hubby that he knows she's never really liked sex
and she's tired of her nightly duty
so she marries him a second wive
well he eventually gets a third.......

i love sex
ever since i discovered it
2006 till date has been my dryest years

while i was never anyone's live-in-lover
i did get it on a regular
i was either in a relationship or getting it with a *friend*
(some friends come with benefits)........*wink*

so i wonder

will i ever be that woman?????
will i ever sometimes not want it????
will i ever be too tired for it???
will i ever give my rights to someone else??????

i doubt.........

i'm quite sure i'll still be riding
so long as there's a breath in my body........*wink*

Stolen from Caramel............

2009-01-08T01:22:00.001-08:00

Where is your cell phone? Beside me

where is your significant other? In my dreams

Your hair color? dark brown

Your mother? Brazilian oops Osun State

Your father? Greek oops Ogun State

Your favourite thing?(things)...Money,sex,food,tv

Your dream last night? Hooking up with big willie

Your dream/goal? Obedient daughter to my heavenly father,fabulous career woman,loving wife & mother...........

Your hobby? Sleeping,Blogging and looking good-which comes by default.....i was created hawt.....*wink*

Your fear? none

Where do you want to be in 6 years? Fulfilled

Where were you last night? At home

what you're not? A cheat

One of your wish list items? That my love handles disappear........

Where you grew up? Lagos.......

The last thing you did? now?.....proof read this

Your pet? used to own a fab cat.....

Your computer? mi old reliable tosh

Your mood? Horny

Missing someone? Nah..........but i miss something........*wink*

Your summer? no be everyday be summer in las gidi????

Love someone? God,Family and friends.....

Your favourite colour? Black and white!

When is the last time you laughed? a few minutes ago.....

Last time you cried? He moved out again.....mum was sooo sad....she got me tearing up.......

Are you genuine or fake? I'm as real as can be.

Any vices? i procrastinate....

Pro life or wire hanger? Pro life

McCain or Obama......Obama & Fashola

so my aunt once said
i walk too fast

that people cant catch up with me when i walk by

thats why i don't have a man she said
guys probably have a hard time catching up with the fyne gal that just walked past

a colleague said so a few days ago
he saw me go past
he was gonna call out to me
but he had water in his mouth
by the time he swallowed i don zap

*sigh* i guess i need to slow down my pace

Happy Sexy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-31T17:20:00.000-08:00

Usually i'm in braids..plaits...locks
i like it
i look good in 'em
and it doesnt interfere with my favourite past time...*wink*

when i'm running late (most mornings)
i rake it in place with my hands
when i've been thoroughly ravished....*wink*
i rake it back in place with my hands

a weave is harder to manage
you need to oil it.....
hair accessories,nets,brushes,combs,sometimes gels
i just cant be bothered to have to spend 5-10 mins
on my hair on a daily
and that IS mornings only
Lord knows how many more times i have to check my coif
during the course of the day

but i got meself a long wavy weave two weeks ago
everyone seemed to like it
i did too
t'was.........sexy......

i remembered my childhood dream
hair as long and silky as Hema Malin's
or was it Rekha?

i have now decided......i'll do a weave more
maybe not always long
maybe not always wavy
but once in a while i'll do away with the norm of
braids....locks....twists...plaits....

so sleek,amingos,paloma,expressions....
whoever and whatever ur names are...
i do solemnly promise to use you more in 2009

my ex (Mel) called last week
this week he sent me an sms at 12:04 am on his birthday
i already decided i was gonna act like i forgot
but he called........so i just let slip a happy birthday

next thing i know if i remember correctly
there will be an invite to hang out........
una whey sabi am
helep me tell him
he will ONLY get a whiff........after marriage......
IF we get married.....else.....
he cant just leave me.......then 2yrs later.....

i know........once debe.....ever debe
but in this case
for him to debe;he must OWN it......
afterall i gave him 3 years.......

but then again
maybe he is just being friendly.......
i sit back and watch......
soon....wind go blow.......we go see fowl yansh

I remember 31st Dec 2000
dude i was dating then
said to me
i want your eyes to be the first thing
i see in the new year......
please spend the new year with me.........

its corny i know
we were not in love but it was sweet.........
we had only being dating about a week...
yea.........i did spend it with him....we went to church
church abi???....ask me o......we were hanging out as a group

and one of us na deacon pickin.......
he did look into my eye at the dot of midnight and we kissed
how did we manage it in church???
i no know but i remember someone hissing......lol

after church we went clubbing
please remind us no be church we from come?????

neways on the eve of 2009 ....there was no one who
wanted to look into my eyes.....

2008 was a great year.......
again and again i was assured of God's love........
my family.......i love to bits....and vice versa
my job i love...and hopefully vice versa..*a raise*.....
friends i care deeply about....hopefully vice versa
being broke didnt happen this year...yippie....
enuff money in the bank...an suv...a man that bones me silly

oops the money in the bank,suv and man na typo
those are wishes for 2009.........*wink*

wish u all a fabulous 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy New Year Blogville!!!!!!!!!!!

For Freak.......

2008-12-26T14:35:00.000-08:00

Movies

Worst Movie: Irapada(yea......t'was shown at galleria)

Second Best: Jenifa 1/Letters to a stranger

Best Movie: American gangster

Food

Worst Meal/Snack: cant think of any...if i dont have good reviews about it......it
wont come near my mouth

Second Best: Chicken republic is da best fast food joint i know

Best: Amala...Ewedu...Fresh fish....no one does it like i do....erm maybe
momma....*wink*

Drink

Worst Drink: none

Second Best: Hollandia yoghurt......it settles my tummy....

Best: Baileys on the rocks

Music

Worst Song...just watch an hour of tv...someone is bound to spoil your lunch......

Second Best: Street Credibility ...9ice & 2face....

Best:.........Dont break my heart.......Banky W

Moment

Worst Moment: none

Second Best: getting the call-you got the job

Best: getting a grammy after a certain someone made me sing my heart out
after an eight month drought...*wink*.....t'was so good i lost
phone on the way home.....

Fashion

Worst accessory/kit: one crazy bag my aunt sold to me

Second Best: cute shoes i got at a bargain price

Best: my pink la senza lingerie..it counts...*wink*

Toy

Worst Toy: None

Second Best: None

Best: I dont do toys....*wink*..but life would be hard without my fones & lappy.....

Person

Most Difficult Person: Pa

Second Best: Mi brothers

Best: Mama...i'm grateful you were my vessel to earth.....if i had to pick...i'd
pick you again and again....

Favourite Blog Post

By another blogger...hard to pick....

By moi:..............same as above..every post is a reflection of my
mood.........shy,sad,reflective,funny,angry,horny,
happy,rich,broke....little bits and pieces of me......

Skill

Worst Skill: evaluation and report writing skills

second Best: being diplomatic

Best: Multi-tasking...working effectively & blogging

Xmas was quiet but i went and added 2 inches to my love handles.....i do hope i can do my sit ups for real......in the last 6months...i've been doing them in my head...*wink*...........Merry Xmas peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For Oyin(Kinshar)

2008-12-22T03:44:00.000-08:00

Oyin why you wanna be all up in my biz???

here goes......

1) I love God.....i may not be that hijab wearing sister but acknowledging His
goodness/mercies/blessings upon moi and mine and trying to be a better muslim is
important to me.....very important

2) I love my mama & brothers to death(my dad.......i love him.....just not to death)

3) If i dont act soft around/with you........live with it

4) If i act soft around/with you-chances are i may let you fuck me
silly.......*wink*

5) I used to suck my tongue

6) I'm lazy

7) I did not like watching porn

8) I hate being broke

9) I think my doctor likes me.....*wink*

10) I miss that shimmery afterglow i get after earth shattering
sex.......

so i hereby pass this on to........

1) Smaragd
2) Freaksho
3) Afrobabe
4) Aloofa
5) LG
6) Baroque
7) Padosh

all ye other darlings of mine

Oyin said 7 people......if i wan write everyone name.....page go finish
...abi make i tag all of una??????

mwah

erm............i forgot......so
There are some simple rules to accept this award:
1. List 10 honest things about yourself, hopefully
interesting.

2. Pass the award on to 7 bloggers

Did you hear me cum????????

2008-12-10T23:38:00.000-08:00

INYANYA WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nii came second
Praise third
Annette 4th

i'm elated..........

.....alas......they say i'm too old for him(Inyanya)

i should give girls his age a chance

i lick my wounds in private.......
and hope Banky W will have me back.......
i promise to be a faithful groupie......

My cousin is getting introduced in two weeks
had girl talk over the sallah holidays

when did you know it was him?

she's known him 5 years
.......then she thought
u want a whiff of this...in another life

he confessed back then
all he wanted was a little sumthing sumthing

she never gave in.........

different relationships and years down the line

they are talking one day
and he goes....marry me.....

she goes thro every reason why she should say no
cant find any..........

she's happy...........i'm happy for her

Saw my ex over sallah........Mel.......
...turns out my Gramps and his Gramps
built their Lagos Villas opposite each other

i wonder how many times his gramps and mine
exchanged neighbourly banters......

...............both dead now

his mum has moved into her dad's place
she has a cordial relationship with my grandma

everytyme i visit Gran and she pops in.......
i have this evil grin on my face

wondering if she'll ever find out
how many ways her son fucked me brains out
in the three years i dated him......

its a wonder i still have a medula.....*wink*

neways he was there to see his mum
i was there to see gran
we saw.....we said hi

we hung out for an hour later in a group

talked....laughed together as a group

for a split second..........
i wanted him to grovel
i saw myself straddling him
i saw his mum and my gran.....neigbours....in-laws.....

his fone rang...he did not pick it.....

it was her(i'm sure)....

i'm secretly hoping she's the face on facebook

i can gloat.......she's got nothing on me(she no fyne reach me)

moreover if he could not say............i'm with friends

then he's gat withdrawal symptoms......*evil grin*

sent my song in to Geisha
if una no like when una hear am
make una no abuse me o

i just hope it wasnt the other stuff i sent in
*blush to my roots*

the sound of me cummmmmmminggggggggg........

how come i have it recorded?????
i have no idea............*wink*

IT...............................

2008-12-01T20:49:00.000-08:00

Thanks peeps for your response to 4 fingers
she now knows....even a whole fist is possible.....*wink*

So Bisola (Project fame)is out....felt sad she had to go
neways she go quick go hook up with Kodjo.....*lol*.....

make una vote for
My heart....Iyanya...i wonder if going all groupie over him
is because he is Calabar(i think).....*cough*......

Praise.....dont care

Annette.....she has a great vocal range in spite of them jugs....or cos of them...*wink*............

Nii........my Charlie.....

Made it to the doc on fri...skipped work
got some drug for my back......muscle pain he said
got a home massage......my aunt the nurse did the honours
........t'was good and cheap(free)....*wink*
blood work showed a little malaria,a little thyphoid
got drugs for them too
and spent the weekend swallowing pills

i'm much berra now........health wise
but i would really love to get a fix......*wink*.....

in the absence of a fix.......
let me tell u a story.......
story......story........

First job straight out of camp(NYSC)
a bank........job was ok..hours were good
peeps i had to work with were mostly assholes
i didnt give a hoot...needed some sort of experience on my cv
was in a branch close to my abode
but i would go to the head office twice a week to help out

.....if you've ever heard me on the phone(guys)
you really wanna see the face that accompanies the voice...........
i know it...they know it......*wink*

while i'm no Bella Naija(girl is HAWT)
but i can hold my own.............*wink*

during the course of discharging our duties
we would need to call the IT department at the Head Office
sometimes several times a day
i developed a good rapport with two guys that were assigned to us

after a while,one of them O was already talking
about browsing my website(his exact words)

i only waved it away......i was amused but not interested

three months at the job....i became a guru.....
any problem i couldnt solve was a network problem
hence IT guys..........

twice a week......tues & thursday....i was expected to head out
to Head Office to help with paper work............

was at H.O this fateful thursday
minding my work whilst gisting and someone made me laugh.........

i heard someone call out my name
i came out of the cubicle
his voice sounded familiar.......
i scanned thru the faces in my brain files

no match........

he goes...hi Ibi..
then it clicks.....ohhhh....the other IT guy....
(he's cute)
nice to finally meet you.....
(i was mentally wondering how much oil my wayward nose must have secreted)
i've got pimples............
oil on my face comes with the territory
oily facial skin...pimples or acne.....lol

my supervisor coughs.....enuff with the greeting...get back to work

an hour later the intercomm buzzes
i'm allowed to pick her calls........i pick it
its D.........come upstairs....now??
yes....

i drop the receiver..........who was it?.....
..........my call i say.....

ten minutes later....i need a break i say

be back in twenty she says......to the loo
hair in place.......check
glasses out....contacts in......check
oily nose.......powdered
lip gloss......popping...
a dab of CK-In2u..........
i pee...i clean up...i wash...
i dry...i moisturise..........

i head out to the IT dept

he's there with Mr *browse your website*
i sit..Mr website...leaves

we chat......i'm fascinated...
he shows me some of the stuff he does
i'm awed............yea....
......i love to be around intelligent people........

neways....my 20mins is up
i go back down
....now we've met
we find several reasons to call
on a daily..............*wink*

3 months later he asks if i'll hang out for an icecream after work..........
why not......yippieee.....(i'm a sweettooth junkie)
fabulous.................

he picks me a while later

we hang out till its too late/dangerous to head back to mine.....
i no complain o.........
he was witty and easy to talk to
the hours flew.........

he suggests his place.....ok i say.....
no electricity........gen was in a bad mood.....
..........fashy it we did

.......he gives me a shirt.......we take
separate showers

on his bed...we lie facing each other......
gisting..........

....my phone rings.........its 1130pm...

which kain winchy be dis??????????

Four Fingers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-24T00:27:00.000-08:00

Project Fame

i honestly had goose pimples
before they called Iyanya
until a few weeks ago
Banky W was my favourite Nigerian artiste
he could do no wrong...........
i looked forward to him serenading moi
THE VOICE AND THAT FACE......

but i dare say
Banky......i'll continue to be a follower
on your blog but Iyanya has my heart now

the guy gives me goose pimples

and yes it was I on stage with him
on saturday
the little drama when he serenaded moi with.......
.'love,truly'.........
OMG...............now every one knows what i look like
(fat chance)

no be me
but it could have been me
that song WAS FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!

On Sunday
Nii was marvelous
his costume......fabulous

Bisola was fabulous as always

Annette...kai she CAN sing....

I dont care for Praise.....though i grudginly agree
that he CAN do things with his voice
'but i wont be sad to see him/Annette go on sat
kai i wonder how much credit i will burn this week
to keep my peeps in......

Achy shoulder...berra
Massage...next weekend definitely
Did i see the Doc...no
I'm chilling out for my annual check up thingy
after the massage if i still dont feel berra cos
i did get all the rest i needed over the weekend
and i dont feel ill so i want my consultation fee to count.......

So someone i know says you cant have four fingers in you

me thinks....why not???????

she says even after two kids...
its just not possible....

so i ask
since i'm usually not checking how many fingers go into moi....

GUYS!!!!!!!!!(and/or ladies).......
CAN an undilated(about to have a baby)...........
sexually aroused........
never had a kid before.......
never been pregnant.......
lady have 4 fingers in her???????

*wink*..........

For Gramps!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-19T06:42:00.000-08:00

Weekend was busy
a wedding on saturday
and a trip to Abeokuta on Sunday

for Gramps memorial
Its been a year.................

My cousin threatened to leave me in lagos
if i dont make it to hers at 7am
made it 720am
she wasted MY time till 820
we head out in their bus
4 adults
2 teenagers
1 maid(sorry)i dont mean this the way it came out
3 kids

about 9 am we stop to buy fuel.......just bcos
...........bus refuses to start

we are at it for 10 minutes.....e no gree
then we get a mechanic(sun Morn)..........lucky us
he is at it for 10 minutes
says we need a *rewire*
rewire surfaces.........he is at it for an hour

because we were in contact with the others
an Uncle close to where we dey
comes to meet us about 11am
with his minivan
we tow the bus to his abode
pile into the minivan
then head out to our country villa

we get there about 1pm ........
we do all the hellos
I particularly avoid an Aunt
who will only say hello after you let her
touch ur booby

no marra who u are
na so she go greet u

if to say i no know say she's very straight
i for fear...........

we clean up
settle down
pray for Gramps soul
take pictures........dance and feast!!!!!!!!!!!!
........goody!!!!!!!!!

at about 4 pm
we clean up
and pile back into our vehicles
and head back to Lagos

not one of us resides in Abeokuta.......

Gramps..................
i love you and miss you dearly
just to let you know
we are all...........

your 2 wives(shoulda being 3 but we lost his 3rd wife)
12 children
37 grand children and counting(i'm number 3-first female).....lol
3 great grandchildren and counting

.........saying Alihamdulallahi cos we are sure Paradise
is were you reside!!!!!!!!!!!!

i've been getting this back aches
my shoulder aches...it has become constant
i want a massage so bad(a greek massuer please)
cant find the time and i kinda need a referral
can anyone recommend a good gym/spa i can get one

or i just may see my doctor
cos i just remembered body pain for me
sometimes preceeds a malaria bout........

or maybe just maybe
na this drought dey cause...........*wink*

Pot Pourri

2008-11-10T04:28:00.000-08:00

Caught World Music Awards on Ait last night

The Russian guy...must be gay
Akon...suave
The Dokpesis,Keke,D1,2face....looking good
Estelle....fab
The Mid-eastern act...i liked

heard the phrase........"thanks for having me".......whilst watching a movie
and i smiled.....cos me thinks when u spend *tyme* wit your boo and you are leaving and you say those words.....i guess you are saying thanks cos he/she not just "had" you over but also probably "had" you......*wink*.....

i've been following Project Fame Academy on Ait....i have my favourites

I have a crush on Iyanya(can anyone mail me his number??.......cos everytime he sings.....all i hear is the song by Jennifer Hudson in Dream Girls.."One night only".....i would love to spend one night with him...*wink*........

I love love love Kodjo's voice

Bisola needs to pick the songs that make her sound like the dynamite that she is

Annette has a lovely vocal range

Nii is fabulous

Onyemechi is great

Praise is aiight

Dorcas/Caro need to go home.......
sadly Kodjo, Bisola & Iyanya are all on probation this week...
wish i could vote online............

Mom asked my Aunt to get her some jewelry-i asked for a bracelet.....when it arrived.....she(Aunt) went above my price range.....and i loathed it on sight...so i asked that it be sent to mum but my (jobless) cousin lost it in transit.........so i will have to pay for something that i hated on sight but which is now missing......ohhhh she(cuz) is gonna pay somehow......someday.........

So some guy in the news....rapes a girl in his car and falls asleep....she drives him to the police station and jail.......na so Baba Loke go dey make my enemies fall into pit whey them dig for me......amen!!!!!!!!!

Muri Okunola saga...is Harry dead yet???.....

*I love you*...last time i said those words to a man
and meant it..............
last night(was talking to my brother)....

ok.....before you all ask...last time i said it to a man
that is not family and i meant it......
Sept 2007..............
a man i have never boffed and i probably never will.........

i know una go ask.....last time i said it and meant it
to a man i had boffed..was boffing...and i had no plans at that time to stop boffing........................
.............2000........

Catching Quantum of Solace tonight........
Freaksho & Sirius say it didnt do much for them.........
my colleague at work says other wise
so......i'm gonna go see.........

LADIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-31T16:31:00.000-07:00

Dont sell yourself short
if you are in love with him
Dont kill yourself trying to keep him

If he's gonna leave you
theres absolutely nothing you can do about it......

How Best Do we Express Love????

2008-10-25T12:15:00.000-07:00

A friend once said the only way to express love is by boffing(sex).......

another said-sex is the only thing by nature known to man and animals alike
that gives pleasure.....the best known to man......

another said for God so loved the world
........that He gave us sex............

if it was meant for pro-creation ONLY
how come ecstasy is involved????

we worship,feed,sleep,pray.....
other activities of our daily life.........

some we enjoy immensely
some we don't particularly enjoy
but only SEX initiates ecstasy.....

through the ages..........
some have killed for it
others betrayed for it
age,colour,creed,religious,political,social affiliations.........
don't matter.........

ladies.....
if the phallus didnt give so much pleasure......
would you touch it????

damn thing isnt good looking......

your lover may be drop dead gorgeous
but other than the fact that a good sized phallus
promises an earth shattering tyme

we probably wouldn't have them things near us.......

i'm no male
i have no idea if men think vaginas are good looking
but me thinks for guys as well
its all about what it can do
not what it looks like

cos if it was about looks

we would all die virgins...........*wink*....

Class Rep 2

2008-10-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

So we get home
laugh and imagine her reaction......

an hour later the
Speaker to Student Union Govt(SUG)
comes to visit
one of us is dating his cousin and roomate

we tell him what we've done
he laffs and decides to chill
she'll come fully armed he says

as expected......she comes with a whole gang of people.....
angry mob they sounded like
were they armed?with anger....yes...
with violent stuffs????...no.....dem be church people.......

through our bolted door and window
we laff at all her/their ranting

then she says i'm headed to the speaker to report...........
speaker says speak up-i'm right here in Ibi's room

he then says you have to return their money
then they will return your stuff

tell your gang to leave
i'll ask Ibi to open the door
do remember if any sort of violence breaks out here
i shall personally report to the House & the VC

we opened the door and let her in
she saw her stuff was safe

she promised to give us the money in class tomorrow
we promised to bring the bag to school
but only to drop it IF our money was returned

these in the presence of SUG Speaker

she and her gang leaves

we laff some more

all was well in our kingdom

i fear to imagine her with broken limbs if......
she/any of hers had touched a hair of our skin.......

while WE had never being members of any *affiliations*

my ex knew to *BEG* me when we broke up

oh.....he had to be sure i had no hard feelings

he and his babe were due to be.......

all i needed to do was cry wolf to my......

Police or Thief??????

2008-10-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

So i'm in a bus riding home
silly ass tax collectors stop us twice already in 3 mins

just when we thought
we were free

we see them again
conductor is mad

decides to ignore them
them no gree

one jump in front
another raise gun
kai i dey window beside the gun welding idiot

was kinda amused........usually i get raving mad

just when we were all telling conductor
*answer them make we go*

this car pulls up beside us
and proceeds to come down

na snr officer

whats happening here?

why start a traffic jam??

release that bus immediately
i'm pleased
every one in the bus says
Oga God bless u ooo
no mind them

Ole Ole Ole

i couldnt help laughing
Olopa don turn ole........

LOVE IS.......................

2008-10-13T08:45:00.000-07:00

...a lifestyle
...an attitude
...a decision
...selflesss
...giving
...caring
...kind

.....a smile
.....a kind word
.....a good deed
.....doesnt expect anything back

most of all
.....loving yourself

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IBI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-10-07T11:26:00.000-07:00

So i turned 30 today
was gonna have a big bash
but i don posstpone am

year 2013
i go call all of una........

i'm feeling loved
my fone rang every 2 mins from midnight

to all my friends and family that remembered

thank you.............i love you all

to those of u who forgot.......i plan to forgive you all next year
IF you remember

to those i consider friends but do not have an inkling of my birthday
next year i shall not forgive you if you forget........

We write our own scripts
live in what we ourselves create
and we are ultimately responsible for
everything
that happens to us............

cant remember where i got this from
but i concur......

My tendencies...............someone asked!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-26T05:58:00.000-07:00

So i caught a movie
king has a rule
any young man that works in the palace must be castrated

Queen no gree make them castrate a particular guy
cos she fancied him as a boff mate so she changed the castrator
to a trusted man......

i wonder what will happen in part 3 when they catch them..........

So my tendencies..........

na one babe make them think am ooooooooo

we needed to donate money for something in school
na 100 level i dey

na so we donate to class rep

two weeks later no project no money returned

na hin i broke oooooo
i ask for my own
na so my people...3 other ladies ask

she talk say she go give us back

a week later ...no money

na so for class one day
we 4 go meet am
return the kiishi........abi u don spend am????

no i havent...........i just keep forgetting

ok no wahala............dont forget tomorrow

tomorrow she no come class...........

na so for evening we 4 plus one attache go her house

we all wear black pants-battle ready outfit......abi no b so????

as we reach her hostel ask for her
the first person we ask look us-up....down she say no
she no dey this hostel
we just laugh..............

na so i tell my peeps make them chill
i see one toaster-na so i tune up my foney voice
how u doing?i need to pick up an assignment from D
do u know where her room is??

na so guy grin show me the room

i go back to call my peeps
room was ajar.......
she no dey room

we searched every where
upturned her bed
looked under the mattress...locker..bags...boxes

two of us no dey see meat
dem chop the meat whey the girl cook for pot

another one see pad soaked in bucket

after all our ransacking
not a dime..............

so we took
her bag
a few books(we be classmates-we know whats important)
and her iron(iron na serious thing to own in school o)

then we dropped a note

YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE
YOU ARE A DIRTY LITTLE THIEF
SEE SOAKED PAD IN YOUR ROOM
YOU NO SABI COOK SEF-MEAT NO SWEET

IF YOU WANT YOUR BAG,IRON&BOOKS BACK

RETURN OUR MONEY!!!!!!!!

we left singing songs and feeling good with ourselves

kept our hostel and room door locked
we expected her to retaliate..............

Honesty na best policy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-19T04:55:00.000-07:00

From Red sapphire

The Rules:
1. When you receive the prize you must write a post
showing it, together with the name of who has given
it to you, and link them back.

2. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs (or even more)
that you find brilliant in their content or design.

3. Show their names and links and leave them a
comment informing that they have received an award

4. Show a picture of those who awarded you and
those you give the prize (optional).

5. And then pass it on!

......*blush*....
this is late but better late than never they say.....

as you (Red Sapphire) dash me honesty award...........
no be my fault if u see the kain bulala my
mama beat me when she taught me the honesty lesson
u for understand why i honest like this......

i was 7...mama wanted to teach me the 'be honest always' lesson........

day 1-sweep the room.....i did....there was 1 naira coin under her praying mat
-i picked it up and put it in my pocket......

spent it on sweets later........

day too.....same scenario......

day 3..she must have been watching-just as i dropped it in my pocket
she walked in..........what is that she asked?nothing i said...
did u see any money?

no i said...na so she say open your hand and empty your pocket
na dia she see the coin......na so she lock door......ah
temi ti bami(my own don meet me)

no one to save me o...she beat....she beat..........
na so my palle dey shout.....no kill am o......
she answer-na me born am if i kill her i go born another!!!!!!!!

shuo????

kai my malle beat me that day ehhhhhhh

i asked her later if i was adopted

after the beating
she carry liniment put for my body give me panadol
coca cola and fried fish to step down.........
she come ask me 'do u know why i beat u like that?

i dey chop fish i only shake head

NEVER EVER TAKE WHAT IS NOT YOURS AND
DONT U EVER LIE TO ME OR ANYONE FOR THAT MATTER
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY!!!!!!!!

lesson learned!!!!!!cos walahi to this day i remember the
way my body smarted-its a wonder my skin fresh.....*wink*!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok back to awards
Red Sapphire.....thanks love

who i go dash????-u don already dash ladyguide,enigma,afro,fff,funms,parakeet,baroque,emilia....

i hereby dash my awards to twinny......u know now
if not u who else???...her blog is like a summer breeze

freaksho....his mind???? a wonderful gift

charizardandbuttercup......two for the price of one.....why ever not???

solomonsdyelle...her kids......i love.....abi she go dash me????

007......his posts.....lovely writing sytle.....

madeinnaija.....where else but blogsville would we find
someone as precious/eccentric as u????

ubongda.....i miss......

tejuola.....sweets we need another series!!!!!!!!!

theres always miz-cynic,doll,uzezi,teediva,mz dee,shubby doo,unnaked,fluffy,geisha.song,afronuts,ozaveshe,ninestein,laspapi,speechgirlbucknor,freshandfab,nyemoni,princesa,tubman,oluwadee,nigerican,inyamuakut,duchess-duchessofnaija,misstairebabs.thekushchronicles,aphroditesearch,aloofaa,plastik-musings,fragito,anotherwomanslife,womanonthebrink,rhea9914,shacrown,agbero,ashewo,shiraoko,rethots,anannimos,cogitations-on-the-web,zara,eyemuse,obalichi,moaboy,sprezatura,ejura,allied,cat-dragged-in,darlingoma,sprezatura,tininu,mscocoabrown....dem remain i swear cos i peruse about 200 blogs.....lol.....but i'm tired of typing...no vex....love ya all-everyone has a different style but that what makes us who we are.......

wetin u say make i do?make i tag dem tell dem say i dash dem award abi????

i go try remember..........*wink*......

You Bit Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-15T04:33:00.000-07:00

It was the year 2000-the month of september.............
i was on a camping trip with mi late night loving club to one of the northern states

got my first ride on a bike-(okada) t'was fun

another opportunity to meet and make new friends-males and females...
as well as new toasters

so i met C
goodlooking but fair skinned
looked,talked,walked,acted like a man with a string of girls(exactly the type of guy who wont get a whiff)

i made a female pal-we fast became close
dude would spend day tyme with moi-promise me heaven and earth

and spend evening tyme with my new female pal..........he must have got a kick from it

one of them nights we had a competition
u loose......u down half a bottle of small stout

at the end of the game i had a bottle in me

he had downed 2 small bottles

he looked,acted,talked tipsy........a man who cant handle his alcohol i cant stand.......

i do remember that on the last night of camp-dude said to mi-
if i leave without shagging you Ibi-i don fuck up

that was enuff reason to let his woody hang
(even hard......it didnt look interesting)

i told him to go to my new female pal-she may be more receptive.......
he left.....to this day i have no idea if she was a lot kinder than i was..........

three years later
we hook up in lagos

he invites me to motherland
i love Lagbaja but hadnt been............
so i accepted

fateful friday-we hook up
the ride we were gonna go with-acted up
we grab a cab and head there

he offers popcorn-no
suya-no
a drink-alcohol-no
juice-no

dont u want anything??
i'm fine

all i want.........u already gave
watching Lagbaja perform live!!!!!!!!!!

he downs two big bottles
gets louder by the min
i aiint fazed

there were other acts,comedians
......in all

i had funnnnnnnnnnnn

we leave at 4am
too early to head to mine
we head to his

we get to his
i'm beat
head to his room
lie down

my senses are on red alert...
i had on a knee length skirt with a slit

true to type
a while later his hands start to wander
i sit up and without mincing words

i aiint no virgin
i do like sex
but i aiint fucking you
not tonight
not ever
if you are not gonna let me get an hours sleep before i head to mine
i can go wait the hour in the living room

but then again i dey wonder.........
how safe will i be with his druken flatmates
if i head to the living room....

sorry he says......i'll let you be

i fall asleep
a while later i feel his hands on me

i try to get up
dude gets rough

i'm trying to free myself
stop.....relax he says
stop.....chill he says
stop.....please he says

he gets rougher
he says.....please i need this

i realise no be joke o
this guy go fuck me o
abi na rape me sef at this rate

OH GOD
WHY DID I WEAR A SKIRT
I'M STRUGGLING
i'm close to tears
pls stop....pls stop....pls......

yeeepaa.......his finger in my punny????
i dont want this i say......u are wet he says

this realisation gives him ammo
na so dude wan tear pant ooooooooo

ah for this Lagos?????

I BIT HIM ON HIS SHOULDER
i must have tasted blood

he screams.......arrrrgggghhhh
YOU BIT ME!!!!!!!!

na so he release me
i scuttle away......grab mi bag/shoes

as i dey waka commot i still dey hear
Ibi......u bit me...........

i no look back o

wait he says
for where??????

i get to his gate-locked
i was ready to tear it down
was about to go wake up his flatmate(s)

Baba Loke loves mi o
his neighbour steps out
opens the gate

Good morning i say
the guy dey look mi one kain
i no send ooo
walk as fast as possible

get to the busstop
get a bus to maryland

na so i begin shake
abi na shiver
abi na convulse(my doctor says na shock)

i cry small sef
the guy beside me for bus dey look mi

i just dey think am
ahhhhhhhhhh na so them dey rape person oooooooo

i get to maryland
by now C has called 8 times
i aiint picking
get a cab-to mine

got home
had a bath
breakfast

lights off
windows drawn
fones on silent

go to bed(must have been 9 am)

i wake up about 5 pm(no nightmares)
i return all missed calls
except C's............

call mi closest pal
we talk about it
laff about it

i finally pick his 30th call.....
about 9 pm

i'm calmhi i say

i'm so sorry he says
i didnt mean to be rough
i just wanted you soooooooooo bad
you do things to me

in fact you had me in knots all night
i do apologise
but Ibi..........
you didnt have to bite me
i would have stopped if i realised you really didnt want me

i said
ah u for no stop o
you were like an animal
beyond reasoning
i wasnt taking chances
you for do.............
then blame it on the alcohol

i like u C
i could never date u though
and i sure as hell aiint fucking u

but i do forgive u
as for biting you...........i'm glad i did

take care of u
thanks for taking me to motherland
i had fun

i honestly felt no animosity towards him

but if he had entered

hmmmmmmmmmm

no be only bite i for bite am o
i wasnt suspected to be a female cultist in school for nothing o
i had/have certain tendencies...........

LETS GO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-12T13:03:00.000-07:00

Go where?
i no know..........lol

We dey fast
no talk about gbenshing
no thinking about it
no doing it
no writing about it
commenting about it
watching it
reading it
dreaming about it

kai..........i will survive

i am that hair covering,sock wearing,glove wearing sister
dressed like a woman in purdah..........

even as i am the above.....................
it dont change the fact that i looovvvveeeee sex
i love to think it
dream it
fantasise about it
do it
talk about it
think of new ways to enjoy it

i am............i am..........

so i read somewhere a loooonggggggggggg tyme ago

in the month of Ramadhan
married couples can play with themselves during the day
(if they wish)..........emphasis on married
so long as there is no copulation and ejaculation

the fast remains valid

so decided.........this rule i shall follow

what does it matter if i aiint married???????????

and.........

at night

what do u think??????????

From Fluffy

2008-09-09T12:46:00.000-07:00

Are you clean???????

How often do you:

take a shower - once a day, hardly ever twice!!!

brush your teeth - Once a day

floss - after meals

wash your toilet - everyday

wash your tub/shower - once a week

dust your furniture - weekly

Windex the windows - monthly

let your dirty dishes sit in the sink/on the counter for more than 1 day?
more than a day??????????NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!a few hours at most

Use a washer or hand wash your dishes? hand wash only-it makes sense to wash plates once i clear them-i already walked to the kitchen........no?????

wear the same jeans over and over? if its black-2months or thereabouts if its blue-2weeks at most

wear the same bra over and over? same bra two days in a row.....no no.....and they get washed weekly

wash your car? when i get one-definitley once its dirty-boys whey dey do car wash need to chop!!!

clean the interior of the car? soon as i see dirt

cut your toenails? weekly

wash your bed linen? forthnightly

use wet toilet paper (they make those now) instead of dry toilet paper?
water works just fine

vacuum? no rugs-tiles only

wash your fridge? weekly

put your laundry away after washing them? immediately

take your garbage outdoors? its outside-i empty it weekly

Do you:

dump trash out your car? nope.

leave leaves or seeds lying around on your coffee table? no cofee table

collect junk mail unintentionally? all the tyme

have bills everywhere but in one spot? nah

have stains on your carpet? none if i can help it

have dirty handprint marks near your doorknobs or doorways? Nah

toothpaste gels in your sink? never

toothpaste/water splash marks on your mirror above your sink? Nah

have a mop? yea

How do you disinfect?

Dettol(for the Naija people LOL)- Plenty plenty

i tag-Enigma,Freaksho,LG,Afro,Smaragd,007,invisible,miz-cynic,chaari,fantasy queen,shubby doo,dark cat,badder chic,funms,lady koko,jaguda,geisha,sprezatura,doll,fff,aphrodite..(I'M TIRED)
ok i tag EVERYONE tag reads mi blog!!!!!!!!!!!!

5 Thrusts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

7years ago.....was in sch...well it was one of them
outings with that club of mine where we like
late night meetings.......

went from our uni to another 2hrs drive away.....
1 female and 3 guys

3hrs later-this dude is shatting me up.....
i'm loving the attention-one of the dudes i travelled
with from my uni had been trying to date moi for about
6 months so he wasnt enjoying the attention i was getting
or the fact that i was obviously loving it....

dude chatting me up-lets call him Jay-stays glued to my side...
all this while guy from my school-(lets call him Sean)
his frown gets darker by the minute.....

we've been there 6 hours....meetings done-
it was tyme to joli..........
Jay's crooning in my ears-next thing i know he's
asking me to marry him-dude has known me 6 hrs.....

i'm basking in the attention not believing a word
of all the love he is professing-he(S)is married
with a pregnant wife so i know
he just needs to get laid cos he's not been
getting any at home.....

fast forward to midnight i'm tired-dude(Jay) no gree mi dance
so i'm tired from the inactivity i say i wanna sleep
he offers me a bed-we usually have this late nite sturvs
in hotels-so i go in-he decides to lie beside mi-
i'm too tired to bother

next thing i know he's touching-i just let him be
he gets bolder i swat his hands off

he keeps at it
i decide-make i see werrin he wan do

...........the twins are freed
i'm looking into his eyes
no longer feigning sleep
he keeps at it

bra off
shirt off
jeans off
pants off
i pause.........

he says pleassssssssseeeeeeee
i ask why he is begging(ish pisses me off like crazy)

he says let me in-
just the head
i ask how that will help him
he pleads
pls just let mi thrust 5 times
so i tell him
make it worth ur while cos you are only gonna get 5

he puts on protection
he goes in.........(nice)
first.......second.......fifth.....

i slide out
get up
dress up and walk out

his jaw must have been on the floor............

back in the hall
i pull up 3 chairs
made miself a makeshift bed and doze.....

news travels....no?
cos Sean found out
not sure if Jay bragged or if Paul a pal of Sean said
sumthing cos he saw me come out of the room with Jay.........

all i know is Sean insulted/abused/teased
me the whole 2 hr drive back to our uni the next day

i didnt even bat an eyelid
i let him rant
all the while reading a novel..........

its my vagina............no?????
i can dash whom i wish

Mel and I.......................

2008-08-28T08:08:00.000-07:00

I am still single 2 years after Mel......

......he was MY chocolate.....

i went into that relationship with every intention to just have fun.........

go clubbing,eat out,shows,concerts-name it-we did it.....sleep cuddled in his arms,gbensh(earth-shattering,mind blowing)....,eat,watch movies on the couch all day...he would catch up with work when i was asleep...i always knew when he would slide out of bed......i would walk into the living room to find him buried in his designs(graphic artist)........he liked to go running sunday mornings....every second with him was bliss......

we are both bats......he only takes his(glasses) off to gbensh and bath....

i take mine off in familiar surroundings.........

of them all(lovers i have had-ask Angelina Jolie only 4)...........he is the one man i was ready to commit to...i would have literarily climbed the highest mountain for him.......
yea i know he should have done the climbing........

he would call just to hear me voice he would say.....i had access to his home,friends,sister but not his folks(wasnt looking forwad to access then either).....by the tyme i fell....i fell HARD!!!!

told him i wanted more cos i don fall..he said
**i think i am in love with you too**......

i broke that rule...ladies never say it first they say...
i was past caring......we then pussyfoot around the subject for 8 months
then he comes over to mine-says we need to talk.....we retire for the
night at 10 and talk till 5am.....we didnt even shag...
we had to get up to go to work....

i'm feeling...after this(THE TALK) we would be headed for the altar in a yr........only for dude to disappear from my life........
we hook up 3months later......he needed to clear his head he says.......(i for don know say na lie abi)

we hang out at a jazz concert then head on to his-i'm looking forward to heart stopping boffing..........i'm riding him and i see a card on his wall......a val card......didnt send him one-all i got was a text from him wishing me a great day(it was during his 3 month head clearing session).....and i start to cry-snivelling...tears streaming down......he turns me over to ride me.....he notices the tears just as bright ligths go off in my head......

he cradles me but doesnt ask the reason for my tears....

.........i dont say either......

he calls me two days later and i ask him to loose my number.......

we got together last yr when his younger sister got married......i kept my distance whilst still secretly yearning cos i can draw it(the offending val card) from memory!!!!!!!!!!!!

after the wedding-he came to mine a week later-we talked-said he thought i cried cos he was hurting me-and i asked if he got bigger in the 3 months hhe took to clear his head-so i told him about the card.....he said it meant nothing...i'm sure it did i said...just that the name in that card stared at me amongst the names in the wedding train.......

......u dont have to lie to me i said....i can take it-the truth.....
all u had/have to say is i no love you.......

....he called me a few months back when i changed jobs to say congrats........crazy thing is i still kinda long for him but i've resigned myself to the fact that i cant have him.....but if he calls me up today....tomorrow....next month

....i might go back to them arms......t'was such a perfect fit.........

KNEADING 2......................

2008-08-22T13:56:00.000-07:00

freshened up.....got to the meet looked for my ex....
found him...found a spot beside him.....
we exchange pleasantries.......
said i was looking good and doing things
to him with me voice........i just smiled.......

everyone gets down to biz.......its 1am.....
ex whispers how long am i gonna be...i say another hour
.........asked which room i was in.....first floor...
second door on the left...meet u there at 2am he said...
meeting would still be in progress.....

i set my mental alarm.....most of the stuff i
would need to give a full report on-would have been thrashed
........2am.......

i get up...head towards the loo.....didnt want
smallie following me....head for the stairs.......
in my room...minutes later a knock.....my ex......

he comes in..........turns the locks.....no words
are needed..i had boffed this man for 3yrs.....
he gave me my first orgasm......
and there were two before him.......

...making out was as good as i remembered......
he is the originator of my fascination with fingers in me
......he could make me cum with his fingers(G-spot finder)........
now if it was him that had his fingers in me hours earlier...
i for no fit write them minutes again oooooooo.........

so we grope,lick,suck,touch,flicker,kiss......
i got the orgasms i needed....good man that he is...
my pleasure comes first.......he makes to have coitus
.......no i say......

.........*&^%$£%$^&.......i'll make you come i say...
you cant without coitus he says....
try me i said with a glint in my eye..........

.........i'm cleaning up a while later......
i'd rather that,than swallow his cum......
he had this silly grin on his face......
you are the first girl that has ever succeeded.......i have hidden talents i say.....

minutes later i usher him out......went back downstairs......
council meeting ended about 4am......back to my room....
was about to turn out the lights......i was gonna have to get up by 7am
....a knock.......my kneader...........

go to bed i say......
but we had an agreement he says.....
i open the door a crack and say.....boy........
go to bed...what did u think i was gonna let you do??????

dont worry-in a yr or two u will find a girl your
age ready to let go of her virginity........

someone down the hall laughs........i lock my door......
turn out the lights and send Mel a text.....
will be at urs about 5pm-see ya....je te manque......bientot!!!!

incase you are wondering......when this happened
ex was engaged-we broke up the year before(03)...
started dating Mel two months after i broke up with ex.....
by the tyme this happened-Mel and i had been an item 6 months
..........i didnt cheat on Mel with ex.........or did I????????

KNEADING 1..........

2008-08-20T02:36:00.000-07:00

....So i got to surulere 7:28pm
my Aunt was in the living room
i too respect the woman oooooo
na ma mama elder sis
she no gree me kill her only daughter

cousin's laptop has a virus
on my flash or hers.........files no show

on her laptop e dey show
so i practically formatted her laptop
as well as her flash

if it is on her desktop at work
.........it will crash.........

i am flash files-less

mad that i lost office related documents i had on it
can always retrive it though.......

pics and sturvs???
will start a new library

never will i let her touch my stuff again
....never...........

poro luving friend called to apologise
she agrees its partly her fault
cos of her hurry..........

bottom line-i will survive

............4years ago......
i was actively participating in a youth oriented organisation
late night meetings were our speciality........

i was a member of everything
usually holding down exec positions

i had two meetings that night

first meeting was scheduled to hold in my room
9pm-10pm we agreeed........
second meeting was scheduled for 10pm
and would probably last till dawn..........

first meeting in progress......i was cold
i owned this big wrapper.......used it to cover my legs/feet...

dude sitting beside me decided he was also cold
wrapper was big enuff for two
moreover na leg i wan cover........had on a red shorts.........

a few minutes later his hand lands on my lap.....
i dont flinch.............

.......i'm taking minutes..........

a few miniutes later he gets bolder...
i allow his hands to caress.......

.......whilst still ignoring his ministrations......

he moves up...........not even a sigh from me........

...i'm scribbilng so i can later transcribe....

he finds me panties......starts to play with my lips
........i bend down to scratch non itchy feet........
he gains more access...........

..........i hear him gulp.......

.........i'm scribbilng...........

he gets bolder.........
one finger makes an attempt.........
i move closer to edge of the bed......

.....more access...he goes in.....scribbling

he's drooling...........

...........if anyone else in that room noticed .....
they didnt bat an eyelid.........

........he has a field day...........

meeting ends......i usher everyone out........
need to prepare my notes for the next meeting......

he hesitates at the door........

come back after the meeting-i say.......

Does it matter i am 5 years older??????..........
i figured dude needs to practice......

I needed to freshen up.......

......my ex was in the building......
i had bigger fish to fry............**wink**

ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!

At a local college dance, a guy from America
asked the girl from Sweden to dance.

While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze,
and says, “In America, we call this a hug.”

She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.”

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek,
and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.”

She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”

Toward the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later,
he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to
have sex with her, and says,
“In America, we call this a grass sandwich.”

She says, “Yaaah in Sveden,
we call it a grass sandwich too,
but we usually put more meat in it.”

Three women were sitting around talking
about their sex lives.

The first said, “I think my husband’s like
a championship golfer. He’s spent the last ten
years perfecting his stroke.”

The second woman said, “My husband’s like the
winner of the Indy 500. Every time we get into
bed he gives me several hundred exciting laps.”

The third woman was silent until she was asked,
“Tell us about your husband.”

She thought for a moment and said,
“My husband’s like an Olympic sprinter.”

“How so?”

“He’s got his time down to under 11 seconds.”

IRATE IBILUV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-17T23:59:00.000-07:00

Went to see my aunt yesterday-decided to
share mi pics with my cousin-my pal was headed my way
to hook up with her phallus so she
was hurrying me up.....so i let my cousin have a
field day with my flash............

only pictures abi???

idiot copied all my files

saw her trying to do more than pictures
said she wanted my raunchy file too
didnt mind sharing cos i know all my personal
raunchy pictures are on my laptop which doesnt leave my room
and is passworded berra than fort knox........

BUT i should have monitored the transfer
cos all she did was delete all
my files from my flash......

pictures,documents(personal&work related),blog notes
i wasnt here(blogville) last week so i used the weekend
to write posts enuff for 2 weeks now she has them all.........

annoying thing is she wants me to come get it.......
she is so lucky i live 60mins away......didnt find out
till i was winding down last night-if it wasnt that late
i would have gone right back to hers......

whatever happened to her sending it all back via mail?????

she has come up with every stupid reason imaginable
why she cant send it back via mail*&&^%$£%^**

she must have been born stupid cos all she had to do
if she wanted to snoop was copy
not delete from my flash...........

i would have been none the wiser she had all my info...............

........the secretive idiot-she never spills-but likes
to hear it all-i am a chatterbox-so i've learnt-staying
away from people keeps me from spilling-if i dont get my files
via mail by COB today MONDAY the 18th August-i'm leaving work
at the dot of 5pm(dont care what my boss says) and i'll head to
hers-idiot has papers in school(MBA)tues so i pray she wont
go reading at some friends place and wont be home.............

even if she aiint home -i'm staying till she surfaces cos
i want to retrieve my files-hopefuly she hasnt deleted
them from her laptop in the bid to send them to me via email...........

.......i'll strip her laptop and flash clean
of all that concerns me-not unless she saves them on her desktop at work
-which will crash(yes o-i have hidden talents)-
nosey parker-all i agreed to share was pics(family and funny stuff)
but idiot took it all-invasion of privacy is what she's done

ps:met Enigma....dark,goodlooking,dimpled,talks nice..........
i'm a sucker for any guy that has all 4 traits but dude IS engaged,i've got *cough* and i didnt agree to hook up
just so i could dig me claws in....a cute laff he says i have
if only he knows only in the prescence
of blokes or when i'm on the phone with a bloke is my laff cute.......)

you need to see me lafffing at oshodi or mushin...
na correct mad laff i dey potray..........lol

catch u all....work willing tom...u people should
pray my cousin has not deleted my files-cos first
no more blogs this week,second-i will be in jail for
killing my cousin(i just might).........all this bcos
she wanted to copy my raunchy picture file......
amebo copied scratch that deleted my files........

I AM MAD.............
STARK RAVING MAD........
FURIOUS...........
IRATE...........

I hate it that she snooped like that......

I am also mad at my pal who because
she wanted to go meet her poro
hurried me up so i didnt supervise the transfer
well i was having dinner so i needed to concentrate
on the chicken wing in my hand whilst 'bolo'
was having a field day with my flash and cocksucker
was blaring her horn.............

both of them i have no love for this minute.......
work had berra be an improvement-i need some cheering up.........
else...i'm gonna be snapping off heads today........
boss inclusive.........

i'm also mad cos poro loving friend got sum
while i didnt and never lacking poro cousin has all my files............

i cant sleep.....its 2:45am and i have to be up at 4:30am
poro loving pal is picking me up at 5:30....
headed to work together we are(her poro is driving).........
3rd mainland brouhaha...........i'm falling promptly
asleep soon as i get into the car.....i dont wanna hear
any mush mush in my ears all the way from my hood to cms
..........let him be my 'driver' tomorrow morning.......

mad is what i am(thats y i cant sleep)
raving...........mad hatter MAD!&^%!%$%^&^%

replies to the comments on my previous post dey among deleted flash documents....might retrieve them by tomorrow or put up new ones......

eventually only got an hour of sleep
ina berra mood this morning.......
poro loving pal and her phallus didnt pick me up.....
suits me fyne..........

i'm in a berra mood this morn.......love my peeps at work
moreover i'm thankful to BABA LOKE He has given me anoda day!!!!!!!!!

later u all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Liquor2

2008-08-08T09:50:00.000-07:00

next day-i slept the whole day............
the alcohol in me and i do love sleep........

got to school day after the next and scolded T&H....
they aplogise and said they thought boffing him would come easy.......

the cretins knew*&^%$£.......

i let it slide.......later that night i am home
and T comes over,he says H wants to see me.........
i said i was tired and needed to chill but he persuaded me
and i went with him..........

first to see H....nurrin serious...had dinner.....
laffs,he was supposed to walk me home...
i wan pop in to see someone he says.........

another bar.........

i suppose just waka go my home abi?..........
no...........

na so i siddon follow drink another 4.........

during the 4th(did i mention that shit is bitter?????
it did nurrin for me-y i was plying meself with
drink i have no idea.......

did i get high????

i dunno, i do know T and i left the bar and headed
to Down-G........
with my 4th bottle in hand......
we strolled thru the dark night.......

must have been about 2am....
went into this ashi joint.........
see a few guys from school......

i'm feeling aiight-extra confident........
no one can touch me.........

this dude from my class A goes up to T and whispers to him
.....abeg una for tell me say as i b babe and i dey ashi joint
dem fit join me with those whey dey *sell*.........

T seems humbled by whatever A said and we leave the ashi joint
and go hook up with this other dudes.........na outside we go o..........

i am still with my bottle....this dudes were leering......
they were not students but grown ass men.....
they bought me suya.....and na so my eye clear.....

dey bought me my fifth small bottle......

a little over an hr later...i'm drowsy......
everyone around me is either gone or asleep......

i am eyeing a free spot on a bench to lie on when L steps up to me.......

L's been wanting to date me since forever.....
he and i chat for a few mins and he goes he's headed home
and i said bye.......

he says i look drowsy,i say i am........

Ibi where are you gonna sleep????

once again na so my eye clear o.....

if i venture out to mine alone.....i may get hit by a
bus scratch that a *daf* or killed by
indigenes or students(i fit disrupt their meeting).........

if i sleep dia..... a few feet away from an ashi joint
and i get solicited and i say no.....
bye bye to innocence the harsh way........

L says come home with me-thing is L stays a few
houses away from boyf........

L is a berra option so i go home with L,get to his......
lay side by side...i'm cold and all liquored up
but i get to sleep like a baby...........

he's a gentleman.....he doesnt even ask for a kiss......

2hrs sleep and its 6am.........i get up,say my thanks
and take a cab home..........

its not a school day......nobody find me sef.....
mi cuz goes sebi na T i follow go.........
they are having breakfast and i'm famished....
went into shock.....i do when my blood sugar level drops.......

mi cuz rustles up a meal.....i wolf it down and it
all comes back up..........they laff at me......
they knew i must have gotten stuffed with alcohol.....
u cant hang out wit a dog and not eat shit they said.......

i drink some tea....it stays down...i take a shower
close the windows and sleep for 8hours.........

i wake up and who do i see...........

boyf......

from the look in his eyes i knew it...he had heard it all.........

i had a lot of explaining to do.....

have a luvly weekend y'all!!!!!!!!!

A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an
afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23.

The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was
that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride
was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down
the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto
the banister for dear life.

She finally managed to get to the counter of the
little shop in the hotel.

The clerk looked really concerned,
“Whatever happened to you, honey?
You look like you’ve been wrestling an alligator!”

The bride groaned, hung on to the counter
and managed to speak,
“Oh God! When he told me he’d been saving up for 75 years,
I thought he meant his money!!”

Tim and Joe finished their weekly round of golf
with Tim pulling out his typical victory, although
not by the customary wide margin.

Even though the match was unusually close,
Joe seemed more upset than usual by the outcome.

“Talk about the worst luck in the world,” grumbled Joe
as they headed into the locker room.
“I just can’t seem to buy a darn break.”

“Why are you being so hard on yourself?” asked Tim.
"You played great all week. Heck, you almost won.”

“That’s what’s so aggravating,” yelled Joe.
“I cheated like crazy and I still lost!”

A salesman decided to become a policeman.
Several months later, a friend asked him how
he liked his new job.

"Well," he replied, "The pay isn't great and
the hours are long, but one thing I really
like is that the customer is always wrong!"

Do u know me???????

2008-08-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

How well does one truly know another person?

TRULY KNOW?

there are secret parts to all of us

parts we dont always know well ourselves

ENJOY

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever.
He’d waggle, look down, look up, but never start his back swing.

Finally David, his playing partner, asked,
“Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?”

“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse,
and I want to make this shot a good one,” said Bob.

“Good Lord,” said David,

“You haven’t got a chance of hitting her from here.”

BACK ON FRI WITH LIQUOR 2

mwah.......

LIQUOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-04T01:59:00.000-07:00

Liquor

my cuz&her boo were at mine over the weekend.....

he decided to get tipsy and finished a bottle of red wine
he wasnt drunk (so he said)me thinks he was tipsy at least
........cos he wasnt steady on his feet and he was
basket mouthing......

Mi Pa also does that,he takes a few bottles of
star&or wine and basketmouths......

always hated it......still hate it
what liquor makes u do or does to u

.....i've tried it.....why and how do people basketmouth????

t'was the end of my first yr in Uni-guy i was dating
was outta town-classmate of mine(lets calls her H)
had a permanent basket mouth for a boyfriend(lets call him T)
the guy was high 24hrs a day-he was also into *stupid ish*........

so i got bad grades-was looking for a way out-someone should
have told me all i needed to do was retake those exams...
no....i was told all i needed to do was see sum dude...
so we go see him(I,T&H) and he says see me after school(alone)....
(i should have suspected shey???

i did but i wanted to see this thru...

i go after school and he says we need to get to sum dude's place....
i was just looking for a way outta telling mum i failed 2 courses o

he goes to a bar....takes a few bottles.....
stout...persuades me to take a few...
(i remember i used to take a few sips of mi Pa's pink lady at age 9
.......i could probably control my alcohol...so i end up taking
2small bottles(i stupid abi)...i know......

we head out...........only to go to another bar...
shouldnt i have know this was not normal???

he took a few more...i took two more small bottles
....(i be champion......4small stout bottles=2big stout bottles)...
then we head on to dudes place......turned out to be his home....

i follow am reach dia....sparsely furnished room...i am tired and
starting to think mi glasses are getting weak...so dude says be comfortable
...i sit on his bed...the only available piece of furniture....

he then proceeds to touch me...i swear every ounce of liquour
.....zapped out of my system....i told him in the calmest voice i could muster

IF YOU TOUCH ME........I WILL WOOZE YOU!!!!!!!!......

he says but they(H&T) said u have a boyfriend......
so what if i have????even if i was boffing my boyf
must i boff u too?(i really wasnt boffing boyf then)

now i see why we had to get high....i thought we were going to see
sum dude who was gonna help with my scores.....
thingy was.....a script was suppossed to surface like an assignment
someone forgot to add up to my final score sheet.........

well i aiint that high......when u get to school tom....pls fail me in the other courses..........i walked out,got a cab to my hostel
and sleep the liquor away......

i learnt my lesson.....

apparently not........
wait till u read part two......

Second post!!!!!!!!!

2008-08-01T05:55:00.000-07:00

Its morning....i am awake...........my fone rings
cousin says meet up with me at her designers.....for a fitting
she was getting married 3weeks later......

i am chilling-next thing i know...........sum dude steps in
at first i am like.....ok
T's flatmate probably..........
well seeing T has someone in his bed.....dude will notice....and walk out........
shuo...
he moves closer to the bed so i raise mi head and go hi-u want anything....
he didnt apologise for the intrusion
he just leaves&^%%$#@*(&%

......T wakes up a while later and lights up....i am sure as hell never gonna
get used to this ish.........

so i tell him what his flatmate did........

he says oh....he is a doc......

i am thinking what the fuck*&^%$^$
so what if he is a medical doc
does that give him the right to walk in and check my organs??????
maybe he would have if i was fast asleep

docs can be perverts though
T waves it off.........

i am fuming..........tell him off and he just keeps blowing out clouds of smoke at me

its not like i expected him to go beat up the dude
but is it just me-or when ur flatmate has someone over......u give a wide berth

and if the babe u just shagged kicks her heels in about stuff
even if u aiint gonna do shit-u make it seem like u will

got up.......i needed to get to the designers anyways
took a shower all the tyme watching out for *a doc*

T drops me off at the designers and apologises asked to see the finished
product of the outfit...........

i said ok
just maybe u will get to see a pic

and as i waved him off
i just knew.......

he is never gonna get a whiff of this anymore...........
after all......the earth didnt stand still

water was lukewarm.........neither HOT nor COLD.........

Jokes!!!!!!!!!!!

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would
like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient
man and asks how old he is.

“I’m 90 years old,” he says.

“Ninety!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?”

“Oh, sorry,” says the old man, “how much do I owe you?”

A dimwitted blonde bombshell walks into an airplane and sits in the
first-class section. Upon sitting down a stewardess asks to see her
boarding pass and informs her that she only has a coach ticket.

The blonde says, “I’m a cute looking blonde and I’m flying first class.”

The stewardess replies that she only has a coach seat to Atlanta. The
blonde then retorts, “I’m a cute blonde and I’m flying first class.”

Just then the captain happened by and asked what was happening. The
blonde tells him, “I’m a cute blonde and I’m flying first class to
Atlanta.”

The captain thinks about it for a moment and whispers something in her
ear. The blonde immediately gets up and jumps into a seat in the coach
cabin.

Puzzled, the stewardess asks the captain what he said to get her to move
so fast.

”It was simple,” he replied, “I told her that first class isn’t going to
Atlanta.”

A meat counter clerk, who was drunk and had a particularly good day,
proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it.

“That will be $6.35,” he told his female customer.

“That really is a little too small,” said the woman. “Don’t you have
anything larger?”

Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the
refrigerator, paused a moment, then took it out again. “This one,”
he said faintly, “will be $6.65.”

The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision. “I know what,”
she said, “I’ll take both of them!”

Great Weekend to u all..........MWAH........

Tease II.............

2008-08-01T05:40:00.000-07:00

Forgive me peeps,work's been mad......but today is fri........

I could never do what bumight is doing-put meself out like that-i have this crazy
habit of being honest......

its bad enuff that i spill here about stuff i shouldn't be telling u all(lol).....
but thats stuff i wanna share but bumight takes the prize.......*shaking in my heels*.....

So T(Guy in tease).........we had this great companionship and after a while
he asked that we become *an item*.........

so i am thinking.....yea i like thee....but a guy who smokes,drinks,gets
high,still affiliates with sum *stupid ish* he did in sch....was not my idea of a
guy i could end up falling in love with.......(when u start to go steady-this
happens......no?......well sometymes.....

I always said us being an item wasnt gonna happen......he must have really liked
me or he just really wanted to tap that ass cos he kept at it.......

.........we would hook up regularly as friends......sometimes we would get up to all sorts......except penetration........i would help him get off though.....*wink*.....for me foreplay was the coolest ish...once i could get off....
i saw no need to have coitus.....

also dude has the longest phallus I had ever seen(then)....i plead the fifth-thou shall not ask me(a lady) how many had i seen then or now for that matter......just trust me when i say-even then i had seen quite a few........*wink*.......

.....truth be told-i was kinda scared........

6 months later-many make up sessions,dry humps,blowjobs,finger fucks,nipple and
boob massaging,licking,groping,suckjobs later-i was still afraid of taking *him* in.......

then it happened
I WAS MAD HORNY.........

fortunately or unfortunately-he called on that fateful day and asked that we hook
up-i came up with sum bullshit excuse cos i knew-i wasnt gonna stop at foreplay...
..but i did think to pull an all nighter at his-then jettisioned the idea.....not cos i wanted to be banged all night but cos after a good session(no?) i get to cuddle up to someone-i've never owned teddies-what can they do for me?????

next thing i know -flatmate's guy lands -so we reach a compromise-u guys can do
it anyhow,anywhere till noon tom...just drive me to T's........

guy is elated...doesnt even bat an eyelid-an hours drive at 930pm-they decide
they will drop me off,hang out sumplace then head back to mine.........

so i call T -i am coming over.........-90points-i had to pay my cab fare(so
what??????he didnt know i got dropped off by flatmates dude)-i was still a corper then-he did say he was gonna refund it-he did +50points...only the exact amount -190points

got fired up to receive all 9inches of him?no?..............he asked me what i was expecting after seeing how tall he is..............

na so i shake teh fear comot......una whey don born-abeg sebi pickin head big pass
phallus????even if na 9inch sef.........LMAO!!!!!

we talked,he got me dinner-how sweet!!!!!!!

i fiddled with the food....settled down to a movie....+50points-comedy not porn...

its 1130-lets go to bed he says....

foreplay was great......he attempts and i open up........settled in to a rhythm-wasnt bad---then he did the unthinkable....turned me over for a doggy????me????dogggy^%$£^&**&&$$

........hated it-i always felt ashi-ish when i do the doggy(weird i am) dont ask y(me sef i no sabi)-anything else except 'that'.........only allowed him a few thrusts then ......we did other things.....

later we are spent.....i resting in his arms.....we talked,drifted asleep-after
i had made it clear i dont do the doggy---then he goes he loves it-he gets the
deepest penetration-and i am like-how much deeper does a 9 inch individual wanna go.............

A 70-year-old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.”

The next day the 70-year-old man reappears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explains, “Well, doc, it’s like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing.”

The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”

The old man replied, “Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn’t get the darn jar open!”

Its friday again and.....

2008-07-25T08:47:00.001-07:00

........i was about to alight
this slim thing decided to shoot out
i blocked her progress and i almost fell

so i started to speak
thought to let it go...

she stopped and said talk now........

i said why did u do that????

she started to rant and i gave her the high five
talk to the hand....

she hisses and says
oh...sef...na
talk to the finger.......

i didnt bother....it just made it clearer to me
she wasnt worth my spit...............

TGIF U ALL

An angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his
breath and lipstick on his collar.

“I assume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good reason for you to
come waltzing in here at six o’clock in the morning?”

“There is,” he replied. “Breakfast.”

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her
95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
“He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years
old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

“Oh no, my dear,” replied Granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced
age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells
would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and
even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.”

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, “And if that damned
ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home
and leaves her, hoping she will be well-cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and
set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She
seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in
her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her
up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other
side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This
goes on all morning.

Later, the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her
new home.

“So, Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask.

“It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart.”

see u all mon.........

I was warned..................

2008-07-24T08:53:00.000-07:00

So its been raining or drizzling
while i aiint salt
i dont like to get wet,damp or whatever
so i have been taking cabucabu .........

there's this bad patch on the way
its really bad
keeps getting worse
its been know to swallow SUV's
how much more cabucabu that
apapa trailers will blow away..........lol

ps:if u know anyone that owns a picanto
advice that person not to pass tincan,apapa route ooooooo

the car will be blown away
(I hate the vehicle)
it's tiny
any one who knows me knows i like big things
.....*cough*..........*wink*........

oh ok i digress...

so i engage this cabucabu and dude and i agree on 300 naira
......i let him pick other passengers on the way cos
he wanted 500 naira......

journey was smooth
no old papa to harass this tyme....*wink*.....

we get to the bad patch
i pretend to be engrossed in a novel

he GRUMBLES ALL THE WAY
at a point i felt we were gonna topple into the water......

we made it safe across........
then got to my destination
i alighted.....
paid and just as he received his fare he goes

Aunty..ni ojo imi ti e ba ri mi ni garagi wa
ema pemi kin gbe yin wa sibi yi
ona yin yen ko da rara o
mi o le ti tori ise 300 ki lo tun motor se fun 3000

Aunty...next time you get to our garage
dont engage my services to bring you here
i will not fix my car for 3000 naira
just cos of a 300 naira trip
the road is pretty bad

i just dey laff......

he kept shaking his head as he drove away
to face the bad patch again........

that was yesterday
today i swam across in my rain boots
and took a bike the rest of the way
i did see cabs at the garage but i was afraid

i remember baba's threat
i could have been lynched if i had tried
to get a cab cos i know baba must have spread the word

so u see
me sef dey fear small...........sometimes.......

*wink*...........

Tease............

2008-07-20T23:54:00.000-07:00

He glanced across the table at her,she was spooning sorbet into her mouth. A small glob of it clung to her upper lip which she licked it off with the tip of her tongue. He watched her facinated and as he did, he experienced the most extraordinary physical attraction to her..... He was filled wit a fierce desire to make love to her...........

this is an excerpt from a novel........

it reminded me of......

it was www.whisper2u.com.........
my profile name drew his attention.....he buzzed....i responded
.....he was funny......i was doing the nysc thingy then...was looking forward to it ending and me getting a job.....he was with an advert agency(the first ad guy i dated).....i was fascinated with his job......he was the first man to say 'i lie for a living....lieing comes easy to me'...(2nd ad guy also said this to me once).....every ad guy i know......says 'models are good for the job but i dont date them'......'i prefer regular girls'.........

we would makes dates online ....hook up to the net and chat for hours.....3months later we exchanged numbers.....his voice i liked....6months later.....he called....i was just leaving my cousin's......thats really close to where i work-he said,why dont we hook up for lunch...i wasnt keen but he was persistent...so i headed there.....he was good looking(thank God) and tall...*cough*....we sat down...food was great...he was suppossed to head back to work but we were enjoying each other's company.....to prolong the date-he switched off his phone and we decided to have a drink......i was having such a great time......3hours later-i have go i said.... ok he said but give me a few mins to compose meself-i cant get up....i asked 'y'.....he asked if i really wanted to know...yes i said cos i couldnt understand this sudden need to sit tight and not get up....he pushed back his seat...i saw it...a lovely woody...i was stunned...i did dat i asked??...yea he said...when i asked?.....while u were eating he said..he said the idea of a drink was to give him tyme but whilst we drank and talked...it ony got worse.....i laughed.....secretly pleased...I...MOI...gave a guy i just met a woody just by spooning rice into my mouth&talking(not like i dont know what me voice can do to a man sometymes....*wink*)...what was it exactly i asked...ur eyes...mouth and voice he said...(my head swell).......

we agreed i should give him a few minutes to compose himself so i took a walk to look around...he met up with me and we headed...i was gonna take a cab home he insisted lets head to his place..i knew he only wanted me to pay for the woody......i said i needed to get a million things done.....he gave me this puppy dog look and i obliged him....company was good...flat was ok...he put on a movie...points for him it wasnt porn....we talked...he asked to kiss me......awwwwwwwwww i thought...he did......

i didnt particularly enjoy the kiss cos he was going too fast..i tod him so..he slowed down the tempo...i liked what his hands were doing to me.....i got up to pee and to make sure i was 'clean' incase his pink muscle was gonna say hi to my clit(i noticed he went into his room-to prepare the slaughter slab i am sure).......went back to the living room....making up was slow then fast and furious......i was loving it...he picked me up-he didnt halt the kiss(points for that)...next thing i know i was against cool sheets....he stripped me slowly....we touched,licked groped,sucked....his fingers down there was bliss......then the pink muscle....'sigh'.....t'was.....t'was.....t'was.....then....i saw bright lights......i felt goooooodddddd....decided to return the favour....stripped him but left his briefs on........

....i touched,groped,licked,sucked everywhere except his shaft......he was squirming.....then......i got up to pee(i'm sure he was like what kinda wickedness is this*&^%$£)....cleaned me self up....went back in.....started to dress up....what are u doing he said...i'm sorry.....its late i need to get home-it's 8pm already.....are u just gonna let me hang he asked...i'm sorry i said...i agreed to lunch..i didnt sign up for a great fuck...maybe some other tyme i said...he got up noticed i was dead serious then went to get himself off...met me in the living room a while later...told him not to bother about dropping me off....we found a cab....i got a passionate good bye kiss.....get her home safe he said...cab driver cooed all the way to me home about how lucky i am and how much my husband must love me......i had this huge smile on me face.......called when i got home and he said...now i like u more.....i was soooooooooo sure i was gonna get some tonight...he said he couldnt phantom not tapping that booty........

but i could have raped you you know...i said the thought didnt cross my mind....u know what ibi...next tyme i catch u...u wont get away so easy..........that was the whole idea though...keep him guessing.....so he comes back for more.....*wink*.....

FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

i've got nurring much to say

my itch is still dia

my crystal ball still hasnt come up with a face

it looks like i aiint getting any

i will survive this drought

going celibate is not an option

ignoring the itch hardly helps

lately i've been admiring this good looking brother
that works in a differnt branch of my firm-its not
like i need him to scratch my itch....

i just like watching him walk.....*sigh*..the swagger

well Enigma....this is for you.....

A chicken and egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette
with a satisfied smile on its face, while the egg is frowning and
looking slightly annoyed. The chicken turns over on its side and mutters,
"Well, I guess that solves that debate."

Jack decides to go skiing with his buddy Bob. They load up Jack's
station wagon and head north. After driving for a few hours, they get
caught in a terrible blizzard. They pull into a nearby farmhouse and
ask the attractive lady of the house if they can spend the night.

"I'm recently widowed," she explains, "and I'm afraid the neighbors
will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Not to worry," Jack says, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn."

Nine months later, Jack gets a letter from the widow's attorney. He
calls up his friend Bob and says, "Bob, do you remember that
good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?"

"Yes, I do," Bob says.

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and have sex with her?" Jack asks.

"Yes, I have to admit that I did," Bob says.

"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" Jack
asks.

Bob's face turns red and he says, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."

"Well, thanks a lot, pal…” Jack says. “She just died and left me her
farm."

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate
their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession
to make, I’m not a virgin.”

The husband replies, “That’s not a big deal in this day and age.”

The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.”

“Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”

“Tiger Woods.”

“Tiger Woods, the golfer?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed
with him.”

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

“What are you doing?” asks the wife.

The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get
something to eat.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make
love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. “Now what are
you doing?” she asks.

The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to get room service
to get something to eat.”

“Tiger wouldn’t do that.”

“Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

“He’d come back to bed and do it again.”

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more
time.

When they finish he’s tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone
and starts to dial.

The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”

“No! I’m calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn
hole.”

From Baroque...............

2008-07-16T06:49:00.000-07:00

Your favourite childhood memory – having a ball at my 5th buffday parry

Wash your face or rinse you mouth, which you do first in the morning – take a leak

The scariest moment of your life – being asked by a thug *why the hell do u wanna get down from the bus*(shuo should i stay.... so he would rob me*&^%$#)

One word that best describes you – HORNY AS A BITCH

Your favourite month of the year – October

Your favourite number -7

The nicest thing anyone ever said to you – all the compliments I need to thrive on …I tell meself

Current relationship status – happily single

What exactly are you wearing right now – shirt and pants-both in brown

What is your current problem – how to scratch this *itch*..........

What do you love most – GOD, family, money & most def boffing……*wink*…

If you could go back in time and change anything, what would it be? Agberos off the roads and bring WAI back.....

If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be? A pussy is what i am...*wink*...

Name an obvious quality you have – Diplomacy

Are you musically inclined? I love my music

The name of the song that's stuck in your head right now – Party Rider-9ice

Name someone with the same birthday as you – Bisi

Do you have a crush on someone? – does wanting his phallus in me everytyme I hear his voice count as a crush????....*wink*….

Have you ever been in a fight? I am a lady….hell no!!!!!!!!!

What is the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex? How tall he is….it translates to how *cough* he is..........

One of the biggest mistakes you’ve made – no regrets man………..

What do you think about prostitutes? – if you sell a product no one wants to buy, wont you become bankrupt????

Say something very random about you? …I stained me pants….(get ur mind outta the gutter)…with veggie soup……lol

Your favourite part of your body – My laps.........

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? Nah….their kinda money my way but not the fame………..

Are you comfortable with your height? Yea…cant do shit about it……

What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you? Gave me a cold bath all thru the night whilst I battled a fever….

What is your favourite smell? On me or on him????

Have you ever been rushed to the emergency room? Cut me self on a glass cup and joggedto the nearest hospital for a stitch…does this count????

Why are you answering all these questions? To update me blog……….

i tag.......Enigma,smaragd,afrobabe,fff,lg,shiraoko,freaksho.......

Lawyers wanted please!!!!!!

2008-07-15T04:20:00.000-07:00

Hi peeps i had a restful weekend
how was urs???
i so need to get *a good boffing* soooooonnnnn

cos i sexually harrassed a man i had no attraction for

it rained
had to take a cab
one of those cabucabu where you sit 2 in the front

journey is going on smooth....
then.....papa hits me with left shoulder smack on *my twins*

so i decided to be naughty..........
i jammed them into his back
he reached for his money staying as
far away from the twins as he could

soon as he was relaxed.........i jammed them into him again
this continued thru the 10min ride
him pulling away.........me jamming them into his back

for the life of me i dont know why i did that to papa
was it cos i am horny as hell
was it to punish him
or was i just looking for a sexual harrassment lawsuit&^%$#@*&

....*wink*...........

UNA NO VOTE ABI????????????

2008-07-09T07:20:00.000-07:00

Hi people............

una no vote for me abi?
for www.blogvilleidol08.blogspot.com

i dey go VILLAGE for ALL of una
as una know say una no go vote
when i talk say i wan sing
una for tell me say
no sing o..........
we no go vote o.......

i come go finish
una do me
ma lo....awa le hin e
na so i look back.........i no see person

i dey vex gannnnnnnnnn........

i no go blog again sef...........

cos na so i go say i wan turn
chief or mistress of this our obodo
una go do me wayo again
mschewwwwwwww...........

but sha
as una no vote for me
continue..........
cos no matter wetin happen
one person must carry bucket sorry cup
at the end of the whole thing

so.......go dia.....go vote

but no forgeti dey go villa this sat
FOR ALL OF UNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-07T11:30:00.000-07:00

have u all been to www.blogvilleidol08.blogspot.com

its HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know i promised to do a proper post today

couldnt get to it

maybe tom!!!!!!!!!!\

MWAH................

BLOGSVILLE IDOLS 2008

2008-07-04T10:58:00.000-07:00

DONT IGNORE THE DATE ON ME BLOG HEADER

I GOT IT RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WWW.BLOGVILLEIDOL08.BLOGSPOT.COM

LOL..........................

BLOGSVILLE IDOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-07-04T10:56:00.000-07:00

LISTEN ON MON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

VOTE FOR IBILUV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What to say!!!!!!!

2008-07-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

Have bloggers block..........

sent in my song
one minute they said

mine came up to 22secs

sent in another version

hope its longer

anyways
i am just saying
if my song is 22secs long
dont mean u guys shouldnt vote for moi!!!!!!!!!!

proper post coming up on mon

not looking forward to tom(sat)
ignore tha date on me blog header

need to change it somehow
have training-work related
and i got the mail 450pm

how fair is that?????

wish u all a *soundtrack* filled weekend!!!!!!!!!!

BLOGSVILLE IDOLS 2008

2008-06-30T23:55:00.000-07:00

I AM SOOOOOOOO GONNA BE IN IT

CHECK OUT www.blogvilleidol08.blogspot.com

VOTE FOR MOI

MWAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeler?????????Visualiser?or..........

2008-06-29T23:25:00.000-07:00

some people are feelers-they love to touch/grab/hug
some are visualisers-they love what they see
some are audio(cant remember)-they are in love
and are good with words

heard this on *moments with mo* over the weekend
and it got me thinking...........

i like to touch and be touched but i'm more comfortable
commiting all kinds of touchry in private

i like hugs but i'm not prone to giving or taking them freely

i have also been known to act kinda cold in the midst of people

so i have discovered i am not a feeler............

i do like to look at good stuff
but i prefer words.....thats the audio stuff i forgot

i love sms's,mails..sometymes i dont even say all i wanna with
a fone call sometymes cos i can be a very private person

if you call moi at work...i may cut you short
you call me and i am in company of someone....i may cut you short
but while i dont subscribe to 1230-430am calls(except4special people)

my best fone conversations are between 10pm and midnight
then i am relaxed......probably on my bed....uninhibited
thats me at my best....

so the thing is......how do you know which one you are
and which one ur partner/boyfriend/shagger/fuckmate is???

cos the key to a good relationship
is understanding which you are and which he/she is
so you balance it out

wit my first i remember dropping little notes in shoes,shirt pockets,pants,bags,books and while he would
find them later and say thank you,grin at moi
and grab moi....he never did such for me....
after a while i didnt bother no more......
he asked why...i said cos u didnt appreciate it.....
he said he does but he just isnt good with words.....

which brings me to........
just cos a person doesnt love you the way you want
doesnt mean they dont love you with all they have......

cos the only thing that makes life worth living
is a deep and enduring love.......

even if for most of us..........
we can only be sure of God's love
and the love of our family..........

but for those of us hoping......s
he/he's out there...........*wink*

ADVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-06-26T12:36:00.000-07:00

I see people dropping out of blogsville cos of anons and it just amuses me
....there is bliss in ignorance you know....blogging is a release.....
i dont need some asswipe telling me shit....

thats why ONLY bloggers are allowed to drop comments here.....
by the way i hate that word verification shit on some blogs....
..........so even though anyone can read what i write....
i only wanna hear the thots of pple i can write back to....
so anons talk all u like...i cant hear you and it suits me............

Blogsville idols 2008 i am soooooo gonna be in it...
someone needs to teach me how to send my songs in.................
details on opeke's blog and pinksatin's blog

SHAGGER WANTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A good looking Shaggee is horny-in need of a Shagger....

Shagger must be 5'7 or more, dark(she doesn't relish the idea of a pink phallus),goodlooking wit a reasonably sized phallus......

Shagger must understand Shaggee's nipples need not be torn off to prove he can suckle-he only needs to deal with them with the aim to give pleasure.....

Shagger must b nail-less or keep cropped clean nails and hands.Shagger must have perfected the art of cunnilingus-only lips and tongue are allowed on Shaggee's clitoris....

Fingers are off limits to Shaggee's clitoris...job description of Shagger's fingers is to find Shaggee's g-spot..... Please note that gnashers are off limits around Shaggee's genitalia....

Shagger must understand that while Shaggee doesn't expect him to be clean shaven,bushes down dia and in the armpit are so last century......

Shaggee expects to be had in a neat environment....Fresh breath is expected at all times-if in doubt ask Shaggee for tom tom or gum cos she relishes good long kisses......slobbering is not allowed....

Shagger must have perfected the art of changing pace and style but when Shaggee stops or halts a sequence-it may be bcos sequence is doing nothing for her,she is bored or in pain-pain is no gain during the do...

Shaggee doesnt mind being had anywhere as long as no pictures or videos of her are taken/made......This is cos her sex life stays seperate from her workplace,acquaintances,family and friends.......Shaggers who kiss and tell are not welcome to apply............

Interested Shaggers should send in their notice of interest with their needs and preferences.....from the notes sent in,Shaggee will pick a Shagger which may suit her style...

if you are not called,not to worry there is a waiting list....pls note that Shaggee prefers men that can call her up to say lets do this tonight,this morn/week...she likes to play coy and will not suggest a rematch-it is expected he suggests one and many others.....if Shaggee refuses a rematch-u were not good the first tyme....loose her number..........

Please note that sex is sex....Shaggee is not looking for a boyfriend or a husband(yet or thru this means)....if at some point Shagger becomes confused and starts to develop feelings...please inform Shaggee,she may feel the same....be sure to know that if Shaggee develops those feelings,Shagger will be informed......If it suits them both this contract shall end and a relationship shall begin....the idea of going incommunicado or suddenly becoming busy is childish....

If Shaggee calls/texts/mails Shagger please note she is not suggesting a rematch....Shagger should be able to carry on a lively conversation with Shaggee.....Rematch(es) are the sole responsibility of Shagger....Shaggee doesnt see why a friendship can't be maintained with Shagger.....

Please note that in the event a contract is signed now but sometime in the future Shaggee becomes Shagger's sister in-law,friend's wife or some other relationship....Shaggee will acknowledge knowing Shagger-dont act like you dont know Shaggee,but contract cannot be rekindled......

Contract will be terminated if a rematch is not organised in three months....Shaggee will still keep in touch platonically....Shagger is not allowed to starve Shaggee for 3months and expect to rekindle dead fires......

Please note that Shaggee doesnt keep multiple sex partners so the idea of not organising rematches is not fair...Also note that unprotected sex is frowned upon but can be had if the Shagger agrees not to sleep with other women and there is proof he doesnt have hepatitis B and or C(lol-they say it feels better without protection????not so???)

Contract is laible to change that suit both parties....

Communication is essential between both parties........

Whilst this is a joke-some of it is true for the author.....